There But For the Grace of Oprah…
When the news about Oprah’s slow, steady, and yes noticeable weight gain made headlines recently, I don’t know if anyone was surprised. I know I wasn’t — on the covers of her magazine she managed to upkeep a svelte appearance, but candid photos don’t lie. All the Spanx in the world can’t hide steady weight gain. The evidence was there, and when Oprah candidly admitted that she was back at 200 pounds, my reaction wasn’t one of disappointment. It was one of identification. I know exactly where Oprah’s coming from, with respect to weight issues. It’s a road I’ve been walking my whole life.
I think my first forays into weight loss groups and professionally designated diets started when I was 12 or 13 years of age. I had always been a big girl, but as I approached my teenage years, puberty exacerbated an already existing situation. I spent my teenage years unhappy with my body, and I’ve written about those struggles in the past. And all these years later, I am still struggling.
Every year I make myself an unrealistic promise that I never keep. I’ve tried pills and diets, bought books that sit unread, DVDs that go unwatched, and machines that sit untouched with layers of dust on them. I know now that I’ve tried everything except the thing that works — not just a controlled diet, but also regular, regular exercise. And here’s where I identify with Oprah — I have allowed my aversion of exercise develop into something else. Something that feels more daunting. For Oprah, it was a medical diagnosis that made her feel helpless and fearful of exercise. For me, it’s stress, an overwhelming weekly workload, and an impending deadline.
All through my teenage years, my father warned me — exercise NOW. Lose weight now while you still can. It’ll be ten times harder when you turn 30.
Well, guess how old I’m going to be this year?
The big 3-0 is approaching me with alacrity, and like I said in my NYE post – the time for excuses is over for me. I am no longer content to let life feel overwhelming, and to throw up my hands in despair. I am tired of feeling frustrated with myself. If it has to be, it’s up to me.
Still, there’s a part of me that’s like — man. If Oprah couldn’t do it, who am I? If a woman with a team of experts surrounding her, chefs to whip up her green drinks in the morning, the best trainer, whose job is to help her create “The Best Life”, and a schedule that surely she can tailor to fit her immediate daily needs… if she can’t manage to lose the weight and keep it off, who am I?
In Oprah’s own words: “If you look at your overscheduled routine and realize, like I did, that you’re just going and going and that your work and obligations have become a substitute for life, then you have no one else to blame. Only you can take the reins back.”
That seems easy to say, when you’ve got a team of expert jockeys to help you hold the reins in the first place.
What if you’re alone, riding a horse that’s always been own-way and wrongheaded? What if you’ve got a daily grind to fit your life around, and/or the added weight of a husband who loves candy, or kids who refuse to eat anything but mac and cheese that their mac and cheese loving mommy makes for them? What then?
I am gearing up for a daily struggle that I know will become easier with time. No more soda. No more junk. It’s time for water, fresh vegetables, and a daily sweat. I’m done with fad diets with induction periods. I want to cook healthy meals that I look forward to enjoying, that nourish my body and satisfy my appetite. I want to be happy with my body — cosign with the big O on that one, I want to be fit and healthy and strong. I want to take the reins of my life back, and do it all by myself. That’s my goal for 2009.
Oprah’s weight loss struggle, and watching her getting back on the horse again, has inspired me more than anything. Here’s why — watching Oprah struggle has taught me not to pin my own successes on any celebrity role model, or weight loss guru. I can learn from her struggles and certainly take into consideration all of the tips her team of experts offer to her and all of her viewers. But that’s as far as it goes.
The only person am looking to for motivation right now, is the person I’m looking at in the mirror. And I know she can do anything she truly dedicates herself to.
Are you struggling with weight loss issues? Talk to me — tell me what you’re trying, or plan to try. What’s working and what hasn’t? What are your goals for the new year?
Category: Body, Famous Faces, Issues
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wow so many replies, gonna read them over the weekend.
I would say I do have a weight problem but have also shown myself that if I try I can do something about it. My weight has steadily gained but gladly slowed since 2002. which is the year i got married. I never took not but my husband did and he would nag me. So the type of food I ate became an issue.
Just eating healthy helped. But i did weight watchers for 5 weeks and lost 5 lbs, I loast then put on but was doing well. I went back to work after my maternity leave ended and hubs became the main chef, But I have set myself a goal. I have told some but I guess I need it to stick in my head like glue and do something about it.
As I cannot join a gym as yet I am just whipping out my old tae bo video and I am goig to get a pilates one.
One step at a time. Plus I am going to channel out all those people who nag me. Because when they nag me I just think so what. I am grown I do what I choose.
