How Do You Reach Someone Like Sheryl Underwood?

There I was, minding my own business, when Luvvie popped up in my g chat.

Luvvie: you posting bout sheryl underwood or nah?

bella: girl…I literally just sighed so heavy

I will.

Should I?

I should.

right?

I guess?

*sigh*

Luvvie: lol

well i think on this issue, your voice is important

this is your domain.”

I guess.

sheryl-underwood

When I first started Afrobella, I felt that my voice on issues like this was important because there weren’t as many voices speaking out about natural hair ignorance. This was in a day before social media amplified everything, before there were so many blogs in the natural hair and black beauty space. And now, it’s so easy to make your voice heard. I know I’m not the only one who saw @SherylUnderwood’s mentions dissolve into mayhem this past weekend on Twitter, after this clip of her on The Talk made the rounds.

Basically, Sheryl Underwood revealed some embarrassing and unfortunate true colors, regarding her views on natural hair. Via Tracy Clayton at The Root:

On an “encore presentation” of her CBS show The Talk that aired Aug. 30, Underwood railed against “nappy” “Afro” hair during a discussion about Heidi Klum saving her children’s hair after it had been cut. Klum’s children with ex-husband Seal have “huge Afros,” as she described them.

Upon hearing that Klum saves their hair, Underwood responded, “Why would you save Afro hair?” She went on to imply that nobody wants that type of hair, saying that you never hear of a woman in a hair shop asking for that “curly, nappy, beady” hair.

Co-host Sarah Gilbert chimed in, saying that she, too, sometimes saves her children’s hair, and Underwood interjected, saying that it was “probably some beautiful, long, silky stuff,” implying that that type of hair is desirable and worth saving. The only thing more hurtful than hearing those words was co-host Aisha Tyler’s silence and listening to the enthusiastic laughter of the audience, who, apparently, agreed.”

I watched the clip and all I felt was a kind of hollow, tired, resigned despair. Sheryl Underwood, sitting on the set of this daytime television show, parroting the same kind of rhetoric that Don Imus and D.L Hughley have spouted before. There’s a deeper sting to it, coming from a black woman whose own natural hair would be that texture. Her disdain is palpable. The dismissiveness in her laugh says it all.

What do you do with a mind that seems so closed?

I see a response like this, and my instant response is to write off the person. Many are calling for a boycott of Sheryl Underwood’s work. I’ve read some brilliantly ferocious posts about Sheryl’s stupidity. These were my favorites:

Sheryl Underwood: Who Likes Nappy Hair? We Do by Danielle Belton for Clutch Magazine

Sheryl Underwood Calls Afro Hair ‘Nasty,’ Wonders Why Mothers Save Baby’s First Clippings by Denene Miller of My Brown Baby

Sheryl Underwood Needs To Shush by Kyra Kyles for Jet Magazine.

Those posts said everything I wanted to say with righteous, eloquent fury.

At this point, Sheryl Underwood has been told about herself in a thousand different ways. She has been read to filth on Twitter, and not everyone stuck to the issue at hand. Some of the tweets hurled her way had a really ugly tone. There’s little that you can say about Sheryl Underwood that she hasn’t made a joke about herself in the course of her career, but in reading the tweets directly addressed to her, I found myself getting as defensive as I imagine she’d have felt. People calling her Wesley Snipes and Geraldine and making comments about her hair texture and her skin color. People calling her a “coon” and even worse. Just going IN, claws out and teeth bared. Bringing the discourse right down to the playground.

When that happens, what kind of message are we sending? Will she learn anything from any of this? I’m asking because many of us have someone in our lives who thinks like Sheryl Underwood. Many of us have a relative or an old friend or that nice lady at church or the office, who still adheres to the sad belief that afro hair isn’t beautiful or worth saving. And there might be a vocal number of us speaking up in outrage, but there are many others who sat, watched, laughed heartily and mmmmhmmmed their agreement with what Sheryl Underwood expressed in that moment.  I think what could be a teachable moment for Sheryl Underwood, could also be a teachable moment for many.

