I already expressed my adoration of little Zahara Jolie-Pitt, so when I spotted this adorable photo over at DListed, I had to share. Yay, Zahara! What a little cutie. So expressive and bright, and she just lights up when she smiles. And lil mama is growing up fierce — check out her mom-and-me matching Valentino purse. Her handbag game is tighter than mine, and what is she, three years old? I say forget Brad and Angie — you’re pretty and all, but Zahara is clearly the star of the family! But of course, any posting of baby Z’s photos brings out the hair critics.

On D Listed all these people started coming out of the woodwork to complain about baby Z’s hairdo. “Z’s hair is just ridiculous! It takes away from her cuteness. Angie needs to head over to LA’s East Side and get a professional to do her up right!” “She really needs to take Z to a hairdresser. Poor kid.” “Her beauty deserves a decent hairstyle.” Ugh, it makes me so mad. Especially since she’s so happy here. Who ARE these people who sit around and throw shade at a three year old kid? People who have NO idea how to care for a little afrobella’s hair, I’d assume.

I’ve gotten some recent Ask Afrobella questions for little ones, so allow me to segue smoothly into those.

Hello, I am writing from Germany about my best friends daughter Esther.

Esther is a wonderful girl. Her mother is from Kenya and her father from Germany. I take care of her every weekend while her mother is at work. I have a Hair salon and do all kinds of hair extensions, but I just can´t seem to get Esther’s hair under control. She used to have dreadlocks, but we combed them out, a process that took 3 weeks. I then straighten her hair with a very mild straightener that I use on Caucasian hair. I only did this because she asked me to, in the town we live in there are not many dark people. Most of the girls at school have straight light hair. I could´nt convince Esther that her hair was fine as an afro.

My biggest problem is that her hair is very dry, and here in Germany there are not many products offered, and the ones that we can get in a “afro shop” are sometimes full of chemicals. They even sell skin lighting creams that are known to cause cancer! Can you maybe give me some tips? I am going to try the olive oil Honey treatment tomorrow. As we saw your Web page Esther got all excited. I hope that you can help us. I myself have no idea how to treat African hair, I am Native American and we don´t have these problems with our hair.

Thank you, Claire

Thanks for writing, Claire! It’s gotta be pretty difficult to know how to deal with afro-textured hair if you’re working with it for the first time. But oh my — combing out the poor girl’s locks for three weeks?? I can’t even imagine. Locks wearers, please speak up and let me know your thoughts on this. I’ve never had locks, and all of the people I’ve known who have had locks and wanted to get rid of them have simply cut or shaved them off. So the idea of combing out locks is foreign and surprising to me. I’d imagine it has to be a time-intensive, probably painful project. But I did a little research — according to Treasured Locks, it can be done with removal cream, which of course they also sell. There’s also the Knotty Boy Emergency Dreadlock Removal Kit, and other online resources say that use of deep conditioner also helps.

It also sounds to me like Esther needs more deep conditioning treatments for her dry hair, and a little bit of inspiration so she will begin to realize that her natural hair is just as beautiful as the straight hair of her school friends. You seem interested in trying natural recipes, so I’d advise you to first check out Motown Girl’s awesome recipes, then visit Anita Grant’s fantastic blog, The Life of a Mixtress. She breaks down ingredients and offers fabulous all-natural hair and skin care solutions involving honey, sugar, natural fruit oils, and stuff like that. On her old blog, Ingredient Junkie, she has great nourishing, moisturizing hair recipes involving Irish Moss (which some Caribbean people also know and love as Sea Moss). Did you try the olive oil treatment yet? Please write back and let me know what natural hair remedies you have tried.

If you’re having a hard time finding products in your local “afro shop” as you call it, my advice is, look for reasonably priced products you can order online. Since you’re in Germany, shipping from Anita Grant shouldn’t be too expensive, and she’s got great conditioning products for naturally curly afro-textured hair. Stateside, I can’t recommend Curls more highly, and their Curly Q’s line for kids might be what you’re looking for. Brangelina swears by Carol’s Daughter for Baby Z, and for the little Afrobella in my life, my niece Dominique, we’ve used coconut oil, and now she’s got a big ol’ tub of Miss Jessie’s Baby Buttercreme that works wonderfully on her two-year-old baby fro. And now if I may, I’d like to address Esther directly.

