IMO, most magazine sex advice is good for one thing.



Seriously, my husband and I read Cosmo’s sex tips when we’re in line at the grocery store and just LOL. As The Frisky says: “while many of Cosmo‘s columns are relatively harmless, the “Things to Try In Bed” features are occasionally so far off track that they threaten to ruin relationships and mental health.”

Cosign that.

In fact, lots of the intimate advice and product reviews (particularly those in print) can be impractical, and in my belief, is often churned out by people who just need to turn in a new column to their editors ASAP without regard for what feels good and what doesn’t, or by writers who may have never managed to sustain a successful, long-term relationship.

I’ve been married for 7 years, and my husband and I have been together as a couple for a decade. And I believe marriage gets a bad rap as being an indicator of some kind of romantic doldrums. That isn’t my experience, and it shouldn’t be yours, either. However, I will say that marriage (and long term monogamy in general) requires creativity.

Before I jump into this post, I’d like to preface this by saying — my mama reads this blog. So does my dad. And my mom-in-law, sister, brothers, etc. And I have lots of readers who are young, or more conservative in their outlook on certain things. I respect all of you (and myself) enough to not share information that’s embarrassing, or to change the direction of this blog into something it’s not. Please know that.

I resisted the urge to write a more adult post for a while now, but I was recently emboldened and inspired by Oprah’s special adults-only episode starring Jenna Jameson. That and a discussion with Mama Bella. I know if I can share information of this nature with her, I can share it with my bellas! Like the Candyman says, “everyone should love this, cause everybody does it!”

Having offered that preface, please feel free to click here for a more innocuous post. But if you’re an adult who’s interested in learning more about some grown and sexy gift ideas to make your holiday season sizzle, you may want to continue reading.

OK…where was I? Oh yes, creativity. It’s easy to feel stuck in a comfortable rut, or to find yourself in an uninspiring routine when you’ve been with the same person for a long time. That’s when you might want to spice things up with a special stocking stuffer for your significant other. How spicy? Well, that’s up to you.

You can do some one-stop-sexytime shopping at Eden Fantasys — the online store sells everything from toys to lingerie and far, far beyond. And Afrobella readers are in luck — you can include code “EFLUVS2010” to receive 15% off anything from the site!


I got my hot little hands on the Weekender Kit by Kama Sutra — it’s the size of your palm, and comes packed with enough fun little products-to-try to last you through many a chilly holiday weekend. Honey Dust is delish, the teeny feather applicator is fun (and even moreso if you use a blindfold), and the oil of love manages to both heat and cool wherever you apply it. $28 for an awesomely naughty and nice holiday prezzie.

If you’re seeking something that’s more of a gift for you (and what’s wrong with that?) I have a particular brand recommendation. Two words — Fun Factory. This German-based erotic toy company has something for the most hesitant to the most adventurous among us. They’re cute and innocuous looking, and they’re of incredible quality, too!

Those vibrating condom thingies sure are popular these days…but I’m not a fan of them, myself. I hate having to futz around with tiny buttons or doohickeys while in the throes of passion, and my husband doesn’t love it either. So if you want the effect without the drama, you may want to consider the Fukuoku finger massager or a pair of Fukuoku Gloves.


Another fun stocking stuffer that can be for him (but is really for you) — KY Intense. Let’s clear up some misconceptions right off the bat. This isn’t a lubricant, it’s an “arousal gel.” You really really REALLY don’t want to use more than a teeny-tiny drop of this, or you risk experiencing numbness (and nobody wants that during intimacy, right?) It’s both warming and cooling, and comes in a slender little black container that’s perfect for a Christmas stocking. The cons: it costs $25, kind of smells like pain-relieving liniment, and doesn’t work for everyone. Judging from the reviews I’m seeing online, there are many confused customers out there. I have yet to review the KY Yours + Mine couples lubricant, but I’ve heard better anecdotes about it — and it’s more affordable at $17.

Just for the record, I had quite the eyebrow-raising discussion with my mom about owning and potentially reviewing products of this nature. My thing is, I believe that life is to be savored and lived to the fullest, most beautiful capacity in every sense. I sincerely hope I didn’t offend anyone with this very different kind of Afrobella post, my goal was to share some recent discoveries that could in turn, make your romantic life a bit more fun as well.

I’m really looking forward to your comments. Would you like to see more of this kind of thing, or nada mas? Let me know what you think either way!



