“She would always have a huge flacon of 4711, and she would dab it behind her ears and on her neck. Being a six-year-old, sitting there and watching her was so different and fascinating. Everything she had was beautiful. That’s how I remember her,” she told me.

Today my sister sent me a text.

“Can you send Dominique some lilac hand soaps? She loves the name and the smell. She is a mini you!”

Wow, how that took me back!

My niece Dominique is four years old (here’s a picture of her and little sister Isabella!) and right now Dominque loves the word, the color, and the scent of lilacs. Her earliest beauty memories are of me and my mom and her mom, I’m positive. We’re the most makeup obsessed of the family. She loves the rituals of beauty, and wants the products from such an early age.

All of this got me reminiscing about my first beauty memories. My mom always had a dresser cluttered with things I wanted to touch. But the clearest memory of my first beauty product came from going to a fashion and beauty event with my mother. The event was a product showcase and fashion extravaganza, hosted by a family friend, who owned a fancy perfume and makeup shop in the mall that my mother was always shopping in. At this event we had to answer a trivia question to win a prize. And according to my mother, this was the question.

What is the color of Elizabeth Arden’s famous door?

I answered “red”. And won!

I was seven years old!

I remember having to go on stage in front of everyone, and pick up my prize — a big bottle of Fendi bath gel. They don’t even make this product anymore — it came in a bottle that looked kinda like this.

After that, I established myself as a beauty rookie not to be underestimated! And oddly enough, the next Christmas our family friend asked my parents if I could be so kind as to help out at his store during the busy season. And my parents said YES. That’s how I wound up working in the mall, selling perfume and lipsticks and fancy bath and body sets to women at the tender age of eight.

Reminiscing about all of this is so strange, but explains so much about me today – I’ve been on this product obsessed, beauty loving path for a long, long time!

What are your first beauty memories?

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2. You’re Reading the Best Beauty Blog!
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Today is National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day. One year ago, Karyn and Luvvie founded The Red Pump Project — an enthusiastic non profit organization which has tirelessly worked to raise awareness both online, and with a series of awesome events around the country. Today marks the celebration of the 500 in 50: Rock the Red Pump campaign — where fellow bloggers are encouraged to be part of the movement and show solidarity by featuring a Red Pump badge on their blog. And to write about what National Women & Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day means to them.

When I look at the statistics of women and girls with HIV/AIDS, it terrifies me. And when I look at the women and girls who seem to live their lives completely ignorant to the ongoing threat of HIV/AIDS, it astounds me.

Every 35 minutes, a woman tests positive for HIV in the United States.

Black women make up 66% of all new diagnoses of HIV in women.

These are statistics that should resonate with anyone who’s reading this. So how can you support the cause, and do your part to raise awareness?

If you’re a blogger, you too can participate in the 500 in 50: Rock the Red Pump campaign – it’s not too late!

You can become a Red Pump Ambassador and help to raise HIV/AIDS awareness in your own community.

You can seek out local HIV/AIDS charities in your neighborhood and offer to volunteer time, money, or supplies.

Or at the very least you can wear your favorite pair of red shoes today, to show your solidarity with the movement.

I am so proud to be a part of this cause, and the Red Pump Project is becoming bigger than ever, y’all. Just this morning Luvvie and Karyn appeared on NBC here in Chicago!

And I sincerely hope to see many of you come out wearing your flyest pair of red shoes on Thursday March 25, for the Rock the Red Bold Fashion Awareness event. Click here to buy tickets. There will be cocktails, fierce fashion, and some of your favorite bloggers in attendance. Please come out for this amazing cause!

So. Are you rocking red pumps today? Tell me if you are!

Related posts:

1. 500 in 50 – Red Pump Project, Let’s GO!
2. Rock The Red!
3. Rockin’ the Red Pump

I gave a long overdue shout out to one of my besties in the beauty blogosphere, Julia of All About the Pretty. I’ll tell ya, I touched her arm when we were at Fashion Week in September…her skin is like silk and velvet and all things soft and sumptuous because of the body scrub she’s been doing for years now.