Curly Nikki got access to Sheryl Underwood and posted an interesting Q&A interview – click here to read that. Nikki did her best to reach Sheryl with probing questions meant to spark self-realizations, and time and time again she came up against a defensive response. This morning Sheryl Underwood apologized on air on The Steve Harvey Show. You can hear the emotion in her voice during that clip. Sheryl sounds shook. It’s easy to say that her apology is more than likely based on her fear of career jeopardy, and losing her existing fan base. But I’m really hoping it’s deeper than that.

Sheryl said some of the things you might expect. That she “messed up.” She “made a mistake” and a “bad choice of words.”  “I’m not perfect and I bet if you put a camera on someone all day, they’d eventually say something they’d regret too.”

There’s always more to say, but there’s only so much you can say.

It sounded like true remorse in Sheryl Underwood’s voice during her interview, and I’m hoping the remorse leads to introspection. Hopefully she got the message and she’ll let it absorb. Hopefully this is the beginning of a mental evolution – not just for Sheryl Underwood, but for the women who think like she does about natural hair, too.

How do you reach Sheryl Underwood, and the Sheryl Underwoods of the world? Do you think that she’s learned from her experience here?

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Comments

  1. *sigh* that’s just absolute crazy. every time you think “we’ve come so far!” we take a step back. You can just see how she has not fully accepted her own hair/self. All hair is beautiful. Just because mine grows out of my head in tight, thick curls, doesn’t make me less of a person. Her statement was completely ignorant and…just…yeah.

    • Yesterday when I read the curlynikki interview she tried to explain what she meant is the hair was dead and nasty so why would one save it. She needs to be reminded that the hair she wears everyday is also ‘dead and nasty’ and was cut off someone’s head and was saved in the same way Heidi was saving her children hair or maybe she thinks when she wears it, it magically becomes living hair again smdh

      • Yeh, about that. I’m trying to understand how somebody who probably has a massive wig collection could be so judgmental. LOL And that part about the hair being “dead and nasty”…yeh right.

      • yeah I caught how she tried to explain it by comparing hair to fingernails as dead material not worth saving…but the “beautiful long silky stuff” comment undercuts that explanation completely. So sad.

        • Right. Her “apology” was not only defensive but non-sensical. Perhaps she did a better job on the Steve Harvey show – I didn’t hear that one but her interview with Curly Nikki qualifies as a backpeddle complete with a side of misplaced defensiveness. IF it were really about “saving hair is nasty” then she wouldn’t have said it was OK for her co-host to save her child’s hair because it’s “silky”.

          I. Hate. these types of non-apology, apologies. People are NOT stupid, we heard what she said. And there was no extenuating “context” that it was taken out of, either. Folks watching the show as it aired and those of us who saw the the entire clip later watched her as she said what she said, point blank. Having a ‘fro for a stylistic hair phase in ones life does not make one “pro Black” or in touch with one’s “Blackness”. I don’t believe any of that interview with CN. Nothing about her interview responses sounded sincere, it was all pure nonsense. I don’t know if she can be reached while she’s clearly still in denial.

        • Yes when she said (paraphrase) “Who wants to save that nappy and beaded up stuff” and implied that “we” don’t go asking for it at the shop when it’s cut off. SMH. It’s very sad.

  2. Without trying to be shady, i’m not at all shocked someone like Sheryl feels as she does. She is of an older generation and would clearly prefer to wear fake looking straight haired wigs than her natural hair, some other wig/weave style.

    What makes it so bad is she could have kept her comment as to why you’d keep a WHOLE shorn afro. I also looked askew at that, but to then go so far as to say keeping white kids hair is different because it’s long and silky…well sure, tell the world you hate something natural in you and most women and children who look like you.

    • I don’t know how old Sheryl is, but I doubt she’s older than me and I turned fifty yesterday. Further, I grew up in Alabama and currently live in Georgia. I think it’s too easy to blame this kind of fuckery on age. Unfortunately, ignorance is multi-generational. If it wasn’t we would have grown out of it a long time ago.

      As for reaching Sheryl, frankly I don’t give a rat’s furry hind end what manner of fucknuttery resides in Sheryl’s head as long as she and all these other so-called comedians who think black hair, black skin, blackness is fodder for their demeaning brand of humor. God willing this will give them cause to pause, and for me, that’s good enough.

    • that’s the saddest part of the statement to me, the “long, silky” part. That’s the core nugget of her problematic belief.

