Lately I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends freaking out about turning 30, or being 30. This year I turned 34, so I think I have a little perspective to share. Not a lot, just a little. Just enough to tell all of you to stop freaking out about turning 30, or being in your 30s. Just breathe. Enjoy the journey. Absorb the lessons you’re learning. Being in your 30’s can actually be pretty awesome.

Traffic sign via Shutterstock.

I think it isn’t fair or cool that so much of the pressure that we feel about turning 30, centers on women. Do you notice that men don’t usually exhibit these kinds of fears? There’s no expected wringing of hands by dudes about turning 30. I have yet to hear one of my guy friends complain or express real fear about coming up on 30, or being in their 30’s. They might express a concern about not being where they want to be professionally by a certain age…but it doesn’t seem to me that 30 holds the resonance and weight with men that it holds with women. It seems to me like all of these expectations are laid on women to have hit all kinds of crazy benchmarks by the time they turn the big three-oh. It has to do with the biological clock and society’s sometimes antiquated expectations – way deeper issues that I’m not trying to delve into in this particular post.

I think people look at 30 and they’re like “oh no!” because of what 30 signifies for them. But I’m telling you, you should embrace it. It’s a good age to be.

30 doesn’t mean what it used to anymore. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re married. It doesn’t necessarily mean you already have kids or are even thinking about kids. It doesn’t mean you’re in a relationship, even. It could mean that you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Or you’re chilling and focusing on yourself right now. 30 doesn’t necessarily mean you have your dream career and you’re all grown up and have figured everything out. On the contrary.

I used to think that being in your 30′s meant having your life together. I used to think that being 30 meant being places on time, having the right wardrobe, never feeling insecure, never getting a pimple ever again, and knowing that you were grown up and adult. Now that I’m in my 30′s, I realize that none of that was true.

I’m here to tell you that you can still feel like an awkward, gawky girl on the inside, even if you’re 34. You can still feel like you will never have it all the way together. You might still struggle to get places on time (Lord knows I do). You will still have things in your life that feel like homework and final exams, even though you may not have been in school for years. You might still have those moments of feeling like the new kid at school, even though that’s something in your past. And that’s all part of growing up and becoming an adult. That’s what you are now. All of those experiences and anxieties and moments of angst have shaped you into who you are. What you do with all that collective life experience is entirely up to you. We are all on different paths in this journey called life, but you might find that you’ll have a few of these realizations yourself.

10 Realizations I’ve Had About Being In Your 30’s

1 – Everything you’ve experienced has made you who you are today. All of the past hurts and friends you’ve lost and mistakes you’ve made. You can either let those past mistakes be a burden, or you can learn and grow from them. Choose the latter. It will set you free.

2 – If you were one of those people who had a mental checklist of things you needed to accomplish by 30…you may find that you haven’t yet accomplished them. It’s up to you to be OK with that. If you’re finding yourself approaching 30 or in your 30’s with dreams deferred, you probably know what you need to do to achieve them. You can either work towards making them happen, or continue to let them gather dust. Life circumstances can prevent you from doing things your heart has been set upon. Being an adult means dealing with that, but not letting those circumstances paralyze you into permanent inaction.

3 – You have to find your identity and find your own happiness. I hear so many people say turning 30 was a turning point, where they finally knew and came to terms with who they were. Some people figure that out earlier than others, but by your thirties the Jell-O mold that is your personality should have pretty much set.

4 – Just by making it to age 30, you’ve outlived some incredibly famous people, including Aaliyah, Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Heath Ledger, Tupac, Biggie, Amy Winehouse, Garnett Silk and Otis Redding. If you make it to 35, think of who you’ve outlived – Donnie Hathaway, Sam Cooke, Chris Farley, Bruce Lee. Marilyn Monroe and Bob Marley only made it to age 36. Look at what they accomplished in their brief lifetimes. Now you’ve lived that long and then some. Thinking about that lets me know how much life you can live in a short time. It reminds me that I’ve got further to go and more of an impact to make. Just kinda puts it in perspective, kinda.

5 – Your concept of “old” needs to change. Remember when 30 seemed so old? And now here you are.Guess what? 40 isn’t old either, and it’ll come up on you faster than you realize. Nothing to be scared of. Just something to prepare for.

6 –  By now you know what you should be doing to take care of your health. You’ll notice, things change. Things you used to be able to take for granted, you can’t anymore. You don’t lose weight as easily. Your skin may need more attention. When you get sick you don’t bounce back from it right away the way you used to. You find that you really do need to eat better, drink more water, and exercise regularly. Whether or not you’re actually doing these things, is another question.

7 – Being in your thirties means less time to care about things that might have really gotten under your skin in the past. That petty friend who said that mean thing, that stupid guy who didn’t call you back – what used to be a grievous wound of the heart is now like you skinned your knee or got a mosquito bite. You heal quicker. You’ll find that you have less time for drama and less inclination for heartbreak. Time and experience toughens you up.