Some of the hubbub and criticism of Vogue Italia’s new additions have died down, since Vogue Italia’s editor in chief wrote her rebuttal (in which she quoted ME! In Rachel Zoe’s words, I die!) And also, the announcement that the legendary Bethann Hardison is now the editor-at-large of Vogue Black quieted some naysayers.

Some of the hubbub has died down, but not all. And my attitude towards it can best be described as resigned bemusement.

I realized something recently — almost every website I write for has a variation of the word black in the title. Black Voices, Black Atlas, Afrobella, and now Vogue Black. It’s not that I’m exclusive about what I write about, I’m just passionate about celebrating our unique beauty.

Most of the time, when I read criticism of the sites I write for, it’s from white supremacists who are mad that black people have their own channel on the teevee and are living in the White House and going on fancy vacations and whatnot. To paraphrase. So I was kinda surprised that this time, the shrill voiced outrage was coming from women of color — about the fact that Vogue made a site dedicated to black beauty. I’ve come to the conclusion that I must be clueless.

To me it’s like – hey! Vogue’s catching up to what I’ve been doing since 2006! But to others it’s like how DARE Vogue create a channel just for us! Why separate us into another channel? The 1950’s are over! Thanks for setting us back * insert number of years*, Vogue! SMH! And if you admit to liking it even a little bit, people accuse you of having a “separate but equal mindset.”

I’ve seen articles online where it’s that serious. And I just don’t feel that way.

I don’t see Vogue Black as some kind of intended honor bestowed unto our people by the high priestesses of fashion. Please. I don’t see it as an attempt to neatly corral our beauty thereby throwing us a wacktastic bone while keeping regular Vogue the same as it ever was. I see it as a new initiative that’s beginning to find its look and find its voice, that is celebrating a range of black beauty and focusing on our celebrities and cultural icons. Big stories from Vogue Black also appear on the front page of Vogue Italia, and I hope to see more integration of articles from Vogue Black, Vogue Talents and Vogue Curvy on the main Vogue Italia website. The future is still wide open and bright, as far as I see it.

We’re at a fascinating crossroads in the black fashion world. On one hand, Vogue — the quote-unquote “world’s most influential fashion magazine” — is giving black beauty its own spotlight for the first time in the brand’s 118 year history. On the other hand, we’re seeing sad times as we face the apparent demise of the historied and celebrated Ebony Fashion Fair, which has brought high fashion to black women for half a century.

I guess it’s obvious, I’m biased because I’m contributing towards Vogue Black. But I gotta tell y’all, I am optimistic. I believe that this another step towards some long overdue changes. But enough about what I think… I’d like to hear your thoughts.

Vogue Black is here. What would you like it to be? What kinds of articles and photographic inspiration would you want to see? Do you have any constructive criticism to share?

Related posts:

1. Say Hello to Vogue Black
2. Vogue Italia Comment Love!
3. In Or Out Of Vogue

If you’ve been reading my blog for the past few months, you already know I have much love for Luvvie and Karyn, founders of The Red Pump Project.

This month is a big month for them — not only does March mark the awareness-raising non-profit’s first anniversary, but March 10th is also annual National Women and Girls HIV/AIDS Awareness Day.

So March 25th, please join us at the Bottom Lounge (1375 W. Lake St. Chicago). The event will begin with a happy hour at 6:00pm, and the Rock the Red fashion show beginning promptly at 7:00pm. There’ll be special guests of honor and some of your favorite bloggers will be in attendance.

My friends at The Red Pump Project are still seeking sponsors for this event, so if you’re interested, e mail sponsorships@theredpumpproject.com.

If you’re in Chicago, please come and celebrate a fabulous and fashionable evening with us! Click here for all the details — early bird tickets are just $20!

Related posts:

1. Are You Rocking Red Pumps Today?
2. 500 in 50 – Red Pump Project, Let’s GO!
3. Chicago! Come for Cocktails and Conversation!

For Black History Month I was invited to speak at the University of Notre Dame by an amazing student group called Shades of Ebony. These girls were so inspired, so brilliant, so genuine…being around them made me yearn for academic life and that kind of environment of constant mental stimulation. Erdina Francillon, the current president of Shades, is the opposite of me in college. She is motivated, ambitious, organized, and amazing. I can’t wait to see what she does after she graduates!