      I don’t want to see her dragged off the air because she’s of an old-school, backwards mindset. I want to see her evolve beyond this and use her platform more intelligently. Am I hoping for too much? (I hope not)

      • Bella, you are sweet for wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I do think you are hoping for too much.

        She should have just apologized and left it at that because there is no defense for what she said. None at all. It is sad to see someone feeling like this in 2013. It reminds me of when I was trying to watch that documentary “Dark Girls” but couldn’t make it past 10 minutes because it was too depressing.

        At some point you would hope that the self-hatred would subside, but these incidents and the larger culture show otherwise.

  3. There are just some people that can’t be reached.

  4. More than a slip up. In this moment, she was being her true and authentic self. It’s not like she cursed or said something grammatically incorrect! She made an honest statement on how she felt about the matter. Remorse is for saving endorsements and warding off the public pariah treatment from her core audience. I just don’t understand why she felt so comfortable saying this in mixed company on national TV.

  5. Yesterday when I read the curlynikki interview she tried to explain what she meant is the hair was dead and nasty so why would one save it. She needs to be reminded that the hair she wears everyday is also ‘dead and nasty’ and was cut off someone’s head and was saved in the same way Heidi was saving her children hair or maybe she thinks when she wears it, it magically becomes living hair again smdh

  6. Underwood got sucked into the lure of being a comedian. When that happens, the rules of morality and ethics don’t really exist anymore. She said what she said and got what she wanted–laughs. We can psychoanalyze her all day long but that won’t do much good the next time she goes for the laughs.

  7. Self hated is an awful thing.

  8. There is a news story right now about a school owned by a black woman that sent a ittle girl home for her dreads. They also banned afros. Black people love to perpetuate white supremacy and black inferiority. I thought we got off the plantation a long time ago but I guess some just don’t want to be free. Self haters need to be shut down before their cancer is spread to young impressionable minds.

  9. Well. . I saw the original airing and I felt some kind a way when she said that. I saved the first hair cut from my son when he was 3 and my daughter’s when she was 12 (bangs only). But it was beautiful, soft cottony hair. Not nappy beady, or whatever she said. The fact that the camera cut to Aisha’s face and her mouth was open in disbelief was enough for me. Sheryl has to live with the consequences, not us. So, I’m moving on and still looking in the mirror at my natural hair in disbelief that I was missing this loveliness for so long. Let it go.

  10. Sigh…How do you reach them? The million dollar question and I gots nothing….it just seems so deeply rooted. So engrained in so many ways.

    I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt when I first heard about the incident since she’s a comedian but the vitriolic nature in which she spoke left no doubt that there are some serious seeds of self hate planted there.

    I think that perhaps one way to go about diffusing this type of negativity is by being vocal and calling folks out, from family members to strangers. Using our own platforms, not matter how large or small to dispel the myths and b*llshit.

    And while I understand why some folks went the ugly route and started calling her names, etc, that kind of response solves nothing. It just exchanges one type of ugly for another.

    While I am not sure what the reason was behind her apology, I too hope that this was a lightening bolt moment of consciousness for her and others like her.

    • I want to be hopeful. But I kinda feel like this is like Paula Deen in some ways, in the sense that her fans will still rally behind her and ultimately the lesson was hide your ignorance or the PC police will get you. Will there be true enlightenment? Remains to be seen.

      xoxo Jaye!

  11. Self-hate is the worse kind.

  12. Sheryl is first and foremost a comedian. Comedian’s agitate and thrive on controversy to fuel their act. Well now she has loads of fuel. I would like to hope that these are not her true thoughts. Just my 2 cents.

  13. Not sure if you can reach them. If you can it would be by being the be you there is. Be your gorgeous & beautiful natural hair self. Wear your natural hair with pride. Hopefully even if she never comes around to liking it, she will appreciate that it’s not okay to mock it.

    I think she was mostly shook out of fear for her career. If so, hit em’ where it hurts and refuse to support (by watching) this show and anything else she is connected to .

  14. I was about to post my self, but to be honest It is tiring trying to make people like my hair. when I heard this I wasn’t mad I was sad for her, I just can image her own misery hating her own self the way she does, because someone that talk like that about her own roots and races has to be pretty sad

  15. You know, when I first heard about this story my first thought was: “I bet she feels this way because she’s not conventionally – read “white” – attractive and so she’s learned to covet the things that get her as close to whiteness as possible.” And I think because of that, this whole thing just makes me sad. Sad for her. Sad for us.

