When I first went natural, it was all I thought about. I spent so much time in my first three or four years of natural hair, figuring it out. Creating a natural hair regimen can seem daunting at first. The products your hair responded to when it was relaxed, won’t have the same effects anymore. Your hair needs totally change. There are a million and one blogs, message boards, photos and YouTube video tutorials to check out, to try to answer your hair questions. But what it truly boils down to is trial and error.

I think it took me maybe 4 years to FINALLY come to peace with my natural hair. It took me that long to make sense of my curl pattern, to know how often I needed to shampoo, what kind of conditioner I needed and what ingredients my hair responded to the most. And then when I moved to Chicago there was even more figuring out to figure out. Now I was contending with FOUR seasons and my hair was dramatically different for each one. Winter left my hair depleted of all life. Summer brought the frizz. And Spring and Fall made my hair curl to perfection – my hair loves those seasons! Somewhere along the way, I more or less figured it out. I could understand my hair and what it needed, and how it looked best. I realized I didn’t care about stretching my hair or trying to achieve a certain length – I wanted it to just do its thing and be happy and healthy, and because my face is round I like a certain shape of hair and I need some upward volume to make my face not look TOO round.

I like it like this.

I figured out a wash and go style that more or less works for me, 365 days of the year. And then I stopped thinking about it as much. Lately I’ve had quite a few people ask me about my hair routine or hair regimen, and I realized I didn’t necessarily have one. Not one that I’d spent time thinking about lately, at any rate.

Don’t get me wrong, I still get super excited about new products and I’m always down to review a new styling cream/pudding/soufflé, or a new leave in conditioner or hair oil, deep conditioning treatment or cleansing cream. I prefer not to try any and every shampoo, having had a bad experience with some homemade shampoo by an indie brand not too long ago. There are some hair treatments I may have tried in the past but don’t feel comfortable doing myself anymore, like color. I used to see myself as something of a hair guinea pig for the people, and there was a point when I’d try almost anything. But now I really gravitate towards products that I think will work well for my texture based on ingredients and experience. The products you see reviewed here on Afrobella have been tried and tested, they are determined to be of quality and are worth your hard earned money. The products that don’t work for me, you don’t hear me talk about ‘em.

So what IS my hair regimen right now? I don’t really have a set routine that I stick to. This is pretty much it:

- I wash my hair using shampoo every 7 to 10 days, depending on my activity level. When I wash my hair with shampoo, I really focus on the scalp and use the pads of my fingertips (no more scratching with fingernails for this girl). Shampoo makes my scalp feel fresh and clean and helps to get rid of the product buildup.

- I conditioner wash more often, usually every 3 days, just to keep my situation moisturized and detangled. I try to work out several days a week, so after working out I either rinse my hair with clean, fresh water and then style for the next day, or I conditioner wash and detangle my hair as needed.

– I try to deep condition my hair once a week, and I’ll get fancy with it and use a hair oil, or intensive treatment. I might use the steamer once a month. Maybe. Tops. I used to use it more often but my apartment is small and I’m lazy.

– When my hair is freshly washed and still wet, I slather on hair product. It really depends on where I’m going and what I’m doing, but my hair responds best to creamy, moisturizing hair products. My hair also adores coconut oil, jojoba oil, and aloe vera based products. Pure, heavy shea butter products weigh my hair down a lot so I usually use those in the winter only.

– After I wash my hair I use a wide tooth, rat tail comb by Umberto Beverly Hills (available at Target stores and in Umberto’s salons, not online alas) to give my hair lift at the roots, so it doesn’t dry all flat on my scalp. I wish I had more talented fingers for cool styles and up-dos and twists…but I don’t. I have stubby incapable fingers.

That’s pretty much it.

I don’t do hair product challenges because I lack the discipline required. I will forget by day 2. I don’t have the skill or patience for elaborate styles. I take my hair day by day and don’t think about it a whole lot all the time. It is a reflection of me and my personality but the days of letting it be an obsession are in my past. I’m not at all bored with my hair, I love it as much as I ever did! I just don’t worry about it as much as I used to. And that’s funny, coming from the girl who used to switch up her hair color on a monthly basis back in her relaxed days. When did this nonchalance happen?

I want to hear from you – are you a long-term natural who’s still got an intense hair regimen? Or are you at the “it is what it is” point in your natural hair life, too?

The post Natural Hair Confession – I Don’t Really Have A Hair Regimen appeared first on Afrobella.

Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends freaking out about turning 30, or being 30. This year I turned 34, so I think I have a little perspective to share. Not a lot, just a little. Just enough to tell all of you to stop freaking out about turning 30, or being in your 30s. Just breathe. Enjoy the journey. Absorb the lessons you’re learning. Being in your 30’s can actually be pretty awesome.

Traffic sign via Shutterstock.

I think it isn’t fair or cool that so much of the pressure that we feel about turning 30, centers on women. Do you notice that men don’t usually exhibit these kinds of fears? There’s no expected wringing of hands by dudes about turning 30. I have yet to hear one of my guy friends complain or express real fear about coming up on 30, or being in their 30’s. They might express a concern about not being where they want to be professionally by a certain age…but it doesn’t seem to me that 30 holds the resonance and weight with men that it holds with women. It seems to me like all of these expectations are laid on women to have hit all kinds of crazy benchmarks by the time they turn the big three-oh. It has to do with the biological clock and society’s sometimes antiquated expectations – way deeper issues that I’m not trying to delve into in this particular post.

I think people look at 30 and they’re like “oh no!” because of what 30 signifies for them. But I’m telling you, you should embrace it. It’s a good age to be.