Shades of Ebony planned a special event for Black History Month, titled BeaUtiful. The idea was to discuss and celebrate black beauty. The event was thrown by and for the members of Shades, and the intention was to also reach out to young girls from the community of South Bend, Indiana — girls from local high schools and even a few middle school girls came out despite the intense cold and deep snow, to participate in the event. My friends at Carol’s Daughter and Dr. Miracles very generously donated gift items for the girls who participated.

BeaUtiful was intended as a multifaceted event. Outreach to the girls of the community, a chance to speak and consider some of their own self-esteem and self-worth issues, and a chance to inspire (and in turn, be inspired by) each other.

I was brought there as a special guest speaker, along with amazing artist Dawn Okoro. Dawn’s art is incredible just on the computer screen. In real life? Oh WOW. I just want to decorate my whole living space with her work. Click here to buy prints!

We were both asked to deliver speeches about what inspired us to do what we do, and what beauty means to us. I shared my background, my ideas about the beauty icons who have inspired me, and my suggestions for living a life that’s filled with beauty.

It was an incredible experience for a few reasons. First, I was just honored to be invited to such a prestigious institute of learning. And second, this was a big first for me. Please be gentle. This is the first public speaking I’ve ever done.

As you can hear from the response, they liked me. They really liked me! The feeling of that applause at the end…I can’t quite put it into words. It was a very, very proud moment. Could this be the beginning of a new chapter, where I do more public speaking appearances? I hope so. I feel so much less fearful than I did in the past.

Unfortunately my camera died during Dawn’s speech. So I uploaded the part that I managed to capture here.

Before our speeches, we were assigned into groups — I sat with two members of Shades of Ebony, and there were four high school girls and a middle school girl at our table. Some of these girls are experiencing things I can hardly relate to — seeing abuse in their families, getting into physical fights with boys at school, running the risk of getting suspended because of their own behavior. One particular girl who sat with me, was like a tightly closed fist at the beginning. She barely offered monosyllabic responses. She seemed so angry and tense. But after our talk, after the speeches, we broke into groups again – this time in a more intimate setting. And I do believe we had a breakthrough. This same girl wanted to share her experiences, and we were able to give her advice on how to deal with the conflicts at school that were jeopardizing her education. I know we were able to help that evening. I just hope the lessons are still resonating, and that she is now going to school with her head held high.

That’s how I celebrated Black History Month, and I can’t thank Notre Dame and ALL of the members of Shades of Ebony enough. It was an honor to meet all of you, and spend time with you on your beautiful campus.

Dawn Okoro – you are amazing, and it was such a pleasure to share the experience with you, and to get to know you as well!

Thank you to Carol’s Daughter and Dr. Miracle. The girls were so excited and ecstatic for their gift bags!

Thank you Notre Dame, for inviting me and hosting me so graciously.

I hope that this is just the beginning. It’s a year away, but already I’m thinking about fresh ways to celebrate Black History Month next year!

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1. I LOVE Black History Month! — The Benefits of Buttercreme
2. Why I Love Black History Month
3. Home Depot Black History Month Giveaway!

I’m a contributor to Vogue Italia’s new site, Vogue Black!

*cue fireworks and the chorus of Hate Me Now*

And I’m not the only one! Andrea of Fly is also contributing to Vogue Black, and Gabi of Young, Fat, and Fabulous is contributing to Vogue Curvy, the new destination for full figured fashionistas.

For me this all began last November with an exciting e mail. And I kinda feel like I’ve been holding my breath the whole time. I didn’t tell my friends, or most of my family. And if you know me, you know HOW HARD THAT WAS. OMG.

Now finally, I can exhale and share the happy news.

When I was originally approached, it felt like someone told me I’d won the lottery or something. And today, to see it’s actually come to fruition…it’s amazing and overwhelming.

Vogue Black launched just yesterday and clearly the site’s got some kinks to be worked out. I have nothing to do with the photos or layout chosen for the posts — I’m sharing and creating original content and it’s as much of a surprise to me to see what photos accompany my words, as it may be to anyone else. Author bios haven’t been posted yet. The posts right now are very photo-heavy and content-light (as my friend Claire of the Fashion Bomb correctly pointed out). But it’s up, and I may be biased but I think it’s awesome. And of course, already the blogosphere is full of opinions about it.

