I think I cracked the code to making a successful product for the African American hair care market. Y’all ready? Name your product “African Magical Miracle Organic Super Gro Oil” and it will fly off the shelves.
The contents don’t matter. You can just mix together a bunch of chemicals that don’t do your hair any favors, like cones and alcohol – just make sure you include an ingredient that causes scalp tingling, so your customers “know it’s working.” Or repackage the same old greasy hair dressing and repackage it with a snazzy new bottle. Even better, you can sell creamy crack and claim that it’ll help your hair grow longer. Judging from the products I’ve been seeing on the store shelves, it seems that all you need are those key words. I learned from the pros.
The first time I saw the Dr. Miracle commercial on a random Saturday afternoon on BET, I was like… WTF? Oh how I wish their commercial was on You Tube so I could share it with all of you. It’s high-larious.
Even their Website is crazy. Dr. Miracle’s products contain the “Feel IT Formula,” which promises a tingling sensation, and many products also include the “Thermalceutialâ„¢ complex”, which is purported to penetrate scalp, healing dryness, flaking and itching.Sounds great, right? Almost too good to be true, no? The Dr. Miracle site doesn’t break down the ingredients, but check out this link to Dr. Miracle’s Hot Gro. The first ingredient is Petrolatum, the third is Mineral Oil. I haven’t tried Dr. Miracle, but judging from what I know about those ingredients, their claims of miraculous hair growth are dubious at best.
Same goes for Amazing Length Triple Gro. Same bad-for-you ingredients, same fancy explanation using diagrams to demonstrate “how our products work”. Again, I haven’t tried this stuff, so I can’t say uncategorically that it sucks. But I can speak from experience, and I will say this. There is no way you can get me to believe that any hair relaxer – even one that calls itself “Grolaxer” can make my hair grow.
I slathered that creamy crack on for years, and I tried every brand on the market. All it does it weaken your hair and burn your scalp.
Anyone who’s tried “grolaxer” and experienced hair growth, feel free to dispute what I say.
I made a solemn vow to myself some years ago – if the hairdresser needs rubber gloves to protect her hands from the product she’s slathering on my scalp, I don’t need to use it.
I too have fallen into the “Gro” trap, and I’ve actually purchased quite a few of these products. I think my first was the ever-popular African Pride Magical Gro.
You know, “The Original”. Ahem, not to be confused with African Royal Super G.R.O or Africa’s Best Super Gro, although I bet all of these products are more or less the same. After all, they’re all “enriched with African herbs and vitamins!” And we don’t need to know what those are, exactly.
I never had much of a problem with African Pride, but having used almost all of their “Gro Products” I can tell you honestly that they didn’t make my hair grow so much as one inch. But they have a mild and pleasant scent that reminds me of combing my hair as a child (I guess the first time we bought any African Pride stuff was when I was maybe 8. I distinctly remember a jar of Miracle Creme on my mother’s dresser).
I don’t see their products in local stores anymore, which is a shame. If I saw African Pride for sale, I probably would buy a jar just for sentimental value. It would be like buying a jar of T.C.B. Just to remind you of how far black hair care products have come.
I’ve tried Doo Gro and Wild Growth Oil, too. The Wild Growth Website cracks me up! “You can wear a wig, weave, or extensions or… pour yourself a whole new head of hair with Wild Growth Oil!” Ha haaaaaaaaaaaaa! I was especially amused by the testimonials from people only identified by their initials. I bought the bottle a while back, but I do recall that Wild Growth Oil had an um, distinctive odor. I wouldn’t repurchase, and I didn’t notice significant results.
The chemical straightener noticeably truncated my hair growth. Finally, four years into going completely natural, I am starting to really notice healthy hair growth. I don’t believe any magical oil on the market made it happen for me. I think following honest hair growth tips, like those on Motown Girl’s site helped. Most importantly, I treat my hair gently and with love, like I would treat an antique silk kimono. I am not rough in my combing or styling, I try to use the gentlest and most nurturing products on the market, and I know that no one remedy will result in Crystal Gayle hair.
Like with weight loss, there is no miracle pill that can guarantee hair growth; although a healthy lifestyle and drinking water seems to help with both goals.