Natural Attitudes — Taking the Plunge
How old am I in this photo? It looks like it was taken at our old house in Belmont, so I couldn’t have been older than four. And already my little face is drawn and my eyes are troubled at having to wear rollers and get my hair done.
Our hair issues start so early. From early childhood, we’re encouraged to tame it with products, to control our curls (by creating bigger, heat-processed curls), to somehow disguise our “bad hair” and create the illusion of “good hair”, better living through chemistry. And if our roots dare show (such a bitter double-entendre on that word, roots), we perm them to high hell every six weeks to keep up appearances. And our family and friends have all compounded those feelings through years of learned good intentions.
“Do something with that head of yours.” “Can you even pass a comb through that?” “Your hair looks like Buckwheat/ Sideshow Bob/ a Brillo pad/ a ju ju warrior.” I see it as an institutionalized chain of self-loathing. But according to this utterly amazing Miami Herald article about the culture of hair and blackness in the Dominican Republic, generations of women see it as self-love.
“Several women said the cultural rejection of African looking hair is so strong that people often shout insults at women with natural curls. “I cannot take the bus because people pull my hair and stick combs in it,” said wavy haired performance artist Xiomara Fortuna. “They ask me if I just got out of prison. People just don’t want that image to be seen.”
The hours spent on hair extensions and painful chemical straightening treatments are actually an expression of nationalism, said Ginetta Candelario, who studies the complexities of Dominican race and beauty at Smith College in Massachusetts. And to some of the women who relax their hair, it’s simply a way to have soft manageable hair in the Dominican Republic’s stifling humidity.
“It’s not self-hate,” Candelario said. “Going through that is to love yourself a lot. That’s someone saying, ‘I am going to take care of me.’ It’s nationalist, it’s affirmative and celebrating self.”
Money, education, class — and of course straight hair — can make dark-skinned Dominicans be perceived as more “white,” she said. Many black Dominicans here say they never knew they were black — until they visited the United States.”
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. There are so many issues to unpack in this article, even in this little passage from it. I’m going to start at the bottom and work my way up.
[edited at 7:20 a.m. In addition to other issues with the controversial Miami Herald article Black Denial, two of the main sources have complained of being misrepresented. Please click here to read a response written by two Dominican graduate students at Howard University, Christina Violeta Jones and Pedro R. Rivera. This was first published in Clutch Magazine, and it includes letters written by Dr. Ramona Hernandez, Director of the CUNY Dominican Studies Institute at City College in New York City, and Dr. Ginetta E. B. Candelario, Professor of Sociology at Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts. I found Dr. Candelario's quote about "self love" to be the most alarming quote in the article. Her rebuttal states in part, that the comments attributed to her were "a shockingly simplistic and distorted misrepresentation both of the research I presented at the Dominican Studies Institute in the fall of 2006, for which Ms. Robles was present, and of the interview I granted her afterwards." She concludes by saying that "In lieu of engaging any of that research, the article resorts to facile attributions of self-hatred, denial or social pathology to Dominicans as whole. The reality - historic and contemporary - is far more complex than that." I'm very interested in hearing a Dominican response to this article, now that I know there are two sides to it. But back to the larger points I was trying to make].
That idea, that someone could not know that they are black “until they visited the United States,” also exists in my country, and I’m willing to wager that it’s a common adage in countries where everyone’s skin is a shade of brown and prejudice becomes based less on black versus white, but on the subtle shades of skin tone. Usually, it’s said with relish and ugly delight, behind someone’s back. And now that I think about it, I really have known people who deny their blackness, or try to mask it by any means necessary. I know a mother who regularly used skin lightener on her baby, because “the child came out too dark.”
I used to hang out with this girl in my high school days who was always loud and had a chip on her shoulder. (Why was I friends with her? Hindsight is 20/20, my friends). She once told me with a smirk, that I could go to a rasta party in a bad part of St. James but she couldn’t, “because you would fit in better. You’re blacker than me.” Lucky for her, her ignorance rendered me speechless. Later on, after she left, I dreamed up the sweetest string of cuss words ever. But that always happens long after the moment has passed, doesn’t it?
Let me contextualize my outrage: This was coming from a person whose parents are practically the same skin shade as my parents, a person who also had curly, afro-textured hair. My skin is a couple shades darker than hers, but the idea that I was somehow “blacker than her” and could therefore venture into rougher neighborhoods spoke directly to her own, carefully crafted self-image. Let the record show: I did go to the party, I had a great time, and I bet she’d have been surprised to know that there were people of all races there, including several noticeably foreign, white tourists. And they were all having a good time too. She missed out on a lot of fun because of her unfounded prejudices. Now, that girl lives in Florida and the last I heard, she was working as a waitress at a restaurant with a reputation for roaches. I wonder if the adage has proven to be true for her. I wonder what that adage even means, because I find it hard to understand how an adult person could honestly and completely not know what their racial identity is. Somebody please explain that to me. The issues behind this are big enough to warrant another post at another time. I gotta talk about the hair thing right now.
I grew up in the kind of culture that Ginetta Candelario speaks of, a “pain is beauty” culture where many women are encouraged to start creating the illusion of straight hair from an early age. Having grown up in that culture, I can’t agree that the practice of straightening hair generally comes from self-love. I did it to be accepted. I relaxed my hair to fit in, and to be considered attractive in the same way that my girlfriends were. I did it for eighteen years. But I hated everything about the process. I hated the stink of the chemicals, I hated the burning, I hated that I needed to go back and get my fix every six weeks, lest my real texture ruin the illusion. The processes made my hair brittle and weak, and I hated how it looked. I got a pixie cut, so I wouldn’t be rocking one of those stubby little barely-there ponytails. (I know you know what I’m talking about). And I’m sure that there were many, many other women who felt the same way I did.
I also know that there are many women who don’t feel as strongly anti-straightener as I do. For many women, it ain’t that serious. It’s just hair, and they can switch the style up whenever they want with wigs or weaves, or hot combs. I admire that versatility, but I’m happy to work with what I’ve got right now. For me, my hair feels like an extension of me. It’s who I am. For me, it’s not just a hair style, it’s a life style.