The Cut wrote a particularly cutting post on the topic, questioning the separation of curvy and black beauty from the mainstream. That’s a lot of the criticism I’ve been reading — why does Vogue Italia feel the need to separate into different channels?

My answer is, because throughout the history of fashion, black and curvy has been overlooked. We deserve our own spotlight. Of course, ideally black beauty and full figured beauty would be part of the mainstream – BUT IT’S NOT. Someone please share a link from The Cut about plus size fashion bloggers or black beauty bloggers. Please. I’d love to read it. Because I’ve been reading them for a minute and I’ve never seen one. And who’s to say that material from Vogue Black or Vogue Curvy won’t make it into Vogue Italia? For me as a reader, I think it’s refreshing to find a channel that exclusively caters to what I’m looking for — beauty and fashion inspiration that relates to my reality.

Clutch Magazine just did a great post about this titled Are Black Fashion Bloggers Being Ignored? and I can honestly say that the answer is yes. I think black beauty and fashion bloggers have been just as marginalized and overlooked as black designers and models have been. And we are here, we care about beauty and clothes and hair, and we’re a purchasing market that’s being underserved and unappreciated. It’s amazing to me that Vogue Italia has made this move, when American Vogue and British Vogue don’t seem nearly as engaged. It kinda blows my mind that all of this has come from a country that I’ve never been to, so far away. Note to self – plan trip to Italy ASAP!

All I can say about today is, we’re living in interesting times. Already people are blowing up my inbox and my Twitter page with questions, already some are throwing shade (I see y’all!), and already an interview with me has been posted on The Glamazons blog about today’s news! It’s some kinda wonderful. And I am making sure to be thankful for ALL of these blessings. As Mama Bella told me this morning, “Ask God to guide you in what you say and do, in every minute, every hour of every day.”

I am, mom. And I will continue to do my best to make you and Dad proud!

I can’t wait to see what the future holds for Vogue Black. I sincerely applaud Vogue Italia for making this forward-thinking decision, and I hope it isn’t a symbolic, brief act. I believe that this is just the beginning, and I really hope that it leads to beautiful, big opportunities for all of my sisters in the beauty, fashion, and lifestyle blogosphere. I’m BEYOND excited and honored to be one of the first to be featured. Now let’s see — who’s got next??

Related posts:

1. Bellas! My Second Vogue Black Post is Up
2. Vogue Italia Comment Love!
3. Afrobella Meets En Vogue!

All the news channels were reporting on, had to do with the upcoming Tiger Woods press conference — you can read the highlights here. And now that it’s over, all the news channels are reporting on STILL has to do with the Tiger Woods press conference. Literally, right now CNN Headline News is replaying the whole statement in its entirety.

I am SO OVER THIS NON-STORY. And I really really want to know why, and when this became stop-the-press news.

I am a news junkie. I love knowing what’s happening, as it happens. But somewhere along the line, celebrity updates became part of the news. It is endlessly frustrating to me that Sarah Palin’s every pop-culture related Facebook rant, Heidi Montag’s every plastic surgery revelation and Tiger Woods’ descent into a downward spiral of sex and shame has become headline news that is more reported on than the two wars we’re currently in. I’m mad that stories about trivial things become the headlines, while stories like this go largely unreported.

Rant over. Off soapbox.

What do you think?

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From Jezebel: “What does “Young Hollywood” look like? According to Vanity Fair, it’s pretty, thin, female and white.”

From USA Today: “Where are any women of color? Gabourey Sidibe, for example, who just got an Oscar nomination for Precious? Or Freida Pinto from Slumdog Millionaire?”

From Dr. Boyce Watkins at News One: “The recent Vanity Fair cover reminds us that the minds of Hollywood haven’t changed all that much. There is still an image of the hero and superstar, a person with virtues that are pure, honest and brave. That person is usually white.”

My take: what did we expect from Vanity Fair and Graydon Carter? (On a purely superficial note, I must admit an ongoing amusement/fascination with the name Graydon. Graydon could either be an elderly taxi driver from Tobago, or be Mr. Burns’ secret middle name. I digress).