8 – You start realizing life is too short to be left with regrets. You start living life on your own terms, and taking action to achieve your goals. You can see the sand trickling through the hourglass and you get that someday, there won’t be as much sand. You realize now is the time to plan for your future and get off your butt. Things that seemed really far away – like retirement – are closer than you realize, and now’s the time to prepare for all of that.

9 – You have a greater perspective on the circle of life. In this window of my life, my friends are getting married, becoming parents, becoming first time home owners – all great things! And there are people I know who are dealing with medical issues of their own, or of their kids, or of their parents. This is a time when you find yourself dealing with life’s ebbs and flows, losses and gains. The need for maturity hits you when you least expect it.

10 – When you weren’t looking or paying attention, you became an adult who is more capable, wise and ready for the world than you may give yourself credit for. You’ve come a long way, and you’ve got further to go!

These were my realizations.

I recently talked with my friend Renisha of Renewed Fitness about the mental changes that happen when you turn 30, and she said she totally experienced the same thing. “Everything clicked. Everything shifted. I don’t know what happened. It was a universal shift. And finally I know what I want, I know what my goals are, and I still have learning and growing to do but I know we don’t have time to lollygag and waste anymore. I am focused now. I’m walking in my purpose. I found it.”

That’s what 30 did for me, and what it did for Renisha.

PS: Three great posts to read on the topic – A Bucket List For Your 30′s, and Your Thirties Are Do Or Die. Also, 30 Life Lessons in 30 Years. 

My bellas who are in your thirties – what realizations have you made? And what advice do you have for anyone who’s freaking out about turning 30?

The post Ten Realizations About Being In Your Thirties appeared first on Afrobella.

FINALLY. Finally it seems like the heavy grey veil has been lifted off Chicago. The trees are green again. Flowers are blooming. Every neighborhood café is bustling. This is the time of year that reminds me of why we moved here. Spring has sprung and you can already feel summer coming up around the corner. This is my favorite time of year. It’s a time of anticipation and celebration and FUN. There are so so many things I’m looking forward to over the next few months. Here are five reasons I’ve been looking forward to summer 2013!

Blue skies and sunshine.

I totally took these things for granted, but I grew up in the Caribbean! Can you blame me? When I migrated, I lived in Miami where the weather is either hot, insanely hot, stupid humid, or thunderstorms. I didn’t really appreciate what four seasons meant until I moved. Now that I live in Chicago – which is gray, gloomy and miserable for like 6 months of the year – it seems like the first glimmers of blue skies, sunshine and heat makes the whole city smile. The weather this past weekend made me absolutely want to skip down State Street, and if I did, I don’t think anyone would have thought I was that crazy.

Alfresco dining, rooftop bars, summer nights!

Without giving away too many details about exactly where I live, I’ll say this — I am a city girl who lives within walking distance to a variety of fun restaurants and bars. When the weather is right, you can feel it in the air. Downtown Chicago comes alive with customers and couples and people with strollers, just going out to get a quick bite and a drink, buy groceries to go home and grill, or to just be outside enjoy the weather while it lasts. Around the lake, everyone is happy to just walk along the waterfront and soak up the sun. In neighborhoods like Wrigleyville, the beer gardens are open and everyone’s out enjoying the sunshine and a cold drink. There’s something really cool about alfresco dining on a perfect summer night. I absolutely love it! Especially in climates where it doesn’t get too humid and there aren’t too many bugs (like Chicago).

Bathing suits.

Yes! Really! This season there’s actually bathing suits that I look forward to wearing for what feels like the very first time. Monif C has an absolutely fabulous collection this season – I’m in love with her Sao Paulo high waisted bikini! And now my amazing friend Gabi Gregg a.k.a. Gabifresh has come out with her very first capsule collection of plus size bathing suits a.k.a. fatkinis. I need that purple galaxy bikini in my life, my body is ready! Gabi’s collection goes on sale tomorrow – May 15 – at SwimsuitsForAll.com.

Concerts.

Chicago is such an awesome city for concerts in the summertime, and this year my husband and I have plan to go to quite a few! Right here in Chicago there’s Pitchfork and there’s Lollapalooza. Every year we attend Lollapalooza and I’m totally looking forward to this year – the lineup looks more diverse than in recent years and there are some acts I’m dying to see! I was so excited when I heard Pearl Jam was coming to Wrigley Field…however their attempt at circumnavigating the traditional ticket issues and scalpers turned out to be a huge FAIL. Now tickets are nearly impossible to get, and astronomically expensive to get to because of scalpers. I also really wanted to see D’Angelo at the House of Blues this August, but floor seats are pricey. I’m putting it out the universe in the hopes that some tickets land in my hot little hands. Or that someone I know has a ticket oak.

Besides the aforementioned, there are some epic musical events on my radar – I’m not a house music lover but the annual Chosen Few picnic is super popular here and always attracts a crowd. And in New Orleans there’s the Essence Music Festival, which has a ridiculously sick lineup this year! I hope that I can make it. Time will tell!