I know that some of the members of my family straighten their hair because they love the look of it, they love the feel of it. But I also know that some of the members of my family are damaging their hair with chemicals. I’m sure that they do it out of routine, expectations, and just plain not knowing how to deal with their natural texture. I think that many women would love to go natural, but they just aren’t sure how. Or they’re afraid of how their hair will look because they’re never let it grow naturally, they’re worried about what people will think. They worry that their husbands or boyfriends or men in general won’t find them as beautiful. And in the case of the Dominican Republic that is presented in the Miami Herald article, apparently they’re painfully aware that the whole society will reject them. That’s a whole lot of pressure to conform.
If you’re considering going natural, I’d like to take this opportunity to dispel some falsehoods and address 50% of the Ask Afrobella questions I haven’t gotten around to yet.
Natural hair isn’t THAT hard to care for. Sure, transitioning can be traumatic if you’re not used to having hair with its own will. But if you learn how to work with it, your rewards will be great. Imagine being able to go swimming and get your hair wet without worrying about ruining your do. Imagine having fun outdoors, or working out as often as you’d like because you don’t have to worry about sweating out your roots. Imagine being able to wake up, wash, style, and go without spending an hour fussing with a flat iron. Imagine fluffing your fro or pulling back your locs and looking effortlessly cute after riding in a convertible. Imagine having healthy, strong hair that’s nourished and undamaged by heat, harsh treatments and processes.
If you go natural, it can take a while to find the perfect product for you. I’m not even gonna lie. Not every thing works for everybody. My advice is, try as many at home hair recipes as you can. Motown Girl and Anita Grant and Nappturality are incredible resources of information. Do your research on any of the favorite product lines you hear the most about in natural hair circles, or on websites like Nappturality, or Motown Girl. Do price and ingredient comparisons on Anita Grant, Miss Jessie’s, Carol’s Daughter, Curls, Kinky Curly, Qhemet, and Oyin. Read product reviews. Educate yourself on ingredients and hair types. Don’t go into transitioning without knowing to expect. Make sure you’re good and ready and don’t plan to turn back any time soon before you quit the fire cream cold turkey.
Natural hair can be gorgeous on everybody, but I think many women of color don’t realize or don’t believe that. Wearing a big mop of free form curls, a crown of twists, or a regal mane of locs is a guaranteed attention getter, and it takes confidence. I can’t tell you how many people – men and women of varied races – have given me unsolicited compliments on my natural hair. Little kids love it. Why? Because it looks healthy and distinctive and cool, and I wear it with pride. I still get the classic Trini “what’s happening with your hair” attitude when I get home, but it’s no thing. Those comments always come from empty vessels. Respond with a warm smile, good humor, and a laid back attitude, and they’ll slink away looking like fools. My friend Melissa calls it “taking the high road.” It’s hard to do, but I try my best.
I’d like to think that acceptance of natural hair is becoming more common. At least here in Miami, I’m noticing more and more black and Latina women wearing their hair in eye-catching au natural styles rather than using heat or chemicals to straighten their hair. Here’s hoping that more and more women of color recognize that black skin is beautiful in all of its tints and tones. Natural black hair is gorgeous and good. And owning your heritage — celebrating the color of your skin, the shape of your nose, the curves of your body, the true texture of your hair — feels incredibly liberating. I couldn’t recommend it more.
Much thanks to Nichelle for sending me the Miami Herald article, and to Mademoiselle M for Clutch’s rebuttal.
Category: Ask Afrobella, Hair, Issues
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Thank You Bella, yes I wrote that — it was from my own hair experience….glad to share!!
Bellas, I wanted to share one more poem that ultimately shows the unity that we still must have as black women of all hair types and skin colors. Regardless of our shades and hair types, we are complex, smart, beautiful women. Our differences are what make us beautiful. My grandma has natural hair like me and my mother has a perm, both women are strong black women that worked hard to support our family.
my skin
for Nina Simone
my skin is blackyellowtanbrown
and it darkens in the sun,
whether i want it to or not….
it tells you what you think I am
it precedes me
so it must be important
cause all of these things run through your mind
when I pass by.
my skin is blackyellowtanbrown and every shade between
it’s funny how i’m always here
but seldomn seen.
but thats fine
my hair is nappystraightdreadedpermed
i am a plethora of things between
a writerpoetsistaqueen
that’s me.
B. McCrary — Copyright McCrary Publishing 2005
Haitiangurl, I find it funny that you come on this site to complain – it’s called afrobella and it’s pretty much a hair and beauty site. Bt you want bella to talk about much more than hair and beauty and get into topics her site is not about.
and I just HAD to go and find your comment on the Miss Jessies post and yes you say that dividing the community into straight and afro bellas is wrong but you end it by saying and i quote “I heart your site afrobella and think your a true model of acceptance and open-mindedness making this blog such a breath of fresh air! nothin’ but luv for bellas worldwide -” but all of a sudden there is bias now in your eyes. all she did was talk about to the article she read and relate her own experiences
i don’t think afrobella wrote this to divide the community i think afrobella wrote this to reach out to that percent of women who are using chemicals because they don’t see another way of wearing their hair. she is trying to tell them there is a healthy alternative and they dont need to conform to a eurocentric standard of beauty any more. and i don’t see that perspective in any magazines or beauty websites besides this one. so i appreciate it.
