An Open Letter to Aretha Franklin

Dear Aretha,

I got upset recently when Perez Hilton posted a doctored photo of you, where you looked something like a giant wedding cake spewing frosting (or… not frosting) out of your mouth. Don’t get me wrong, I love Perez, but I thought he went too far in making fun of your appearance. “Nobody better disrespect Aretha Franklin,” I muttered at my computer. “She’s a living legend.” Then I saw this NSFW photo on Crunk & Disorderly. Oh Aretha. You know better than that! As a fan I beg you, please don’t do this to yourself.

I know you’ve been letting your chain hang low (so to speak) for years now. But someone of your musical and historical stature shouldn’t let it all spill out like that. You’re giving Toni Braxton visions for the future. Frankly, Ms. Franklin, you need a good bra, and a long, hard look in the mirror.

I let it slide when you came out rocking the two toned hairdo, looking like Remy Ma’s big mama.

I didn’t get stressed when you performed (and appeared to be bubbling out of) this merengue corset. But the sight of your cleavage sent me over the line today. Aretha, this is an intervention. Let me help you preserve your sexy.

We need to go to the mall right away. We’ll do the early morning mallwalking program, and then head over to Lane Bryant. We’ll get you some good, form-fitting foundation garments and flattering tops. Next we’re going to Sally Beauty Supply. See, I want to get you some deep conditioning treatments for your transition.

Come with me, Aretha, and we’ll take it back to the old school.


Remember this? You looked so breezy and pretty. It can be like this again. All you need is the right dress, the right hair and makeup, and a reminder of who you are. You’re Aretha, a musical icon for the ages. Long after all of these little R&B wannabes have come and gone, your legacy will remain. So let’s put the mile-long cleavage away and face the world like one of your biggest hits suggests. Like a Natural Woman.

Big love and maximum respect,

AfroBella

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Comments

  1. Hey there! You have a great looking site and I love your sense of humor. ;) Just wanted to let you know that I finally got around to “unhiding” the link to your blog when you added it to my blog links. My Bloglinker is automatically set to hide blogs because I get many very naughty people who try to link sites my virgin eyes should not see.

    :)
    ~Shannon (A Girl’s Gotta Spa)

  2. denial must run in that family

  3. I love this site. Keep it comming!!

  4. jerseybred says:

    i love Aretha but she has me staring at my boobs as I write this…I am going to get some new bras today.

  5. OMG, you are speaking pure and un-cut TRUTH up in here today. I saw that awful picture of Lady Aretha and was completly horrified!

    Please Areatha!! Our younger entertainers need proper role models now more than ever!

  6. Aretha tittays should be singing Rescue Me right about now. She needs to sleep, eat, and dream in a bra. I am so disappointed in our Queen of Soul but I have mad love for her!

    I have mad love for you too Afrobella….keep up the good work Luv!

  7. Yeah, totally agree. Aretha needs to start wearing a good bra or better yet, clothing that flatters her full figure.

  8. 70ssoulchild says:

    I too agree wholeheartedly with your Afrobella. Someone at my job forwarded me the picture with the mile-long cleavage and spaghetti straps and I was sad. The Queen of Soul should never look less than regal and not for the fans but for herself! Thank goodness my dear Daddy is in heaven because if he saw her now he’d be heartbroken. That was his girl! He talked about seeing her in concert back in 1974 up until he passed away 20 years later! Will folks be doing that with today’s crop of R&B wannabees? I think not! Thanks for such a awesome blog, I’m hooked!

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  10. not a very nice picture!!!

  11. Your post is on target. Keep it up.

  12. I AM A BIG FAN OF MISS FRANKLIN. I AM ALSO A 46DD AND I KNOW FOR A FACT I CANNOT AND WILL NOT GO WITHOUT A BRA NEVER EVER.DOES SHE HAVE A STYLIST OR A LEAST PEOPLE AROUND HER TO SAY NO ARETHA YOU CANNOT GO BRALESS.

  13. As anybody whoever quit smoking can tell you, overeating is the most common way you compensate, and Aretha put the Kools down a long time ago. Baby sister Carolyn’s death of cancer had to scare her too. But yes, an American musical institution like Miss Franklin, in her valedictory years, could sorely use the help of a stern dresser who can impress on her what becomes an institution and … what doesn’t. I sure wish someone would help Aretha with that weight before we’re seeing pictures of her tethered to an oxygen tank.

  14. Whether with “bra” or “no bra’s”, still your idol Aretha, will always be the same. Let her do, whatever she likes……

  15. Aretha franklin is a full figured sexy women! I love her enormous breasts! She doesn’t need to wear a bra. Also she is one of the greatest singers of all time.

  16. Mr.soulfan says:

    If you do not like the looks of Miss Aretha Franklin, just close yr eyes and be satisfied with just listening! She is not famous for looking as she looks but for Her Voice Her songs, Her great Aura!!!She is much greater than what She wears or not wears! She is NOT doing any ,,britneys” or ,,paris’s” anyway, so what’s the fuss? Today was the first time ever I saqw other photos of Aretha Franklin than the old covers from the 60′ies and 70′ies and to my innocent eyes She looks just as beautifull as then. Is anybody here trying to deny that Arethais in Her sixties now and time does not passwi thout leaving tracks? So just keep listening and shut up!

  17. I’ve always found Aretha’s boobs very distracting…and not in a bad way…

  18. seriously i don’t even think a bra and suitable clothes could flatter those bazoomas. shes a talented woman but she’s in her sixties and those clothes are sick… no one needed to see that.

  19. Those things have their own area code?

  20. nancy wright says:

    disRESPECT is not needed to get a point across.just take a better look b4 u enters the public eye.cause no1 wants to acknowledge when a person is RIGHT,but everybody has something to say if u r in the WRONG. Love You A LIFETIME,N.WRIGHT

  21. Aretha is a sexy, full-figured woman but I think she needs to wear suitable clothing and a good bra that flatter her figure. But besides that the lady can sing and in my estimation she is the greatest female singer of all time!!!!!!

  22. Aretha, I mean, her royal majesty could never do any wrong in my eyes. The impact and memories she left, not only in my life, but millions of lives is incredible. And when I thought I couldn’t love her more, she did a recent PBS special hosting music from the past, and playing the piano and talking, providing an aura and pleasant atmosphere I’ve never seen from her before. I was totally impressed. I will always love Aretha Franklin. The picture was a little racy, but I loved it, but you can’t please everyone. To me it was sexy as hell and she will always be the “QUEEN OF SOUL”.

  23. nina ozma says:

    that was a doctored picture of aretha foto shop cant you tell?

  24. borrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggggg. yyyyyaawwwwnnnnnnn

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  26. wow! hair extensions!

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