30 doesn’t mean what it used to anymore. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re married. It doesn’t necessarily mean you already have kids or are even thinking about kids. It doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship, even. It could mean that you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Or you’re chilling and focusing on yourself right now. 30 doesn’t necessarily mean you have your dream career and you’re all grown up and have figured everything out. On the contrary.

I used to think that being in your 30′s meant having your life together. I used to think that being 30 meant being places on time, having the right wardrobe, never feeling insecure, never getting a pimple ever again, and knowing that you were grown up and adult. Now that I’m in my 30′s, I realize that none of that was true.

I’m here to tell you that you can still feel like an awkward, gawky girl on the inside, even if you’re 34. You can still feel like you will never have it all the way together. You might still struggle to get places on time (Lord knows I do). You will still have things in your life that feel like homework and final exams, even though you may not have been in school for years. You might still have those moments of feeling like the new kid at school, even though that’s something in your past. And that’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult. That’s what you are now. All of those experiences and anxieties and moments of angst have shaped you into who you are. What you do with all that collective life experience is entirely up to you. We are all on different paths in this journey called life, but you might find that you’ll have a few of these realizations yourself.

10 Realizations I’ve Had About Being In Your 30’s

1 – Everything you’ve experienced has made you who you are today. All of the past hurts and friends you’ve lost and mistakes you’ve made. You can either let those past mistakes be a burden, or you can learn and grow from them. Choose the latter. It will set you free.

2 – If you were one of those people who had a mental checklist of things you needed to accomplish by 30…you may find that you haven’t yet accomplished them. It’s up to you to be OK with that. If you’re finding yourself approaching 30 or in your 30’s with dreams deferred, you probably know what you need to do to achieve them. You can either work towards making them happen, or continue to let them gather dust. Life circumstances can prevent you from doing things your heart has been set upon. Being an adult means dealing with that, but not letting those circumstances paralyze you into permanent inaction.

3 – You have to find your identity and find your own happiness. I hear so many people say turning 30 was a turning point, where they finally knew and came to terms with who they were. Some people figure that out earlier than others, but by your thirties the Jell-O mold that is your personality should have pretty much set.

4 – Just by making it to age 30, you’ve outlived some incredibly famous people, including Aaliyah, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Heath Ledger, Tupac, Biggie, Amy Winehouse, Garnett Silk and Otis Redding. If you make it to 35, think of who you’ve outlived – Donnie Hathaway, Sam Cooke, Chris Farley, Bruce Lee. Marilyn Monroe and Bob Marley only made it to age 36. Look at what they accomplished in their brief lifetimes. Now you’ve lived that long and then some. Thinking about that lets me know how much life you can live in a short time. It reminds me that I’ve got further to go and more of an impact to make. Just kinda puts it in perspective, kinda.

5 – Your concept of “old” needs to change. Remember when 30 seemed so old? And now here you are.Guess what? 40 isn’t old either, and it’ll come up on you faster than you realize. Nothing to be scared of. Just something to prepare for.

6 –  By now you know what you should be doing to take care of your health. You’ll notice, things change. Things you used to be able to take for granted, you can’t anymore. You don’t lose weight as easily. Your skin may need more attention. When you get sick you don’t bounce back from it right away the way you used to. You find that you really do need to eat better, drink more water, and exercise regularly. Whether or not you’re actually doing these things, is another question.

7 – Being in your thirties means less time to care about things that might have really gotten under your skin in the past. That petty friend who said that mean thing, that stupid guy who didn’t call you back – what used to be a grievous wound of the heart is now like you skinned your knee or got a mosquito bite. You heal quicker. You’ll find that you have less time for drama and less inclination for heartbreak. Time and experience toughens you up.

8 – You start realizing life is too short to be left with regrets. You start living life on your own terms, and taking action to achieve your goals. You can see the sand trickling through the hourglass and you get that someday, there won’t be as much sand. You realize now is the time to plan for your future and get off your butt. Things that seemed really far away – like retirement – are closer than you realize, and now’s the time to prepare for all of that.

9 – You have a greater perspective on the circle of life. In this window of my life, my friends are getting married, becoming parents, becoming first time home owners – all great things! And there are people I know who are dealing with medical issues of their own, or of their kids, or of their parents. This is a time when you find yourself dealing with life’s ebbs and flows, losses and gains. The need for maturity hits you when you least expect it.

10 – When you weren’t looking or paying attention, you became an adult who is more capable, wise and ready for the world than you may give yourself credit for. You’ve come a long way, and you’ve got further to go!

These were my realizations.

I recently talked with my friend Renisha of Renewed Fitness about the mental changes that happen when you turn 30, and she said she totally experienced the same thing. “Everything clicked. Everything shifted. I don’t know what happened. It was a universal shift. And finally I know what I want, I know what my goals are, and I still have learning and growing to do but I know we don’t have time to lollygag and waste anymore. I am focused now. I’m walking in my purpose. I found it.”

That’s what 30 did for me, and what it did for Renisha.

PS: Three great posts to read on the topic – A Bucket List For Your 30′s, and Your Thirties Are Do Or Die. Also, 30 Life Lessons in 30 Years. 

My bellas who are in your thirties – what realizations have you made? And what advice do you have for anyone who’s freaking out about turning 30?

The post Ten Realizations About Being In Your Thirties appeared first on Afrobella.

Tonight on Twitter the news spread like wildfire that Chris Kelly, one half of the 90′s rap duo Kriss Kross, passed away. According to ABC News, reasons are as yet unconfirmed.