Esther, honey – I’m sorry it’s been so difficult, figuring out how to work with your natural hair. I also had thick, out-of-control hair when I was little, and because I couldn’t deal with it (and I gave my mom nothing but trouble when it was time to try combing and styling it), I wound up straightening it when I was way too young. This may not mean a lot to you now, but I did wind up regretting the decision as I grew older and realized how much I had damaged my hair. When I was your age, I wanted to look just like everybody else, and that meant using chemicals to relax my natural hair. I didn’t realize how cool it is to be unique and express myself until I got a little older, and part of that for me meant going back to my natural style. I think your hair might be extra dry because of the harsh treatments you’ve tried to “tame” it. The best advice I can give you is, let your hair be for a while. Take a break from the chemical treatments, and treat it gently. Try some mild children’s shampoo — don’t wash your hair every day, that strips it of its natural oils. Conditioner wash your hair during the week for manageability. Experiment with hairstyles — with your natural hair texture, you can come up with styles that are funky, fun, and could well be the envy of your friends. You’re beautiful just the way you are, Esther! Don’t let anyone make you feel any less than that. Write me and let me know how you’re doing with the hairstyling after that, OK?

Esther’s story took me back to my own formative years, when I was all about having long, silky straightened hair, just like all the other girls. When the terms “good hair” and “bad hair” started to creep into my vocabulary. I think it would have helped me to realize that the terms “good and bad hair” are a construct, made to make us feel that we are not as beautiful as we truly are, if I had natural hair role models around me, dolls that looked like me, or read books about kids going through the same stuff I was. Maybe then, I might have felt differently at an earlier age. Which brings me to the next question.

Hey Bella,

I wanted to know if there are any other books about natural black hair for older children (like age 10)? I’m having some issues w/my daughter about her hair… she wants a perm and I just don’t think she needs one (she is not happy at all). Help me out with more information, if you have any on hand.


Hi StAr! Good question. I just recently read an interesting article on relaxing the hair of young black girls, that might give you some ideas on how to respond the next time your daughter asks for a relaxer. StAr wrote in regarding my little Worth a Click post about bell hooks’ Happy to be Nappy. Being that I don’t have any little afrobellas of my own (yet), I didn’t have an immediate recommendation. I haven’t read a children’s book in years!

Regular reader and commenter Bebroma came to the rescue and suggested I Love My Hair by Natasha Anastasia, which really is for littler ones (recommended for baby to pre school). But the description of the book definitely fits the bill — “young African-American girl describes the familiar mother-daughter nightly ritual of combing the tangles out of her hair. When she cries because it hurts, her sympathetic mother tells her how lucky she is to have such beautiful hair. Imaginatively, the woman goes on to say that she can spin it into a fine, soft bun or “plant rows of braids” along her scalp, prompting her daughter to think of other wonderful things she likes about her hair.” Sounds perfect! Bebroma also recommended Nappy Hair by Carolivia Herron , which is suggested for readers age 4 to 8, and features comical, cute illustrations.

Maybe your little bella is an advanced reader, like I was? Then I’d recommend you both read Kinki Kreations by Jena Renee Williams, which features awesome hair styles and step-by-step tips for natural hair. It’s a great book. Amazon also suggests Kids Talk Hair: An Instruction Book for Grown-Ups and Kids.

Besides books, you might want to consider other forms of positive reinforcement, like the j. blossom line of bath and body products for little afrobellas that I reviewed a while ago. Some of my readers also suggested Dolls Like Me, Just Mom and Me Dolls, and Ethidolls if you want to give your daughter a cool doll that looks like her. The most important thing is to let her know how beautiful and special she is, and teach her how to appreciate her beauty in its natural state.
I hope that helps, StAr and Claire! And keep the suggestions coming, fellow bellas. I love reading your comments! I’m trying to buck up on my Ask Afrobella questions, so look out for more of those soon.