You can do it girl.You are a determined soul so I believe in you Bella. I pray I can believe in me too.
First off, Happy New Year Bella!!! (better late than never…hahahaha). I soo understand where you’re coming from. In 2007, I lost 40 pounds then gained back 20 in 2008. What I had to realize its that I wanted to be fit…sure I want to look cute dressed (and undressed..hehehehe) but I wanted to be healthy and carrying around this extra 20 pounds is soo not healthy for me. So I joined a new gym this week (one where the stalker ex won’t stress me like he did at my old gym). The funny thing is I haven’t been yet. My new addiction, my Nintendo Wii is providing me with about an hour of cardio each night (at least). I box till I sweat and run around my living room playing tennis. Its fun, I can bug out at home, and I’m training for a Wii Boxing Match with some friends in a couple of weeks so that keeps me motivated. I just ordered a game called “Personal Trainer.” I’ll let you know how it goes.
Whatever you do, do what’s best for you. You love life too much not too. Keep us posted on the ups, downs, highs, and lows. We’re probably in the same boat. We have to remember: Better living is out there for all of us. Good Luck, Bella.
I forgoto add I gained weight and never shifted it. but I know I can. I just want to be healthy and able to keep up with my boys.
Plus the less pressure off other people the better. encouragement when needed and no lectures
@ Big Girl –
You don’t say how tall you are, and that makes a big difference. One thing you need to make sure of is that you are using a body mass index calculator specifically for children. You can find it by typing “children’s body mass index calculator” in your search engine, it should get you to a website, like http://www.cdc.gov, which has one. Anyway, it is very important to do that, because until you are 20 years old, it is calculated differently. Body mass index for children is very specific, it goes into both years and months of age, because body fat percentages change with each year and month of growth, and certainly for sex. Girls are different than boys, and 13-year-olds are different than 10-year-olds or 21-year-olds. The other thing is, at your age, do not “diet” in the sense that you’re restricting your caloric intake too much. You are growing and hopefully getting stronger and healthier every day. You need fuel on your journey to becoming a grown woman. The best thing to do now is to make good healthy food choices, and that will almost automatically translate into appropriate calorie intake, and exercise for strong bones and good muscle tone. If you develop those habits now, you are ahead of the game. The other thing is, we all have different body types and shapes. Everybody’s not a stick and everybody’s not curvilicious or a little bit more and everybody’s not somewhere in between, but we’re all somewhere in there! If it’s okay with your mom, there is an EXCELLENT book called Body Drama: Real Girls, Real Bodies, Real Issues, Real Answers by Nancy Amanda Redd. It’s wonderful, pictures of REAL bodies of all different types. I got this book at 40(!), and I still felt better after reading it. I wish I’d had it when I was a teen.
I know this was a long post, but honey we have ALL been there (and are still there obviously) with the body drama. If you are reading this blog at 13, you’re obviously smart and aware and I’m sure you are beautiful, too. Your body is just one part of who you are.
I haven’t read all the comments but I’m piping in to say this: We should all make the effort to be healthy … to exercise when we can and stay away from the things that are bad for our bodies … but this obsession with being a certain size? I think that’s unhealthy too. At what point do you simply say “You know what? It ain’t perfect but it’s mine and I’m going to love it … every, single inch of it and honor it and rock it in flattering, fierce clothes! I’m gonna find a man/woman who thinks it’s hot!” That was the attitude I took a few years ago … and I lost 20 pounds that year.
Try getting it off once you are in your 40′s…
I once tried to lose weight by going on Slim Fast diet. That went bust once I started drinking their Pineapple drink while eating hot barbecue pork rinds.
Honey, eat more vegetables and take long walks. It helps believe me.
As so often your post came just in time. and as so often i promised to myself to loose some weight this year. this promises never worked for me and i always get frustrated and angry with myself. my husband watched this for the last 3 years and a few days ago we had a serious talk about it. my BMI is at the slightly overweight border and i cannot get my sorry self in some sweat producing activities. my biggest mistake was having unrealistic goals. i will never have a small frame, never ever. my body isnt meant to be audrey-hepburn-like. a goal i always strive to and what i realise now i will never achieve. so now i am at the point (again!!)to figure out who i am and why i want to change my apperance. this has little to do with dieting but more with having a close look at me, my life , my habits and what influences me. and it has a lot to do with taking small steps, literally. i do not exercise at this point but i walk to the next grocery store instead of taking the train or the car (gives me the bonus of fresh air in my face and a nice glow on my skin) i take the stairs and not the elevator. i am looking for a yoga class not because of the exercise but because i love those asanas and they give me back my peace of soul. i drink my herbal infusions as often as possible (hard!!). and i surround myself with empowering peoples and books and walk away from the newest fashion magazines which only makes me wanting to be someone else and not cherishing who i am.
i hope this will work for me. i try to start from within and see if this is working and i have to admit that i am scared. but reading all this comment helps me to realize that i am not alone and this is really good.
so i hope we can all put ourselves first.because we deserve it so much and nobody else can do this for us.