I can’t deny that this news made me immediately sad, and brought back so many memories of a particular era of my life. The early 90′s, when life was all about owning a Cross Colors teeshirt and the perfect pair of Keds. When I was just starting to think I like boys and maybe one might like me back (maybe). Such an innocent, angsty time.

I was of that Kriss Kross generation. Jump would be on the soundtrack of my life. That song was a HUGE hit around the world, and the fact that Jamaican dancehall superstar Supercat was on the track made it even bigger in the islands. From the minute that song started, people went wild.

Instant memories!

CNN says Chris Kelly and Chris Smith were just ”13-year-olds when they were discovered in 1991 at an Atlanta mall by Jermaine Dupri.” I was the same age.

The memory that instantly came flooding back to me was when Kriss Kross came to Trinidad – all of my friends from school got to go to the concert, but my parents refused to let me go. We had a family obligation and they weren’t budging, no matter how big my crush was or how much I loved their songs. I remember the cassette of Totally Krossed Out was a highly coveted item amongst my girlfriends. And to this day, when my husband and I are going to reheat a meal, odds are high that one of us might make a reference to their follow up hit, Warm It Up. Cause we’re silly like that.

Hearing that Chris Kelly passed away made me feel like a little sliver of my childhood died. And it made me reflect on what happens to celebrities after their time in the spotlight has ended. What must it have been like to be THAT famous at age 13? And what happens when you have to reinvent yourself and leave fame and fortune behind? Hearing the news made me all kinds of reflective.

I think it’s undeniable Chris Kelly, Chris Smith and Jermaine Dupri created magic in the studio back in 1992. I’ll always love Jump, and hearing that song will always take me back to being 13, when dancing and music and knowing the latest songs was so essential to my being, and not being allowed to go to a concert was the biggest worry I had in the world.

Thank you for the memories, Chris Kelly. RIP.

The post RIP Chris “Mac Daddy” Kelly of Kriss Kross. appeared first on Afrobella.

When I opened the floor for Camille Reed of Noire Salon to share her opinions based on experience in the Hair Blogger Falsehoods post, I had no idea we’d strike such a nerve. There were such vehement responses that I had to ask Camille to come back and address the issue further. I realized the main complaint wasn’t so much with what Camille was actually saying – the information was incredibly valid, and in weeks since I’ve seen other blogs tackle “natural hair myths” without creating a response of overall outrage. Many expressed issues with Camille’s perceived tone, and to me, that comes from the projected feelings many of us have gotten from stylists in our past experiences. That led me to write a follow up of sorts, Hairdresser Horrors, Who Hurt You – about my own hair salon experiences, the very experiences that led me to go natural and avoid going to hairstylists. And it led Camille to return to the topic at hand.

Three On One by Annie Lee

This time, her words of wisdom and experience are addressed both to the natural hair lovers who responded to her first post with anger, and also to the stylists who have done the craft a disservice and created this rift of distrust to begin with.

We’ve got to do better.

Take it away, Camille!

“I love who we are and what we represent. We have an opportunity to build the spirits of one another so that we can all be great.

Black girls are a special kind of amazing. We are witty, smart, chic and in possession of a lot of character. However, what tends to stand out the most about us is our physicality. I have such beautiful sisters who have an immense range of complexions, with supple seeking eyes, round noses and cheeks, curvy hips and derrieres. There is a cultural fixation on our looks, so how does the majority culture expect us not to share this fixation when it comes to our hair? See, the hair of the black girl was the one thing to which we could effect much change. It could alter (just in a subtle way) how the population would perceive our character. I realize that this seems unfair. Why do we feel like this? The history is so complicated. From the horror of the slave trade and the several hundred years of legalized slavery, killings, towns destroyed, families split and broken apart – despite all of these things, our hair has still managed to have a major spiritual connection to a sense of community that will never be broken.

All That Glitters by Annie Lee

The black hair salon is a safe house. A black girl leaves her place of work and sheds her mask as soon as she walks in. She can look completely relaxed or express her true exhaustion. The hair dresser is her therapist and just like a priest, who sees her at her most vulnerable. She leans her head back in the bowl and closes her eyes and for a little while, is transported to a place where no one is judging her, where her family isn’t being so demanding, where she can speak freely about politics and religion. The salon is the place for the things that matter to our hearts.

We are told, from young girls that our hair is our crown. What effervescent little black princess wants a tarnished crown? So we put a lot of money and time into our hair. Hours and days spent and never to return, stories told and heard and at the end…a blossom of a thing that sends us out into the world renewed and refreshed.

A giant schism is being created in the natural hair world as a result of what sisters have endured in “the classic black salon” which takes the aforementioned things and turns them completely turns them into something grotesque and unrecognizable. Gone is the place where we could be free and open and enter the salon culture of rudeness, hustling, cheating and stealing. Some places have become so malevolent that clients become victims of crimes, or to the effect where illegal activities are taking place within the salon space.

Some sisters have gone to salons, vulnerable and open, and have been abused by the same women that they have trusted. They have had their scalps seared and burnt, their hair broken or cut with unwarranted fervor. Some ladies have endured such violence as a result of their stylist not wanting their client to be “cuter than them.”

Burn You Baby by Annie Lee

Their trust has been seared into a scar that is having a hard time healing. Ladies are leaving the shops in droves, and taking their hair care into their own hands (where a few unscrupulous individuals are tending to lead them down a path of more hair-related misfortune). My mother would call this “jumping out of the pot and into the fire.” What many of these ladies want is the return of the safe place and the guidance that they were used to. Sisters want to feel safe again and we, as stylists, need to do whatever it is that can be done to create the healing atmosphere that has inspired their strength throughout the ages.