Aziza says:
September 18, 2007, 11:04 am
This entry is so very needed as I hear from people who say that don't know what to do with their child's hair. Getting back to basics is so very necessary. And before even attempting to put a comb through the hair, I agree with one of the mentioned books that talked about the mother telling the daughter she had beautiful hair. Teaching a child to accept and love herself or himself will help with the self-confidence when the world is shunning their images. As for little girls, extensions and chemical treatments are not needed. A good washing, conditioning, and plaits/braids style will keep the hair nice and healthy.
tiff says:
September 18, 2007, 11:28 am
this was a great article, wish i had this when i was a kid. i have a few cousins with the same issue and i'll recommend these books to them and their parents.
StAr says:
September 18, 2007, 11:41 am
Thanks, for the much needed information Bella and I will look into purchasing Kinki Kreations by J. Williams. I purchased Natasha Anastasia-I love my hair...a while ago. Bella, you mentioned an article you read about relaxing the hair of young black girls...where can that article be found? This morning my daughter left home agian a little upset and it's because of her hair. She informed me that "it" was her hair and she wanted her hair permed w/beautiful curls. I never thought I would have to discuss hair everyday w/a 10 yr. old. I'm trying to be as gentle w/her as I can and I hope this information helps....thanks a million!!!! Have a super day.
bella says:
September 18, 2007, 11:46 am
The link didn't work! I'll fix that right away. But here it is: http://jscms.jrn.columbia.edu/cns/2007-03-13/andrews-blackkiddiehaircare hope that helps!
Nerd Girl says:
September 18, 2007, 12:35 pm
Thanks for a great article! Depending on hair texture, dreads can be taken out - though obviously it is a very labor intensive and time consuming undertaking. And I know this will probably get me flogged on this site, but I love LIV for my daughter's hair. A little bit goes a long way, and her hair stays moisturized and manageable. It's easy to find at Sallys Beauty Supply and can probably be ordered online for those overseas.
1985supastar says:
September 18, 2007, 12:01 pm
I never asked my mom for a perm, I asked her about perms, and she just said NO, lol . At that time she was growing out a perm, which had damaged her hair. I am glad my mom took the time to braid my hair, and not perm it. She started to press my hair but that was just too much for me, I got with the fros,twist etc. Now my mom is natural and I DO her hair. My grandma never permed her hair. I only know one person whos hair was NOT destroyed after using a perm. If I have children they will have natural hair.
Donna says:
September 18, 2007, 1:48 pm
Over the weekend I decided to visit the Dominican hair salon for a blow out. I just wanted to do something different with my hair. On Monday morning when I unwrapped my hair and got ready for work, I took a hard look at myself in the mirror. I realized that although my hair was straight and silky I felt like it wasn't me. I came to the realization that my afro, my natural beautiful kinks, my gorgeous curly locs have personality and attitude. I truly realized how much I love my natural locs and all it represents to me. My mother relaxed my hair as a child because all the other girls around me had straight hair. I walked around with straight hair to "fit in." How that makes me laugh now. I will never put a relaxer in my hair ever again. Thanks to sites like Afrobella for providing a community for natural hair lovelies like myself who truly understand the meaning of "fitting in". Great Post!
sunseeker says:
September 18, 2007, 1:59 pm
Hi Bella, Great post as usual. My daughter is three and I don't plan on ever putting a perm in her hair. She is already a very strong-willed child so I know that unless I'm successful in convincing her that her hair is beautiful the way it is, I am going to face the same type of challenges as some of your reader are facing now. I use Carol's Daughter's Hair Butter on her hair and it seems to be working for now. My only complaint is that her scalp gets a bit dry sometimes. I actually wound up trying it on her because I ran out ot the stuff I used to use. I am definitely going to check out some of the other products you mentioned in your post too.
Afrocenchick says:
September 18, 2007, 2:24 pm
When caucasians adopt female African-American children or have bi-racial children, it is sooo important that they take the child to an African-American hair salon if they haven't any experience with our hair. To think that cutting it off, having a female child constantly wear an afro, or chemically straightening the hair is the answer is a definite no, no. Hair is an extension of self. A positive experience with one's hair is very empowering. So parents/guardians, step out of your comfort zone and get thee to an African-American hair salon. Afterall, you did make the decision to raise this child. Look at the African-American community, we women have figured out how to manage our hair. It's not really that difficult if you just ask.