Festivals and Farmers Markets and FUN

During the summer, each neighborhood in Chicago comes alive with festivals on the weekend. I always enjoy the neighborhood festivals, and then there are some truly unique Chicago experiences I look forward to every year. The Randolph Street Market is an outdoor celebration of antiques, gourmet food, live music, and vintage shopping – when it’s summer and a light breeze is blowing, there’s nowhere more fun to shop and wander around. I LOVE going. The Chicago Gourmet Food Festival is decadent, fabulous, over the top indulgence and it’s in the middle of Millennium Park, which makes for such a beautiful skyline backdrop. Can’t wait to go back this year! And the eagerly anticipated Taste of Chicago has stepped up the game all the way this year – there are food trucks and MAJOR concerts every night, including fun, Estelle, Robin Thicke, Maxi Priest and JILL SCOTT! I am SO THERE.

There are so many more reasons I’m looking forward to this summer, but these are just a few that I’m ready for RIGHT NOW! What are you looking forward to the most?

The post 5 Reasons To Look Forward To Summer appeared first on Afrobella.

Tonight on Twitter the news spread like wildfire that Chris Kelly, one half of the 90′s rap duo Kriss Kross, passed away. According to ABC News, reasons are as yet unconfirmed.

I can’t deny that this news made me immediately sad, and brought back so many memories of a particular era of my life. The early 90′s, when life was all about owning a Cross Colors teeshirt and the perfect pair of Keds. When I was just starting to think I like boys and maybe one might like me back (maybe). Such an innocent, angsty time.

I was of that Kriss Kross generation. Jump would be on the soundtrack of my life. That song was a HUGE hit around the world, and the fact that Jamaican dancehall superstar Supercat was on the track made it even bigger in the islands. From the minute that song started, people went wild.

Instant memories!

CNN says Chris Kelly and Chris Smith were just ”13-year-olds when they were discovered in 1991 at an Atlanta mall by Jermaine Dupri.” I was the same age.

The memory that instantly came flooding back to me was when Kriss Kross came to Trinidad – all of my friends from school got to go to the concert, but my parents refused to let me go. We had a family obligation and they weren’t budging, no matter how big my crush was or how much I loved their songs. I remember the cassette of Totally Krossed Out was a highly coveted item amongst my girlfriends. And to this day, when my husband and I are going to reheat a meal, odds are high that one of us might make a reference to their follow up hit, Warm It Up. Cause we’re silly like that.

Hearing that Chris Kelly passed away made me feel like a little sliver of my childhood died. And it made me reflect on what happens to celebrities after their time in the spotlight has ended. What must it have been like to be THAT famous at age 13? And what happens when you have to reinvent yourself and leave fame and fortune behind? Hearing the news made me all kinds of reflective.

I think it’s undeniable Chris Kelly, Chris Smith and Jermaine Dupri created magic in the studio back in 1992. I’ll always love Jump, and hearing that song will always take me back to being 13, when dancing and music and knowing the latest songs was so essential to my being, and not being allowed to go to a concert was the biggest worry I had in the world.

Thank you for the memories, Chris Kelly. RIP.

The post RIP Chris “Mac Daddy” Kelly of Kriss Kross. appeared first on Afrobella.

Maybe you already saw the news online, or read it in print – but I was finally able to get my hands on a copy and now I’m honored to announce it here. Essence Magazine has honored me in their latest issue, in the Best in Black Beauty Awards 2013! Click here to read it online. Or if you have the May 2013 issue (with Janelle Monae on the cover), you’ll find the Best Beauty Awards inside the sponsored insert in the magazine. Rip the sticker open to see me and my fellow winners!

Essence included me in their list of Beauty Innovators and named me a Social Media Trailblazer.

The write-up couldn’t be more kind or delightful. Thank you to everyone at Essence who chose to include me! I’m going to keep doing my best to share, uplift, and celebrate our unique beauty. Thank you for recognizing me. Honored is not the word.

Where can you find me, blazing these social media trails?

Follow me on:

Facebook

Twitter

Pinterest

Instagram

LinkedIn

Foursquare

Vine (only for iPhone or iPad)

YouTube (I promise, I’m coming back).

The post Honored By Essence Magazine! appeared first on Afrobella.

I see a lot of bloggers doing a “My Week in Instagram” kind of post and I love the concept. Sometimes life moves too quickly to share what I’m doing in writing, which is why I LOVE Instagram, I can share snapshots of life and get instant feedback. And now once a week I’m going to bring it all over here, just in case you’re not already following me on Instagram! Here are some of my latest adventures and new products I’m trying out!

This was my makeup for the Red Pump Project’s Rock The Red fashion show last weekend, which was a great success! Always so proud of those girls – working hard and doing great work in raising awareness of HIV and AIDS. Click here to check out all of the fun via the Red Pump Project Facebook page. Such a great show!

Recently I got to have a lovely breakfast with a behind the scenes makeup icon – this is Fatima Thomas, senior artist with MAC Cosmetics. She’s amazing, and you might remember her from this post I wrote on being a fashion week veteran. We had a great chat about the industry, makeup, MAC, being a woman of color making a difference in beauty in her own way – she’s amazing. Look out for more of her on the blog! OH and I’m wearing my favorite new coat – the Ultimate Coat by Joe Brown for Simply Be. And my boots are from Bakers.

