peace & blessings
gab

Children learn from example and what they see. I think that if a father treats the mother of his children with love, respect, and honor, this teaches a son how to treat the women in his life and a daughter that this is how she should expect to be treated by men in her life, and not to settle for less. If the father is no longer with the mother of his children because of divorce or whatever, he should still treat her with respect and honor for the position she has as the mother of his children. Even if the mother is leading a life characterized by bad choices that have gotten her involved in drugs, jail, whatever, a father can still make it clear that while she may not be capable of inciting deep respect and love in her children, they should just give basic respect for the fact that she gave them life. It takes a very strong man to do this.

I have a wonderful mother. My father…well, he had/has his own demons, from the way HIS father affected his life. I am almost 40, it took me until my 30s to truly forgive and let go of things that he did, said, etc., and to appreciate the good things that he did do, which was provide financial support and to expect me to behave in a manner that would bring honor to myself. Also, to appreciate the things that he did NOT do, such as physically, sexually abuse us children, nor abandon us completely, though he did leave. I still don’t have a super close relationship with him, but I do talk with him and now I mostly feel sorry for him and what he has missed and misses with his children and grandchildren.

It is so important, I think, to let their children know they are loved and valued. Like it’s been stated, a father is the first man in a girl’s life, and it can have a lasting effect. My father made me feel ugly and I did not value myself, and I made a DISASTROUS choice when I got married, and I think part of it had to do with I didn’t feel I deserved any better, that it was okay to settle. I have since gotten out of that terrible relationship, but now my children don’t have a father….I just think a good father needs to love and value the people in his family, let them know it and show it, because he WILL leave a legacy, either of pain and a struggle to not make bad choices, or a legacy of love and value and strength.

My parents got divorced when I was 13 and I never really had a relationship with my father. The only way he “fathered” me was biologically and by telling me to do as he said and not as he did… To me, he was only someone I disliked for breaking up my family, someone who thought he deserved respect when he did nothing worth respecting, and, when asked what made him a good father, said that he put food in mine and my brother’s and sister’s bellies and a roof over our heads. Now, 13 years later, my relationship with him is minimal (which is sad), but it somehow works for us both. I accepted him for who he is and he has made efforts to be in me and my siblings’ lives. It’s VERY late for him to do that, seeing as how I am the youngest of us three, but at least he has made some kind of effort. It kind of weirded me out when he first told me he loved me because that wasn’t something I was used to hearing from him and I wasn’t used to saying it to him either. That is not an example of a good father, but it is an example of a man who tried to make a change.

With all that being said, I think a good father loves his kids whole-heartedly and not on a sometimey basis and doesn’t hide how he feels about his kids. He tells them when they’re wrong, shows them understanding and approval, and gives them a point of reference for what kind of man a son should aspire to be and for what kind of man a daughter should want her husband to be to her kids.