Sometimes, randomly I’ll wonder what she’s up to. Is she in good health? Is she still lucid? Is she surrounded by people who love her and care for her? I hope and pray she is.

Lena Horne is a living legend who has retreated completely from the spotlight. She turned 92 on June 30, and her last public appearance was in 1999 at an event in her honor in New York. Her final televised singing appearance was in 1998 on the Rosie O’Donnell show.

I wasn’t of the Stormy Weather generation of Lena Horne fans, not old enough to remember her appearances on The Judy Garland Show, or her TV specials. My connection to Lena is directly connected to my childhood.

Her appearances on Sesame Street and the Muppet Show made a huge impact on me at a tender age, when Trinidad and Tobago Television showed endless repeats of Seventies and early Eighties era episodes. Even then, there was something about Lena that just struck a chord with me. Her gentle spirit. The way she carried herself. Her classy demeanor. She reminded me of the women in my family, who held themselves with a certain elegance and dignity even when in less than dignified company.

Lena didn’t teach me the alphabet (I’m pretty sure my mother, my aunty Opal, and my sister Petal were directly responsible for that), but Lena’s funky version sure helped to reinforce the lesson.

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Let’s just say, several. Perhaps too many. But I can’t help it! Team Susan all the way!

As my homie E-Fresh who just moved to South Korea told me — you know something’s an international phenomenon when people are gathering around computers in South Korea to watch. That’s the same story in Trinidad where I’m from, all over the United States, and around the world. Millions have watched Susan Boyle defy expectations and make television history. As she admitted in her first interview on Scottish TV, it’s left Susan absolutely gobsmacked.

Susan Boyle’s tale would inspire just about anyone, but I know women for whom it means even more. It actually irked me quite a bit to hear the comments the judges unabashedly blurted out to her. “When you stood there with that cheeky grin and said, ‘I want to be like Elaine Paige’, everyone was laughing at you,” said Piers Morgan. Well gee thanks, Mr. Morgan. What a mindlessly rude thing to say, right?

The standard response to Susan Boyle thus far has been tearful surprise that a regular-looking single woman in her 40’s 1. has the voice of an angel, and 2. has proven the world and it’s embarrassing assumptions wrong. As a bella with many strong, opinionated, beautiful relatives who have happily chosen to live their lives much as Susan Boyle has – single, childless, helping to care for their parents as they grow older — I call BS on these saccharine, self-congratulatory responses to Susan’s success.
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I’ve written about my mom more than a few times, and just about every time I have, I get requests from readers for her to share her beauty tips. I did a post like this, featuring Mama Bella’s top five beauty tips. I still love number 5, and I try my best to live by it!

So in the spirit of celebrating Mama Bella and sharing the tips she has to impart, here’s the beginning of a new series. How long will it last? As long as she wants it to! Mama Bella Says is all about the beauty and health tips that have kept my mom looking gorgeous as she grows older.

So… how old is she? I know it isn’t right to discuss or disclose women’s ages, but I asked my mom if I could share this detail with the world. And she was as forthcoming as I knew she’d be.

“Honey, I’ll be 70 in September. I’ve never lied about my age, and I don’t plan to start now,” she replied.

So bellas — this is what almost-70 can look like if you take good care of yourself. And please note – my mom has never had plastic surgery or any injectable beauty treatments. (Not that she wouldn’t, she just never has). This is what drinking water, taking amazing care of yourself, fancy skin care products, and enjoying life’s little pleasures can do.

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Man. I planned to do a special Afrobella Christmas post, and the day got swept away in a whirlwind of gifts and family phone calls. But I read this news and it knocked the wind out of my sails. The legendary Eartha Kitt has passed away at the age of 81, succumbing to a long battle with colon cancer.

In her heyday, Eartha Kitt was a force of nature, a unique musical presence, the ultimate sex kitten. And behind the slinky, cartoonish persona and the unique voice, she was a human rights activist who was unafraid of speaking truth to power. The Washington Post has a phenomenal obit that tells of an expensive lunch with Kitt that must have been one of the most magnificent and surreal moments in that reporter’s life.

I wrote a tribute to Eartha in 2006, as part of my Beautifully Aging Bellas series. I said then, “It’s easy to get caught up in the fantastic cartoonishness of Eartha, and forget how ridiculously talented she is.” Eartha Kitt embraced her image. She owned her image. But I hope this clip of her performing the definitive version of Santa, Baby, shines a brighter light on her talent. She was a unique and amazing singer with a delivery that’s hard to match.

Eartha’s version of C’est Si Bon was both a send-up and a celebration of her sex kitten image. I absolutely love it. Check out how effortlessly fly and self-possessed she is.