lockedgoddess says:
September 18, 2007, 2:49 pm
Love the article,Bella!!! I have 2 daughters that will never get a relaxer or a hot comb in their hair. I have never have a "relaxer" and don't plan to. The same females that teased me about mynatural hair are the same ones that have damaged or no hair from chemical, breakage etc. My daughters are some of the few girls between 3 and 18 in our neighborhood with natural hair. We need to teach our children (male and female)that what God gave us is perfectly fine.
afrobella says:
September 18, 2007, 3:55 pm
Afrocenchick, I totally agree with you! Asking for guidance is the first step. But from my experience, I also need to add that the salons I went to as a kid were run by women with the same skin tone as me... and all they wanted to do was slather chemicals on my hair to "fix it." So it's also important to go into those salons informed, with an idea of what is best for your little one's hair.
Karishma says:
September 18, 2007, 4:15 pm
i used to have back acne and now its almost completely gone but...im left with these dark spots/acne scars from the old acne on my back and top/back of shoulder is there any way to get rid of this? (i said that my acne just cleared up.... i dont want a product that might irritate it and start breaking out again) id really like to be able to wear spaghetti straps and halter tops again thank you all your help is appreciated!
Bebroma says:
September 18, 2007, 5:18 pm
I found that not using shampoo on my kids' hair really helped a lot. I use a weak baking soda and water solution that I got on another website, which I can't remember now!! except I weakened it even more. I use 1 teaspoon baking soda to 2 cups warm water, mostly to clean their scalp. I do this more on the older one (7) like 2-3 times a month, every now and then on the younger (4). I "wash" it with Pantene Pro-V Restoratives frizz control conditioner and then I warm up a little olive oil and massage it gently into the scalp/hair, slap a Wal-Mart bag on it, and let them play in the tub for a while. Then I rinse most of it out. I have found that Kinky-Curly stuff works really well for them right now. I used to use Baby Buttercream, I liked it a lot, but my purse likes kinky-curly stuff a little bit better. :-] It seems to be healthier and shinier than it used to be. It's so important for little girls to like their hair. I'm constantly looking for things, books, products, etc., that showcase how beautiful kinks and curls can be.
Bebroma says:
September 18, 2007, 5:43 pm
Also, StAr, another book you might want to check out is "Kids Talk Hair" by Pamela Ferrell. It's got a chapter called Teen-A-Rama Styles and another one that is about the dangers of "kiddie" perms. Does your daughter have any friends who wear their hair natural? It helps that my daughter has a couple of friends who wear natural hair at school. I'm trying to gear up for when she hits that "tween" stage your daughter is at though. If you find something that makes her feel good, let us know! so I can file it away for later.
Kiki says:
September 18, 2007, 10:56 pm
okay somebody help me out please. I haven't had a perm in three years, maybe longer by now I lost count. I've been wearing braids, micros, pieces... you all get the drift. and I don't know what to do with my hair. This may sound odd... but my hair won't nap up. I wanted a big, glorious Afro. Okay, I'd have settled for a smedium (small/meduim)size fro. But my funky hair is just that FUNKY!! I put a texturizer in for less than 5 minutes. it's more straight that wavy but just like black hair when the humidity hits... POOF!!! Okay I'm rambling but I guess the point is I didn't want a "short" fro. Does anybody have suggestions for me?
tinevimbo says:
September 19, 2007, 4:19 am
many thanks for another great and informative article, i have an 18month old girl who doesnt have a lot of hair, but people are already asking me why im not braiding her hair etc,personally i dont like it when people use relaxers on children, that should be a choice they should make on their own when they know better. for now im just happy to shave her hair all off till it starts growing more consistently.
StAr says:
September 19, 2007, 9:21 am
Hi Bebroma, all of my daughter's friends have permed hair/pressed hair and so do many of our family members. It has been an uphill battle, because she's looking at friends, family and the young girls on t.v. and I think that's why she's having such a hard time. I just never thought it would be this hard. Not, giving up and will look into "Kids Talk Hair" as well..thanks Yeah, gear up now for the long haul....lol.
nyc/caribbean ragazza says:
September 19, 2007, 10:04 am
I can't believe people would talk smack about a 3 year old. Leave Z alone!! I stopped with the chemicals nine years ago and my hair is so much healthier now. Recently, I was getting sick of the little 'fro but did not want to start with the relaxing again. I had some twists put in and I love them. I am working on a movie in Toronto and there are Afrobellas everywhere here. It's the complete opposite of L.A. All the black women on our crew rock natural hair. There is a local newscaster with twists (they look great and very professional) which is something I don't remember seeing on a major station in a big city in the U.S. It's sad that kinky hair in some people's mind = bad hair.