DNLee says:
December 11, 2009, 3:26 pm
thanks for sharing. it was adult themed without being over the top.
b. says:
December 11, 2009, 3:47 pm
What DNLee said. You keep it tasteful, Afrobella, and I appreciate that.
Delesa J says:
December 11, 2009, 3:55 pm
Hi Afrobella, I thought your adult blog was great. It was done with class and didn't go over the top. I love your writing/blog and as a new and upcoming blogger I learn a lot from you and other writers, so thank you.
Brown-eyed Girl says:
December 11, 2009, 4:14 pm
This was a good post; please do it again anytime!
kimmbot says:
December 11, 2009, 4:21 pm
Good for you for posting this! Grown-ups can talk about grown-up things while still being classy and tasteful, and this post is proof. When you first started talking about doing this post, I always really hoped you'd go through with it. There's a lot of mis-information out there, like that junk in Cosmo - and I think it's just because we don't talk about this stuff. You always keep it classy, I really admire you <3
shay-d-lady says:
December 11, 2009, 4:50 pm
I would love to read more. Me and my hubby have a great relationship but we have been together for 8 years..I do want to know how other's keep it fresh and whats going on with out embarrasment. I love it and you did it in your normal afrobella style; which is to say classy and down to earth. Keep'em coming!!!!
Phyrra says:
December 11, 2009, 5:10 pm
I would love to see more like this! The Fukuoku finger massager is one of my favorite toys and I even bought it for my best friend when I found out that she had never purchased any toys! I told her she needed this one.
Nadine Jolie says:
December 11, 2009, 5:14 pm
Excellent post, Patrice! You could never be anything but classy, informative and fabulous--whatever the topic.
KGold says:
December 11, 2009, 5:38 pm
Thank you for the tips. For those budget friendly people out there simple satin scarf can be very useful for a little adult funtime creativity. :-)
Christine says:
December 11, 2009, 5:43 pm
Bella I thought this was a great post, but then again, I am not one to blush at something a little racier than the norm. Nothing offensive at all. Really. I'll have to look into the finger massager.
Tahitian Moon says:
December 11, 2009, 7:30 pm
I cosign with everyone above. I'm an adult and have absolutely no objection to people taking about love, sex, whateves in a classy way. You always handle touchy subjects with elegance and grace. Love you!
nonfictions says:
December 11, 2009, 8:32 pm
I really enjoyed the post. I would love more posts like this, but it's all about what YOU'RE comfortable writing about. I know you're taking into account the fact that so many different types of people (family, kids, conservatives, etc) that read this blog and you want to keep it classy.
warrior11209 says:
December 11, 2009, 9:59 pm
Definitely delve into more adult posts - as previous posts have said - you did this in a tasteful and classy manner. As a woman married for 20 yrs(together 30 yrs this Wednesday), I know that creativity is a a must to keep thisngs fresh . When I was younger (and dumber) I read and followed Cosmos advance - what a joke! lol
Maria L. says:
December 11, 2009, 10:52 pm
You know what, I really appreciated this kind of post. I'd love to see more of this nature.
crystal g. says:
December 12, 2009, 5:03 am
I love this post. Your blogs are appealing because they come from a sincere heart of a afro-woman in americal. I'm happy you decided to not stop at just comfortable subjects. And... i own a big container of honey dust- it's great for my face. I have dry skin, so i slather on an oil-based moisturizer (yes, on my face)and use the feather-duster to apply the honey dust on my face. It leaves my skin flawless and silky.
Motown Mama says:
December 12, 2009, 12:13 pm
To quote a previous poster: "Good for you for posting this! Grown-ups can talk about grown-up things while still being classy and tasteful, and this post is proof." Excellent job Afrobella! This felt like real advice from sunday brunch with the girlfriends. I for one wouldn't mind more occasional posts like this in the future. Work it bella!
bella says:
December 12, 2009, 1:16 pm
Thank you ALL for your feedback! Woosah - you don't know how long it took me to work up the courage to write this. So now I feel a bit more empowered and brave. But this is as adult as it'll get around here! So far only positive responses!
Nikkib says:
December 12, 2009, 2:32 pm
GREAT Post!!!! We want more!!!!
Lilia says:
December 12, 2009, 6:08 pm
Love it! Love it! Love it! Ordering something right now!
gina says:
December 12, 2009, 8:33 pm
great ideas. Now if only you could give some hints on how one should talk one's partner into trying this stuff. I've been married for 5 years now and we're in a definite rut, though I'm the only one that thinks there is one. Thanks for tackling this in your normally tactful and eloquent way, bella!
bella says:
December 13, 2009, 12:12 am
Gina, I'd say it starts with knowing what YOU like. If you know what turns you on or feels good to you, then you can start making careful suggestions to your partner. And then you can get the both of you a little present. If these seem too expensive, then consider making some "love coupons" for Christmas or Valentine's your partner knows they can cash in anytime! I will definitely do another post like this. Maybe for Valentine's Day!
pets says:
December 14, 2009, 4:17 pm
Classy and fun while being informative. All readers should feel comfortable with what you wrote. Valentine's would be a good date for a next post because as you say yours isn't a relationship blog.
BlackBetty says:
December 14, 2009, 4:54 pm
I love Fun Factory! They make awesome products in medical grade silicone, so no funky smells and no leaking chemicals. I can't wait to see what your next adult post has to offer. I love these products and am always looking for the next sizzling thing.
KindredSmile says:
December 15, 2009, 1:54 pm
This post was a wonderful read - I've bookmarked it for further, ahem, research. :-)
Jwana says:
December 15, 2009, 2:37 pm
I didn't find this post the least bit offensive. As a matter of fact I thought it was very helpful in a real way. We really need to take the taboo out of topics like these and start being honest with ourselves about what we like and don't like. Keep up the good work. Thanks.
Ms Jackson says:
December 17, 2009, 3:47 pm
Keep em coming.
e'Leo says:
January 22, 2010, 1:58 am
Bravo, y'all inspiring and fun and crisp and clean and uplifting! and ya make me wanta go to church for ritual
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