My memory is young, so please correct me if I’m wrong…but isn’t Vanity Fair kind of known for being out of touch, and frequently exclusionist? Didn’t they just post that telling cover photo of Tiger Woods? Does this magazine not thrive on bouts of controversial, usually photography-inspired chatter? Isn’t this kind of thing to be expected?

Nothing about this Vanity Fair hubbub is surprising, or new to me. And I do believe, by being mad, we’re giving Graydon and company exactly what they want — controversy, which they hope will manifest itself as newsstand sales.

And sadly, I wasn’t surprised by the reaction I’ve been noticing around the web. When author Joanna Douglas covered the Vanity Fair topic on Yahoo blog Shine, she got more than 18,000 comments. Sprinkled among those were death threats. And many, MANY of those comments expressed outrage that anyone would question the lack of diversity of VF’s photo shoot. The typical commenter seemed to be angry that magazines like Ebony and Essence, and channels like BET can feature all-black celebrities with no protest, but Vanity Fair can’t. Many commenters also seemed to think the Fair of Vanity Fair meant they were a magazine meant for Caucasian readers. And people are on there saying things like “seriously, this diversity crap is getting really annoying!”

Almost all of the commenters never considered why a magazine like Ebony or Essence may have come to be — to highlight and feature beautiful, talented women of color. The kind of women who have so often been excluded from magazines…like Vanity Fair.

These are the kind of people that come out of the woodwork on Black Voices and Black Atlas and leave thousands of hideous comments. They Google articles and websites that are dedicated to black readers, and they make them the target of online ire. They are incensed with rage that there are websites and magazines and television channels for black people, that exclude white people. And when the pot gets stirred, they will leave the nastiest, most incendiary comments you can imagine.

Kate Harding did a marvelous post on this at Salon where she underlined the obvious. “Not thinking about realistic representation is incredibly easy for white people to do — and I absolutely include myself in that — but you know what helps? People pointing it out. People saying, hey, in America in 2010, putting nine white people on a cover meant to represent the future of our film industry is backward and unreasonable. You don’t even need to go as far as “offensive,” a word that sends some people into such a “Gah, the p.c. police are after me!” tailspin, it’s hardly worth saying even when it’s true. In this case, we can just go with “illogical” or “nonsensical” or “utterly divorced from reality.” Like, what planet are you living on, where white people are the only ones worth mentioning?”

Well, we’re unfortunately sharing the same planet that those Yahoo commenters live on. These are the same people who perpetuate lies about the President — the same people Keith Olbermann spoke about in his amazing President’s Day special comment. These folks are quick to speak out about black progress, and how angry it makes them. They feel the earth shifting under their feet and it frightens them. And right now Vanity Fair is their pick for print publication of the year — despite the fact that Vanity Fair doesn’t speak to their demographic either.

I have yet to read a response from Vanity Fair itself, but finally folks in the media have started asking the girls who have been suggested for the cover, how they feel about being excluded.

Zoe Saldana, who was featured on the inside cover of
VF’s 2008 Hollywood issue spoke eloquently to NBC on the subject.

Just last night on Access Hollywood, Shaun Robinson interviewed Gabby Sidibe about all of this. And she was awesomely flip about it.

“At first I thought…hmmm, shouldn’t I be there? And then I very quickly got over it. I think if I were a part of that I would have felt a little left out anyway. Whether I should have been there or not doesn’t matter because I wasn’t on it. And I’m excited to be mentioned anywhere, and it doesn’t matter to me where I’m not mentioned.”

Shaun continued: “Do you realize that you’re such a role model for young girls who don’t see themselves on the cover of the magazines?”

“And I’ve been there, I’ve been in class with the other girls, and the teacher would say oh – to another little girl — oh, you can be a model, and you can be an actress… and Gabby, thank God you’re so smart. And it’s like, really?? It’s hard to grow up and not see images that remind you of yourself.”