I challenge each of us to understand the gravity of this responsibility and bridge the growing divide between the stylist and the sister. We need to open our mouths and communicate our knowledge, unafraid, and willing to revere our jobs as the priesthoods that they are. In African culture, the hairdresser was a central figure…a helper. Let’s take this natural hair movement away from just profiteering and reclaim the rich ministry that it truly is.” — Camille E. Reed, www.noiredesignconcepts.com (and you can follow her on Twitter & Instagram at @Noireboss1).

All artwork featured in this post is by the legendary Annie Lee, click here to visit her official site.

The post Open Letter From A Hairstylist to Natural Hair Lovers & Fellow Hairstylists appeared first on Afrobella.

I don’t know if you’ve been reading my blog for a long time or not so forgive me if I’m repeating myself, but back in 2006 I wrote a post titled Hairdresser Horrors. It was an Ask Afrobella response to a reader who was lamenting the state of hair salons, in terms of price and professionalism. In that post I went on to detail the history of my hairdressers past. You can click here to read the whole thing – IMHO it’s one of my best written posts and someday when I write a book, that post will make it in there. I thought about that post for the first time in years, as I read the comments on Camille Reed’s guest post, 5 Hair Blogger Falsehoods Debunked by a Professional Cosmetologist.

I’ll be honest, I was kinda surprised by the comments on that post. Some were appreciative. Some were angry. Some were eloquently expressed. Some came in, guns blazing with that CAPS LOCK key firmly clicked the whole time. Some were people who – according to their IP addresses – had never even visited my blog before, but despite that fact they felt the need to tell me, “don’t write these kinds of posts anymore.”

Because of the comments and the blog posts written in response to that post, I have come to see Camille’s post as necessary. It was like ripping off a plaster from a wound and realizing the wound didn’t need the plaster, what it needed was fresh air to help it heal. We’re airing out the wound. And in doing so, we have the power to heal the wound that’s scarred the relationship between DIY natural hair and the stylists who actually are trained and studied, professional experts in caring for our hair.

How many of us have had this experience?

**image of hairstylist via Shutterstock

So many of the responses were full of outrage and offense, and that let me know that some readers took that post really personally. I’d like to extend an olive branch because it was not Camille nor my intent to offend, and the response made me wonder why people seemed to be so put off by this particular post.  I’ve had people tell me it was about the tone of the article, as if it were intended to talk down to the reader. But when I read it and edited it, I didn’t see it that way at all. I saw it as Camille Reed speaking to what she’s seen in her chair from clients who have shown signs of hair damage based on what they’ve read online. She is definitely not the only professional stylist I’ve interviewed who’s spoken to me about their concerns and experiences here. She’s just the first to share it in written form on this blog.

If you’ve developed and learned methods that work for you, that’s great! I’ve got my methods I’ve learned online too! So why take offense at professional information? It’ll either work for you, or not.  You might learn something, or you might not. Why then assume that a licensed professional with so many years in the business has “no idea what they’re talking about”, or is just “worried about losing money”? I see that as projecting. That’s making an assumption based on your own interactions and experience. And it comes from having been hurt and angered by hairdressers in your past.

I get it. I’ve also been hurt by hairdressers in my past. I look back on my history of hairdressers from Trinidad to America and realized that I’ve had no shortage of bad experiences that made me want to run away from the salon.

Let me tell you who hurt ME and who kept me from wanting to go back to the stylist’s chair.

– The stylists who relaxed my hair without any kind of protective base. For years I thought it was supposed to burn like fire and my scalp was supposed to be all scabbed up after relaxers. Seriously. I could never stand the sting and the scabs. In my heart I knew there had to be a better way but I was young enough not to know how to speak out about it.

– The stylists for whom time wasn’t an issue. How many hours of my life have I spent sitting and waiting at salons in my life? TOO MANY. I especially remember a stylist in my teens who smoked and gossiped and you could easily spend 5 hours there – 3.5 of those hours spent waiting, 1.5 spent on actually doing your hair. It was so extra and so unnecessary.

– The stylist who made an offhand and under-breath, offensive remark about my natural hair, suggesting I use chicken grease to style my hair. Oh yes. That happened.

– The stylists who have changed their prices from what was listed, based on my texture of hair. That’s happened too.

– As I disclosed in Hairdresser Horrors, I came to realize one of my longest and most beloved hairstylists was – sad to admit — essentially a functional cocaine addict, and despite his talent as a stylist and his bubbly and loving personality, he did make terrible decisions that put himself and all of his clients in danger. It was sad and it was tough to witness and experience.

– The stylist who relaxed and colored and relaxed and colored and relaxed and colored my hair to the point where it was so damaged I had to essentially do a big chop for my fried, damaged beyond repair hair (see above).

– The many, many stylists through the years who quite simply gave me That Look as I walked in the salon door. You know the look. The look that lets you know they’ve judged your hair and they know it’s gonna be a lot of work for them and they probably are hoping you don’t wind up sitting in their chair. That look.

I’ve been offended, I’ve been hurt, and I’ve LITERALLY been burned before. But did those experiences scare me out of the stylist chair forever? No. Because I recognize that there are unprofessionals and hacks in every industry, and there are also true professionals out there who know what they’re doing better than I do.

