It could be someone you’ve known all your life, a girl you grew up playing hopscotch with. Or maybe it’s a cool, quirky chick who you hit it off with at college. Either way, your amiga, the girl you called sister, who you’ve laughed, cried, and spent a hell of a lot of time with seems suddenly different.
Maybe she’s sent you a nasty phone message for no good reason. Or you’ve started hearing through the grapevine that your “BFF” has been saying terrible things about you behind your back. Or perhaps it’s a more instinctive reaction that you just can’t put your finger on – you don’t like the way you feel when you are in her company, and when she calls you are sluggish to answer the phone because her vibes have become toxic.
Your friend has morphed into a frenemy and the break-up is imminent and necessary.
Y’all can’t tell me you haven’t been here before. I have been both the breaker-upper and the one broken up with. There is pain on either side of this excruciating situation. The end of a friendship can be more painful than the end of a romance, because of the expectation of sisterhood.
When a woman does you wrong, often it comes out of nowhere. One day everything’s fine, the next she’s giving you the evil eye. Or not returning your phone calls. Friendships can end over money, gossip, and guys. But the most common reason is straight up jealousy.
I found this cute little quiz that helps you identify what kind of bad friend you have. I’ve dealt with the “self-absorbed friend”, the “competitive friend”, and worst of all, the “bitter friend.” How many have you had?
I always assumed that frenemy situations would have ended with high school drama, but no – they persisted in college. And similar situations happen in the workplace. Heck, my mama’s in her sixties and she still has to deal with petty attitudes and inexplicable behavior from women her own age who should really know better.
I wish this could be the kind of post where I end with some kind of helpful conclusion, and tips on how to soothe the sting of a frenemy. Honestly, I believe most everything happens for a reason. Life is just too short to waste on toxic emotions and negative people.
I think Bob Marley’s “Who The Cap Fit” says it best:
Some will hate you, pretend they love you now
Then behind they try to eliminate you
But who Jah bless, no one curse
Thank God we’re past the worse
So how do you get over a frenemy? Knowing inside that you’re a good person helps. Having true friends, family, and the support of a soul mate to remind you of that is essential. Personally, the only things that have really helped to get me through those rough times where a friend has deliberately hurt me, or I have realized that I needed to end a friendship are introspection and time.
Introspection to help me analyze what (if anything) I did to hurt my former friend, or if I had any role to play in ruining the friendship. Introspection to help me grow from the experience. Time to get over the pain that only a so-called sister can cause, and to become a better person because of it.
What feels like a grievious wound today can fade to a barely-noticeable scar in a month or two.