As An “Island Woman…”
bella | Feb 09, 2009 | Comments 128
Just like most of everyone (at least everyone on Twitter last night), I watched the Grammys and was astounded at the news about Chris Brown and Rihanna. I believe I first heard it from Necole Bitchie or Concrete Loop, can’t recall which. In no time flat it was confirmed by the likes of People Magazine, TMZ, and E!.
In summary, following some kind of domestic altercation that was initially described as a “traffic accident,” 19 year old R&B star Chris Brown has turned himself in to the LAPD and was booked on suspicion of making criminal threats. He’s been released from jail, having posted $50,000 bail. Sources claim that Barbadian-born R&B singer Rihanna, who’s just 20 years old, suffered visible bruises after the confrontation. And the internet has gone buckwild with speculation. Some of the comments have made my stomach churn.
Take a gander at any of the popular gossip blogs right now, and read those comments if you want to feel your blood pressure rise. I’m not about to link to any of the posts that REALLY got my goat, but I need to get this off my chest. As a proud Trinidadian woman, a West Indian woman, a woman from the islands… I do NOT appreciate the stereotypes that are being thrown around by commenters seeking to condone or explain this act of violence. I’m seeing all kinds of nonsense. And I quote:
“He better watch himself, those island women are crazy.”
“Who didn’t tell chris that island women were nutso?”
“Caribbean women are crazy, she probably cut him.”
“That island b***h probably put some roots on him.”
“Chris Brown laying the SMACKDOWN on Carribean joints. [frank lucas voice]. My ni**a!”
Then there’s the other kinds of offensive comments, the ones that don’t just put the blame on Rihanna because she’s a “crazy island woman.” These other comments blame her simply because she’s a woman.
“She must have provoked him.â€
“I believe Rhianna probably started it first and it got Chris mad. Rhianna looks like she is a ish starter.”
And my least favorite of all: “Its so stupid how if a man hits a woman its his fault and we should feel sorry for the woman. You all know how it goes, these hoes get snappy, she probably annoyed him and hit him herself. lol at everyone feeling sorry for Rihanna.”
Hold. UP.
Where do these kinds of twisted interpretations and stereotypes even begin? When did we get to this point, where we instantly blame the victim?
It’s like people don’t know what to say about this sad situation, so they’re just talking out of ignorance and stereotypes and assumptions. It seems people are saying anything to try to explain why R&B music’s it couple wound up missing what should have been one of their most magical evenings together.
First of all, the only people that presently know exactly what happened between this young couple are Chris Brown, Rihanna, whoever may have been in the vehicle with them, and the law enforcement officials who are investigating this crime.
Second of all, domestic violence is never OK. It’s never to be explained away, dismissed, or most shamefully of all, celebrated. No matter how much you may love someone’s music or style or ability, to explain away Chris Brown’s alleged crime by saying “she probably started it” or “I heard she gave him herpes,” or whatever the excuse of the moment is, is woefully inappropriate and misguided. It reveals volumes about how women are valued in this society.
A man should never lay his hands on a woman. Point blank, period.
Even Chris Brown has acknowledged how domestic violence affected his own life, as a child. He’s gone on the record as saying “I don’t want to put a woman through the same thing that person put my mom through.” Whatever went down, I am sure he can’t help but recall the environment he grew up in and surely he must sincerely regret whatever his behavior was that led to this situation. Even he would probably be disgusted at the “explanations” his own fans are offering for this incident right now.
And third — in the heat of this moment, even as fans are seeking to defend and explain what happened to their favorite stars in the face of these powerful allegations, it’s important to remember how old they both are. Chris Brown is 19. Rihanna is 20. These kids need help, guidance, and the careful investigation of the law right now. Not rumors, innuendo, hearsay, and judgment. If you’re among those who have been stringing their song titles into weak jokes about domestic violence, or leaving vehement, profanity-laced comments either in favor or against Chris Brown or Rihanna in light of what happened, I implore you to stop. Think about what you’re saying, what message you’re giving, and why.