Clearly I’m not a licensed and experienced cosmetologist or trichologist who can say that I’ve touched many heads of hair besides my own and can speak with knowledge about what works for everyone. I can’t say that I’ve truly studied and practiced hair science in any kind of meaningful way. I’ve figured out what works for me based on what I’ve read and what I’ve tried. That is awesome and I’m proud and happy to be part of the natural hair community. I’m proud of the fact that we share so much with each other, through forums, through blogs, through YouTube and Pinterest and Instagram and social media in general. I have learned so, so much from the online natural hair movement and I’m grateful for all of it. But does that knowledge mean that I would dismiss tidbits of knowledge from a professional? No. Although I have learned what my hair likes and what works for me, I know I can always learn something new about styling or caring for my hair.

So I told you who hurt me. I’ll also tell you who HELPED me. Because I’ve learned a lot while sitting in the stylist’s chair, too.

- I’ve learned not to scratch my scalp and to use the pads of my fingers when I shampoo. I used to be a scalp-scratcher, and I loved that feeling. But I realized I was injuring my scalp in tender places, and visiting a professional stylist showed me that gently using the pads of my fingers is way better.

– I’ve learned how to give my natural hair lift when it gets flat on top – using a rat tail comb (see last week’s Umberto experience post)

– I’ve learned that I still love hair color but it is better for me to let a professional handle that for me

– I’ve learned that I do need a shape and to regularly trim my hair so that it has the look I desire. I like my natural hair with volume at the top. I keep it more or less the same length because that is how I think my hair looks best. I’ve had some incredible haircuts that have shown me the look I want for my hair.

– I’ve learned the value of listening and communicating. There’s something beautiful about sitting with a professional and discussing your hair concerns, and having those questions answered. There’s something so awesome about coming to a stylist with a photo or an idea of a style you’re unable to execute yourself, and watching it come to life. I love those moments.

I’m gonna keep watching YouTube videos, and reading forums, and trying new products based on reviews I’ve met online. I’m also gonna keep going to stylists when I feel the need to, and I’m always gonna keep my mind and my ears and my eyes open for new products, tips, and advice for taking care of my crowning glory, where ever it comes from.

I shared my hairdresser horrors. Now please feel free to share yours! Have you ever had an experience that made you not want to go back to a salon ever again? Tell me about it! And tell me the good stories, too!

The post Hairdresser Horrors. Who Hurt You? appeared first on Afrobella.

CBS Sunday Morning is one of my favorite shows, and I set my DVR so I can watch it AND sleep in every weekend. It’s such a great show that covers so many topics. This last Sunday, there was a feature on ubiquitous fitness personality Jillian Michaels (click to watch it if you want to). It was about her many many DVDs, and fitness pills and potions she endorses, and how hard she’s worked to build her brand, and how – despite what we see on The Biggest Loser – Jillian Michaels is at heart, a misunderstood woman who takes the tough love method we see on television to heart because she once was a bigger teenager and knows tough love works.

I was fascinated by the story, but still somehow unmoved. I’m not meaning to disparage Jillian Michaels at all – her DVDs and fitness books stay in the top 10 for a reason, but hers is not a journey I can personally relate to, and her method that has ever worked for me. My goal isn’t dramatic weight loss or physical reinvention. My goal is an overall improvement in my health and fitness. I completely disagree with yelling and using anger as a motivating tool in working out, that doesn’t inspire me at all. What does inspire me, is seeing real role models with real results that have come from consistently putting in work. No surgery. No pills. No crazy diet plans. Nothing unhealthy or extreme.

Top – Erika of A Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss, bottom left Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey, right Renisha James

I am inspired by women who I know, who have transformed themselves both externally and internally, with hard work and exercise and consistent effort. I am inspired by women who I know, who have managed to put fitness at the forefront of their lives despite the difficulties and demands of real life. Let me tell you about the three women who are my personal fitness inspirations, and hopefully they can inspire you too. Because of these ladies, I know my own fitness journey is possible if I dedicate myself to it.

Erika of A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss.

When I first heard about Erika’s weight loss journey – you can see it right at the top of her blog, first of all. And she did it all with consistent hard work and teaching herself healthier ways to eat. When I first heard about Erika’s weight loss journey, it seemed impossible. But she did it, without gimmicky diets or unhealthy exercise habits. Erika isn’t one who believes in fads or programs with fancy names. She doesn’t get caught up in crazes. Her blog tackles the psychological aspects of fitness and what it takes to dedicate yourself to changing your physique. A LOT of what she’s written about resonates with me, and her recipes are amazing! You can follow her on Twitter @BGG2WL and here’s her Facebook page. And she just started a YouTube channel which is as amazing as I expected it to be! Check her out there, and on Ebony.com!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @BGG2WL on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube.

Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey AKA “Beautiful Brown Baby Doll” .

Anyone who’s managed to lose more than 100 pounds by changing their life to include a healthy diet and exercise gets major kudos from me, and not only has Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey done that, she’s managed to keep the weight off and inspire others while doing it. She’s a force to be reckoned with. On Facebook she keeps her followers on track throughout the day by asking them what they’re eating and sharing positive messages. Her YouTube channel is vibrant, fun, touching and always honest and relatable. She tackles tough topics, like how to heal from unsupportive friends and family, and the difference in how the opposite sex treats her now. She’s not afraid to be emotionally honest about her experience, and I love that about her. Encouragement, positivity, and honesty!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @ButflBrwnBabyDoll on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

Renisha James of Renewed Fitness

Renisha is SUCH an inspiration to me on so many levels. I know her personally and have seen how fitness has transformed her life, her personality, and her outlook on the future. But that alone isn’t what has made her one of my fitness inspirations. Renisha didn’t have a dramatic weight loss story of her own, but making fitness and healthy living the focus of her life has taken her to some incredible places, and her life’s work is to inspire other people to be fit and healthy as well. From Renisha, I’ve learned how taking fitness seriously can change your personality for the better and make you a more focused, centered and confident person. I’ve worked out with Renisha, talked to her about my life and my own journey, and she’s really helped me to get my mind right about my health. Her blog is awesome and she’s about to star in French art film Bobby Seale Polyptych. Click here for details on that!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @RenewedFitness on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

My goals aren’t to metamorphosize into a different person, it’s just to take better care of this body that is my temple. Currently I am working out regularly with a personal trainer – the awesome Jen Zea, who teaches classes at PhyziqueChicago.com. When I work out with her, I feel positive, recharged, capable and BETTER. The three women above inspire me to do better and try harder. It’s a journey, but I’m back on it. And I feel good about it!