And for now check out this video she did for MAC and let her put you up on makeup game.

OK not to toot my own horn but I’ve been cooking some great dinners lately! Recently I’ve been obsessed with the Paleo diet and I’ve been reading websites and looking for recipes. So these are some of the items I’ve made that went over WELL.

That’s baked salmon done with garlic and herbs, roasted peppers and tomatoes and carrots, and sauteed southern greens from Trader Joe’s. All AMAZING. I can’t cook fish on the stovetop to save my life but I sure can bake it!

I love a good white chicken chili, and this came out SO BOMB. I like to slice a little avocado on my chili, it’s so melty and good! This was made with chicken thighs and I used a can of Bush’s new Cocina Latina Pintos a la Diabla. The sauce is muy delicioso.

I don’t think tacos are Paleo friendly because of the corn…but I had to do it! These are turkey tacos, served with homemade guacamole (YUM) and a little Brooklyn Salsa Company goodness on top. Nom nom nom.

I’m reviewing and LOVING these bath and bodycare product from St. Croix. Check out Itiba Beauty. I love this trend of beauty products coming from the islands, using island ingredients! Itiba sent me their Papaya gift set, including body scrub, lotion, and more. The scent is fruity and sweet and my skin loves the lotion so far!

Oh yeah, Max likes the scent too!

I’m working on a blog post about hot jewelers, and had to give y’all a spoiler alert.

HOW cute are these fish earrings by Tweak Boutique? I love them. Been rocking these all week!

I literally screamed when this came in the mail! I am in LOVE with this leopard backpack by Galian Rodem. Cannot wait for festival season to rock it!

At present I subscribe to four magazines – Rolling Stone (not pictured), Clean Eating,  Marie Claire, and O Magazine. I dream of someday writing for Marie Claire and O Magazine, and I have been learning great recipes and food prep tips from Clean Eating. What magazines do you subscribe to?

That was my week in Instagram and those were some of the incredible items I’ve been sent for review, items I’ve cooked and things I’ve done! And for even more of the latest products I’m reviewing and experiences I’m sharing, follow me on Instagram!

What’s your Instagram name?

Happy Easter, bellas!!

The post My Week In Instagram. New Products, New Adventures, Stories to Tell appeared first on Afrobella.

CBS Sunday Morning is one of my favorite shows, and I set my DVR so I can watch it AND sleep in every weekend. It’s such a great show that covers so many topics. This last Sunday, there was a feature on ubiquitous fitness personality Jillian Michaels (click to watch it if you want to). It was about her many many DVDs, and fitness pills and potions she endorses, and how hard she’s worked to build her brand, and how – despite what we see on The Biggest Loser – Jillian Michaels is at heart, a misunderstood woman who takes the tough love method we see on television to heart because she once was a bigger teenager and knows tough love works.

I was fascinated by the story, but still somehow unmoved. I’m not meaning to disparage Jillian Michaels at all – her DVDs and fitness books stay in the top 10 for a reason, but hers is not a journey I can personally relate to, and her method that has ever worked for me. My goal isn’t dramatic weight loss or physical reinvention. My goal is an overall improvement in my health and fitness. I completely disagree with yelling and using anger as a motivating tool in working out, that doesn’t inspire me at all. What does inspire me, is seeing real role models with real results that have come from consistently putting in work. No surgery. No pills. No crazy diet plans. Nothing unhealthy or extreme.

Top – Erika of A Black Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss, bottom left Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey, right Renisha James

I am inspired by women who I know, who have transformed themselves both externally and internally, with hard work and exercise and consistent effort. I am inspired by women who I know, who have managed to put fitness at the forefront of their lives despite the difficulties and demands of real life. Let me tell you about the three women who are my personal fitness inspirations, and hopefully they can inspire you too. Because of these ladies, I know my own fitness journey is possible if I dedicate myself to it.

Erika of A Black Girl’s Guide To Weight Loss.

When I first heard about Erika’s weight loss journey – you can see it right at the top of her blog, first of all. And she did it all with consistent hard work and teaching herself healthier ways to eat. When I first heard about Erika’s weight loss journey, it seemed impossible. But she did it, without gimmicky diets or unhealthy exercise habits. Erika isn’t one who believes in fads or programs with fancy names. She doesn’t get caught up in crazes. Her blog tackles the psychological aspects of fitness and what it takes to dedicate yourself to changing your physique. A LOT of what she’s written about resonates with me, and her recipes are amazing! You can follow her on Twitter @BGG2WL and here’s her Facebook page. And she just started a YouTube channel which is as amazing as I expected it to be! Check her out there, and on Ebony.com!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @BGG2WL on Twitter, Facebook and YouTube.

Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey AKA “Beautiful Brown Baby Doll” .