My thoughts and well wishes go out to the families of both Rihanna and Chris Brown right now. This can’t be an easy thing for either side. Time will tell what really happened here, and I hope justice is served fairly. This isn’t just another hot-button celebrity story. Domestic violence is a serious societal ill, and our collective attitude towards it should be examined and improved.
There are some tremendous domestic violence resources online. If you’ve been a victim, or know someone who has, I encourage you to visit the Safe Space Foundation, the National Domestic Violence Hotline (call 1-800-799-SAFE), Women Called Moses, and the YWCA, or the Family Violence Prevention Fund at endabuse.org.
I’d love to hear your thoughts about this story, and if you’re new to Afrobella, I encourage you to check out my FAQ on commenting. I don’t allow cursing or personal attacks on my site, and I usually delete comments with that kind of language. But I do welcome and encourage intelligently stated opinions of any variety.
What do you have to say about this sad situation, bellas and fellas?
Filed Under: Famous Faces • Issues
I’m sure this will ruin his career. That’s what he gets! I don’t feel bad for anybody that beats women. My heart goes out to Rihanna, I have a daughter her age.
Bail is not determined due to the success of a person’s career, SacredAngel. It’s determined based on the severity of the crime and related charges.
Wow.. Why am I surprised at how we’re going at each other on this topic. Here I thought we black people were above this sort of thing since we pulled together and got our President elected. Instead, we’re fighting amongst ourselves.
I agree domestic violence is a shameful act to say the least. Chris will be punished and Rihanna will heal, and both will hopefully learn from this because they are young. But dont be surprised people if they end up back together. Will we still be taking sides?
[...] “He better watch himself, those island women are crazy.†[...]
I will admit that I am not a Rihanna fan even though she is a Barbadian like myself. I am very disturbed by what happened to her and Chris Brown.
Both of these young people need help with this very traumatic situation and not the cruel remarks that are being displayed on the websites. The internet gossip sites are filled with nonsensical headlines, content and comments which are not helping the matter.
Domestic abuse is not a joke and both Rihanna and Chris have been exposed to it in their homes, whether it might have been verbal or physical. And now it has reared its ugly head in their relationship.
This has drawn attention to all victims of abuse – the ones who have suffered and the ones who are still suffering as well as the many organisations who provide an avenue for abuse victims to get help.
There is no excuse for domestic abuse.
afrobella, i’m on your side. i can’t believe the derogatory comments people are making about rihanna and the dismissive comments where they are trying to pass off the event as unimportant. physical abuse is always important, whether it was inflicted on a man by a woman or by a man on a woman. rihanna has serious injuries and is most likely embarassed, confused and deeply hurt over what happened over her. she obviously loved chris, and for their relationship to come to this point is horrible. especially considering that they are so young. i just hope that rihanna can heal quickly–both physically AND emotionally, and if chris was the perpetrator–that he can get some counseling and kill his bad habits.
@sacred Angel.
You, unfortunately are extremely lacking in the intelligence dept.
Seriously, you should sit back and think about what you are saying before you say it.
At your age, you should know better. There are 14 year olds who know better.
Yes women hit men. What has that got to do with the price of milk in China?.
It might have escaped your notice cos you are obviously too busy deviating and introducing moot points to the subject.
Women hit men and Men hit women. It happens we can all agree on that. If you slap a person, the person has the right to slap you back.
However, this girl has bite marks. BITE MARKS on her. Are you that silly that you do not recognise that this is wrong.
Irrespective of what she ‘might have accused him of or what not’.
That is rage. Pure rage in expression.
The sad thing about you and your comments, apart from the fact that they aren’t cohesive and that they don’t really make sense.
It’s that, from the way you are going it’s obvious that it’s going to be just a matter of time before you are in the same situation yourself. And the first thing you will probably do is defend the person who abuses you by saying well I should have listened, or not talked back.
In addition, the other real shame here is that the very people you insulted will be the first to offer you support.
You talk like a victim waiting for this to happen. I’ll hazard at a guess and say your background is severely disfunctional.
