Maybe you’ve been stressed out. Maybe you’ve been going through some thangs. Or maybe you just deserve to treat yourself.

Whether it’s one of the above or all three, you really should make an appointment for Spa Week. From April 16 to 22, some of America’s finest relaxation and beauty treatment establishments will be offering their typically pricey services for a mere $50. Participating places include Arizona, Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Detroit, New York, Philly, San Diego, San Francisco, Washington DC… even Montreal Canada is getting down on the affordable action.

Here in Miami, the swank and swishy Agua Spa at the Delano and the Spa at the Shore Club was offering lush outdoor manis and pedis for the ultimate South Beach indulgence. I’m thinking of going for the Spring Clean facial. Also — don’t feel left out of the decadence, afrofellas! I interviewed Terry Prager, the super-busy director of both the Delano and Shore Club spas, and she says they’re expecting lots of dudes this year. Because y’all need facials and massages too! April’s basically here already, so make your appointment today! You can thank me later.

I know quite a few of you regular visitors are creative types. Maybe you make films, or music. Or you design clothes. Or you’re an artist. However you express your creative vision, if you’re ready to quit hiding your talent under a rock and share your skills with the world, check out the Uncover/Discover contest by Biore and Gen Art. Talented women in film, fashion, music, and art can compete for a $20,000 grant. That’s sweet music to any starving artist’s ears.

If you’re still a-scared of blush or don’t know how to use it, check out The Makeup Girl’s latest review. It could be the product you didn’t realize you needed!

I don’t know what took me so long to finally watch Showtime’s Weeds, but it is absolutely my favorite show right now. From the opening song to the end credits, I can’t express my love enough. Mary Louise Parker is so amazing, beautiful, vulnerable, and real.

My favorite scenes are when she goes to re-up at Heylia’s place. Romany Malco, AKA the black dude from The 40 Year Old Virgin is high-larious. And I love Kevin Nealon all over again. I can’t believe I haven’t been watching this show all along. Seriously, don’t be an idiot like I was. Get season one TODAY.

Here’s another thing you might not know about me… I have flat feet. Like seriously, almost completely flat Flintstones feet. When I walk on the beach, I leave a complete foot shaped print on the sand. Not cute or dainty. I might be cute, but I’ve never been a dainty sort of lass.

Because my feet are so flat — and also because I don’t understand why we women torture ourselves with crazy shoes like those at 6 Inch Heels Forever — I never, ever wear heels. Ever. I mean — seriously? I couldn’t walk ten steps in these. Lucky for me, there’s a plethora of adorable, feminine flats on the market.

I’ll do a big fabulous shoe post if you bellas are interested, but for now, let me introduce you to my new fave shoes.

I just got a pair of lo fi brown and gold PF Flyers and they look fabulous with jeans, and they’d be adorable with spring party dresses like the ones I’m eying in that Old Navy ad.

And while I’m mentioning Old Navy, their current ad campaign might actually get me to go back to that store. I’d stopped shopping there for like a year now, after visiting several times and finding myself surrounded by an out-of-control pack of clearance hungry jackals and clothing that was beyond meh. But now, hello cute dresses in women’s and women’s plus!

“I bet if you were to bitch slap the side of his neck you could use his sweat as a skin moisturizer.” Oh Lord, I needed a laugh yesterday and Fresh from Crunk and Disorderly gave me one with her Jermaine Jackson photo post. And she’s right, Jermajesty’s father does stay casket sharp. Whenever I’m feeling low, I stop by C&D.

Brian’s music posts are among my favorite things about Concrete Loop. Thanks to his latest one, I officially can’t get that Timbaland and MIA track, “Come Around” out of my head. “dun-dundadun-dundadun-dunda-dun-dun, beat goes on…” Over and over again, looping through my brain. Thanks, Brian!

I’ve been in a funk all week long. You better believe I’m gonna shake myself out of it tonight. I’m gonna hit happy hour after work and do this weekend right!

This song sets my tone for the weekend.

I love that song, but Johnny Kemp might have the worst hairstyle of all time in that video — a lesson in what NOT to wear for afrofellas. Oh well.

Have a great weekend, y’all!!

This is the beginning of a new mini-series, dedicated to afrobellas who we’ve lost along the way.