Love and blessings, Monika
First of all, that’s a gorgeous picture you’ve posted of Oprah!
Second, I always hesitate to speak my mind about the issue of diet and weight gain because in my short 21 years of life I have always been thin. Genetics have definitely played a major role, but there are other factors that have kept me thin as well. First off, I’ve always been drawn to running. I ran cross country and track my four years of high school and I still run now. Also, I have always been fairly health conscious my whole life. 2008 wasn’t my best year, because I hit up fast food a bit too much and got into coffee and soda.
The one thing that changed my eating habits forever was when I gave up meat 7 months ago. If you ever want to change your perspective of food I suggest you stop eating meat for a few days, or even weeks. It could make you more aware of what your body needs. You start looking at food completely different. At least this is what happened with me. My veggie and grain intake skyrocketed because I made myself discover healthier habits of eating. I thought I would eventually go back to eating meat but I’ve actually stuck with the vegetarian kick and my body feels cleaner. It’s definitely easy to be a bad vegetarian and eat junkie foods all the time, but it had the opposite effect on me. It made me more aware of what I put in my body.
Yes, indeed. I’m on that same buck these days. LOL
I am hitting the gym everday, like a hour a day. Doing my thirty minutes of cardio, weight training and my hot 100 sit- ups.
Now as for the food tip, my diet is not that bad. I just get a little stupid with the breads and sweets sometimes. My main problemo is not enough water and greens, which the latter is essential to adequate nutrient absorption. And of course Water, keeps the body hydrated, cleansed and is a major contributor to “low energy levels”. So, I stay with a water bottle and eat a organic green salad a day with the most natural toppings.
Sisters Pray for me and I’ll Pray for You. 2009 we have a mission to accomplish!!!!
Nickesha
Long story short: I spent my first 22 years of life skinny as a stick. Know what MY father told ME? “Look at BOTH SIDES of your family tree. Most of the folks in there are fat. You’re not gonna be skinny forever.” And he was right…I started gaining weight in my 20s and hit my highest weight, 216 pounds, in fall 2003 at age 38.
In July 2004 I went on my first-ever real diet (South Beach), got my butt in the gym, and by July 2005 I was down to 160 pounds. However, that following winter, I put 25 pounds back on. Since then I’ve basically stayed at or around 180, and I have to remind myself to see the glass as half-full: In 3 years I have kept 35 pounds off. However, my ORIGINAL goal weight was 140, and that’s what I plan to hit this year. At 5’5″, that actually puts me on the higher end of the healthy BMI range, but that’s fine with me…I don’t need to be a stick to be fit and healthy.
Even though I turn 44 in June and am on the outer edge of perimenopause (I think) I know I can do this and this is how: whole foods (no more diets), water, vitamins, and lots of exercise/movement, both in the gym and just in general. For example, I park my car at the far end of the lot, and if there are stairs and I’m not going more than four floors up, I’ll take them. I think of this way: There are people who need those parking spots and elevators more than me. We ain’t old yet, Bella!
I look forward to reading about your progress. Make sure you include setbacks as well…it’s all important.
From the time I can remember my mom has always been on a diet. She has recently lost 80lbs by changing her thoughts about food and lifestyle.
I have put on some pounds during the earlier part of last year. As an indivudal who writes about health, I thought who am I to advocate a healthy lifestyle when I am not treating myself well and polluting my body with poison. So, I decided to adapt to the raw food lifestyle I eat one cooked meal a day. I drink fresh juice every day and I feel great, the weight fell off and working out is not a chore as it was before. I look at the time and think oh I need to get ready for work not oh crap just 10 miutes….
I am focused on being healthy mind, body and spirit.
Have a great day!
xo,
CC
Ooh Bebroma,
Thanks a lot for adding the info, esp the children’s bmi and the book. I tried to help too in my response, but I liked what (and how) you said it better.
All in all, this post and the replies have motivated me to continue in my pursuit of a *whole* and healthy life. Thanks, ya’ll!
Thank you, b.! And I think you did help, I just added a little more to the foundation you laid.