  16. it is sad, but I think that she thinks this way and will always think this way, what she knows now is to not share her silly thoughts about Black hair. baby steps.

  17. Sheryl Underwood is a COMEDIAN. Not a politician, activist, or journalist. She has based her whole career on being silly. I can understand if it was Michelle Obama making this comment but it was a comedian whose rise to fame was hosting Comic View. Have we became that sensitive of a society that there is a new civil rights movement every time a comedian tells a joke?

    • Standing ovation to you Ebony! You nailed it. Truly the only reason Sheryl’s words have carried so much wait is because of the ppl who have internalized them. They were hating on themselves long before Sheryl opened her mouth. But now they have someone to blame. An old saying goes, For every finger you point at someone else, four more are pointing at you.

  18. Comedians usually say that every joke has a basis of truth. I believe that Sheryl Underwood’s comments are rooted in the truth that she dislikes her ” nappy” hair, and views it in all the negative terms she used. I’m a Texas born, brown skinned product of a fair skinned mother and dark skinned father. My mother always verbalized appreciation for my father’s skin tone ( and my equally dark uncles and grandfather) and that there is nothing more handsome than a good looking black man. She ooh-ed and aah-ed over my chocolate-ness and my little afro puffs. She saved my hair from when I gave myself a hair cut with my toy scissors. After my spanking, that is. I remember an occasion when my hair was a mess on a shopping trip with my parents (my dad had combed it) and a photographer was there taking portraits. My dad wanted me to take one and my mom commented that my hair looked too messy. I remember my dad saying ” she looks beautiful” and I took that picture. My hair was a mess, but I mostly remember the big old happy smile on my face. I always felt confident and good about myself… and still do. As an educator of primary and secondary school children, it hurt my mom to no end that the worse insult that the black kids she taught could say to one another to inflict pain and/or embarrassment was ” you’re black, you’re nappy headed”, etc. She would say that to me in frustration but I didn’t really have the life experience or maturity to understand that it’s deep-seated internal pain that makes one project that kind of self-hatred on another. Being a child of the South, I look at Sheryl and see her dark skin, her dark gums, her silky wigs and I feel for her. I’m in no way giving her a pass, but I feel that I understand where it comes from. All jokes aside, I think we got a glimpse of her truth.

  19. If you want to wear a straight haired wig or to “straighten” your nappy hair that’s quite ok But still acknowledge your blackness of skin and wiry curl of your hair.

    Afrobella – Sheryl isn’t going to improve anymore than Paula Deen will but it’s great of you to give the benefit of the doubt.

  20. How do we reach her?

    No, how do we reach ourselves. Hurt people hurt people and this trend of online pile on draggin is so unnecessary. Yes, Sheryl was terribly wrong & revealed a level of self hate that was offensive and painful to watch.

    Comedian or not, she meant every word.

    However, we can’t encourage someone to embrace their natural beauty or respect ours by demeaning their physical appearance or intellect. I imagine comments like some I’ve read on twitter are exactly where her sense of shame comes from. These comments about her go far beyond correction or rebuttal into cruel degradation. I’m not silly enough to believe the verbal abuse she’s endured doesn’t sound woefully familiar to her dark skinned African featured self.

    No, Sheryl Underwood didn’t learn to hate her own appearance on social media. We can’t change how Sheryl feels about her own appearance but we can certainly check the vitriol we use to respond to it. Sheryl revealed a urgent need to love herself more, but she also revealed a need for us to do the same.

    If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do no harm – African Proverb

  21. I feel super late for just hearing about this, extremely disappointed in her words. I believe she spoke the truth about how she feels about natural black hair but as you mentioned, perhaps the backlash has made her think deeply about her comments and the underlying beliefs that made her say those things….

  22. Ariel Brinkley says:

    Guys, Sheryl Underwood is a buffoon. She has been that way for years. The female 2013 version of Amos and Andy. Do you watch The Talk? She says things that are racially offensive to black people in order to get a cheap laugh from non black peoples and black peoples that unconsciously hate themselves. I’m glad the natural community is responding to this incident, but she says horrible things about people of African descent on a regular basis. It’s truly disgusting, it’s hard for me to even watch The View sometimes. The black community really needs to adress her “act” in general.