So many of our celebrities have had tragic lives. So many of them have struggled to shoulder the weight of fame and come up against an industry that doesn’t seem designed to truly support and celebrate black artists. Some of these women have had rough childhoods, and many of them have battled substance abuse and depression. All of them are remarkably talented, and their legacies should never be forgotten.

Phyllis Hyman was an undeniable showstopper.

She was six feet tall, jaw droppingly gorgeous, with glowing caramel colored skin and a passion for fashion. And her voice was like warm butter.

As Jean Carne says in this article on Black America Web,

“If you close your eyes and listen to her voice, you would think of chinchilla and mink and diamond and pearls. She had a gorgeous tonal quality.”

Her late-Seventies hits like “Somewhere in my Lifetime” and You Know How to Love Me are among the era’s most perfect tracks, in my opinion.

She earned the nickname The Sophisticated Lady after her electrifying performance in Broadway’s electrifying tribute to Duke Ellington, Sophisticated Ladies. Watch Phyllis rip through “It Don’t Mean a Thing If You Ain’t Got That Swing if you want to learn a thing or two about stage presence.

Remember when BET was totally off the cuff and real? Check out this completely random clip of Phyllis Hyman delivering a bouquet of roses to Patti LaBelle, mid-interview with Donnie Simpson on the old-skool Video Soul set (complete with elevator, mind you). Phyllis came across as a sweet, self-effacing diva with an effortlessly enormous voice.

Listen to her range on this frustratingly truncated BET memorial video. Phyllis brought the quiet storm without even trying on this awards show duet version of Superwoman with Melba Moore. (I always loved Karyn White’s version of that song, BTW. Oh, the video is so Eighties. I love it!).

She had a signature style, and was known for wearing ornate, flowing garments and chandelier earrings. Nobody rocked a hat like Phyllis Hyman did — check out her signature headwear here on this 1992 clip from the Arsenio Hall Show. “When You Get Right Down To It” is one of my favorite songs of hers, and it’s from the tragically titled album Prime of My Life.

In this interview in 1991, she seemed so optimistic. Phyllis Hyman’s life took a tragic turn in 1993, when she lost her mother and grandmother within the span of a month.

She released her final album, I Refuse to Be Lonely, in 1995. I have never heard any of it, but I imagine it’s pretty dark stuff. All of the song titles reveal her pain. “Waiting for the Last Tear to Fall.” “This Too Shall Pass.” “Back to Paradise.” “Give Me One Good Reason to Stay.” By this point she was dealing with bipolar disorder, depression, alcoholism, and financial strife.

Hours before she was scheduled to perform at the Apollo and six days before her 46th birthday, Phyllis Hyman took her own life. By way of explanation, she left behind an enigmatic note. “I’m tired. I’m tired. Those of you that I love know who you are. May God bless you.”

Here she is, crooning “In a Sentimental Mood.”

She was simply larger than life. Your fans miss you. Phyllis.

If you’ve never been swept away by Phyllis Hyman, I highly recommend Ultimate Phyllis Hyman, a best-of album that features her hits from 1977 to 1995.

So you remember back in February I was wondering what Ms. Dynamite was up to? I found out, thanks to one of my new favorite sites — Racialicious.

Turns out she’s been in Jamaica working on a BBC documentary about the Maroons, which aired last Sunday on BBC 2. I’d love to see this documentary.

I’ve always been fascinated by the history of the Jamaican Maroons, a group of rebel slaves who, rather than be subjugated into slavery by the British, fled to the Blue Mountains and joined forces with other slaves who had escaped the Spanish and lived with the remaining Taino Indians.

The Maroons would raid the plantations at dawn, taking food and sometimes their fellow slaves back with them. Their ferocity and knowledge of the back country made them formidable opponents to the British plantocracy, and in 1739 the British ended their ongoing and impossible war with the Maroons, and signed a treaty with them, recognizing them as a free people.

Forgive my Wikipediaesque truncation of history, here. I was a creative writing, not a history major.

Of course, Ms. Dynamite’s documentary explores the importance of Queen Nanny of the Maroons, a strong woman celebrated today as one of Jamaica’s national heroes, who was known as a fearless warrior who planned guerilla warfare against the occupiers.

In this BBC News interview, Ms. Dynamite discusses the impact Queen Nanny made on her:

“A lot of the people I’ve learnt about in black history are African-Americans, like Harriet Tubman and Rosa Parks, whereas with Nanny, she was straight from Africa to the West Indies. What I learnt in Jamaica made me feel really empowered as a woman. You can put the blackness aside – I think it is important for any woman to read or learn the story of this woman and leader.

