Allow me to be totally, completely random for a minute. Yes, this is a beauty blog. Yes, I typically will switch it up with music, fashion, and/or politics. But today, I’ve got something on my chest and I need to vent. I hate the Dirt Devil Kone. Hate it. My hand-held vacuum is totally ticking me off.
I bought the Dirt Devil Kone shortly after it hit the market — the ads just spoke to me. A hand-held vac that’s pretty enough to display in my home? Get. Out! I had to have it. Then I read a review on Beauty Addict, which revealed that the Kone was designed by Karim Rashid, who created the gorgeous Kenzo perfume bottles that totally belong on my dresser. It was written.
I drove to Target — was admittedly a bit disappointed that they didn’t have a Plum Kone in stock. I bought the champagne colored one, and was thrilled to see it totally blended with my green, brown, and very naturally-decorated living room when I brought it home. I plugged it in — Kone needs to be charged up for like two days before you use it at first — and so far, so great. It cleaned up my dust bunnies without hesitation. It sucked up spilled rice and crumbs in the kitchen, or on the dining table. Random dust on the ground was no longer a problem for me. Then, I got me a cat. Lord have mercy.
(note — this photo is not Max, I got it off I Can Has Cheezburger. It actually made me LOL, which says a lot about me. Sadness. I’m a cat lady).
Max is adorable… but he’s a mess-maker of note. When he eats, he randomly plays soccer with his food dish. He’s got one of those dual-dish cat bowls, so if I give him a little wet food on one side, and dry on the other, he feels the need to mix them together with his little paws. So essentially he scatters dry cat food all over, kinda like this. And don’t get me started on the litter box. All this cute furry fool does is scatter litter everywhere when he’s done with his kitty-business. My downstairs bathroom is a mess at all times. I need flip flops just to deal with it, because I inevitably walk away with litter-encrusted feet. Which is the ickiest feeling ever.
So hey, Dirt Devil Kone, can you come to the rescue and help me clean up these relatively minor spills, in the grand scheme of household messes? Hell no. I outgrew this machine with a quickness. You see, the Kone has a tendency to blow stuff around as you use it. So it actually winds up scattering dry powdery substances around even MORE as you try to clean with it. The power doesn’t last long, the dust cup is tiny, the nozzle is about the size of the circle you make with your thumb and second finger. And worst of all, if you turn it off after cleaning, and it’s borderline full? It’ll just drop the excess back on the floor. The Dirt Devil Kone will make you clean up the mess it left behind, if your mess is too big for it to handle. Which it always is. So for me right about now, it’s a champagne colored waste of my frickin’ time. Sorry if that sounds harsher than my usual happy afrobella tone, I just spent half an hour trying to clean my bathroom with the bloody thing. And I just know the new Kurve is more of the same thing. A pretty, hot mess. Arrrrgh!
A few weeks ago I ventured out to Target — really I was in search of the Eureka stick vac, which for some ridiculous reason is only available online, not in stores. So I settled for the Shark Stick Vac, which works as well as my Dirt Devil would, if it were on a stick. Which is to say, not at all. So now I’m back to square one, sweeping and using a dust pan. Which I’m not really feeling.
So here’s my dilemma — my in-laws are coming to town this weekend! I have major cleaning up to do, and a kitty litter explosion in my downstairs bathroom. Before I make the distant trek out to Brandsmart USA to pick up a stick vac that costs less than $30, do any of you bellas have a particular brand recommendation? And thank you all for allowing me to vent my housecleaning frustration. It’ll be back to beauty after this, promise!