Happy Anniversary, Mama and Papa Bella
Today, September 28, 2008, marks four decades that my parents have been married.
40 years is no joke, especially considering my parents’ unusual romance. As my dad himself disclosed in an awesome comment on my Vegas post, he has “also experienced some negative reactions from family, friends and even people who do not know me at all, because I married MY soulmate, who was older than me with two children. I said was, because now she is much younger that me! …at least, that is how she looks to me.”
I must say, Mama Bella does look stunning. And not a lick of plastic surgery or cosmetic injectables on her, for the record. She’s an obsessive water drinker, and that’s one of her beauty secrets I need to work on if I want to look like her when I’m in my Tina Turner years.
My parents were both born and raised in Belmont, a suburb of Port of Spain in Trinidad. My mother was 29 and divorced, raising two kids on her own — my sister Petal and my brother Clint. My father was just 19 years old, the best friend of her baby brother, my uncle Rhoden. My father recounted the relationship for me on the phone today.
“The circumstances that brought us together were not the best. There were so many people who weren’t ready for us, who tried to interfere in our lives. The world wasn’t ready for us, and those difficulties made us stick together. Because of all of that, we bonded, and we became best friends. Not everybody was supportive, from family right down. People just stop talking to you, everybody makes your business, their business. Your mother is an extremely courageous woman to have stuck through it with me. She got it from all sides, from her parents, her sisters, her brother, her friends. She saw gold in me. What I had in me, I didn’t even know yet. But she saw gold.”
My parents eloped, and famously, Mama Bella wore a white leather mini dress to her wedding. Hey, it was the Sixties!
They had three children of their own, my brothers Patrick and Dominic, then me almost ten years later, long after they assumed no more kids were in store.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend that it’s been a seamless and idyllic 40 years. My parents have been through just about everything. “We have withstood things that have led many other couples to divorce,” my dad informed me today. Watching my parents marriage – the loving moments and the arguments, the lofty ambitions and the crushing disappointments, struggles over money and the rewards of hard work, and between it all managing to raise five children and realize quite a few of their shared dreams — has been an invaluable education for me. Without all of that, I wouldn’t be the Afrobella you are reading today.
When I asked Mama and Papa Bella their secrets to lasting love, their answers were unsurprisingly similar.
“Prayer first, and compromise. And prayer to help you through the compromise. Unhesitatingly, I will tell you that,” my mother said with a hearty laugh.
My dad replied, “Prayers. And luck. Finding the right person has a lot to do with it, and most times people choose the wrong person. So there’s an element of luck. Marriage can be heaven or hell. But once you find the right person, you live a good life, and you pray, and you share everything the good and the bad, in sickness and in health – you good. I sometimes wonder what my life would have been like, without your mother. I can’t even imagine. I don’t think anyone else in the world could have been as compatible with me.”
As their youngest daughter, I gotta say that I agree. Despite so many odds — a ten year age difference, being practically excommunicated by their families (most everyone has come around, I’m happy to report), and some really trying times and marital obstacles, my parents have stuck it through. Forty years! That deserves some kind of reward, and they’ve found that in each other. Mom and Dad, I love you very, very much. Here’s to many, many more wonderful years to come. I learn more and more invaluable lessons in life and love from you every day — thank you so much for allowing me to share the lessons I’ve learned from you, with so many people around the world. Love! What a beautiful thing.
Hey bellas — Feel free to wish Mama and Papa Bella a happy anniversary — most of you who read this blog regularly know that they’re reading and will most likely leave a comment of their own somewhere!
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Sites That Link to this Post
- Mama Bella Says - Protect Your Neck! | afrobella | February 1, 2009
- Lessons From My Father | afrobella | June 21, 2009
- Proud of Papa Bella! | Afrobella | July 30, 2010
Happy birthday Mom and Pop Bella! My parents are at 38 years and counting. It’s god to see couples growing together and debunking the myth of the disappearance of the black family. I am always given hope…
Happy Belated Anniv. and I wish you soul-mates the best happiness that life can give you both! Stay as beautiful as you are and continue to out shine everything and every one of the world may God continue to keep you both.
Happy Anniversary! I am inspired by your love!
Happy Anniversary to Mama and Papa Bella! What an encouraging story of love despite all obstacles and odds. It’s funny because I’m in a relationship with a man who is 9 years my junior, and we just celebrated our 6-month anniversary of dating this weekend. I can only hope to be in a loving and lasting relationship as long as your parents.
Happy happy anniversary to Mama and Papa Bella!
My parents will celebrate 44 years of marriage this December. It’s wonderful to see love that lasts!
(LBell goes to drink a quart of water before bed)
awwwww….*tear
please post the wedding pic of mini-skirt. I’ve got to see that. lol.
Congrats to mama and papa bella!
Aww this is lovely! Happy Anniversary!
HAPPY 40th ANNIVERSARY MAMA AND PAPA BELLA!! Ur parents are a gorgeous couple! It is always wonderful to see two people who love each other overcome odds and find true happiness and peace with each other! I must add that I know mama bella and she is more beautiful than those pictures can show, inside and out!! And papa’s humor and wisdom are to be envied by all! love u guys and happy anniversary! Thank you for deciding to have another child all those years ago and giving us Afrobella! We are all better 4 it!
Happy Anniversary to Mama and Papa Bella!!! Those pictures show a couple that has lived a loving and meaningful life together.