i am a very light skinded black woman with green eyes and all my life i straightened my hair and ppl usd to tell me i look like a little white girl (as if that’s the best compliment in the world). when i was old enough to do my own hair and MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS i went natural. I let my ROOTS grow out to SAY IT LOUD I AM BLACK AND I AM PROUD. that was my reason for stopping the lye and i applaud anyone who has the balls to do the same thing we are making a statement here and there is strength in numbers
GOD BLESS
All of you saying that it’s “just hair” need to get a clue…or else give me a ticket to that land of unicorns & rainbow Skittles that you’re living in, cause I wanna go somewhere where for Black people, & in particular, Black women, it’s “just hair”. Now, I already said that no, it’s not my place to get up on my “holier than thou” natural high horse re: people who still choose to relax/straighten, but I’m gonna get real. Nappy Nazi?! I’ll be dat. Cause in the end, I’m that chick who’s taking it on the chin EVERYDAY because I refuse to let other people tell me that I can’t be Black & nappy & still be fly. Cause I am. I hold it down. But it’s a hassle dealing with all the crap that comes w/ wearing a fro. At least several times a week, I deal w/ dumb ass comments regarding my hair. And at least 90% of it is from other Black folks. “Hey what up soul sista?”, “Hey look, Erykah Badu/Angie Stone!” (by the way, I look nothing like either one of them). And I won’t even start on how the majority of my family feels about my hair, I was at my cousin’s wedding in Atlanta last year, & you would’ve thought I had a deformity, the way some of my aunts were acting. And one of my cousin’s daughters (age 11) actually asked me “You not embarassed to wear your hair like that?” And it was a child’s honest question, but she asked that cause that’s already how she was viewing my natural nappy fro. Now, I’ve learned to accept that this comes with the territory, but it can still be disheartening, cause the way I see it, my hair should be the norm, I shouldn’t be viewed as some type of “righteous” or “brave” chick just cause I let my hair do its own thing.I live in LA, I work in entertainment, this is the land of weaves & flat irons, so many times, when I go out I’m the only Natural chick around. And then, you get the chicks w/ straight hair, “Girl, that’s so nice on you…but I could never wear my hair like that…” Is this supposed to be a compliment? Beat it! Ridiculous! So, now, I don’t even acknowledge comments on my hair, I shut em down. And I only answer questions from chicks that are honestly trying to take the journey to natural, otherwise, I blow em off. So to all ya’ll on this blog crying about natural chicks are looking down on you, being divisive…whatever, welcome to my world. Cause in the real world, outside of this blogosphere, a lot of us natural chicks are the ones who have to deal w/ negative or stupid silly crap & comments, a lot of it from our own people, solely based on how we’re wearing our hair. Like I said before, wear your hair however you choose, it’s your choice, but don’t sleep on the fact that you’ve been brainwashed into thinking that straighter is better.
Hi Bella,
I thank you for your site. I have a things to share however I wanted to begin by thanking you for the post. I have a very good friend who is puerto rican. He is a light skinned man with features that would be described as african features. My friend and I have had conversations that have left me very sad because he denies his african heritage on a regular basis. He has gone so far as to tell me that his racial background is European. He would constantly voice his opinion in a negative manner towards darker skin, full lips, and kinky hair. One day I was forced to speak boldly and question his intentions. I was mortified at his comments regarding how some puerto ricans and dominicans feel towards african americans. I still for the life of me cant understand how someone can be a darker skinned person with kinky hair and not know that they are black or of african lineage. Another thing that puzzled me is that he wanted to try and say that many of the mixed race african americans in the entertainment industry were of latin descent. I then asked him to explain how he felt about me because I am african american, one parent is french and african american and the other is african american. He then told me well that he feels that I am different because I am not really black. It pains me to think that there is a very large population of people walking around thinking like this. I experienced this face to face. My hopes are that one day all people of color would realize that our self hatred can only be stopped by loving and embracing all that we are as a people…not what society has told us is best for us. Love yourselves and be who you be…straight hair, curly hair, light skinned, dark skinned, short hair, long hair…love who u be!
Wow! “Ana” musta had too much to drink, when she posted that hot mess of a reply. Don’t drink and post.
Question: Why are the relaxed sistas so…defensive? If you escaped the “straight is better” conditioning, then…praise God! If you didn’t, just nod your head and pray for deliverance. But don’t get mad, cuz somebody called out the madness. Afrobella, you obviously hit a (raw) nerve.
I don’t care about black women liking, or even preferring straight hair. Can’t make you love what you hate, if napp hatred is indeed the case. The insanity comes with what it takes to get nappy hair to the point of slick-to-the-head straightness. Many of us (I’d be scared to shave my head, cuz of what may be underneath, due to years of relaxing)have SCARRED scalps, from relaxer burns. That’s sad and sick.
Truth is, if the fumes from that creamy Draino don’t/didn’t make you jump up, and declare, “I’ll pass on this”, then check your pulse and your sanity.
Wow, Leah Beah, that extremely disheartning. You can only enlighten him with the truth when he is ready to accept it. I would ask what for his age ,but, I know this happens from ages 2-89.
WOW:(
Bella, This is a big step for me, but I used to straighten my hair to look whiter. I grew up in a white neighborhood, was one of three black kids in my primary school and high school. My mother is a very light mixed race woman, with extremely white features (she’s gorgeous) and I envied her straight hair and light skin. She always taught me to be proud of myself, but couldn’t quite manage my hair, so often relaxed it. As I grew older I saw all the white, pretty girls get all the attention around me, and I felt ugly. Britney spears was idolized by everyone and Beyonce was criticized for having a ‘big butt’. So i continued straightening my hair, getting awful weaves, just to look like my white counterparts. Then a 17 It hit me that I was unhappy. I had never felt attractive, I hated my straight hair, and realized it was because I felt fake. Having an English syllabus in school, we rarely learned about black history (my mother had taught me some), so I took it upon myself to learn more about my heritage. (it was alot of sad reading), and decided that i was going to go natural. It took a long while, but I’ve been natural(not in braids) for a year and a half. I’ve never felt more proud and beautiful in my life, It’s taken a while, but I see my differences as beautiful (i sport a huge curly afro. I get complimented pretty much everyday by strangers about my hair, and am always being asked on dates (this is not just down to looking good, i believe it’s because I now love myself inside and out and it shows). I know naturalness won’t work for everyone, but it certainly worked for me. peace.x
Wow. This is an Afrobella record! I cracked 100 comments for the very first time thanks to this very controversial post.
@DesignDiva
The specific interview that I am talking about can be found online. I just quoted one of the most damaging things she has said recently…
http://in.news.yahoo.com/070101/139/6aqj9.html
Read the article. That’s just a example of how she and other affluent black Americans are ignorant of the their own less fortunate counter parts in America. She has said far worse and I will leave it at that.
Congrats bella! I was going to mention the 100 posts thing but I didn’t want to seem inappropriate. Your site has gotten very popular in a short time so you should be proud.