Anyone who’s managed to lose more than 100 pounds by changing their life to include a healthy diet and exercise gets major kudos from me, and not only has Dr. Nina Ellis-Hervey done that, she’s managed to keep the weight off and inspire others while doing it. She’s a force to be reckoned with. On Facebook she keeps her followers on track throughout the day by asking them what they’re eating and sharing positive messages. Her YouTube channel is vibrant, fun, touching and always honest and relatable. She tackles tough topics, like how to heal from unsupportive friends and family, and the difference in how the opposite sex treats her now. She’s not afraid to be emotionally honest about her experience, and I love that about her. Encouragement, positivity, and honesty!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @ButflBrwnBabyDoll on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

Renisha James of Renewed Fitness

Renisha is SUCH an inspiration to me on so many levels. I know her personally and have seen how fitness has transformed her life, her personality, and her outlook on the future. But that alone isn’t what has made her one of my fitness inspirations. Renisha didn’t have a dramatic weight loss story of her own, but making fitness and healthy living the focus of her life has taken her to some incredible places, and her life’s work is to inspire other people to be fit and healthy as well. From Renisha, I’ve learned how taking fitness seriously can change your personality for the better and make you a more focused, centered and confident person. I’ve worked out with Renisha, talked to her about my life and my own journey, and she’s really helped me to get my mind right about my health. Her blog is awesome and she’s about to star in French art film Bobby Seale Polyptych. Click here for details on that!

Click here to visit her official site. And you can follow her @RenewedFitness on Twitter, Facebook, and YouTube.

My goals aren’t to metamorphosize into a different person, it’s just to take better care of this body that is my temple. Currently I am working out regularly with a personal trainer – the awesome Jen Zea, who teaches classes at PhyziqueChicago.com. When I work out with her, I feel positive, recharged, capable and BETTER. The three women above inspire me to do better and try harder. It’s a journey, but I’m back on it. And I feel good about it!

Who are your biggest fitness inspirations?

The post My Biggest Fitness Inspirations appeared first on Afrobella.

I’ve spoken about my influences here on the blog before, and I’ve mentioned it in my TEDx talk too — one of my biggest early writing influences was Sassy Magazine. My classmate’s cousin would send down her well thumbed, slightly tattered copies in care packages alongside mixtapes featuring artists I’d never heard of at the time, like Bjork and Radiohead. Picture me as a young, Trinidadian teenager, discovering songs like Human Behavior and Creep at the same time as I was reading the words of Jane Pratt and her contributors.

From left, @Corynnes, Jane, and me!

I just saw Jane Pratt speak at SXSW, and she was so right about one point she made — her magazine did have GREAT pass along rates. Her magazine, Sassy, taught me that I could write the same way I talked, and that people would love me for my voice if I did. Sassy gave me the courage to speak my own truth, quietly and clearly (shoutout to the Desiderata). Sassy showed me I could keep it 100% on paper and in real life – I didn’t have to put on an artificial voice to find a place in the writing world. Sassy gave me journalistic goals to aspire to. Sassy and Jane magazine made me start to read magazines with a different eye. I started thinking that I could grow up to be just like Mitzi Miller, or Christina Kelly or Jauretsi Saizarbitoria. I started reading other magazines with the same eye, too. Why couldn’t I grow up to be Peter Travers of Rolling Stone, if my writing and my critical eye was sharp enough?

Audacious thinking for a girl growing up in Trinidad. I didn’t know anyone who was doing this kind of thing in my real life, but the seed was planted. I realized that a future in writing was remote but still, somehow, a possibility. And when I started writing poems under a pen name for the Sunday Guardian’s teen section — and getting letters in response — that cemented it. I’d found my life’s path.

My dreams centered around print for a long time, but I came to realize that it wasn’t that easy – not unless you lived in NYC and had the right internship/connections/name. My attempts to reach out to writers at publications in my era didn’t go far. I met Debbie Stoller of Bust years ago, but the connection never gelled and I second guessed my potential of writing for them (eventually they’d write an article on natural hair and include my name in it, which was awesome). I never made a connection at Essence or Ebony until I was well into my blogging career. Blogs changed the game for me. Suddenly being an incredible writer and content creator was all you needed to make a name and an impact. The walls that seemed insurmountably high, weren’t as insurmountable as I thought. I built my own platform. And that platform has led to all kinds of amazing things that I never could have dreamed of before.

Take for example, this Tuesday when I got to see my teenage idol, Jane Pratt, speak at SXSW and share the lessons she learned from creating Sassy, creating Jane, and BEING Jane. Now she’s building an online empire with xoJane.com (which yours truly contributes to, but not often enough). Jane just launched a new beauty site, xoVain.com, which takes her signature approach to beauty. You won’t find writers referring to their hair as “tresses” or “locks” or any other flowery synonym. xoVain will be keeping beauty and style 100%, and I’m honestly excited about it.

What were the best nuggets of life advice from Jane Pratt’s SXSW speech? Here were the messages that lingered with me.

– “If someone asks you to water down your vision then you risk losing your passion for what you’re doing.”