If I were you, I’d seek counselling. You really need some help. If you are still in school I’d suggest you speak to a guidance counsellor. You are a ticking time bomb
The
I agree with you afrobella. This is a serious matter and no one’s business but Chris and Rihanna’s. I’m praying for them and their situation. One reader, MizJJ, commented that the AA community needs to wake up to domestic violence. By clumping everyone in the African American community into one category she’s doing the same thing she’s claiming to be annoyed by, which is putting everyone in a particular race in one stereotypical group. Ignorance to domestic violence is not an African American problem it crosses all races and ethnicities and should be addressed as such.
MD: You are correct domestic violence crosses all races and ethnicities, but violence against women in the AA community often gets ignored. Victim-blaming is common in our community. People blamed the young black girls in the R.Kelly case, people blamed Mike Tyson’s rape victim, and now (even though we don’t have all the info) people are blaming Rihanna. It is almost as if b/c you are black woman you are deserving of violence.
Many of us speak about issues being a problem in the African American/Black community because that is the community that we are most familiar with and most concerned about.
I am American born w/ Caribbean and Southern Roots. Very blended family. At the end of the day. All types of women from all ethnicities, Caribbean/AfricanAmerican/African and other places get abused by abusive men. There is no reason or excuse for abuse and women who stay w/abusers are either too mentally down to get back up or too scared to leave. People should really stop the foolishness with the stereotypes and it’s sad b/c these are two “kids” in the public eye. But please believe that this same situation is happening in the “hood and the burbs” in the U.S. Caribbean as well as abroad. Let’s get it together ppl *shaking head in disgust* P.S. follow me on twitter.
Well said, although I feel it’s important to add that domestic violence has no place in any relationship, whether it is the man who is initiating OR the woman. Many people incorrectly only state that it is wrong for men to hit women, which is true.
It is equally true that it is wrong for women to hit men (or act violently against them in general, hitting used as a generic example of DV). No one has the right to put their hands on another person, and that’s irrespective of gender, relationship, age or anything else. That double standard really bothers me.
[...] Afrobella writes for many: Take a gander at any of the popular gossip blogs right now, and read those comments if you want to feel your blood pressure rise. I’m not about to link to any of the posts that REALLY got my goat, but I need to get this off my chest. As a proud Trinidadian woman, a West Indian woman, a woman from the islands… I do NOT appreciate the stereotypes that are being thrown around by commenters seeking to condone or explain this act of violence. [...]
This story is sad on many levels and the rumors that surround this situation have caused me to block anything about the pair.Furthermore, I am embarrased that anyone would say that Rihana was a “crazy Island chick”. As a woman of African heritage, Island or Chicagoan, Miamian or Trini, we are from the same origin. Other nationalities have said the same thing about ALL of us, despite what region of the world we are from. I hope that in 2009, we will discontinue such petty conceptions about Ourselves
I do not believe physical violence in a relatioship is necessary. With that being said if she did give that man Herpes… i’m not saying I agree but I do understand why he had to whip her…. But as it stands only they know exactly what happened. Everything else is speculation and or innuendo.
[...] Because other people have already done it and done it well, I’m not going to lecture you about how terrible domestic violence is, what a particular danger it is to women of color, how stupid it is to blame the victim, or even how ridiculous it is to use someone’s nationality as a reason why bad things happen to them. [...]
You know, I am not surprised by any of this.
Remember the great Billie Holiday singing “It costs me a lot, but it’s one thing that I got… my maaaaan” I watch the little girls I teach here in the south do any and every thing to get some male attention. So of course the view is that if he hits you, it is your fault and no biggie. All sorts of strange ideas are suggested.
As for the island woman thing, that does not surprise me either. I was listening to the Mike Baisden show last year coming home from work and he was basically perpetuating the same island women are crazy thing. I tried dating an American man whose mother reassured him that I was was working voodoo on him (I’m from Barbados, yes, like Rihanna). Had to leave that one alone.
Am I incensed? Not really. I just work daily to educate people away from these ideas.