Daphne:
Thanks for posting the link to the article. I admit that I’m such an Oprah fan that I just didn’t want to believe that she would say those exact words. (just like some folks on this site don’t want to believe that chemicals are bad for our hair)My bad–we still cool Daff!
Good post lulu. I know how you felt, I felt the same way a few years ago,and then I finally “got it”.
Bella,
I started visiting this site because you reviewed beauty and NATURAL hair products, not RELAXED hair products. I kept visiting this site to get tips on what products to use, the music, and some of the commentary that black women can relate to. Keep doing your thing bella, and don’t apologize for who you are and what you think.
flygyrl72 Says: July 13th, 2007 at 1:26 pm
You are my new she-ro!
Bella thanks for the info.. I was torn between relaxing my 14 yr. olds hair or not.. She basically has enough hair on her head for 3 people !
Have a great day~
When you say ‘natural hair isn’t that hard to care for’, you mean *your* natural hair isn’t, don’t you?
However, please bear in mind that not all of us have that luxury.
I am 100% African, so have none of the racial mixing that some people from the Caribbean may have been exposed to. I am NOT ABLE to pull a comb through my hair, without breakage (of either my hair or the comb). Girls in my family therefore either relax or mildly texturise their hair just to be able to manage it.
I reject the theory that has anything to do with self-loathing or racial shame. I am perfectly happy to go out in the sun, and get darker or lighter as the weather demands. But please don’t generalise about ‘our’ hair. I personally feel that it makes my struggle (yes, it is a struggle) feel invalid.
I’m coming back to this really late, but:
[begin long-azz essay]
To those who wanted me to elaborate on my hair care regimen: It’s all at Nappturality, where I’m a member (one of the original members, actually). I’m newly returned to short nappy hair after a little over 3 years of locs, so look for the newer posts.
The main thing I want to impress on that subject is this: “Managing” one’s natural hair involves “managing” one’s expectations about natural hair, and being prepared to undo possibly a lifetime of negative MENTAL conditioning. For example, the very word “manageability” is loaded. I’m old enough to remember when it was heard much more regularly in TV commercials and the association I have with the word is “being able to run a comb through it.” Well, guess what? There’s a specific state that MY nappy hair has to be in before I can “run a comb through it.” Does that make it inherently unmanageable, the way too many people believe? Does it make it “bad”? No…it makes it DIFFERENT. It requires different methods. Recognizing that nappy hair care is a different methodology is one of the biggest first steps to “managing” natural hair. Letting go of straight-hair beauty ideals is another.
Obviously a subject that generates this many responses is not superficial. We keep going around and around it but the truth is that black women are conditioned to hate the hair they’re born with, more so than any other group of women, and they suffer lasting psychic damage because of it. If being one of a dying breed of critical thinkers makes me a nappy Nazi, then so be it. (Hey Flygyrl! Hey Roslyn! *waving*
)
I’m sick and tired of seeing yet another generation of black girls coming up thinking that they’re inherently ugly because their natural hair doesn’t curl, wave, or flap in the breeze. I’m sick and tired of black women and girls losing hair because of flat-out IGNORANCE. (FYI…if you can read this, you have Internet access, and that means you have access to ways in which to “manage” natural hair, no matter what type of hair you have. There is NO EXCUSE not to learn…unless your brain won’t let you go there, and if that’s the case, you need to examine that.) I’m sick and tired of black women being taken advantage of by an industry that doesn’t give a damn about them (and I am including the majority of salons and stylists in this indictment). Afrobella’s is just one of MANY sites that are attempting to instill REAL self-esteem in black women by CHALLENGING the myths and lies that we’ve been taught are simply part of our culture. And you can tell where people are at in this journey by how they react/respond to posts such as these.
[end long-azz essay]
Not disrespecting Daphne at all, but what I’d like to know is: Why is it important to people what Oprah Winfrey does with her money? Believe me, I do not watch her show when I’m living in the U.S. or out of it, but I do admire her. I admire the fact that she believes, as I do, that an education is key to living a successful life.
I thank you for posting that article, I read it and I really don’t see anything incendiary about it. I was a public school teacher and agree with what she said.
Most black American kids,NOT ALL, really don’t understand the value of a getting a good education. Is it there fault? Absolutely not. I blame the parents and of course, the parents blame the teachers. I’m sorry people, whether or not anyone builds a school for our children in African (yes, they are our children, what a concept!_or builds a school for our kids in the U.S. is of no importance. You as a parent should make sure that your child has a good education regardless of where you live, who your city officials are, heck, no matter who the president of this country is!
A good education starts at home! My mother while raising me and my brother always read books, suggested books to us, the encyclopedia was used on a daily basis (not just for book reports) She instilled in us a love for learning, about ourselves and the world around us. We lived in low income housing but that was no excuse to not study, not speak properly, have great manners and love and respect each other as people and children of God. We knew we were special from Day One. Did my mother boohoo about some celebrity doing for her children what she and the community around her could do? No.
I applaud Ms. Winfrey and anyone else who in some way or another tries to instill the importance of a good education.
We don’t need to throw dollars at the problem, obviously it doesn’t work.
Parents and/or guardians need to set a standard of excellence in the home and I assure you we will see a change in black children.
For those black parents whose children are excelling in school, I applaud you and beg you to keep up the great work! You are raising future leaders not only of the community but future leaders of the world! I loved those parents who called me to ask about their child, educational programs, scholarships, grants. I loved staying after school to help that special child who had that burning desire to learn! They were the only reason I walked in those doors everyday. I couldn’t disappoint that boy or girl (so few) who wanted to learn the language I taught, wanted to learn about other cultures. You see, a teacher will bend over backwards for a child who WANTS to learn. Sorry if that ticks some of you off, but that’s the truth. However, after being threatened and then cursed at on a daily basis, I left teaching because I felt that this was not my reason for living.
I now teach overseas to people whose livelihood depends on what I teach them and I haven’t regretted it for a minute. I have never seen harder working students in my life.
I left teaching because I thought that I was wasting my time and energy on a lot of kids who’d rather run the streets, curse and disrespect me on a daily basis, but had the latest fashions that their parents so quickly bought them all the while reciting the latest song by the latest rapper or r n b singer at the top the charts.