Who are your biggest fitness inspirations?

The post My Biggest Fitness Inspirations appeared first on Afrobella.

I’ve spoken about my influences here on the blog before, and I’ve mentioned it in my TEDx talk too — one of my biggest early writing influences was Sassy Magazine. My classmate’s cousin would send down her well thumbed, slightly tattered copies in care packages alongside mixtapes featuring artists I’d never heard of at the time, like Bjork and Radiohead. Picture me as a young, Trinidadian teenager, discovering songs like Human Behavior and Creep at the same time as I was reading the words of Jane Pratt and her contributors.

From left, @Corynnes, Jane, and me!

I just saw Jane Pratt speak at SXSW, and she was so right about one point she made — her magazine did have GREAT pass along rates. Her magazine, Sassy, taught me that I could write the same way I talked, and that people would love me for my voice if I did. Sassy gave me the courage to speak my own truth, quietly and clearly (shoutout to the Desiderata). Sassy showed me I could keep it 100% on paper and in real life – I didn’t have to put on an artificial voice to find a place in the writing world. Sassy gave me journalistic goals to aspire to. Sassy and Jane magazine made me start to read magazines with a different eye. I started thinking that I could grow up to be just like Mitzi Miller, or Christina Kelly or Jauretsi Saizarbitoria. I started reading other magazines with the same eye, too. Why couldn’t I grow up to be Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, if my writing and my critical eye was sharp enough?

Audacious thinking for a girl growing up in Trinidad. I didn’t know anyone who was doing this kind of thing in my real life, but the seed was planted. I realized that a future in writing was remote but still, somehow, a possibility. And when I started writing poems under a pen name for the Sunday Guardian’s teen section — and getting letters in response — that cemented it. I’d found my life’s path.

My dreams centered around print for a long time, but I came to realize that it wasn’t that easy – not unless you lived in NYC and had the right internship/connections/name. My attempts to reach out to writers at publications in my era didn’t go far. I met Debbie Stoller of Bust years ago, but the connection never gelled and I second guessed my potential of writing for them (eventually they’d write an article on natural hair and include my name in it, which was awesome). I never made a connection at Essence or Ebony until I was well into my blogging career. Blogs changed the game for me. Suddenly being an incredible writer and content creator was all you needed to make a name and an impact. The walls that seemed insurmountably high, weren’t as insurmountable as I thought. I built my own platform. And that platform has led to all kinds of amazing things that I never could have dreamed of before.

Take for example, this Tuesday when I got to see my teenage idol, Jane Pratt, speak at SXSW and share the lessons she learned from creating Sassy, creating Jane, and BEING Jane. Now she’s building an online empire with xoJane.com (which yours truly contributes to, but not often enough). Jane just launched a new beauty site, xoVain.com, which takes her signature approach to beauty. You won’t find writers referring to their hair as “tresses” or “locks” or any other flowery synonym. xoVain will be keeping beauty and style 100%, and I’m honestly excited about it.

What were the best nuggets of life advice from Jane Pratt’s SXSW speech? Here were the messages that lingered with me.

– “If someone asks you to water down your vision then you risk losing your passion for what you’re doing.”

– “Someone else’s loss isn’t your gain & someone else’s gain isn’t your loss. But a victory for women is a victory for all of us.”

– “Ignore anyone — even the little voice inside you — that says you’re under qualified to do something. Never outgrow your blind ambition”

– “People’s default setting is to not like you.” And how does Jane deal with that? By responding, by sharing her personal issues and problems, and letting people know they aren’t alone in being screwed up and adrift and unhappy and flawed.

After hearing Jane Pratt speak — which would have delighted teenage Patrice to bits anyway — I got to meet Jane Pratt. We sat on the terrace at the Intercontinental Hotel, basking in the beautiful Austin sunshine and chatting about our first SXSW experience, writing, xoJane, xoVain, and more. And at the end of our encounter, I got to tell my teenage writing and editing idol how much her work has meant to me, that Sassy also changed my life, and that I learned my path and discovered my writing voice because of her. What did Jane say to all of that? “I taught you well.”

She sure did.

It’s one thing to have an encounter and think of it in a certain light, and it’s another thing to have that feeling completely confirmed.

I mean…wow. My heart is so full.

I went into SXSW expecting amazing adventures, but I didn’t expect to close the whole thing out on such a special, full circle moment in my life. I wish I could write a letter to my angst-ridden, self-loathing 16 year old self and tell her about it!

My first SXSW was amazing. Totally going back next year. Who knows what adventures will await me then?

The post Life Lessons From Jane Pratt appeared first on Afrobella.

