Sometimes it takes getting out of your comfort zone to remind you who you really are. Arizona is out of my comfort zone in general – it’s desert and mountains and terrain the likes of which you don’t see often if you’re from the Caribbean. It’s dry and hot and the air is thin.


Hi, I’m in the boonies. All black everything may not have been a great choice.

And besides the climate, as part of the Clarins Miraval Resort  experience, we were invited to not just try the spa treatments, but to embark on one of their legendary activities. Some of my blog buddies chose to participate in Swing And a Prayer (which I noticed Gayle did, but not Oprah. I don’t blame you, Oprah). I skipped that and opted just for the Equine Experience with Wyatt Webb, and a special activity called It’s Not About The Horse, it’s About You. And let me tell you, I was EXCITED.

I love horses. I love donkeys. I love mules. When you live in a big city, your exposure to these kinds of majestic animals is limited to sadly gazing at them as they draw carriages for indulgent families and couples in well to do tourist areas and parks. Every now and then I try to convince my husband to help me execute my childhood fantasy of someday having a rescue farm for retired donkeys and horses – kind of like The Gentle Barn. “Won’t it be nice to retire on our farm?” I say. “No way,” he says.  We may never have the farm of my childhood dreams, but someday when I am grown enough to afford the lifestyle, I want to be able to spend more time around horses and donkeys and mules. So when I knew this moment was coming, I was already EXCITED.

And here’s the thing – horses can sense fear. Seriously. Horses can figure out your emotional intent and maturity level long before they even flick a tail in your direction. Hence the title of the exercise, It’s Not About The Horse, it’s About You. Your mission is to walk up to this horse and get him to lift his leg and give you his foot so you can clean his shoe off with this little metal thing. Sounds easy, right? Wrong.


From left to right – Elvis the horse, Wyatt Webb, Julia of Brush Beauty, Amber of Beauty Blogging Junkie, Julie of, Tami of Fete a Fete, me, and Romy Raves.

First of all, this isn’t a petting zoo with horses conditioned to nuzzle with you. These horses are all wearing fly masks, so you can’t even look into their beautiful eyes. These horses will not make you feel like you’re going to be best of friends. They’ve got stunna shades on.

Second of all, Wyatt Webb is all about psyching you up and figuring you out. He’s a grizzled older horseman who has seen a LOT of the world (and written several books on horses and conquering fear). He will look at your appearance and behavior and break you all the way down without batting an eyelid. And that’s what he proceeded to do to the bloggers I was with. Julia breaks down her whole experience on Bloginity right here. Wyatt Webb will look at you and tell you that fear is keeping you back, put that damn phone down and live in the moment, he will ask you questions about your childhood, and if you’re not prepared or gangsta, he will probably make you cry. It’s like group therapy with a cowboy. People bare their souls out there in the desert. It gets kinda heavy.

I did not volunteer to go first. I was fourth into the ring. By the time I came in, tears had been shed and many of us were feeling vulnerable and Elvis the horse had barely lifted his leg. Wyatt looks at me and asks if I’m ready. I say yes. I walk over to the horse, bend, grab his leg in the little crevice where we’re supposed to, and BOOM. Elvis the horse lifts his leg and gives me his foot, exactly as he’s supposed to. YES!!! And finally I’m allowed to pet Elvis (which is all I really wanted to do anyway). I’m like YAY, horses!

Then Wyatt Webb turns to me and says, “Has anyone ever told you you’re an intense woman?”

No sir, they haven’t. Not exactly that.

“You’re an intense woman. You know who doesn’t like being around a powerful, intense woman?”

No sir, I don’t.

“A weak man.”

And then he’s done with me. I was like…wait. What? What just happened? Am I done now? Do I get more horse time? Can we talk about my problems? I promise I’ve got some to talk about! My whole experience might have taken 5 minutes. 7, tops.

But I learned that my problem du jour apparently isn’t fear (at least, not the kind that a horse can help with). And even though my equine experience was shorter than my friends, I still feel like I got a lot out of it. I still keep turning that moment over in my head and trying to think of what exactly it all means. When I called my husband to tell him about it he was like “yup! Powerful woman. We’re still not getting a horse farm.”

So what did I learn from the equine experience?

I learned that so much of the internalized fear and hesitation we all feel comes from childhood. You’re born fearless and then taught to be afraid and to doubt yourself. When you’re a little kid you think you can do ANYTHING. And it’s your interactions with the world that teaches you that you can’t. Thinking back to those first moments when you were told “you can’t” or “you’re not **insert adjective here*** enough” by your parents, teachers, or classmates can be a clue as to why you react the way you do to things that happen now in your adult years. By age 7 or 8, you’re already full of self doubt. And that sucks. And it can hold you back if you let it.

I learned it’s important to approach (horses and life in general) with determination and intent to get the results you want.

If you approach horses (and life) with fear, hesitation and trepidation, you won’t achieve your desires.

We live in a cycle of constantly being busy, and often it’s our choice. You should do your best to live in the moment. Stay in the moment. Enjoy the moment. Stop existing through your phone. You don’t need to respond to everything right away. And by keeping your phone in your hand at the ready to always share what’s happening, often you can miss what’s really happening.

If you’ve worked hard to make something happen, celebrate your victories – you deserve that!


And that’s what I learned at Miraval, from a man named Wyatt and a horse named Elvis. Thanks again to Clarins for making the whole experience possible!

Have you spent time around horses? What’s your experience been?



Lotus D'Drique says:
July 23, 2012, 10:38 am
Righteous! I'm printing out and sharing with my son, who loves horses. Thank you, powerful woman! :)
Phyrra says:
July 23, 2012, 11:26 am
What an amazing experience! I am so happy you shared this :) How cool.
Maven says:
July 23, 2012, 1:38 pm
Wow! Sounds intense but amazing. It's great you got to experience it.
pets says:
July 23, 2012, 1:52 pm
Your niece Dominique would be saying wow! a horse named after our dog :). Yes we always knew you are powerful and although you have fears - which is only human, I think that you look beyond that to what you want to achieve and go for it. I am so proud of you. Hugs
warrior11209 says:
July 26, 2012, 12:44 pm
Wyatt and Elvis told you the things that attracted your fans - you're intensity! Wow , what an experience.
Frugalflirtynfab says:
August 12, 2012, 10:29 am
Luv this post!! Sounds like you enjoyed a truly amazing experience and best of luck with that horse farm!!
Walter says:
July 30, 2014, 11:31 am
Thanks for finally writing about >What I Learned From a Man Named Wyatt and a Horse Named Elvis | Afrobella <Liked it!
Cassandra says:
August 2, 2014, 12:24 am
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Katherin says:
September 25, 2014, 8:08 am
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Ward says:
September 28, 2014, 11:17 am
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April says:
November 6, 2016, 5:28 pm
Just returned from Miraval for a girls retreat for me and my 20 year old daughter. Our experience differed from yours and we will never go back! Not a friendly environment. For a place full of relax and meditate we were rushed at every angle. Sign up to eat dinner. We didn't know so had to eat at 5. No spaces on the sign in sheet, you eat in your room. Four courses, with calories labeled and horrible food. Signing a document that you will not use your phone while there but in your room, We left today and felt we had just gotten out of prison. I felt so free! We found the whole experience horrible but it was relaxing to get out!!!


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