  23. Sheryl Underwood is an unfortunate example of “the hate that hate produced.” She’s surely a victim of a society that denigrates and debases undeniable representations of blackness and black beauty. Though I believe adults have a personal responsibility to look critically at themselves and do the work of healing their wounded-ness, large-scale solutions begin with examining the root causes of this corrosive madness. For all we know, Ms. Underwood may already be in the process of self-renewal, i.e. doing her personal work. But this work can take a lifetime.

    Bottom line: It’s important to have compassion for our people. Each person’s response to a lifetime of racism and negative conditioning plays out differently. Everyone is not equally strong, defiant, self-aware, or critical…and everyone is at a different stage of transformation. Again, we’d be much more effective at positively impacting large numbers of people on this matter by deconstructing the root, educating the masses about these findings, and helping individuals (of all stripes) replace their troubling attitudes about black bodies with uplifting thoughts and images. Be it about our hair, skin, lips, or hips…we must be vigilant in rooting out the negative and affirming the positive. Yes, we too can sing beauty!

  24. After reading this post and the Curly Nikki interview, I had to wonder if the problem is Sheryl Underwood at all. I think the problem is that anyone would believe that Sheryl Underwood could speak for anyone else. Don’t get me wrong, her comments were hurtful and damaging and put self hatred on TV for national display, but the backlash was furious. I’m a jerk for saying this, but Sheryl Underwood isn’t that important. Sure, she’s a black woman and she has a huge platform, but she is one woman. She is out for self, concerned with herself and trying to promote herself. She is not an elected official. She does not represent an entire race and/or gender. Furthermore, I doubt this is the first time her brand of self-deprecation was passed off as comedy (but I’m not a fan, so I don’t know). While there are others out there that agree with her, and still others out there that make money off of making fun of black women, let her carry that shame on her own. Let the idea of a black monolith wither and die. Let her squirm; it may force her to do some introspection. It may not. It’s really up to her. But the good that comes from this is that people are beginning to recognize black women are individuals with different ideas about beauty. And, bump it, I think the backlash was good too. Free speech comes with consequences. Say what you want, but be ready to pay for it later. I think all the uproar will make people choose their words more wisely, and that’s all I can ask of her.

  25. There is no taking away the fact that she is a funny lady, for that I applaud her. Many comedians make a living out of making harsh subjects funny, they are just in that mindset. Usually they make light of their own personal hardships or they point out their mistakes in life and make light of that. Just because she doesn’t like her own natural hair,she made the mistake of pointing it out and insulting all black people in the process. I don’t think she really meant anything bad by it though. It’s just the comedian mindset. Well that’s how I feel anyway.

  26. warrior11209 says:

    Unfortunately , someone like Sheryl Underwood can not be reached. Her mindset is deeply ingrained. She truly thinks that “curly, beady” hair is less valued than the “silky straight stuff.” She and I are in the same age group and this is the same old “good hair , bad hair” thing which disappointingly has not left her vocabulary. I find her apology lacking because deep down she undervalues herself and her beauty. On the upside , her words say nothing at all about the rest of us who refuse to be undervalued!

  27. Across the pond in the UK, I didn’t hear about this. I have to say looking at the clip to better understand what the post was about I have to see her words cut deep. I didn’t get angry, I was/am sad. Granted I wouldn’t keep a entire head of shaved hair but to each his/her own. I only kept a few locks from my son. When you have a baby everything about them is precious, even their boggers is CUTE. How sad.

  28. London afro naturalista responding says:

    She is a special kind of ignorance that either needs to be educated or to be made extinct. There is no purpose for anyone so self loathing, even worse if they don’t believe that they are self loathing. “If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything” the saying which springs to mind! If she is willing to make such disparaging remarks and be so disrespectful to women of her own race it gives the green light for every one else to do so and most importantly for the generation next to believe that this is acceptable behaviour. It is the oldest trick in the book how the slave masters kept us in check and kept us divided… why is this woman continuing the cycle. I think that weave is on a bit too tight!!