True story – I’ve been trying to perfect that purr for years. I can’t even roll my r’s. Pathetic. But Eartha made it look so easy.

This clip of her performing I Want To Be Evil is one of my very favorites, for its sheer intensity. Eartha gave raw emotion in every performance. She was of that era of performers who gave good face, as they say — strong actresses like Gloria Swanson, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford. Eartha proves she could stand toe to toe with the best of them in just the performance of this song.

Beautiful, brave, funny, and fierce — Eartha Kitt was an inspiration to me and many an afrobella. To say she’ll be missed is an understatement. And to lose a legend like her on Christmas Day makes for a bittersweet holiday indeed.

Batman? Boomerang? Or one of her memorable songs – share your favorite Eartha Kitt moment with me!

This photo was taken in my back yard in Trinidad, New Year’s Day 2007. Judging from the amount of champagne still in my glass, it must have just struck midnight.

I’m standing between Aunty Gemma and Aunty Opal, my mom’s sisters who raised me just as much as my mom and sister Petal did. I was a very lucky little bella to have grown up with so many strong female role models.

Aunty Gemma and Aunty Opal are very close to my heart. I’ve learned so much from both of them. Aunty Opal is the youngest sister, and she is an amazing cook, a loving caretaker of children (SO many of my childhood memories are of her playing with me, watching Sesame Street with me, making delicious Chelsea buns or cornbread in the kitchen…). Aunty Gemma is the middle child, and she’s an amazing piano player. She teaches piano lessons now, and she’s a warm, wise, wonderful woman when you get to know her.

Almost exactly a year ago, my Aunty Gemma had a surgical procedure for breast cancer. At the time, she didn’t want to talk about it. But my heart felt so full, and I wanted to talk about the unpredictability of this disease so much,
I wrote this, where I wrote about her cancer without writing about her directly. She didn’t want to put her name and face out there at the time, and I respected her wishes. But now, she’s ready. And I’m so happy and proud she’s allowing me to share her story.

In my original post, I alluded to circumstances that made me angry, health care issues that I knew would not fly in the country where I now reside. I had to ask her about that.

“One thing I’ve learned from all of this… I had the mistaken idea that I couldn’t get breast cancer. A doctor had told me that because I didn’t really have any breasts to speak of, I couldn’t get it. He said cancer forms in fatty tissue, and I didn’t have much of that. So I ignored the itching when it started,” she revealed.

The doctor who told my Aunty Gemma she couldn’t get breast cancer because her breasts weren’t big enough, was the same doctor who helped my mother have me 29 (almost 30) years ago. His name is Dr. Denis Deonarine, and he is currently serving 25 years in prison here in America, for trafficking in pain management drugs.

Every time I think that this man gave my aunt such cavalier, incorrect, idiotic information — an off the cuff diagnosis that was so ignorant and wrong — it makes me incredibly angry.

“I ignored the itching when it first started, because of what the doctor told me. I think it went on for a year, maybe two. It got worse and worse, and I realized I should see a doctor about it.”

At this point, I also want to note that my aunt avoided getting an annual mammogram. She went once, in 1995. And the technology they used in Trinidad at the time wasn’t the best, and whatever the technician did hurt her so much she decided to leave midway through the procedure. She’s realized what a terrible idea that was, and she’s got advice for every woman out there:

“People really need to be aware. It is too serious a thing. Get the recommended checkups. I shouldn’t have ignored all of the advice they gave. I should have been getting mammograms.”

My aunt was lucky — she doesn’t have to have chemotherapy or radiation, because the doctors caught the cancer early and dealt with it aggressively. She’s on a five-year course of medication, and does get some strange side effects.

“I tend to sleep in more now, I’m not sure why. And sometimes I can’t sleep at night, I’ll be awake until 4 in the morning.” Because she’s tired all the time, she has been forced to cut back on regular attendance of her Jehovah’s Witness meetings. My aunt is an extremely religious person, she once attended meetings as frequently as three times a week. Now she makes it once a month, and she regrets that tremendously. But she knows that her family in the religion understand. “And I still have access to Jehovah, because I pray to him all the time. He hears my prayers,” she says.

My Aunty Gemma is living well, taking good care of herself, and doing fine. She is surrounded by love and family, and she’s blessed to have a strong support system. Breast cancer in a country like Trinidad is different than here in America. Every day I get a press release for a different pink Breast Cancer Month item. In some countries, there’s still a reluctance to divulge the disease. Here in America, breast cancer survivors are celebrated as the brave warriors that they are. I want my aunt to know how proud I am of her, and how courageous she is for not only confronting cancer, but overcoming the challenges it has brought to her life. Aunty Gemma’s teaching piano lessons again, and her voice sounds bright when we talk on the phone these days. I can’t wait to see her and hug her when I visit home next year!