Oprah can do whatever she wants to do with her money, because it’s HER money. What black parents need to do is focus on actually raising their children and educating their children to see past today and even tomorrow. Education does not begin when you drop your little darling in front of the school.
It starts at home.
May you have peace
Wow ladies!! such valuable comments
@ flygurl, LBellaTrix and all the other Nappy Nazis out there, I don’t know if the wisest route to trying to educate people on the benefits of natural hair is by “brow beating” them…that’s already a major turn off. I understand your passion but you have to understand that everyone’s experience is unique to themselves. If you feel that you reached a state of self-love after going natural that’s unique to you!
Some of us just really could care less, so flygirl you saying that EVERYBODY has to care, really is uncalled for, you can’t make people be passionate about what you’re passionate about. The world would become such a dull and lifeless place if we all held the same opinion!
Caring for your hair, be it natural or relaxed takes a certain amount of work. I think we should all be respectful of others decisions and don’t judge others from an uppity/snobbish standpoint.
Point is: let there be love shared amongst us ladies! The world is full of so much hate as it is already!
MMh, I don’t respect Oprah or her decision. But you are right that is her money.
TheBeautifulOne- I’m sure there were black children here im America that excelled in school and would have loved to have been apart of Oprah’s charter school or whatever she calls it. Yeah, the selection process would have been more challenging, but, I guess she wasn’t willing to do that amount of work.
Anyhow, there has to be a better way than saying, thinking, ooh, these children are BAD or whatever it is one may think. Let me just go overseas or to Africa to educate. I’m not saying I condone disrespect. But, there has to be a better way. Unfortunately, I don’t have an answer
This issue has many layers that deals with more than just the teacher or parent. Sighhh…
Ally-No disrespect inteded at ALL. But, I do have a question for you. In your most recent post you were saying you couldn’t run a comb through your hair without breakage, etc.
Do you try to comb your hair when it is wet or dry? Being natural, I ONLY comb my hair when it’s wet with a conditioner in it. I think most Afrobellas can relate to your issue even if they are racially mixed. Please, Please, Please don’t take the question the wrong way. Remember, I’m not sure what you are aware of.
Hello again!
Amjane, you’re right: this issue does have many layers.
I just want Black people to not only feel empowered but to BE empowered.
Regardless of whether a celebrity or congressman gives money to help improve education for children, black children in particular should be of no concern to any of us. When will black people stop looking for help and actually BE the help that they seek? We are more than capable of producing well-educated children without the help of the government, etc. How? Raising our children! The black kids who excelled in my class and in all other classes had parents who respected them, who knew the names of every teacher, actually sat down with their children to help them with their homework, etc. It was always the parents who attended Parent/Teacher conferences that had the child excelling above their grade. And before anyone can say, “hmph, I bet they were stay at home Moms, etc. uh, no they weren’t. Most of these mothers held full time jobs or sometimes a part-time in addition to their full time jobs.
What sets these Moms apart from others is the fact that they do not leave it up to the teachers to teach their child, they were teachers in the home.
I don’t think that Oprah said that Black kids were bad, I believe that she simply said that most black kids’ priorities are seriously warped. Those kids are capable of learning but the parents are either absent or don’t care, therefore, she may have felt that it would be a waste of time and money to try to reach these kids. That’s her choice and I probably would have done the same thing.
As a former teacher, nothing is more gratifying than watching a child WANT to learn. When a child is hungry, you feed that child. Those children in Africa (our children) are hungry for knowledge! The only thing that these kids want is a uniform so that they will be able to go to school. That says a lot about their character and committment to education and the future. They are not asking for the latest Beyonce album, the latest sneakers, XBox, or a weave so that they can sit and look “cute” in school. They are saying, all I need is a uniform and my mind will take care of the rest. THAT’S POWERFUL.
I’m going to google something now and see if I can contribute some money or time for a child to go to school in Africa. If anyone knows of a particular organization, please feel free to share it with me, perhaps everyone on this blog would like to help. I hope so.
I’m not giving up on black kids in the U.S. but it seems that their parents are.
Let’s change this.
Peace.
Ally, why are you trying to run a comb, which is after all, designed for European textured hair through your hair which has a totally different texture? Does it really make sense to change your hair to fit the styling implement as opposed to changing the styling implement to suit the hair? Maybe combs aren’t for you. So? There are plenty of great ways to style your hair without ever using a comb.
Despite any and all race-mixing that may or may not have occurred in my family tree, I can assure you though I’ve been accused of many things, no one has ever said I had ‘good hair.’ My hair is as nappy and super-coily as it comes. I’ll put my naps up against yours any day of the week and I’m confident I’d be voted nappiest. Not only is it nappy, it shrinks like crazy, and I love every inch of it. And you know what I combed it with for the eight years I wore my hair loose before I locked? The two best combs in the world. The ones at the bottoms of my arms. Yep, my hands. And I only combed it when it was wet. Folk go absolutely nuts about my hair, as its long and healthy.
I’m older than most of you and I have to share something that shocked and amazed me several years ago. I worked in an office with tons of black women, and it seemed most of the older ones (40+) wore weaves. After a while I got known in the office as a type of hair guru, as I worked with herbs and essential oils, and folk would come to me with the hair hook-up. I can’t tell you how many women I saw with 2d degree scalp burns who wouldn’t lay off the relaxer long enough for their scalp to heal. They couldn’t let that ‘nasty ugly stuff’ show. And all those older women with weaves? They weren’t them for length, they were wearing them to cover major bald patches in their heads from years of relaxer abuse. Did they stop to give their hair a chance to recover? Oh no, they continued with the relaxers and added weaves for even more damage.
I don’t believe for one moment that these women were making a ‘style choice.’ For them, and many other black women, this whole relaxer/weave thing is a mania. Think about the fact that there are black women out there who think of a major part of their beauty, their crown as it were, as ‘nasty and ugly.’ How on earth can any woman ever feel her power, her grace as a woman when she believes that something that grows out of her body is nasty and ugly?
I wish, you don’t want to know how much I truly wish it were just hair. But I’ve had far too many ‘meetings in the ladies room’ to entertain such a delusion.
Oh, and Ally, there’s a picture of me on my website, in case you’re curious about my hair texture. It was taken before I loced two years ago. Trust, there is no nappier head on the planet, I have no doubt.
