How to Take a Bangin’ Mug Shot

Of course nobody means to have a mug shot taken, but any card can play when you’re screaming ethnic slurs at undercover cops. Which reminds me: Well played, Kelis.

Just when your fans thought you were bossy but classy, you keep it street and manage to end your night of fabulous South Beach clubbing in handcuffs. I was disappointed and surprised. But hey, Kelis’ arrest gave us all a glimpse into mug shot fabulosity. Apparently a little glitter helps — not so much around the mouth, but on the eyelids.

I’m actually feeling Kelis’ look in this photo, the pink hair almost exactly matches her eyes. But it’s the violet eyeshadow, hoop earrings, and bemused expression that make this a grade A mugshot.

Kelis and Kimora Lee Simmons had the right idea with their police station photo ops. Fix the camera with a sunny smile, or a can-you-believe-they-actually-arrested-me smirk, and you’re guaranteed to be a Smoking Gun fave. Khia’s prettiest mug shots are the ones where she grins like it’s high school picture day. (My personal favorite is the third one in the second to last row). A smile says “I’m too cute to be locked up.”

In sharp contrast, Foxy Brown‘s expression in her latest mug shot says “Damn, I can’t believe I’m here. Again.”

As a proud Trinidadian woman, I really shy away from giving Foxy Brown the time of day on this site.

There’s so much potential for greatness with her, and at one point I was proud that she claimed my homeland. But after all of her ridiculous legal wranglings, I now prefer to edit her off my famous Trinis list, along with Haddaway and Michael X.

She’s a gorgeous woman no doubt, and has a strong persona in the rap game. But she’s too damn ignorant. I mean, how many times does one have to get arrested for the same irrational behavior before they take accountability for their actions?

Clearly Foxy needs to internalize the lessons of Novaslim’s Hip Hop Charm School. She needs to take all of that drama and go write some rhymes already. But it seems to me that all she’s learned from her legal wranglings is how to take a decent mug shot. Case in point, her recent arrest in Pembroke Pines. South Florida represent! We can lay claim to yet another embarrassing celebrity meltdown.

According to The Smoking Gun, “an employee of Queen Beauty Supply spotted Marchand “utilizing beauty products” in the store’s bathroom and told the performer that the shop was closed. The temperamental Marchand allegedly responded by spitting on the worker and throwing hair glue at him. When cops responded to a 911 call, Marchand swatted an officer’s hand away and began “swinging her arms and struggling” with the cop, who was “forced to utilize a takedown maneuver to gain control” of the rapper.”

Maybe NYPD cops love it when you playfully swat their hands away, but that ish won’t fly in the 954, Inga.

Her expression would normally make this a terrible mugshot, and clearly she could use some lipgloss. But lo — what eyeshadow is this enchanting creature wearing? The color matches MAC eyeshadow in Aquadisiac if you ask me. There’s a similarly fabulous shade in the blue notes eyeshadow quad in the new Cover Girl Queen Collection. Add some fake lashes or an ultra thick mascara like Maybelline XXL and voila! Instant eye drama that makes for a mug shot worth remembering.

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Comments

  1. You crack me up sis. Only you can see the beauty in the truly ignorant and ridiculous. I truly like that about you. You can match an eyeshadow from a mug shot. You kill me, but I love ya! Keep doing your thing sis!

  2. Thanks for a hilarious start to my day, Bella! Hopefully I will never need to use the tips you provide in how to “work” a mugshot, but I will be prepared just in case! LOL

  3. BlackHoney says:

    LOL. Gurrrrl, I can’t believe you just wrote a post about how to look cute in a mugshot.

  4. I’m coming out of lurking to let you know I am dead. Thanks.

  5. ha ha! I’m glad I killed ya, Xtopher. For real, Kelis nailed the mug shot on her first try! She’s working it like a pro.

  6. I swear it’s the pink hair that’s making her do all of this.

  7. Bella,

    That is why know their antics are purely for publicity :D . I am political junkie and my fave mugshot is Tom Delay. He thought he was slicker than the average….

  8. Stellar tips! Dude with the glitter mouth is…well…is special!

  9. jerseybred says:

    Foxy’s mugshot is cute? a little angry but cute,(smile please) her makeup is on point

  10. easymilt says:

    Damn! you told it like it is about Foxy! Damn… I love her, but Damn she has got to get her life together! right?

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