Bebroma says:
September 19, 2007, 10:14 am
I know, StAr, not to mention the relatives who mean to be kind and tell you...."Girl, I'll put a perm in this child's hair for you, or at LEAST press it!" Sigh. Good for you, don't give up. I agree, it's all harder than I thought, especially since drama of every sort seems to come about 5 years earlier than I remember having my own personal dramas! Hang in there. If I run across anything else, I'll let you know.
Linda says:
September 19, 2007, 11:45 am
Condition, condition, condition like your life depended on it. That's what I finally learned works for my Zulu hair after 5 years of going natural. For a long time I wore braids just so I wouldn't have to deal with my natural hair when in this country and my hair never grew. It simply broke everytime I removed old braids. I don't like sitting at the hairdressers for hours and my scalp is much to tender for any chemicals they use. I've even considered locks but that's seemed too permanent for me. Now I wear it as is and it's growing. I still struggle with breakage in Winter though. My products of choice are Motions 2-in-1 (shampoo/conditioner). I understand Shampoos make hair even more dry. I then slather their moisturizer (Motions) three nights a week. I only wash my hair at the most twice a week. I don't want to press it or use any heat on it so every night I do Bantu knots and then comb it out in the morning. I'm sure 2 strand twists could work but I don't know how to do those. Another product I use is the Suave Natural Tropicals Conditioner with Protein Extract. But Motions detangles much better for me. I think if I can somewhat tame my Zulu hair, any grade hair in its natural state can be brought into submission LOL! Check out Motions website, they have some useful information.
Trinichica says:
September 19, 2007, 12:04 pm
As of December 06, I cut off all of my permed hair and went back to my natural kinky-curly hair; I love it! I permed my hair at the age of 13 - unknown to my mother who was not pleased with my long and silky locs when she finally saw me. My sister, who has been natural for 4 - 5 yrs convinced me to let my hair grow out. Surprise-surprise my hair is curly (who knew)! I am happier now with natural hair; I never have to worry about the rain, swimming, excercising; none of the worries that I had when my hair was relaxed....relaxed hair is not relaxing..LOL. We need to encourage our children to embrace their natural beauty and the hair that they were born with. Until very recently, I used to perm my oldest daughter's hair because she is extremely tender-headed and the only way to comb her hair without the cops coming over was to perm it! She has made the decision for herself that the perm is just not worth the hair loss that she was experiencing. With a smaller child it is very hard to encourage them that they don't have to look like everyone else but the best way to show them is by example.
Trinichica says:
September 19, 2007, 12:14 pm
One more quick thing, as far as hair products go...I use a lot of conditioner and a big tooth comb...Linda is right, Conditioner is the key to managing natural hair. I also use Baby Buttercreme by Miss Jessie's. Pricey but fantastic!
jane says:
September 19, 2007, 12:51 pm
I think we as black women spend way too much time on our hair. I mean we spend too mucy time on our hair trying to make it not do what it does. I know it sucks when you're a kid and everyone had straight hair and you don't, but it's better just to embrace your uniqueness and understand your hair is never going to look like that and if you get it to look like that for a second, in second three your hair is going to fall out. Jane
Blisse says:
September 19, 2007, 3:50 pm
Having recently moved to a town where the water is hard and the selection of Black hair products limited, I found that my TWA, which is a little on the dry side normally, was getting horribly dry. I found a wonderful natural hair salon, but even their products, though they smelled nice, were not working. Then I met a young woman with beautiful two-strand twists(pulled apart). Her hair was healthy and soft (I asked her if I could touch it!)She swore by the Carol's Daughter products, so that convinced me to try them and I couldn't be happier. I use the Rosemary Shampoo, Tui Leave-In Conditioner, Lisa's Elixer and Hair Balm. I workout daily and rinse my hair between shampoos. I started using VO-5 conditioner (Full Body)as a conditioner shampoo at those times, the only non-Carol's Daughter product that I use now. My grade of hair is kinky, but now the curl is looser and softer. I'm really pleased and I'm letting grow out now. So that's my ringing endorsement of Carol's Daughter! LOL! BTW: Brad Pitt has stated that they use Carol's Daughter products on Zahara's hair. I think people just want criticize. What kid do you know who's hair is looking perfect all the time?