October is National Breast Cancer Awareness Month, and I’ve got a great announcement on behalf of some of my beauty blog friends. The Makeup Girl is doing a helluva makeup giveaway, proceeds of which will go to the Susan G. Komen fund. All you gotta do is donate $10 to the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Fund and be entered to win a $300 gift basket full of MAC goodies!

A Girl’s Gotta Spa is giving away Marc Jacob’s Daisy perfume, and every day in October, each of the 40 beauty bloggers in Total Beauty are having giveaways and raising money this month for breast cancer research.

Each day a different blogger will host a giveaway with an entry box with a trivia question about breast cancer on them. Enter the correct answer to be put into the pool to enter to win. All prizes have a minimum value of $250. Click here for their Twitter page that gives you a complete list of giveaways.

Has breast cancer touched you or your family in a personal way? Tell me about it, bellas and fellas. And please feel free to say hello to my aunty, she doesn’t get on the internet much but she will be reading this post!

Today, September 28, 2008, marks four decades that my parents have been married.

40 years is no joke, especially considering my parents’ unusual romance. As my dad himself disclosed in an awesome comment on my Vegas post, he has “also experienced some negative reactions from family, friends and even people who do not know me at all, because I married MY soulmate, who was older than me with two children. I said ”was”, because now she is much younger that me….. at least, that is how she looks to me.”

I must say, Mama Bella does look stunning. And not a lick of plastic surgery or cosmetic injectables on her, for the record. She’s an obsessive water drinker, and that’s one of her beauty secrets I need to work on if I want to look like her when I’m in my Tina Turner years.

My parents were both born and raised in Belmont, a suburb of Port of Spain in Trinidad. My mother was 29 and divorced, raising two kids on her own — my sister Petal and my brother Clint. My father was just 19 years old, the best friend of her baby brother, my uncle Rhoden. My father recounted the relationship for me on the phone today.

“The circumstances that brought us together were not the best. There were so many people who weren’t ready for us, who tried to interfere in our lives. The world wasn’t ready for us, and those difficulties made us stick together. Because of all of that, we bonded, and we became best friends. Not everybody was supportive, from family right down. People just stop talking to you, everybody makes your business, their business. Your mother is an extremely courageous woman to have stuck through it with me. She got it from all sides, from her parents, her sisters, her brother, her friends. She saw gold in me. What I had in me, I didn’t even know yet. But she saw gold.”

My parents eloped, and famously, Mama Bella wore a white leather mini dress to her wedding. Hey, it was the Sixties!

They had three children of their own, my brothers Patrick and Dominic, then me almost ten years later, long after they assumed no more kids were in store.

I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it’s been a seamless and idyllic 40 years. My parents have been through just about everything. “We have withstood things that have led many other couples to divorce,” my dad informed me today. Watching my parents marriage – the loving moments and the arguments, the lofty ambitions and the crushing disappointments, struggles over money and the rewards of hard work, and between it all managing to raise five children and realize quite a few of their shared dreams — has been an invaluable education for me. Without all of that, I wouldn’t be the Afrobella you are reading today.

When I asked Mama and Papa Bella their secrets to lasting love, their answers were unsurprisingly similar.

“Prayer first, and compromise. And prayer to help you through the compromise. Unhesitatingly, I will tell you that,” my mother said with a hearty laugh.

My dad replied, “Prayers. And luck. Finding the right person has a lot to do with it, and most times people choose the wrong person. So there’s an element of luck. Marriage can be heaven or hell. But once you find the right person, you live a good life, and you pray, and you share everything the good and the bad, in sickness and in health – you good. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like, without your mother. I can’t even imagine. I don’t think anyone else in the world could have been as compatible with me.”

As their youngest daughter, I gotta say that I agree. Despite so many odds — a ten year age difference, being practically excommunicated by their families (most everyone has come around, I’m happy to report), and some really trying times and marital obstacles, my parents have stuck it through. Forty years! That deserves some kind of reward, and they’ve found that in each other. Mom and Dad, I love you very, very much. Here’s to many, many more wonderful years to come. I learn more and more invaluable lessons in life and love from you every day — thank you so much for allowing me to share the lessons I’ve learned from you, with so many people around the world. Love! What a beautiful thing.

Hey bellas — Feel free to wish Mama and Papa Bella a happy anniversary — most of you who read this blog regularly know that they’re reading and will most likely leave a comment of their own somewhere!