Wow. Ana should probably come back and read these posts. Or at the very least, read what she was writing before she submitted it. From the “no stubby pony for me” comment to stressing the fact that she had long straight hair to her waist, it sounds to me a mirror showed her what she was really all about. This is my first time here, and after my Big Chop in March, I have been devouring information on natural hair and becoming more aware of my potential in other areas. Some of our people can’t shake our attitudes about who we are and what we could be. We should support the efforts of Afrobella and embrace this information as another facet of who we are and what we are capable of. Keep dpoing what you do!
Every perm aint for the fall, and every dred aint for the cause. If we could agree on that it would be progress in the natural vs. perm debate.
I love what you do , and what you stand for, keep up the good work.
In some of the post, the media was blamed for the lack of diverse images and for perpetuating a Caucasian ideal. The job of media is to promote aspirations. It is their job to make you feel not good enough, they are hoping what will follow that feeling is buying their specific product.If women came to the table knowing the images on television, specifically the images of beauty are false, the claims of the products are exaggerated, then companies would be forced to change because of consumer demand.
I would also like to note that Black women are not the only ones dealing with these issues of natural or processed hair. Many Greek, Jewish and Italian women who have coarse curly hair are also tormented by the images in the media, and these same discussions are talked (whispered)about in their communities.
Bella you got me in here telling to many industry secrets, ’bout to have me on the unemployment line.
I think there’s a lot of confusion on this topic because pesome people seem to think its about folks degree of negritude. As far as I’m concerned, nothing could be further from the truth. Its about being your authentic self. Its about being free, like every other group on the planet to wear your hair in its natural state without suffering a social, and sometimes even an economic penalty. Whether you’re as militant as a Panther, or as assimilated as Condi Rice is irrelevant. Your naps are no indication of that one way or another.
# ANA & ALLY
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Please girls, stop this Bs saying that “I’AMv 100% AFRICAN
It’s my case and the case of many 100% AFRICAN GIRLs in France or AFRICA, and talking about France, Relaxer hair is seems the “normal way”, but we have more and more girls who began to turn natural, and WE HAVE MANY 100% AFRICAN with what some people calls “very very nappy hair”. It’s my case, and after 2 years of being natural, I’ve learn how to be cumfortable with my “nappy nappy hair”, so stop this bullshit !!!
talking about AFRICA (especially my country), we have relax hair, fro and pigs. for what i see, girls usually prefers to have braids, pigs and other but, most of them alternate, it’s not Pigs or relaxer hair all the time as i see in white countries
Another difference according to me, when i was child (and i think the same thing continue), it’s was EXTREMELY RARE TO SEE MOTHERS putting chemicals products on little girls !!! The first time i comme to France, i was really upset to see those black girls aged 8 or 10 with pigs or relaxer hair. in my country, durinng my childhood (I’m now 32), imagine a mother relaxing the hair of a child was like “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”. Most of the time, relaxer girls began to do this a 16 or 18. But sadly, b/cause of internet, TV and all those things, things hardly changes mostly in african cityes, and the new idols are MTV girls and the look which goes with
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Ally Says: July 14th, 2007 at 11:32 am
When you say ‘natural hair isn’t that hard to care for’, you mean *your* natural hair isn’t, don’t you?
However, please bear in mind that not all of us have that luxury.
I am 100% African, so have none of the racial mixing that some people from the Caribbean may have been exposed to. I am NOT ABLE to pull a comb through my hair, without breakage (of either my hair or the
comb).
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Ally, i hope you’ll stop thinking that natural hair is mostly for black women with some racial mixing !!! IF you are really african and know your country, so you that in our countries, we have all type of textures or skin tones. Question : can you tell me what your ancestors (with no racial mixing) used to take care of their hair? If they used tio this well, so, we can. the problem is that many of us had forget (or not be educated) with products or the manner to take care of our natural hair.
Sorry for the mistakes
It’s to late in France so i’ll be back to read this interesting file 
Brilliant beautiful ‘bella!! This post hit close to home as I am a hairdresser. My policy, to ease my mind, is to not apply chemicals to the youngins. Instead, I teach them how to care for and love the hair they have been gifted with. My hope is to foster the sense that the choice to perm is about fashion, not any underlying need to “de-blackify”. My mama never let me go the route of my cousins and had me rockin’ my fro, big as day. At the time I thought she was hella (sorry, I’m from Cali!) mean but in retrospect, I’ve realized that I wouldn’t love my hair as much as I do had it not been for her. The kicker? My mama is Portuguese with long, straight hair. How she knew how to handle me and mine I’ll never know, but always be thankful. Blessings to ya!
This is for “Mama”
I lived in Paris for 5 years and you’re right, in Paris or other parts of France you don’t see just relaxed hair. You see cornrows, braids, etc. Unfortunately, what is going on a lot in Paris is women becoming quite “weavealicious”. Little girls, their mothers, etc. weaves mixed with braids all over the place. Me and my Black American girlfriends would comment on how much badly done weaves we’d see in a day and it was quite astounding. I never went to the hairdresser in France for fear that someone would want to put a relaxer in my hair, etc. Not to say that there are some beautiful black women with equally beautiful hair there, but it is so hard to find someone that is really into making your hair as healthy as possible, not just fashionable or “easy to manage”.
I twisted my own hair, wore it natural for five years, some of my other friends found Black American hairdressers in France who knew how to put a relaxerr or a texturizer (for those who wore their hair this way). There is a very large Black American community in France, particularly in Paris, so we shared lots of beauty tips, new which stores to go to for which products and who among us were former or current hairdressers. Whenever I went to get my products I was amazed at how many beauty salons were applying relaxers from ROOT TO ENDS!!! Once I saw this I knew that I would never go to a beauty salon and it was no wonder that while most of the beautiful African women I saw daily had the most horribly damaged hair. Someone needs to tell these beauticians that it is damaging beyond belief to apply a relaxer from root to end.