natashamck says:
September 19, 2007, 5:02 pm
I agree with Linda... Condition, condition, condition! Natural hair is at its best when it is adequately moisturized... I wish that I would have known at 13 what I know now - I never would have gotten a relaxer. I think that Education and Encouragement are two of the best things that we can give to little afrobellas :) Speaking of little or youger bellas, have you guys heard of Jasmine Lawrence? Someone just brought her to my attention today. She's 15 years old and is the CEO and founder of Eden Body Works, an all natural hair and skin care line... Here's her bio: http://www.edenbodyworks.com/Page.bok?template=creator After getting a relaxer at 11 and having her hair fall out - she decided to only use natural products in her hair. She just worked a deal with Wal-Mart, so I'm going to be looking for her products on my next visit...
LBellatrix says:
September 19, 2007, 10:11 pm
Re Zahara: Every time I hear someone complain about her hair, I remind them that there are a lot of BLACK mothers who don't know thing the first about their children's hair, so stop hating on Brad and Angie just because they're white parents of a black child. I think that photo may be the first one I've ever seen where she's really smiling, and she is simply beautiful. Re "unlocking": Bella, I know you visit NP, so check out the Loc forum when you get a chance. There are many threads on taking locks out/down, including mine. The short version: I started picking out 3.5-year-old locs with a push pin, but when I realized that, at 40 minutes per 10" loc and 160+ locs, it would take me the better part of two months to pick them out, I decided to cut the locs down to 3" and pick them out from there. I have "classic nappy" hair (I'm dying to know what Linda means by "Zulu hair") and I was able to pick mine out, so if I can do it, anyone can...but it does take TIME. Re kids and their hair: I don't have much to add except that I feel it's important for all of us who are natural to reinforce the concept that ALL HAIR IS GOOD no matter what the texture. Unfortunately we live in a society where people choose to take the easy way out with their daughters (relaxers, braids, etc.).
Xcentricpryncess says:
September 20, 2007, 8:27 am
Great post Bella...
kk says:
September 21, 2007, 5:44 pm
People, tightly curled hair is work and well worth the effort. All I can say is moisture, moisture, and more moisture. However people who have kids with this kind of hair kill me. Would it kill you to do a little research on kinky hair and up your ability to style it well? Before you go black how about learning how to style, BEFORE your kid feels whack.
cashe says:
September 21, 2007, 8:39 pm
Anyone try mixed chicks hair products? i just got some samples for my little girl, she is 2. The conditioner worked pretty good at keeping her hair curly and soft, but there is no shine to her hair. I was thinking of ordering miss jessies baby butter cream, but will it work on her biracial 3c hair. PLEASE SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. Much love bella,LOVE this site.
cashe says:
September 21, 2007, 8:45 pm
Oh yes by the way, im one of those black mothers who needs help caring for her childs hair.LEAVE THE JOLIE-PITTS ALONE. HATERS!
jane says:
September 22, 2007, 4:59 am
"Angie needs to head over to LA’s East Side and get a professional to do her up right!”" from D Listed That's crazy. There are no black hair salongs on the "East Side" and it's eastside. That idiot on that blog doesn't even know LA...I think Z's hair is cute. It doesn't crazy or weird or uncombed. I'm not a big movie star person, but I like Angeline Jolie, she's cool and she seems sincere, crazy, but sincere. Jane
JLarae says:
September 22, 2007, 12:16 pm
I myself have had a perm since the age of five, and my hair is perfectly fine.Perms are fine, all you have to do is maintain them, honestly children with unruly hair don't deserve the stress of walking around feeling inadequate because of their hair. Children with rough or course hair tend to be very self conscious about it, and perming it will only add to their self confidence, and enable them to focus on things more important such as school, not their hair. Parents do our children a favor, lets do the thinking for them, PERM THEIR HAIR. And maintain it, a child cannot maintain their hair alone, and trust me you will see the transformation of the physical appearance of their hair, along with their self esteem. All little girls deserve to feel beautiful, and we all know African American women really take pride in our hair, and it is also instilled in our children. And to those who look at perms as a way of conforming, you are wrong, this isn't about society and their views, it about your childs happiness and overall well being. Perm is a simple solution to some self esteem issues youg children have, so save your kid a trip to a therapist in about 10 years when they are still have "self Esteem Issues".A mere perm costs a fraction of the emotional, and monetary damages that not perming would cause. Perm $5.99 or Therapist costs for a year $3,000 you do the math.