If you go just a few years back, a woman’s role in the war was to be a nurse or something nurturing as opposed to being on the front line and firing at people. That’s something that Nanny took on herself and actually led men. I find that really, really overwhelming and empowering as a woman.”

Big respect to Ms. Dynamite for shining a light on a forgotten corner of history, and for taking the time to actually go and explore and discover the truth about these brave people.

Her documentary was aired as part of a series of tributes and memoriams worldwide, commemorating the 200th anniversary of the UK slave trade on March 25.

Symbolic events were held worldwide, to remember and confront the history of our people. I think the gesture of apology and the outpouring of grief is important. It’s certainly better than whitewashing the past and pretending that slavery didn’t forever shape the course of the world. Which quite a few other people are doing.

I found myself annoyed, but not surprised by this opinion piece in the Guardian Unlimited, where the writer facetiously compares slavery to the Irish potato famine.

“The notion that I might be shaped and directed by a famine from the 1800s is stark raving mad. And yet today, serious commentators claim that black people in modern Britain are disadvantaged, dejected and “scarred” as a result of the slave trade, which was abolished 200 years ago. Of course, there is no real comparison between the Irish famine (a four-year-long hunger) and the slave trade (a gross historic injustice), yet the idea that any of us is directly made and moulded by an historical event is absurd.

It is narrow-minded and fatalistic, even borderline racist. In the past, some people said blacks were driven by their biology; today, so-called progressives claim blacks are driven by history. Is there really a great difference between biological determinism and historical determinism? Both view black people as wide-eyed children, moved and motivated by forces beyond their control.”

After reading that article, I was left with a feeling of utter frustration. I don’t even know where to begin disseminating his argument. This is why people wind up using dismissive cliches like “it’s a black thing, you wouldn’t understand.” The African slave trade can’t really be compared to any historic tragedy. All anyone needs to do is look at Africa to see the undeniable effects of that horrific era. I agree that amazing strides have been made worldwide — we have so much to celebrate today about where we are, but there is still so much further for us to go. The shadows of slavery are still here, standing over all of us. And to not take the time to look back, to show solidarity and respect to the people who brought us here, whose blood and sweat built nations — to deny the weight of the day — would be so wrong on so many levels.

Trinidadian activist (and my high school friend) Attilah Springer wrote a beautiful post about the Trinidadian celebration in Woodford Square. Even in Trinidad, there were the anti-apologists who didn’t see the big fuss about remembering the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the slave trade, who downcried it as being “too Afrocentric.” As if such a thing exists.

Attilah responded by looking back to her own family history:

“The story of my family up to one generation ago is full of boats. One generation. I guess that’s why immigration laws don’t make sense to me.”

And her conclusion says it better than I could:

“Rather than forget, we should try to remember, to wring every ancestral memory from our consciousness. To recognize the elephant in the room. To begin to engage in conversations where we can say, hey listen I feel like I need to say this to you about something that happened a century ago. That’s where the revolution needs to happen.”

I’m with her, and with Ms. Dynamite. Luciano’s song, “I Remember When,” adds musical perspective to that view. This recent anniversary made me want to learn more about my ancestors, and to explore the dark chapters of history that I’ve chosen to look away from. Perhaps now that I’m older, I can face the relics I remember seeing in the museum as a teenager, the rusting thumb and tongue screws I didn’t want to see or understand back then.

I think we all need to look back, learn, and talk about the painful past. By doing that, we can face our future with renewed strength and resolve.

I’m pretty much drowning in work today, so no post from me until later, bellas. But I do have two quick things to say.

1. Paging Kam! Kam, you won the conditioner sample and I’ve tried e mailing you three times to no avail. My e mail has been returned every time. If you want the sample, please e mail me (bella@afrobella.com) with your mailing address. This brings me to the topic of fake e mail addresses.

If you post a comment with a fake e mail address, it will most likely get stuck in my spam filter. I do go through it every day, but to keep it real with you, I must admit that I didn’t really feel that bad when a particularly nasty comment to my post about Maddy the Frog Princess got stuck in there yesterday. So to the lady who suggested that I somehow hate my heritage and had a terrible childhood because I’m psyched to see Disney have a black princess, shed a tear because your comment got thrown out with the rest of the spam. I did notice it in there but somehow I didn’t have the energy to fish it out from among the grandma porn and Valtrex ads that I get bombarded with daily.