Crass, contrived humor and misogyny aside – the 2013 Academy Awards did have its entertaining moments. I’ve been watching the Oscars every year since when I was little – and I’m old enough to remember being thoroughly confused by that Rob Lowe/Snow White moment in 1989. A few moments of this year’s ceremony reminded me of that. The We Saw Your Boobs song was excruciating to me (even before I realized how many of those scenes he’d referred to were awful rape scenes from those movies). I started to feel genuine dismay at the direction of this year’s Oscars as soon as it began. But then came those moments of redemption. Performances and tributes that reminded me once again, THIS is why you watch. Let me share my 5 favorite moments with you!

- Dame Shirley Bassey.

Does the woman age? Shirley Bassey looks absolutely flawless. And take into consideration that she was born in 1937. Let that marinate. I need ALL her beauty secrets! Her skin and her physique remain as gorgeous as ever, and that voice in undeniable! GOLDFINGAAAA for the win!

- Adele.

That voice, those lashes, that red lip. Adele came to the Academy Awards to make an impression, and she did! She breathed life into Skyfall. Also how AWESOME would this have been?

Adele, Barbra and Shirley just hanging out at the Governor’s Ball, having just killed it at the Oscars. Amazing!

- Jennifer Lawrence.

Why do I like her so much? There is something absolutely refreshing about her attitude to the entertainment industry, her craft, and all of the pomp and circumstance around her. She seems genuine and likable. Like an edgier Sandra Bullock. I thought her fall was graceful and adorable, and I LOVED her dress.

- The tribute to Chicago, Dreamgirls, and Les Mis.

I was so delighted to see Catherine Zeta-Jones in character as Velma Kelly again, lip syncing All That Jazz for her life! And then Jennifer Hudson came out, looking like Deena but singing Effie’s anthem from Dreamgirls. I am not mad! She looks AMAZING, am I right? And sounded flawless. And the cast of Les Miserables was also wonderful. The music saved the Oscars for me this year.

- Ben Affleck’s speech.

It’s so inspiring to watch someone’s career trajectory rise from afar, and to see the results of hard work. Work on his craft and work on his marriage – he was really genuine about that. It was heartfelt and awkward and moving and real. Ben Affleck ended his speech by saying “it doesn’t matter how you get knocked down in life because that’s going to happen. All that matters is you gotta get up.” That was resonant and a great last note to end the Oscars on. Now I REALLY need to see Argo. Finally.

And it’s taken me just as long to write about the Oscars as it did to watch them! Jeez. What was your favorite part of this year’s Oscars?

The post 5 Best Parts Of the 2013 Academy Awards Ceremony appeared first on Afrobella.

Last night’s Oscar broadcast was more or less what I expected. Standard issue sophomoric humor and frat boy irreverence set to music and soft shoe dance routines by Seth McFarlane, check. An excessively long broadcast that felt every second of three hours long, check. Glorious gowns and fantastic performances by a few of my favorite musical artists, CHECK. Look out for a positive review of the enjoyable, glamorous aspects of the Oscars later. Right now I need to address the undeserved issues surrounding one special person in attendance last night.

When Quvenzhané Wallis looks back on her first Oscar experience, what will she remember?

Will she remember all the famous people who were super nice to her? Will she remember staying up way past her bedtime? Will she remember the awesome gift bags she and her relatives received?

Or will she remember how everyone butchered her name? Will she remember the jokes that included her name that may have been too grown up for her to understand last night? Will she remember how that silly AP reporter tried to call her Annie, instead of Quvenzhané?

Gif via SheReader.

Will she remember the controversy that happened on Twitter right after the Oscars, the one that undoubtedly will come up when she searches for her own name on the internet?

I hope not.

In case you missed @TheOnion’s offensive tweet, you can click here to read about it. I’m not retweeting that or posting it on my blog. It’s easy enough to find elsewhere. And now they’ve issued an apology.

I come from a place where that word is uttered casually and often, as it is throughout many British commonwealth countries. But the c-word is unique amongst curse words. This word is meant to simultaneously demean and sexualize. It is a derogatory, gendered obscenity and it was used in a throwaway joke about a nine year old girl. A little girl, whose favorite fashion statements are puppy purses, whose talent shone so brightly in her first ever film, that she found herself nominated for Best Actress at the Academy Awards. A child who deserves to cherish her innocence, and to look back on this experience as one of the most magical and transformative of her life.

I’ve been a fan of The Onion for years. I own their books. I’m a frequent visitor to their website. And I am so disappointed in their new direction of shock humor, akin to the kind of jokes that a Jim Norton or Anthony Jeselnik would tell. The Onion used to be about clever, funny satire. Even though I get that the tweet was meant to be a statement on today’s view of celebrities where we feel free to tweet them cavalier insults or write articles about why they hate a certain celebrity (case in point Anne Hathaway). The same joke about Quvenzhané could have been achieved by using a more benign word. If they’d used “jerk” instead of the c-word, we wouldn’t be talking about this today.

This isn’t about politics, even though commenters on certain websites will make any and everything political. Trudging through the comments on the Hollywood Reporter article about this incident today was an exercise in depression. This has nothing to do with who’s in the White House or what’s been said about political figures by comedians in the past. This is about a child, not an adult who is more than capable of defending themselves.

Quite simply, to me it’s about right and wrong, and this need to get attention by any means necessary. It’s about this linkbait, click here now, damn the consequences and forget your feelings mentality that’s ruling the internet. It’s about the way that women of color are treated in the media as a whole and about how women in general are used in humor as sexual objects for crude punchlines. Apparently it doesn’t matter how old you are. Apparently anyone is fair game.

I hate that she will inevitably learn this word, and that this might be how that happens.

I hate that what should be a magical memory has become embroiled in media outrage.