No matter how much money, number of personal chefs, assistants, etc. that you may have (Oprah) all this amounts to a hill of beans if you are not right within. Oprah knows this now, or she’s always known it and has finally said it out loud to herself. I’m glad to hear that you’re going to become healthier and that you’re not going on any fad diets and please STAY AWAY FROM DIET PILLS. I’ve never had problems with my weight, I’m tall and thin and that’s a wrap, but I do have dear friends who sometimes struggle with their weight and I try to be their for them as much as they allow me to.
We all need to be more conscious of our health whether thin or not. Being healthy is a choice. It’s always been bizarre how someone will spend their energy on educating themselves about what to put onto their hair and body but will NOT spend that same amount of time choosing the right foods to eat to help them be stronger so that they can be around for their loved ones and live life to the fullest.
Being healthy is a choice. Choose wisely.
This Time Now
http://www.thistimenow.wordpress.com
I too have struggled with my weight my whole life! Last year I decided to stop trying to lose weight and just start MOVING!! I joined a Pilates/Yoga studio last August and am quiet pleased with my results thus far.
I have also started taking longer walks with my dog in the mornings. We walk 1-3 miles every morning. Not only is walking good for you, but its good for your dog’s mental and physical well-being.
Now, I want to start eating healthier. Although I’m working out, I use that as a excuse to eat whatever I want too often. That is about to change.
Have you ever tried yoga? I don’t go often. But i enjoy it because it is a more relaxed way of working out ( not the hype of the gym, with the grunts and the thrusts and the hopping around) but you get to work out both your body AND your mind. And being mentally fit or able to feel accomplished after a particular session goes a long way. Your body changes, along with your outlook.
I’ve never had any pblms with weight until the past 5 years. I’ve let things get out of control. I have cut my sugar/empty calorie by more than half and have never felt better.
If you don’t get your eating/dietary habits under control, no amount of exercise will help. I’m almost done with week 2. My daily exercise routine commences on Monday with 3 days of running and 2 days of weight training.
Just be positive. We have always known that you can do whatever you put your mind to…. and we have many examples.
The thing is that once you have made up your mind to do something about your lifestyle, then stick to it. Real results take time; be patient with yourself, but never give up. Let your efforts become routine to the extent that you KNOW when you have neglected some part of the programme. Also, don’t overdo. Be moderate at all times and in all things and most of all, stay focussed
You have worked hard all your life, we know that you can do this. Stay cool and remain healthy.
Love always,
D&M
What a fantastic post, and incredible comments to go along with it. But the comment just above mine is the most precious. To have the love and support of parents who take the time to encourage and love you no matter what is such a blessing. Seeing their post provides some insight into one of the ways you turned out to be so special. Hi D&M! Thanks for our Afrobella!
Hey Bella,
I don’t respond often but reading your struggles with weight loss hurts me. Just knowing that successful women, like you and Oprah still think of your weight as a personal flaw… I’ll put it this way, I don’t think Hitchcock ever said, “Sure, I’m one of the most seminal filmmakers of my time, but have you seen my stomach?” In my opinion, I think you should go to http://www.kateharding.net and/ or http://www.fatshionista.com and read around a little bit. Honestly, you are probably just genetically overweight. I sincerely doubt you have been over-consuming your whole life. But even if you have, I still think overall healthiness should be your goal rather than weight loss.
Tricia
I think Oprah and all full figure women (including myself) should just be happy with who they are as long as you’re healthy just understand that everybody is not meant to be a size two. I go to this site that promotes thick women called http://www.thicksational.com.
The blogger Krys is funny and does keep it real but she promotes women who are doing there thing in the industry that are full figured or as she would put it thicksational.
I just love when your dad and mom post. Gives me the warm fuzzies.
Hi Bella,
I’ve been having fun trying the recipes in the Well/Health sections of the NYTimes. I just wanted to cook more vegetables and learn to make new dishes — plus it’s freezing where I live and it’s nice to be in the kitchen roasting things. So I’d recommend that to get your veggies in a non-salad way.
I’ve also found that doing the treadmill or steps goes better for me if I listen to a radio show–like the wonderful Tell Me More–or some other podcast. Sometimes you just need that support to keep going.
I get tired of trying. My job is demanding and you know life is work. So if I’m going to have more energy for working out, I need music, a story, a bunch of magazines, tv or something like that. I like to eat healthful food and I like to cook but geez, it can get boring and just a drain. It’s work just to think of something else sometimes. So thanks NYTimes. I just make whatever they are writing about that day. I don’t think about. And it’s always good.