– “Someone else’s loss isn’t your gain & someone else’s gain isn’t your loss. But a victory for women is a victory for all of us.”

– “Ignore anyone — even the little voice inside you — that says you’re under qualified to do something. Never outgrow your blind ambition”

– “People’s default setting is to not like you.” And how does Jane deal with that? By responding, by sharing her personal issues and problems, and letting people know they aren’t alone in being screwed up and adrift and unhappy and flawed.

After hearing Jane Pratt speak — which would have delighted teenage Patrice to bits anyway — I got to meet Jane Pratt. We sat on the terrace at the Intercontinental Hotel, basking in the beautiful Austin sunshine and chatting about our first SXSW experience, writing, xoJane, xoVain, and more. And at the end of our encounter, I got to tell my teenage writing and editing idol how much her work has meant to me, that Sassy also changed my life, and that I learned my path and discovered my writing voice because of her. What did Jane say to all of that? “I taught you well.”

She sure did.

It’s one thing to have an encounter and think of it in a certain light, and it’s another thing to have that feeling completely confirmed.

I mean…wow. My heart is so full.

I went into SXSW expecting amazing adventures, but I didn’t expect to close the whole thing out on such a special, full circle moment in my life. I wish I could write a letter to my angst-ridden, self-loathing 16 year old self and tell her about it!

My first SXSW was amazing. Totally going back next year. Who knows what adventures will await me then?

The post Life Lessons From Jane Pratt appeared first on Afrobella.

I just got back from Austin last night, and my voice is doing this Lindsay Lohan/Harvey Feirstein thing that is simply not the business. I’m still basking in the afterglow of my first ever SXSW. I got to Austin on March 9, and stayed till yesterday – and I’m sad I am not there for the musical portion of the conference, because there were SO MANY events this week that I wanted to go to! Alas. I’ll do better in 2014.

What was my first SXSW like? In one word, awesome.

Our Naturally Social panel ROCKED! From left to right me, Kristin Braswell of Carol’s Daughter, Myleik of Curlbox, Jamala Johns of LeCoil, and Chescaleigh our moderator who made this happen!

Random hotel party with Sian Morson, Luvvie, me, Scott Hanselman, Janine, Lynne d Johnson, Chescaleigh, Baratunde, Jbrotherlove!

The experience was hectic and crazy and super fun and mindblowing all at the same time. There were several moments where I had to just look around and soak up the people in my presence and be thankful for the opportunities that have led me to know them. I know some amazing people! I went to fabulous events, including Target’s Fast Company lounge (where they announced their new partnership), Luvvie’s awesome party for the Red Pump Project, Chescaleigh’s Naturally Curly meetup, and Kathryn Finney’s gorgeous event for Digital Undivided, amongst others. I found myself hanging out with some truly impressive and inspiring folks, and I feel enriched by the experiences I had. Let me tell you the things I learned at my first SXSW.

– It can be surprisingly cold in Texas. Be prepared.

When I was frantically packing the night before, everyone I talked to about what to bring told me that I should look forward to sunshine and 80 degree days. I packed accordingly, but also brought key layering pieces just in case. Well just in case turned out to be the case – Austin was SO COLD! I needed my coat AND my gloves on one night. Luckily the sunshine came out on my last day, and I got the chance to soak it up before heading home to chilly Chicago.

– Just say HI, because the people you look up to can be shy too. And more approachable than you might expect.

Afrobella and The Oatmeal

Lynne D. Johnson, me, Adria Richards and Mary Pryor – I admire these women so much!

There are social media and online superstars everywhere at SXSW. You might find yourself waiting in line for tacos alongside the likes of Pete Cashmore or Guy Kawasaki or Scott Hanselman or Baratunde Thurston or Anil Dash. If you recognize them, don’t be afraid to say hello and let them know you’re a fan of their work. I spent time around some people who have created truly inspiring content and who enjoy incredible careers, including Scott, Baratunde, Matthew Inman of The Oatmeal above), Nicholas White of The Daily Dot, Constance White, Kendra Bracken Ferguson, Dustee Jenkins, and Jane Pratt (more on that amazing encounter later).  And everyone I encountered at SXSW was astonishingly approachable and friendly and cool. Which brings me to another thing I learned.

– SXSW is not NYFW.

I went into SXSW expecting it to be similar to other events I’ve been to, like Fashion Week meets Blogworld’s New Media Expo, or something. And it’s totally not like that. SXSW has its own flavor, its own fashion sensibilities. Techies and geeks don’t dress up fancy. Nobody’s wearing heels or tight dresses or trying hard to look cool. It’s all very laid back – think cute teeshirts, blazers, jeans and comfortable shoes because you’ll be doing lots of walking. You can see a real visual difference in the style as SXSW interactive moves into SXSW music – that’s when you start seeing rockstar fashion emerge at the exhibit hall.

-- Online friendships are real. And they are awesome

Me Luvvie Chescaleigh!