I worked in the fashion industry then and was backstage at all the major fashion shows, etc. I once met Alek Wek among others, but she stood out from the rest. When I was removing her nail polish, she said how much she loved my hair and wished that she had the same! That was just yet another reason to stay natural. My hair is very thick and curly, but I don’t have the same issues that most people in this forum have. To me, IT’S JUST HAIR. There are important issues to be concerned about and for me, hair is not an issue. Being educated, improving health in the black community, improving self-esteem in our black youth…these are real issues to me. How I wear my hair? Caring about the hairstyles of others? Please.
Bella, just keep on giving us some informative reviews about products, music, etc. Hair is not a political issue as some would make it out to be. I respect everyone.
Peace
Also Bella,
Do you know the average age of your audience? It would be interesting to know.
Thank you.
I’m not surprised at some of the responses my post has had, I’m used to being attacked by militant ‘naturalists’ by now. Some women do look down on me for choosing to have my hair relaxed, as they perceive it as selling out in some sense.
Roslyn, I’m so happy that you’re a self-proclaimed ‘hair guru’; you must be so pleased with yourself. With all due respect, I just hope you realise how patronising you sound.
Why don’t we all just get on with our lives, and stop sounding off about how other people should live theirs. And that was my original point – please don’t pontificate about how ‘we’ do ‘our hair’ – by all means share information and advice about your hair, but I’d appreciate being left to make my own decisions. I’m an intelligent adult, and I feel that my choices are valid based on the experiences I’ve had.
And for the record, combs are not European by any means – feel free to visit any good African museum to see the devices your ancestors were using to manage their beautiful locks.
**TheBeautifulOne – I know what you mean about Paris – I’ve never worn a weave myself, but wouldn’t mind them on other people if some of them weren’t so laughably bad – c’est incroyable!
** semi-retraction – I do realise that some ladies don’t have a sense of humour about their hair…
I first came to this board not because of the natural hair care tips (I currently relax my hair) or the makeup reviews (don’t wear any), but for the commentary on the Afrobellas of the week. Some of whom relax their hair. Afrobella certainly has a point of view and a style which I always enjoy and respect, even if I don’t always agree. (And not just on the topic of hair. I think there was a post saying that good makeup starts with good foundation, but I believe it starts with good skin care… but I digress. oops) But it’s some of the commentary here that I find disappointing, some people implying that women they’ve never met are self-hating or delusional because they’ve chosen to relax their hair. Look, we all have different journeys, taken different paths. We can – and should – disagree. The debate is wonderful. We also should seek to inform. But most of all, we should tone down some of the negative stuff (Ana, you too) and tone up the supportive stuff. No one here is perfect, but we are all God’s children.
Ally, when did I patronize you? I merely asked you a fairly straightforward question. You claimed your hair was too tightly coiled to get a comb through it. I simply asked why you were changing your hair texture to comply with a styling implement designed for straight-textured hair. It would seem to me that I asked a fairly reasonable question. Its akin to cutting off your leg to wear a pair of one-legged pants. It makes no sense whatever. Given such a reasonable question, I’m curious as to why, instead of answering it, you chose instead to go on a tangent about how people are being attacked here. I don’t see anyone at all being attacked. I certainly am speaking only of the women who do in fact have issues with their natural texture. If you do not, then these posts don’t pertain to you. But you are the one who claimed that you relaxed because you couldn’t get a comb through your hair. I only want to know why you would want to.
And I know very much about the combs used to style African hair, and I also know that most of the combs we use in America and European countries are not akin to those. African combs were designed to lift or pick out African textured hair, not comb through it in the sense you referred to in your post.
And I didn’t see anyone trying to make you do anything, I simply want to know why you’re willing to put the chemical equivalent of Drano on your head (after all, that’s where your brains are) in order to comb it. A process that is, after all, unnecessary and not designed for nappy hair.
**Ally,
C’est moi, The Beautiful One. Oh la la! Cette femme, Ally, elle n’est vraiment pas la pour rigoler! C’est une fanatique de qq sort, et franchement elle commence m’enerver avec ses commentaires de l’Afrique, des peignoirs et leur usage originals. Il y a des femmes ici qui se prends pour des “vrais femmes ou des vrais blacks” etc. Ne leur ecoute pas, tu portes tes cheveux comme tu veux! Elles se levent pas avec toi tous les jour pour te fais belle! Je suis americaine mais m’eloigne de plus en plus de critiquaires debiles au propos des cheveux des noirs.
Prends soins de toi!
BeautifulOne,
You know I just had to Google Translate what you said. I have been keeping up with the comments on this post and alot of them have become hilariously funny to me now. You’re right, none of us is helping the other get ready in the morning. Whether you’re relaxed, natural, whatever, If you’re comfortable with what you’re doing, then you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, let alone some random people on the internet.
The Beautiful One: No fair!! I took French in seventh grade….damn, I guess I’ll have to use the Google translator
To Peajal and Zcentricpryncess only:
Peajai: You’re quite resourceful! Xcentricpryncess, it’s never too late to take up French again. It’s one of three languages that I speak fluently and I’m working on a fourth one: Korean, since I now live in Korea. Yeah, none of these ladies get up and comb anyone else’s hair, and Peajai, it’s getting pretty comical and sad in here what with all the tension, snootiness and the laughable so called “history lessons”etc. You said it best: If you’re comfortable with what you’re doing, then you don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, let alone some random people on the internet.” AMEN.
AMEN TEN THOUSAND TIMES!
My hair does not define my blackness. People, wear your hair however you want to wear it. Don’t let these “natural zealots” fool you, they are just as lost in the sauce as THEY THINK you are. Be proud of yourselves for who you are and not for what you look like. We need to embrace each other and our differences. Variety is the spice of life!!!!
Be well!
@TheBeautifulOne, perfectly said. i’m going to have to steal, “don’t let these “natural zealots” fool you, they are just as lost in the sauce as THEY THINK you are.” classic.
Coffey,
Steal away, steal away! Ha!
Have a good day! I’m going to bed, it’s 10 44PM. I must be ready for my students tomorrow.
Blessings!