So I’d say, it’s about figuring out what you need to really thrive (as Michelle Obama would say). Surviving is so 70s.
And you know, the work out thing and eating – it’s about having control of your life, bella. I mean. Be a parent to yourself. You run this thing. It’s your show. You can’t let the culture tell you what to do and this person like candy so you have to eat candy. Bullsh*t. You’re a grown-up. Sort yourself out, get the tools and support you need and run your business.
Powers and joys
Hi Bella!
I (re)gained 50 pounds over a period of a year. An achilles heel injury and a personal crisis sent me spiraling. I held myself together with food. Prayer works and food surely did comfort.
Since I know I cannot afford a nervous breakdown, food is my crutch. I just like to cook and eat! Not even bad food, but just a LOT of the good stuff.
I have always been a thick kid, managed to slim down but my weight has fluctuated over the years.
At any rate, when I had lost the weight and was doing exceptionally well — I was walking. It’s the 10,000 Steps a Day program (5 miles). It sounds daunting, but it gets easier as you work up to it.
I also know for me, those late night dinners result in the very poundage that I have added. So, I am back to walking, fewer late night pasta dishes and am adding a water-aerobics class. I am looking forward to being back to where I was this time a couple of years ago.
I do feel your pain and O’s pain and the rest of the brothers and sisters out there who struggle as we do. I do have to say, it really is about discipline and control. I am working on exercising more discipline in my life in a few areas. I think this is just one of them.
I will be praying for your (read our) encouragement and focus. Anything is possible Bella.
First of all, congratulations to you for taking the first step again. That’s the biggest part. Since I was 11, I’ve struggled with my weight, self-image and body-image. Now, at 26, I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been in, but not the best shape I WILL be in.
I’ve had migraines since I was 3 and control those now mostly by diet. I stick to real foods. Shop around the perimeter of the grocery store (where most of the fresh food is), and as much as possible, try to avoid foods that have a real shelf life. Salads at lunch and/or dinner. Egg white omeletes for breakfast. Fruits and nuts for snacks. Occasionally, I’ll want something sweet and I may eat chocolate or a dessert, but I really emphasize portion control.
What’s been key for me is finding out how many calories I burn in a day. A few months ago, I learned that I only burned 1400 calories which makes it VERY easy to understand why I was gaining weight and not losing anything. I don’t count calories, but I keep in mind what I’ve been eating and guesstimate how many calories are in something.
Diet is the most important part, but exercising for me is critical. I will never truly be healthy without it.
At first, I was doing some weight training and half an hour of cardio a day for an average of 5 days per week. Recently, I’ve been doing an hour of cardio a day and I can feel and see the difference.
I sit down all day, so I’m usually ready to start moving around circa 5/5:30. When I’m stressed, mad, or bored, I go to the gym and sweat it off.
What’s different this time for me though is that I CONSTANTLY push myself. I pay attention to how my body feels and reacts when I’m working out. I do interval training maybe twice a week (sprint for 30 seconds, walking recovery for 90 seconds), but most of the time speed walk uphill (4.1-4.3 mph). What percent? It increases. I start off at maybe 2.5 and every so often increase it by .5-1 percent depending on how easy it feels. Obviously, I start off low in the beginning, but it starts to get really challenging on at about 9-9.5 percent on the treadmill I use. I keep going at the same speed but a higher incline until I feel the challenge is gone or I can use a bit more “oomph.” I’m all about the challenge.
Try that…just pay attention to what’s going on. As you progress and get stronger, you’ll need more of a challenge. But the same thing happens DURING your workout too.
Best to you on your journey!
so many wonderful comments! i havent read them all, but here is my 2 cents. our focus should always be on health. health of mind, body, and spirit. when we keep the focus on health, all of our weight-loss goals, will rise into place. it is not healthy to say that you want someone elses body or you want to look like someone elses body. bcuz if you think about it on a deeper level you are actually saying you want everything that comes with their body. many people are beautiful on the outside, but are jacked on the inside. not just attitudes, but any dis-eases they may have going on on the inside(mental and physical). all we can see is the pretty package on the outside. our goals for ourselves should always be being the best that your body can be. and our best does not always mean being a single digit size. as a matter of fact, who was the “genius” that came up with a numbering system to rate womens bodies anyhow. just think about it. its those 2 or 3 numbers on our clothes tags or the scale that give us so much grief. enuf is enuf!!! we are all smart and realize when we are not taking care of our health in the best way. we just chose to ignore those intuitive and gut feelings. thats why the approach to focusing on our health, mind, body,and spirit will keep us feeling at our optimum best everytime. hope this helps!!