I’m so blessed. I’ve made such an incredible group of friends throughout this blogging career. Events like SXSW truly underscore the awesome power of online friendship to me. Every night I came together with guys and girls who I knew only from their Twitter avatars or Facebook pages, and found myself pleasantly surprised by how awesome it is to get to know each other beyond the screen. I roomed with @Luvvie, @Chescaleigh and @SHanselman and every night we laughed ourselves silly. Staying with my homies made this experience EXTRA awesome.

Luvvie and me making a Kathryn Finney sandwich! With our new friend Tori

I got to meet friends I only knew as avatars, and people who have been online associates and friends who have supported my blog for years – people like Craig Brimm, Lynne D. Johnson, and SO MANY MORE. I found myself repeatedly surrounded by awesome people who inspired me to be greater.

– I have so much to learn. So much to execute.

I went to SXSW already bursting with ideas and plans of projects I need to work on. Next for me, I need to focus on writing my book and balancing my life better. Then I came to SXSW and found myself SO inspired. Now I have many more ideas of projects I can execute. I see that the possibilities are limitless. I’m SO excited to move forward on some of the ideas I came up with! Shoutout to @SianMorson and @LisaNicoleBell and Mary Pryor for inspiring me to think bigger and work harder.

– Austin is SUCH a cool city

the tacos from Taco More are to DIE for

I’d heard this for a long time – Austin isn’t like the rest of Texas. It sure isn’t. Austin is proud to be weird and proud to be progressive. The Whole Foods HQ is a sight to see. There are amazing restaurants around downtown – on this visit I had incredible culinary experiences at La Condesa, the Cedar Door Grill, and Japanese restaurant Uchi (which earned me a Bon Appetit badge on Foursquare. The reputation is legendary). From the fabulous food to the fun times, including outdoor parties at the Upper Decks, and all the adventures to be had in downtown Austin – I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Next visit I plan to visit Wahoo Tacos on the recommendation of my friend Johnica Reed, and go thrifting where my friend Jamala Johns of Le Coil went shopping.

I also got to see outside of downtown, when I drove outside of the city with my dear friend and wayback college homie DJ Busca. He took me out to residential neighborhoods (Austin’s houses are cute, cute, CUTE), and we had an incredible, authentic Mexican lunch at Taco More. And then we discovered some amazing graffiti across the train tracks (there is dope graffiti in unexpected places all over Austin) and had drinks at the Yellow Jacket Social Club, which is a cool restaurant/bar with outdoor seating and a punk rock kind of clientele. I loved it. All of it. I can’t wait to go back to Austin!

– Men are just as proud of their beards as women are of our natural hair.

Austin in general and SXSW in particular, is a MECCA for men with beards and remarkable facial hair choices. Some beards are big and bushy. Some are full and fabulous looking. Others could use a little assistance. A fellow blogger clued us into the fact that he used ORS Olive Oil hair moisturizer to keep his beard looking right. Beards with a little touch of product to keep them from looking dry and dusty FTW.

I already can’t wait to go back for 2014!

BONUS! 5 Tips For Surviving SXSW

– Bring comfortable shoes, you’ll be walking more than you expect. And no, I don’t mean the cute flats. Comfortable shoes for walking. Sneakers. Boots. Socks with padding.

– Expect any kind of weather. For this SXSW we encountered rain, surprisingly cold temperatures, and then bright, hot sunshine. So consider bringing cute and comfortable rain flats instead of suede shoes, packing a mini foldable umbrella in your messenger bag, and bringing a few warm sweaters or cardigans for layering.

– Make sure you have cash on you. You never know when you’ll need a pedicab or want to buy a random food truck taco.

– Be smart. Get at least one good night’s sleep. People go CRAZY during SXSW, acting like it’s Carnival and Spring Break rolled into one. And then you can’t wake up for your panels the next day. Do yourself a favor and get a good night of sleep so you’re ready for whatever you need to go to the next morning.

– ALWAYS have business cards. And talk to everyone. You have no idea who you’re standing next to.

For more, check out Luvvie’s recap!

The post 7 Things I Learned At My First SXSW appeared first on Afrobella.

OK so I’m not OLD. I’m 33 (almost 34 as my husband is quick to point out). 33 isn’t old, but we’ve been happily married for 11 years this year. That’s a long time, especially in this day and age. We got married a few short weeks after graduating from college – I remember studying for finals while choosing the invitations for our wedding. SO crazy. We have literally grown up together. We’ve grown from being Miami-based struggling college kids to Chicago-based hardworking thirtysomethings building our dreams together. We’ve changed each other for the better. We have come a long way, and we’re just as happy together as we’ve ever been.

love image via Shutterstock

I don’t talk about my relationship much because it isn’t who I am, and it isn’t who my husband is. Privacy is valuable and beautiful, and it should be cherished. So this post isn’t about sharing personal photos and private stories. What it is about, is the stuff I’ve learned along the way about what a strong relationship needs. Here are the five most important things to do in order for a healthy and happy romantic relationship, based on my experiences.