2. The reason I didn’t have the energy is because of that extremely combative discussion regarding this week’s Afrobella of the Week. I need to take a day to wrap my mind around that scene. But first, I need some reader feedback.
I am of the opinion that there’s far too much negativity on these internets as it is. I do want this site to be a place for honest and uplifting discussion, but all of that drama really got me down. There is no constructive criticism in accusing another businesswoman of wearing a weave, or having a celebrity’s baby. There is nothing positive in slander.
I felt especially saddened by some of the latter comments, where some readers confessed that they don’t have many black girlfriends because of this kind of thing, and others said that a successful black woman should expect that kind of response from other women of color. I guess the reason that all of the back-and-forth hateration got to me is because I still believe in sisterhood. The way I see it is, women of color should be supporting each other as much as possible. In fact, women in general should be supporting each other as much as possible. But much too often, we get caught up in trying to tear each other down.

I might be biting off more than I can chew with this question, but I want to hear from you.

Have you ever been really screwed over or hurt by a woman you saw as your friend, or as someone who should be your friend? Do you believe in sisterhood? Or do you think that sisterhood is a myth?

I’ll be back tomorrow with a more positive perspective, I promise. For now, I’m just wanting to hear your views.

Way back when I interviewed Lisa Price of Carol’s Daughter, she shared a natural hair trend she’d been noticing. “More and more boys are growing their hair out,” she said. Now I’ve been noticing that myself.

There’s something about a guy who’s brave enough to grow out his hair and fly the natural flag high that makes me smile.

Take for example, big Ben Wallace, AKA The ‘Fro. He’s been rocking the cornrows recently, but he looks so much more like a warrior when he’s pounding up the court with his hair blowing in the breeze.

I don’t care much about basketball (but for some strange reason it’s always on in my house…) and Ben Wallace is one of the few players who I instantly recognize and will gladly root for. Keep it fierce and natural Ben, we love it!

Hair even became a bit of an issue for Julito McCullum, who plays Namond Brice on The Wire.

In order to be a better corner boy, he was advised to chop off his long, curly locks. But to Namond, his hair is part of his identity. He didn’t want to cut off his hair, because that would mean he officially accepted his fate and became an unrecognizable corner hustler. The scene where he gets his hair braided proves how far he is willing to go to earn his highly dysfunctional mother’s love.

Natural curls are always popular on the music circuit, where hair and self expression go hand in hand. And no other dude had prettier hair than Maxwell.

The man who had the ladies swooning with his cover of Kate Bush’s This Woman’s Work had a head of freeform curls to set him apart from the pack. Now he’s making a comeback and taking the Ludacris route of shaving off his glorious locks.

Personally, I hope he eventually grows it back. But I’m just ready for a Maxwell comeback, by any means necessary. (And while I’m on this topic — WHERE is D’Angelo at?? I LOVE me some D’Angelo!)

I hope Somalian hip hop artist K’Naan leaves his style as is. I love his freeform curls, and I love the variety of his expression even more. Learn more about him in this fascinating interview with Hip Hop Canada.

K’Naan tells the true story of his friend being beaten and locked up in Sweden on this remix of Kick, Push. His new hit, Soobax, is getting steady airplay on VH1 Soul, and I hope it makes the jump to BET. (But if that recent interview on the Wendy Williams show is to be believed, K’Naan might be too intelligent to get airplay on 106th and Park. Which is really, really sad).

Soobax is a song about the murderous destruction of Somalia — click here to read the lyrics. K’Naan introduces himself eloquently here, and explains the truth behind his music. I’m feeling this guy’s style, from the fluffy fro to the meaningful music. I hope he goes far and keeps representing for afrofellas everywhere!

Did I forget any other talented bros with fros? Who’s your favorite?

I’ll probably always be buying and trying new curly hair products, but I’ve found my Holy Grail for now. My hair absolutely craves Curls Milkshake.

It leaves my tresses more moisturized and perfectly defined than any other product. After I reviewed a batch of Curls products, I became hooked. Now I’m dying to try the rest of the line. Many of their products sound like dreamy desserts – Coconut Sublime Moisture Max, Whipped Cream, Curl Souffle, yum! My love for the Milkshake drove me to learn more about the brilliant woman behind this amazing stuff.
Bellas, meet Mahisha Dellinger, the super-clever afrobella who founded Curls.