Wow this is such a touchy subject. I could go on for days about our issues with our hair. I too posted about the Miami Herald article on Fly, specifically the segment on Dominicans and hair, mainly because of my own experience of going into a Dominican salon with my natural curly. Trust, actions speak louder than words and the way I was treated showed that my natural hair was NOT welcomed. I know it’s a generalization but they can say “I’m black and I’m proud all they want” (which wouldn’t happen) but that example I experienced showed me different, and based on some comments I received on Fly I’m not alone.
afrobella, I really appreciate your responding to what I wrote. I really respect your opinion and your blog! And I am soooooooooo glad to hear that you had a good time visiting my city – CHEE-CAGO!!!!
I would like to respond to MzNikki, I agree with you that often people are great at diagnosing the problem and not offering any solutions… I’m a political junkie afrobella is really the only non-news blog/site I visit… I also do a lot of volunteer work in the community specifically with at-risk girls… My education background is in psychology & sociology, this is just to give you some background of where I’m going from w/my response to your comment…
Briefly, regarding the division I’m seeing here – I’d like to throw this into the ring for debate. No side is going to win if your objective is zero sum game (gaining more people to your side vs your opponent). Arguments only force the participant to choose sides which leads to division. Which is obviously what is happening here around this issue. So what then is the solution?
The word that terrifies George Bush the most – COMPROMISE! Both sides can only win by meeting in the middle! Thousands and thousands of years of history shows that there has never been complete victory! Unless you’ve annihilated your opponent. Which I’m sure is not our aim. From the natural side what I am hearing and what was demonstrated by the article is a lack of RESPECT for natural hair (negative comments from loved ones, society, the media etc. degrading childhood experiences, being made to feel bad about your appearance, etc) and on the relaxed side – this is not everyones experience, we have choices, not about low self esteem, just hair, being told what to do, holier than thou attitude from natural camp, etc. Now where is the middle? Which is a discussion I’ll leave to you guys on the board…
Also, for those who claim natural hair is a self esteem issue – self esteem has very little to do with your OUTWARD appearance it was more to do with your EMOTIONS.
“In psychology, self-esteem or self-worth is a person’s self-image at an emotional level; circumventing reason and logic.”
The emotional level is “what our unconscious believes to be true about how worthy, lovable, valuable and capable we are.” For both sides one can see how if you were degraded for hair you will have low self worth or feel less valued in THIS AREA. Those who were not, do not have their self worth tied to their hair (but it can be tied to something else. Nobody escapes their childhood without a blow to their self worth which in turn plagues them into adulthood (unless said issue is confronted). Which p.s. accounts for those who have gone natural feeling emotionally better about themselves – you confronted your scarring childhood issue not b/c your hair is natural! Someone who never had issues about hair can go natural and still not feel emotionally better about themselves.
Having pride in ones appearance i.e hair is ego which is the basis of pride.
“…(Self-esteem) differs from ego/pride in that the ego is a more artificial aspect; one can remain highly egotistical/prideful while underneath have very low self-esteem.”
Something else to ponder:
What would change in the black community if everyone wore their hair naturally? In Africa? Would a dred lock brother stop killing a dred lock brother? Would natural women stop hating on natural women? Would the African tribes stop warring against one another? Again – I state this to make the point that self esteem/worth is not about OUTWARD appearances.
Sorry for another long dissertation lol, I just want to us go deeper with this issue and find solutions rather than go around in circles like a dog chasing its tail. lol…
Again my point is – in order for both sides to win we must meet in the MIDDLE. There is no other way! so what is your middle?
Be Blessed!
I will offer this as my middle – as a women who wears here hair naturally – I would like my choice to be respected. Which means a fair representation of natural women as their is for my relaxed sisters. I would like a cease fire on negative comments, stereotypes, disdainful looks regarding my hair.
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A compromise I would like to see is the age of relaxing a child’s hair be moved to 16 years old where they can have input into the decision. And that decision should be respected!
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Lastly, I would like to see ALL BEAUTICIANS throughly trained in the care and well-maintenance of black hair for healthy first and then style! I have no problem with specialization for those who want to specialize and not learn both – but this means salons for both camps!
Any others?
I forgot part of this exercise is what you give up to the opposing side for what you want…
My concession to the “just hair” camp including ana, is I will respect your choice to wear your hair the way you’ve chosen. And give up assuming that because we are both black our experiences are the same. Some are not.
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I give up my assumption that you are trying to be European (let’s face it curly fro or laid to the side WHITE PEOPLE are not fooled – your still BLACK). But can you please educate yourself about the dangers of the chemicals you are putting into your body as it is absorbed into your system through your scalp and can cause cancer and infertility (there’s more at stake here then just black pride).
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I will also try my darnedest not to pass judgment for those who choose to wear weaves. But can you make sure that it’s tight (see Robin Givens and/or Jill Marie Nelson for an anatomy of a hair weave)…
I hope this brings peace….
Love Always – haitiangurL
I havent read the articles youve posted yet, but I wanted to post a link to an article that appeared in last Saturdays Washington Post on the subject of Dominican hair stylists.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/13/AR2007071302138.html?sub=AR
Call me crazy, but I think that if people would embrace their whole, true selves, theyd be a lot happier.
I read this site everyday and it never fails to spark interest. This issue of hair, beauty and Black women seems to never end. I wish that we could come to terms with our own hair but that seems to be a never ending struggle in this country( or world for that matter. Its such a personal issue- like religion. I have not relaxed my hair in over 10 years. Some of my friends go to the Dominican salons and rave about how great their hair turns out hinting that I should pay a visit. Its just a personal choice for me. I may press my hair once in a while just to see how it looks but no more “creamy crack.” Its been so long now and I don’t miss it. I wish that Black women all over the diaspora could come to terms with our hair issues.
As a Dominican (and African-American), I do resent that article. It is incredibly biased and does not take into account (as much as it could have) Dominicans who ARE aware of their African ancestry and are proud of it. It’s not much more than “OMG DOMINICANS HATE THEMSELVES!” and the comments here reflect that. I do thank you for acknowleding the response to that article by those students.
If the word “Dominican” was replaced by “African-American”, there would be no big shock. Welcome to planet Earth, where these sentiments are shared by many people of the Diaspora, as well as Africa. -sigh- Man… In fact, I’m sure that some African-Americans would get away with saying that they were white too, if their ancestors were mixed with European blood as much as Latinos’.
There is also the issue of wanting to have a place to identify with a country. Many people associate ‘black’ with ‘American’.