As happy as I am for them, I have to say that I can see why their being together at ages 29 and 19 respectively would have caused some concern (but not justify the cruelty they received). As the mother of twin girls aged 19, I know I’d be unhappy if I learned that they intended to get married at this age. I can also freely admit that I’d be even more concerned if the partner they chose at such a young age was considerably older than them and already had children. How can I explain it? I want my girls to gain more life experience before they can think about committing their lives to someone, let alone becoming parents or step-parents. I want them to finish college, work a while, get to know themselves better, and so much more. I do hope you don’t take this as a negative comment, but I think it’s so easy for us in hindsight to say, it all worked out, so it would be okay for the next 19-year-old. Please also understand, it’s not the age-gap per se that I oppose, it’s the difference in maturity and life experiences between a 19-year-old and someone 10 years older. I know that gap is closed as we get older and it is a different scenario when we talk of say a 53-year-old and a 80-year-old e.g. Graca Machel and Nelson Mandela;-)
Your parents successful marriage definitely challenges many of the concerns I’ve raised, but I think it would be more meaningful if we told this story to our kids and grand-kids in the context of “this could have gone very wrong” and that “19 is a very young age to be thinking of starting a family”.
So sorry for blogging on your blog. I guess my comments are really targeted at my daughters who, btw, love your blog and really look up to you.
Thanks to all of you who took the time to post a comment. We truly appreciate your very kind and encouraging words.
We particularly appreciate the last post since we agree that our situation may not work for everyone.The difference is that, as parents, we would communicate rather than alienate. We already said that we were very, very lucky and in spite of all that was happening around us, we stuck together. Look, there is a lot more that we can share, but then, you will not buy the book.
So thanks again for taking the time to respond and may God bless you all.
D&M
Happy Anniversary to Mama and Papa Bella.
I was directed to the blog from Patrick’s facebook page and I must say how moved I was…..words fail me. Peace in your hearts, peace in your marriage, peace in your home.
I raise my glass of water in toast to Mama & Papa Bella! Congrats!
(My “Tina Turner Years”… I’m going to start using that phrase regularly)
Happy Anniversary! I’m a newlywed–We’ve only been married two months, but I know I married my best friend. We’re going to aim for those 40 years and more!
Beautiful story! Parents Bella: congratulations and excellent success! It’s always inspiring to see happily married black couples! My parents are celebrating their 35th in November, I’m so proud of them.
Congratulations Mama and Papa Bella!! 40 years is really amazing and Afrobella this post is so inpriational. I’m preparing to marry my high school sweetheart next year, after 10 years of “courting”. I know that he’s absolutely the one for me but marriage has always been a daunting idea. Reading this post, along with the praying I’ve been doing, give me the strength and wisdom to understand that it doesn’t have to be so overwhelming. In these times it’s so nice to see such commitment to one another and I can only pray that my fiance and I will have the ability to do the same. Thank you so much for sharing. Congrats again!!
HAPPY, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!! What an inspiring milestone!
Bella, your parents are truly inspiring!
happy belated anniversary and many more!
best wishes! very inspiring.
Congrats to your parents
Congratulations!May you have 40 more!
I celebrate your parents(mama and papa bella), this is what love is all about. I feel so encouraged reading this post.
A blessing in troubled times.
Congratulations to your parents – may they have 40+ more yr together.
Happy Anniversary! May I have the same type of luck one day!
40yrs wow. what a blessed union
congrats to mama and papa bella.
you two look stunning.
hysterical palin video!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1exiyBYnJ00
Major Congrats on your 40 years of dedication to eachother. You are an inspiration to all those just starting out.
To Mama Bella: The comment that you made to your daughter about Prayer,compromise, and prayer to go through with the compromise makes me want to cry. Reading that especially at this moment in my life really helps put things into perspective for me. I plan on using and putting into effect your wise words in my marriage. Hopefully I can celebrate 40 years also.
Again, Happy 40 Year Anniversary. I wish you both 40 more.
when will their book be available in stores? congratulations to you and your family.
Nice blog, looks really good. If you want to see it rank in Google though, you’re going to need to build links.
They look so beautiful! Glad they followed their hearts.
Love! Indeed it makes the world go round. Congrats to your parents!!!
Thank you SO much for sharing your parents’ beautiful and inspiring story. They are a lovely couple and I wish them many more years. Happy Anniversary Mama and Papa Bella!!
Happy Anniversary to Mama and Papa Bella!!! High five for sticking through EVERYTHING together. I’m a newlywed and this is noooo joke! lol One can only hope to have lasting love like yours. Have a blessed day!
This post resonated so deeply with me! My parents also faced similar adversity in the early part of their marriage. And I am also the “surprise baby” that happened when they thought they were no longer able to have kids
What a lovely way to honor your parents 40th wedding anniversary! And they both look so beautiful. Sending peace, blessings, and light to you and your family!
Happy Anniversary, thank you for showing what hard work and love for each and looking to God can produce…..here’s to many many many more wonderful years and to the ultimate gift of selflessness……Love.
Mica
Happy anniversary!! Glad to read about such a great example of love.
How lucky we are to have parents who love each other, love us, and we, them. What a great read, Patrice. — Lisa
That is a beautiful story and very inspiring. My parents 40 years this past July! They didnt go through all the trials your folks went through but they too have weathered some storms that may have lead to a different ending if they werent so commited to loving and respecting one another. I want to have that and hope to have that. It is a beautiful thing!
Congrats to you all!
Happy Anniversary Mama & Papa Bella!! Thank you for being honest and inspirational! Your union wasn’t the “norm” and you’ve both made it work for 40 years! I wish you both many more blissful years of marriage!
God Bless!
I am so inspired by Mama and Papa Bella’s story! Thank you for sharing it with us, Patrice.