  29. I was really disappointed in Cheryl when I heard about her comments. To think that she would devalue black women and black girls in that manner is astounding. Just as bad was Ayisha Tyler’s lack of a response. I didn’t expect her to get into a fight with Cheryl on screen but there was certainly a way for her to call Cheryl out on her nonsense. Was that a sign of a lack of courage on her part or does she also hold similar views? Makes you wonder!

    I used to straighten my hair when I was younger but stopped about 20 years ago and have never regretted it. There is nothing more attractive on a woman of color than her natural hair.

  30. Oh boy, here we go again. Black women in the public forum can do nothing right for the angry masses. I wonder, for all of you grinding Sheryl Underwood to a pulp, how many of you actually confront your neighbors, friends, associates, family members, co-workers etc about their less than stellar view concerning nappy hair? At first, like the rest of you, I was miffed by the “translation” of her comments until I actually WATCHED the video and HEARD with my own ears what she said and understood she was admonishing the COLLECTION of hair, not the hair itself. And she has a point. Not a single weave wearing chick is rushing to buy nappy African hair at the bss. They all want that remy, Indian kind of hair. Go ahead. Argue with me on that!

    Black women have been sporting natural hair all of two minutes and now everyone’s a freaking martyr! Spare me! Seems to me the only thing the “natural hair movement” has accomplished is creating another reason for black women to look down on other black women, no matter how minor the infraction. Sheryl was clowning around. Humor used to be the backbone of the black community. Now it seems it’s been overshadowed by self-victimization.

    And another thing. Attacking Aisha makes no SENSE AT ALL. Do ANY of you know what was going on in her mind at the time???? I just thank god none of you bashers are on tv. Just another embarrassment waiting to happen.

  31. I guess I feel we now should go forward. Instead of her job being in jeopardy, I was hoping the talk would try to do a positive show on different types of hair and then talk about it. This would give her the chance to rehabilitate herself and also educate those who don’t understand what this is about.

    • I used to really like Sheryl Underwood. Contrary to her persona on the Talk, she was not raised or educated to be a buffoon. I remember when she eloquently put Anita Bynum in her place for disrespecting her and black/brown women who were involved intimately or living with their boyfriends without being married, Anita was rightfully owned by Sheryl, but it seems that Sheryl has TURNED into Anita…a true hypocrite. So for people to take Sheryl to task for her ill statement (supposedly joke) it is justified as she felt she was with Anita. I guess now that she has gained a white audience base on the TALK, she feels she can say and do many things hurtful and claim it as a joke, and expect it to be flipped off as “people overreacting)however; she fails to remember when that base tires of her, they will throw her axx to the fire, and those same black/brown people who she disrespected and offended will be there for her and she will be the one claiming foul. How quickly we forget when it comes to assimilating and $$$$. I believe that many black/brown people will always struggle with self image (for the many that don’t there will be triple times that do, hence this issue still being relevant today) this will be a topic until the end of time with us. I do not believe Sheryl is sorry for what she said, and it is not the first time she or many black/brown people have said such things, just watch on youtube, twitter, non celebs/celebs, those with biracial kids, married outside of their race — they revel in light skinned this, good hair that, tanning that, and dread anything dark skinned this, nappy hair that, not being called black, etc. Sigh– our culture. ( I LOVE my so-called nappy hair–which is really good hair Missy Sheryl) Her apology was not sincere, she was doing damage control, and in effect hoping that as soon as she speak publicly, it will be forgotten by the masses. She was reading from a piece of paper, thus, her rushing and shaky rendition, again, in my opinion, not sincere, scared for her career. I am a true believer of people can express and say what they want, but when it comes to being down right rude, indifferent, especially about self and race…… again,sigh, so sad. Many blacks/browns take cues from other races about life accomplishments and lessons, but NEVER have embraced the life lesson of self love of our own race (and I am not saying all of us do this) I watch the Talk often, and the more I watch Sheryl I lose more and more respect for her, not only because of this, but the many things she says and, in particular about black/brown people. Thanks for letting me “speak my mind”.

  32. How do I like her?
    I DO NOT

  33. I choose to join the iinternational boycott of Sheryl Underwood and her type of comedy of degradation. Her rant iis like Michael Richards who went bizerk with his racial slurs. No people of this ilk need a media platform to degrade a people.

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