Like many of us, Mahisha had a crazy hair journey. Back when she was growing up, there were no readily available products to nurture and style her out-of-control mane. And the products that were available were chock full o’ chemicals.

“Do you know that I used to use grease and water on my hair? Grease was the main stay on all ethnic aisles. I didn’t know any better! And the white owned hair care companies that marketed to us surely didn’t care of the long term affects of synthetic oils, they were all about the mighty dollar!” Mahisha declares.

It took the exhortations of a bona fide afrobella to bring Mahisha around to natural hair care.

“It wasn’t until my high school years that I discovered pure oils and natural remedies. A good friend of mine was 100% natural — a purist if you will — and she sparked my interest. I am 100% naturally curly…now. However, I died and fried my hair in junior high and high school! I had every hair color you can imagine, AND I used hairspray daily!” Man, that brought back my own high school memories.

I got my first set of highlights when I was thirteen and I thought I was so bad ass. If I could talk to my high school self, I’d beg myself to leave the dye alone — hot pink, orange, and midnight blue streaks were not a good look for me. But of course, that conversation would probably go along the lines of Cartman’s conversations with his past self on that awesome time-travel episode of South Park. Which is to say, I’d tell my future self to mind her own business. “Whatever, I do what I want!”

Many of Curls’ products are coconut based, which appeals mightily to this Caribbean girl. Coconut oil works wonders for my hair. There are lots of other natural ingredients that Mahisha thinks are key to her products’ success.

In the eleven Curls products and 7 Curly Q products currently available, Mahisha loves to include super-moisturizing certified organic aloe leaf juice, vitamin rich organic sunflower oil, Chinese Hu Wu Shu extract, Japanese green tea extract, calendula, coconut milk, mango and shea butter. No wonder my hair drinks this stuff up so fast — it all sounds like a concoction I could possibly drink as is!

Mahisha shared the products that work best for her, and I’m thinking of changing up my hair care routine with the seasons like she does.

“I have so many favorites; it truly depends on the occasion, time of year, and my current hair care needs. For example, in the summer months I cannot live without Curls Goddess Glaze for frizz free curls with all day holding power. When my curls are just not quite up to par and are in need of instant recovery, I reach for our deep treatment, Curl Ecstasy, and my microhaircap! However I use, one product on a daily basis… Quenched Curls Moisturizer. It is indeed my foundational product, “underwear for my hair.” It refreshes, revives, and protects curls. It’s now formulated with sunscreen, so it is the perfect curl protector,” she gushed.

For those of you who have specific hair concerns, Curls also offers custom regime kits, just for you Transitioning Divas who need to do some one-stop-shopping.

Curls products smell absolutely heavenly, and now Mahisha’s offering Body By Curls, vanilla and brown sugar body wash and frosting that sounds beyond delicious. Six new Curls products are getting ready to hit the shelves, and I’m so curious to find out what they are!

I’ve been planning to write about Mahisha and Curls for a long time now, but this particular interview became especially timely due to the recent New York Times article by Randal C. Archibold, “I Have Taken on My Daughter’s Hair and Won.”

Mr. Archibold’s beautifully written piece evoked memories of my own dad struggling with my troublesome locks and incessant wriggling as a child. It’s definitely a sign of the times that Mr. Archibold considers the politics of black hair as much as he does:

“With some limitations, we give Lyla a say in her hairstyle. One braid? Two, three, four? Part in the middle or on the side? Sometimes she prefers to let it all hang out, curly, frizzy and wild. When we eventually braid it again, fretting over those knots and dirt accumulating in the thicket, I wonder if we are then crimping her style, making a political statement?

Who knew hair could be this complicated?”

Um, my hand’s raised. And I don’t recall getting a say in how I wanted my hair combed, either (feel free to add a comment, familia). At that age, what with my Diana Ross aspirations, I’d have voted to wear my hair in a big bushy free form style every day. I would have gladly been a mini-Chaka Khan, strutting across my school’s playing field.

I checked out Mr. Archibold’s list of hair essentials for his little afrobella, and it’s here that I must speak up. From jump, this is a bad list for parents of naturally curly kids. TCB Naturals has nothing natural about it. Mineral oil and petrolatum are the first two ingredients, and they are notoriously bad and unhealthy ingredients. In fact, petrolatum has been banned in European Union beauty products because of its carcinogenic properties. Read the rest of this entry »