laurbabes says:
September 22, 2007, 12:45 pm
JLARAE I couldn't agree with you more. My mother began perming my hair at a very young age, because it was so curly and thick and she didnt know what to do with it, but she rarely ever left it out. She would put it in two braids..or braid it all and it was always down my back. When I was about 15, I experienced a bad perm at the salon and a lot of my hair fell out. That didn't stop me though, and it's not about the need to conform. I like my hair straight and that's what I'll do. Also if you ladies haven't tried this product called Ojon, you really should they sell it at places like Sephora and QVC.com. It is wonderful and repaired my hair and made it look like it never has before.It's also safe enough to use on kids hair, it's made from some a nut and used by a tribe in the Amazon.
Koko says:
September 23, 2007, 12:16 am
smh @ JLarae
Claire says:
September 23, 2007, 9:48 am
Hi, I would like to respond to the wonderfull response that I have recived from afrobella! First just to clear things up a bit. Esther is not my daughter, I would love to have her, but she is my friends daughter.Her mother comes from Kenya, but because of the fact that she works 12 hour shifts, she does´nt always have the time to take care of her babies hair...I try my best but as I said I am not an afican woman and I am really thankfull for any advice! We live in Germany and we just don´t have many salons for African women here. We have stores called afroshops where they sell anything from wefts, and skin creams to dried fish. To all of you that live in America or other countires be thankfull that you can go to the beauty salon or the cosmetic store and find products made for dark skin. Now to Esther We have braided Esthers hair into cornrows, and then sewed in a few wefts of hair into the back of her head. We left her natural hair out on the top and are treating it with a few of the recipes that we found thanks to Afrobella! Unfortunatly I could not convince Esther that she was beautifull without the wefts.....She is very happy right now and is always doing her hair. I hope that her hair grows under the wefts. I wash her hair once a week in the salon, we spend hours styling. It is a lot of fun to sitt with her and have girl talks!! Thanks agian for your help
LBellatrix says:
September 23, 2007, 5:36 pm
OMG. Therapy costs because of HAIR? Wow. I was brutally teased as a child and my hair (which was chemical-free, nappy, relatively short, and usually "done" in dookie braids without extensions) was probably the fourth reason on the list, below being a dark-skinned black girl (1), being smart (2), and wearing glasses (3). Now granted I grew up in the 70s before kiddie perms and extensions became really popular but trust me, hair hate existed even then. The "natural" was dying out, especially in the formerly white suburbs which black folks like my parents were integrating. Trust me: What self-esteem issues I had had absolutely NOTHING to do with my hair or its texture. Do you REALLY HONESTLY THINK that, in the absence of naps, kids won't find something ELSE to tease a child with? Do you REALLY HONESTLY THINK that being just like everyone else is the number-one thing parents should teach their kids? People like you are the very same kind who will get plastic surgery for their Down's Syndrome kid, or hormone treatments for their dwarf kid, just so they won't get teased. People like you are WHY it's so hard for black women to truly accept themselves as God's creation. Honestly: YOUR narrow definition of pride and self-esteem (namely: being just like everyone else, i.e. not "nappy") I can do without. And I hope to God you and your kids stay far away from me and mine.
Bebroma says:
September 23, 2007, 6:45 pm
On the issue of perming a child's hair, a couple of my friends are professional beauticians...about 3 years ago, we were talking, and while they make their living relaxing hair, etc., they felt that it was not a good idea to apply chemicals to a child that young. I don't think perming a child's hair makes you a bad parent, but at the same time, it's not on the list of things that makes you a good one, either, or an indicator that you care more about your child's self-esteem than those who choose not to relax their child's hair. As was mentioned, you have to take care of the hair, regardless. I have seen plenty of very little girls with permed hair with edges that looked chewed because it wasn't cared for. If the only way that a little girl feels beautiful or can take pride in her hair is if her hair is relaxed, well....hmmm. Again, I don't think perming your kid's hair makes you a bad parent...there are WAY more things than that that make a bad parent. Your kid, your rules, your decisions. At the same time, however, I strongly believe God don't like ugly and He don't make ugly, including our hair, and I do feel that teaching anyone our hair is ugly, especially our little girls, is a shame.
Bebroma says:
September 23, 2007, 6:53 pm