I hate that what was once one of my favorite websites for nuanced, intelligent satire and laugh out loud jokes, has sunk so low in my estimation that I felt compelled to unfollow them on Twitter.

I hate what the comments on posts about Quvenzhané have revealed – a gaping chasm between genders and ethnicities, on how jokes should or should not be interpreted, all dictated by people coming from a place of ignorance and privilege. There are folks out there, mad at The Onion for apologizing for something that warranted an apology, something that should never have been said in the first place. Instead of recognizing that hey, this joke isn’t funny and it went too far and look at how many people are offended maybe we should think about why or at least respect where they might be coming from, the defense becomes about racism and dismissing righteous vitriol. It’s like it’s cool to be blasé and willfully wrongheaded about EVERYTHING. If you speak up and say you’re offended, then your sense of humor comes into question.

I’m over it. It should be obvious. There is right and there is wrong and this was WRONG. Point blank.

The next time Quvenzhané Wallis graces a Hollywood event, do us all a favor.

#1 – learn how to say her name right. She has addressed this many times. It is not THAT hard. And even if it was – she deserves that respect. If you can learn how to pronounce the names of fancy designers, then you can master Quvenzhané. Practice beforehand, if you need to.

#2 – learn how to speak about her in a way that won’t be offensive.

#3 – show her the same level of respect that you’d want someone to show your own daughters.

I’m sorry, Quvenzhané. I hope your next Hollywood experience isn’t marred by ignorance and misogyny. You deserved so much better than you got last night. But your fans love you and we know you’re strong enough to handle anything that comes your way.

Love and light.

For more on this, read the following amazing articles:

xoJane – An Open Letter to The Onion.

Clutch Magazine on The Onion’s attack on Quvenzhane

Eve Vawter on Mommyish

BlogHer on The Onion’s Racist Treatment of Quvenzhané Wallis at the 2013 Oscars

Karen Waldron on the academy awards, and why i don’t think bullying is going anywhere anytime soon

EdRants on Why The Onion Must Be Held Accountable For Its Vile Tweet.

DebRox on Seth MacFarlane and The Onion Prove that Misogyny and Racism Still Rule

Claire Zulkey’s Just Because You Can Doesn’t Mean You Should

Crunk Feminist Collective’s Love Letter to Quvenzhane Wallis.

The post Quvenzhané Wallis Deserves Better appeared first on Afrobella.

The Academy Awards will take place on February 24th, and yours truly won’t be on the red carpet this year, but I sure will be glued to my TV screen! I’m a longtime Oscar junkie. I love seeing the stars walk the red carpet – what they wear, who they’re with, the hair, the nails, the makeup! I love the pageantry of the ceremony. I love seeing who wins (even if I haven’t seen all the films yet). And this year, the Oscars will be even more special, because one of the nominees is there to make history.

Adorable 9 year old actress Quvenzhané Wallis is nominated for Best Actress for her role in Beasts Of The Southern Wild. The 10th black actress to be nominated for the Best Actress Oscar is also the youngest actress to ever be nominated in the category.

If you’ve seen Quvenzhané in interviews then you already know she is all sass and smarts. She’s a super sweet, cute kid with talent that belies her years.

Photo via Shadow and Act.

Here’s 10 things I’m loving about Oscar’s youngest nominee!

- The pride she has in her name. Wait, how do you say it?

She is the daughter of Qulyndreia, a teacher, and Venjie Wallis, Sr., a truck driver. The first part of her name combines her parents’ first names. And her mom says zhané means “fairy” in Swahili. Quvenzhané. Try it. Let it roll off the tongue. It’s a beautiful, unique name.

- The fact that her talent made her shine. Quvenzhané auditioned amidst a crowd of 4000 other kids, and won because of her moxie. She speaks about how she endured the rigors of the swampland film set in this charming interview with Time.com. (via Shadow and Act)

- This photo from the Academy Awards Nominees luncheon.

- This interview with Andre Leon Talley, my uncle in the head who reportedly is leaving Vogue to have his own talk show!

- The history she’s making at the Academy Awards. This year the Best Actress category features the oldest ever actress - Emmanuelle Riva, 85, in Amour is up against 9 year old Quvenzhane. They’re up against Naomi Watts for The Impossible, Jessica Chastain for Zero Dark Thirty and Jennifer Lawrence for Silver Linings Playbook.

- This cover of Entertainment Weekly

- And the cover of Jet!

- The films she’s appearing in next. Quvenzhane’s in talks for an updated remake of Annie, she’s in a short film called Boneshaker, and her next feature film will be 12 Years a Slave, which is directed by Steve McQueen and will star Chiwetel Ejiofor, Michael Fassbender, and Brad Pitt.

- Her answers in this interview, which are priceless. In 20 years, she says she wants to be a dentist!

- Two words. Puppy purses. They’re her fashion signature.

Photo via E! Online.

Some are saying she’s too young for all of this, but her talent shines bright and she is part of a long history of children nominated for Academy Awards, so methinks this debate comes several decades too late. And I’m not worried about her becoming a victim of the industry — her mom’s attitude at the end of this interview, “we just stumbled upon the industry with the blessing that’s been given us…All this is nice, but we have to stay focused on reality.” That’s refreshing and necessary in the environment she’s been thrust into.

I am happy for Quevenzhane and her family, and I can’t wait to see her on the red carpet and at the awards on February 24th. I hope she rocks a super cute puppy purse and if she wins, I hope she does a victory dance afterwards.

Will you be watching the Oscars next Sunday?

The post Hooray for Quvenzhané! All About Oscar’s Youngest Nominee appeared first on Afrobella.