First off, I think what Brown did was wrong. He did not know how to handle a woman in a domestic dispute.
People act like women are angel, some are but at the same time there are some who just aren’t.
Men need to be taught how to handle women. When a woman gets all fired up, she can become very offensive, abusive (verbally and emotionally) towards the man. Of course, the man is a human being so he gets hurt and becomes angry and anger is sometimes expressed as violence. From a guys point of view I think it’s the hurt that makes it hard to have discipline to not hit a woman.
With that out there, I would like to refine it by saying men need to be taught how to deal with women. Men don’t deal with their emotions as much as women. Women are more emotional, so when these two people come into contact (the “more emotional” female who can be offensive, hurtful, emotional abusive towards the male, and the “emotional” male)the male does not know how to handle all the emotional hurt and domestic violence usually occurs after. So the solution to this I think is for men to learn how to handle women when the WOMAN becomes emotionally and verbally abusive towards the man.
What I think Brown and Rihanna had an argument that night. Rihanna probably said some things to Brown and he was hurt and angry so he basically hit her. Which he should not have done, after he was hurt by Rihanna he should have left Rihanna and find a nice hotel somewhere to spend a couple of days and cool. That’s what I would have done.
some of these chicks have to be hit so a guy can get away. There is no way to honestly declare a man has no reason, ever, in any situation to restrain a woman. I will hit a person who hits me. Gender is not the issue
Filmmaker Mark Harris been exposed physical abuse in the entertainment industry in feature film I USED TO LOVE HER.
It’s interesting how everyone is now discussing physical abuse toward women in the hip hop community after the Chris Brown and Rihanna incident.
BUT feature film “I USED TO LOVE HER” a film written, directed and produced by Mark Harris of 1555 Filmwork screened in festivals all around the world and dealt with this exact same issue as its subplot. Simee Smith is a famous female singer who attempts to leave her hip hop superstar boyfriend who’s possessive and physically abusive.
TRAILER IS BELOW
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hmD0GQ6rVxU
Mark Harris was recently interviewed on ABC 7- link is below
http://podcast.com/episode/34888630/31550/
The buzz is that Rihanna has reconciled with Chris Brown and they are back together…
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20262240,00.html
I wonder what the message is being sent now for all those women who have been in domestic violence cases like Rihanna’s…
[...] around Brown and Rihanna are often uncomfortably shrill. Blogs like Racialicious and Afrobellacritiqued the media and online responses to the case. On the one hand, some convicted Brown [...]
Though I believe the pictures were an invasion of Rhianna’s privacy, since they did get out let the pictures speak.
Chris Brown has made no statement I can find, that Rhianna physically provoked him or invited a physical attack upon herself.
Anyone finding the thinnest grounds to justify what Chris Brown did, including Chris Brown, needs help. If you cannot live without violating other people, then find your own kind and you can all beat the day lights out of each other.
Leave the rest of us alone. And just because Rhianna changed her mind, don’t expect someone you violate not to pursue legal retribution to the nth degree. Neither should you count on being treated differently than you treat others. Some of us get fed up and fight back and we’re not always the one to give up or fall.
Think about that.
[...] around Brown and Rihanna are often uncomfortably shrill. Blogs like Racialicious and Afrobella critiqued the media and online responses to the case. On the one hand, some convicted Brown [...]
[...] around Brown and Rihanna are often uncomfortably shrill. Blogs like Racialicious and Afrobella critiqued the media and online responses to the case. On the one hand, some convicted Brown [...]
Love makes things happen…you never who you your gonna love or how.
We just gotta pray that God takes control. amen
[...] From a different vantage point, when the news first broke of the assault, US-based Trini blogger Afrobella had to contend with the stereotypical views of Caribbean women that commenters were leaving on blogs about the Rihanna [...]
[...] From a different vantage point, when the news first broke of the assault, US-based Trini blogger Afrobella had to contend with the stereotypical views of Caribbean women that commenters were leaving on blogs about the Rihanna [...]
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