– Listen to each other. You learn so much about each other just by giving each other that respect. From the mundane details of the work day to what you dreamed about last night, the plans you’ve made for the weekend to the goals you have for the future – just listen to all of it. You’d think this was obvious, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard of couples fighting or breaking up because they didn’t feel like they were being listened to or respected.

– Communicate and keep it 100% real. Sometimes this is hard and you run the risk of hurting each other’s feelings. But this is one of the most important keys to building a lasting relationship. Your communication has to be completely open and honest – no lies, no secrets, no cover-ups, no veiling of truth. All those mental games and tests and stuff like that – leave it to the pages of Cosmo. Be 100% real about what you want for your future, for your romantic expectations, for each other and for yourselves.

– Share your dreams. Support your partner’s dreams. In life and in relationships, it’s important to have shared goals and visions. Ideas for where you want to go. Things you want to work towards. An ideal partner will listen to your dreams, share their concerns or questions in a loving and understanding way, and help you make them come true. I can honestly say I wouldn’t be Afrobella today were it not for my husband. He believed in my creative capabilities, and his support and technical knowhow pushes me forward. And he knows that I’m here for him in whatever he wants to pursue. Being each other’s cheerleader and sounding board can make you a dream team.

– Make time for each other and be in the moment when you’re together. It can be so easy to be distracted. I’m terrible that way. Social media is constantly calling me. But it’s important to take the time and make the effort to be plugged into each other when you’re together. Put the phone down for a second. Let the Facebook notifications stack up. The rest of the world can wait. Give each other your full attention when you can. Not everything has to be relentlessly documented. Let some moments just be.

– Know what you have is special and treat it as such. There are so many people in this world who are alone and yearning for love, or trapped in a relationship that doesn’t make them happy. So if you are with someone who you love and who loves you and the pros by far outweigh the cons, then don’t take it for granted. Show appreciation for each other not just on days that commercials tell you you’re supposed to buy something for. Be happy. Celebrate what you have and bask in its glow.

Happy Valentine’s Day, everybody!

What are your top tips for a healthy and happy relationship?

The post Valentine’s Day Love Advice From This (Old) Married Lady appeared first on Afrobella.

Do you remember where you were, a year ago? When you found out? I do. I was standing backstage at Texture On The Runway, such a fabulous New York Fashion Week event. I was waiting to be interviewed by Corynne Corbett for Essence, when Dickey of Hair Rules came backstage and said five words I won’t ever forget. “Did you hear about Whitney?”

The whole vibe of the event deflated. When I came out into the event space, people were sobbing and holding each other. It was a truly heartbreaking feeling. None of us wanted to believe it was true.

It’s been a year, and the wounds still feel fresh. If we, her fans still feel so heartbroken, imagine how her mom feels. How her daughter feels. How those who knew her as young Nippy, have felt on a day like today. My heart goes out to the Houston family.

When I think about Whitney Houston, I feel sadness and loss and there’s a bitter pinch to it all. Her death left the world with two choices – remember the tragedy, or celebrate her triumphs. Sometimes you can’t help but be overcome by the former. But for the most part, I choose the latter. I want to see Whitney Houston’s legacy cemented in place as an icon who uplifted and inspired. Because she certainly inspired so many of us. In writing this tribute, I revisited some of Whitney’s most iconic beauty moments and it made me realize anew that Whitney Houston’s images and videos inspired me in so many ways. Here are some of her biggest beauty moments – the moments that secured her place as a beauty icon, in my opinion.

Whitney the model.

Before she became known to the world as The Voice, Whitney Houston was making a reputation for herself as The Face. In the early eighties, Whitney modeled for Seventeen Magazine and even did a few commercial spots for brands like Max Factor. She was fresh and glowing and gorgeous.

Eighties Whitney

In that era Whitney was all about the curls! I absolutely loved Whitney with big, beautiful curly hair and that look was hugely inspiring to me as a young girl. Her standard Eighties style was all about a soft but bright lip and a multi-hued eye, and it was a happy, bubbly kind of beauty. Wholesome and all-American.

Bodyguard Whitney

Who didn’t want to be the Queen of the Night? Whitney was gorgeous as Rachel Marron. She made millions of young girls dream of embodying the role. And that video for I Will Always Love You was one of the pinnacles of her career.

Whitney in the Roxanna Floyd Era

In the late nineties/early 2000’s, Whitney worked with late makeup artist Roxanna Floyd and you could see the woman she had grown into. World-weary and world-wise, experienced, mature, still beautiful but you could see in her eyes she had stories to tell. The photos from her I Look To You era really show what I mean – there’s a serenity and a maturity about them that seemed to point to a new direction for Whitney.

I miss Whitney Houston as a beauty icon but more than that, I miss her voice. That powerful, beautiful, untouchable voice. The world seems a little emptier without her talent. Drink in the power and strength of these vocals.

All of the feelings. Just…all of them.

We will always love you, Whitney. And we miss you. Thank you for giving us so much.

The post 28 Moments of Black Beauty History. Whitney Houston, Beauty Icon appeared first on Afrobella.