Meanwhile, Gabby Sidibe is nominated for an Oscar. Zoe Saldana starred in one of the biggest Hollywood releases in history. And Vanity Fair is gonna keep on being Vanity Fair until the wheels fall off. I won’t be buying it, and I know many other who feel the same way. I’m pretty sure most of those 18,000 commenters on Yahoo won’t be subscribing to VF, either. Will any of these articles and blog posts and angry comments change anything? Probably not. And that’s unfortunate.

This is the kind of post that doesn’t have a conclusion, per se. So I ask — what are your thoughts, bellas?

Related posts:

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On days when it gets to me, I tend to do as my mom suggests and shroud myself in prayer, or to reread the Desiderata — the poem that basically outlines the way I try to live my life. Or — as I told fellow blogger Game Well and Truly Over for his 2010 Music Project — I listen to a song that makes me feel protected.

Yesterday I found solace in the poetry of Maya Angelou. And this is probably a poem we’ve all read before, but it helped me out in a time of trouble this week. So I hope it does the same for you.

Still I Rise

I rise.

I had the privilege of seeing Maya Angelou speak and perform her work once, when she came to the University of Miami. What an aura she has. Such poise, such presence. I can only admire and aspire to be like that someday. Her words already speak volumes, but when you hear her perform her poetry, it resonates with even deeper meaning.

That particular poem speaks to my soul right now. And maybe it speaks to an experience you’re going through, too. For those who would wish you ill, shrug off their negative vibes and ill wishes. And know that in the path ahead you’re going to encounter slings, arrows, and snakes in the grass. And still, despite all of that, we’ll rise.

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We enjoyed a beautiful and romantic day here in Chicago. We spent the morning in Chinatown, attending the Chinese New Year parade. Yesterday was the first day of the Year of the Tiger, and Chinatown was densely packed with onlookers. You can see some photos from the day here on my Twitpic page.

After lunch in Chinatown and a relaxed and romantic afternoon, my husband and I had an absolutely amazing prix fixe Valentine’s Day dinner at Roy’s Hawaiian Fusion Cuisine. Over ahi tuna and guava martinis, we reminisced about Valentine’s Days past. We mused about how much our lives have changed, and what has remained constant for us.

Valentine’s Day is about love, and it’s also about celebrating the things that keep love alive. It’s about those tingly feelings in your stomach, the person who makes you feel them, and keeping that tingle going strong, year in and year out.

I promised back in December that I’d do a blog post about some those things for Valentine’s Day. So here I am, making good on that.

If you prefer your blog reading to be strictly rated G and preferably about hair, click here to read my latest post on BVHairTalk.com.

But if you’re looking to spice up your life with an Eden’s Fantasy gift card and you’re an adult, feel free to click the more tag to wander with me into PG-13 territory.

On that earlier post, one commenter asked a question that has lingered with me.

“great ideas. Now if only you could give some hints on how one should talk one’s partner into trying this stuff. I’ve been married for 5 years now and we’re in a definite rut, though I’m the only one that thinks there is one.”

I gave an initial response in the comments, but upon further reflection I know SO many women who feel like that, and who never have the courage to speak up about it.

I think many of us are raised to be demure about our own desires. And I also think that communication is essential in every relationship. Part of that is being honest about your needs in every area of your relationship. The most important thing is to know what you want, and to know what excites you. It differs for everyone. But knowing what you want and what you enjoy is the first step to improving your relationship and getting out of the romantic doldrums.

One way to articulate what you may want, is to buy your significant other a birthday or anniversary gift that could make your evening more interesting. Let’s say a costume. Or a “honeymoon kit.”. Or a lover’s paint box. Exchange this gift item in a private moment, and maybe include a card. Or a coupon that they can cash in on at a later date. Romantic ruts are inevitable in long term relationships, but there are ways to get out of them. It just takes a little courage, and a little creativity!

Eden Fantasys offer a range of adult-themed items for sale — items that range from the romantically innocuous to the can-you-explain-what-this-is-for? And to spread the love, they’re offering a giveaway of THREE $25 gift cards to lucky Afrobella readers — single, married, or “it’s complicated,” — in the US or Canada. The idea is for you to expand your own sensual horizons, however you wish.

All you have to do is tell me about your most romantic Valentine’s Day in the comments below!

I’ll close these comments by the end of the week, and a winner will be chosen at random. Good luck!

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