cashe, I really, really liked the Baby Buttercream, it really smooths the flyaways and edges and brings out the curl pattern...I found that I didn't always get the shine I wanted for my kids, so again, I put a little warm olive oil on it after I washed it, and that gave me the shine I wanted. Different things work for different people, though. Try a small sample first and see what you think. I like Knot Today and Curling Custard by kinky-curly, too, but they have HORRID customer service. I'm getting ready to order more of their product, I think I'm going to order it through a different company.
roslynholcomb says:
September 24, 2007, 11:06 pm
I think putting toxic chemicals on a child's hair is criminal and should be prosecuted as child abuse. Some of these kids are toddlers, and as the mother of a toddler, I can't imagine putting Drano (and yes, relaxers and Drano have the same chemical component) on my child's head. I can barely get my son to sit still for a haircut, the idea of trying to relax a toddler's hair is insane. They jump, they move, they run. They're in perpetual motion. What happens if you get this godawful chemical in their eyes? Are we really this insane? JLarae, you are a total nutjob. Your knowledge of adolescent psych is absolutely nonexistent and I'm stating that as an expert in the field.
lioness says:
September 26, 2007, 6:23 pm
To JLarae and laurbabes, I don't think a mother should perm their daughters hair to make them happy. The people who makes a child feel inadequate about themselves are ignorant, close-minded adult and children who don't know any better. Why should black girls feel inadequate with their natural, God-given hair? Do we say that white people are people with natural straight hair should get it permed to look curly because straight hair makes them feel inadequate? Also, perming a child's hair never made any child feel self-confident, it's about the love and attention they get at home first and foremost. If you give a child love, affection, reassurance, affirmation and self-confidence in themselves at home, they'll carry that out into the world so giving them a perm has nothing to do with it. Learn what works best with your child's natural hair and then they'll have confidence in themselves because they know that mommy took time to find out what worked for them and not just gave in and got them a perm, one that they didn't need in the first place.
lioness says:
September 26, 2007, 6:26 pm
To Bebroma about the Kinky-Curly products you can go on a website called NaturallyCurly.com and they have the products there and you can buy it there. They have excellent customer service there and they ship your products pretty fast. Hope that helps you.
Bebroma says:
September 27, 2007, 4:41 am
Thank you, lioness!
suraysmom says:
October 10, 2007, 1:08 pm
I am a woman with relaxed hair. My 15 month old daughter has natural hair and my plan is for her to continue to keep her hair naturally curly. I am doing tons of research on products that will work best in her hair so that hair her will not only look healthy but Be healthy. My mother relaxed my hair. I don't agree that she should have been prosecuted criminally for that because I love my mother and I know she did the best she could with what she knew and had. To judge people on the choices they make because you wouldn't make them or because you know better, doesn't make you any "better". I am my mother's daughter but I'm making a decision that I feel is in the best interest of my child just like she did for me and I am not mad at her for it. She didn't tell me something was wrong with my hair. I think she simply didn't know how else to deal with my hair with the time constraints and resources that she had. I am happy to see that there is so much information available to us today through the internet especially that my mother could never experience.
Lori says:
November 11, 2007, 1:59 am
right on Jane! Too bad not everybody has strong parents to drill in that positivity, as we all know peer pressure can be a britch. But what you have said is the truth!
STB Imani says:
February 4, 2008, 2:54 pm
I have a 2 year old daughter. Her hair is excessively dry. I want to use products that are natural and deliver shine as well make her hair softer. Someone please help me and let me know of some products.
yusuf ahhmed says:
December 25, 2008, 5:18 pm
hi im yosef and all the hair problem since to be the african kids. not all african people have bad hair ok little zahara is only a child later when she reaches 13-15 her hair will be very long trust almost all ethiopian people have long hair and are very lightining i have a neighbor who is ethiopian and she has to kids named liya&rebeca the are 100% ethiopian and theyre hair are long its up to theyre lower back. i garantee that zahara will be the most beautiful black child in l.A who is a foreighn born and raised with american parents. if my prediction is not true then i suckbut if its true ull be amazed
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November 15, 2010, 1:23 pm
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