Natural Reactions
bella | Nov 10, 2009 | Comments 58
Picture this: I’m standing in line at the supermarket last night, about to pay for my groceries. The casher and bagger are both young African American females with relaxed hair. One of them appears frustrated with her hair (judging from the haphazard way in which it was styled).
The bagger turns to me while bagging my groceries.
“Is that your natural hair?”
Yes.
“But you use a chemical to get it like that, right?”
No.
“Cause I saw on the Tyra show…”
You can just imagine my expression at that point. I bit back the “Lawdamercy” that wanted to come out of my mouth, and tried to engage the girls in conversation without being preachy. The cashier started to tell me that she was interested in going natural, but “can’t deal with nappy hair.” I tried to explain to her that it takes time to completely grow out a relaxer and transition to natural hair, it takes commitment and patience, and part of that means learning to love your hair’s real texture, regardless of how “nappy” it may be, it’s yours and it’s beautiful…but of course at that point I was holding up the line, my groceries were bagged and it was time to end the conversation. So I just let them know about Afrobella and BVHairTalk.com, and went on my way.
But I keep thinking about the reaction natural hair inspires.
Every week without fail, I get questions from someone.
What products do you use? How long have you been natural? What made you decide to do *that* to your hair? And these questions are usually followed by an explanation. I like your hair but mine would never look like that. It looks good on you but I can’t deal with my natural hair. My texture is too difficult to deal with. Or, I used to be natural but I wear a weave/use a relaxer now because… (like I’m some kinda natural hair police who is silently judging them for their own hair choices).
To which my response is usually, girl do YOU! Please know that you are beautiful. And if you ever have questions, or feel ready to make the transition — visit my blog or e mail me. Then I usually hand them a business card if I feel so inspired (or if I have some in my purse at the time). I try to respond with warmth, candor, and encouragement… but sometimes the questions get me down. Not because I don’t like talking to people about my hair, but just because I find the ignorance about natural hair to be so depressing. It’s astounding how many beautiful, bright women of color have no idea what the natural texture of their hair truly looks like, and just assume that it’s unattractive and uncontrollable without the use of chemical means.
I was inspired to title this post from a previous one — Natural Attitudes, which I wrote in 2007 about the reaction my hair gets in Trinidad. My location and life circumstances have changed quite a bit, but some things still remain the same.
What’s the typical reaction you get to your natural hair? How do you respond to it?
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Hai all!
I’m 22 and been natural all my life. My parents wore their hair in dreadlocks so I’ve always loved my hair and never felt the need to use chemicals, even though the pressure to do so was overwhelming
Growing up in the Caribbean it seemed most people of color couldn’t understand and would always question my parents and my choice to be natural.’..O wauw! Her hair is so full and thick, when are you going to relax it? It would look so much better!!!’ Thankfully I loved being different and have always been proud of the natural state of my hair, so I’d always turn to them,laugh and ask why I would do that?!
My family has always loved me for that.
The ‘Hair’ situation’s different now. Living in the Netherlands people LOVE my hair.They see how much fun I have with it and sometimes even seem jealous.Because I love reading blogs ,such as yours, or checking youtube for inspiration I get creative and have fun with my curls. Strangers now walk up to me and ask for advice how to get there hair like mine. Their remarks about their hair being to curly or ‘nappy’ just make me happier I never felt that way. I always smile and suggest these blogs and reassure them that with some effort, they’d look AMAZING (just like me;)).
{It’s always better then that burning sensation I’ve heard of!!!}
And yes, for the few that don’t like my hair, well that never bothered me in the past, so why now..
Peace!:D
I’ve had this conversation way too many times to recount. I get annoyed because there is no point in me trying to tell you YOU need to love and accept the texture God has blessed you with. So many women that I’ve encountered wanted my hair texture, and it makes the conversation next to impossible.
I’ve been natural for about 6 years now. Transitioning was the hardest part, especially being in corporate America. The funny thing was that is was my “sisters” who gave me the most grief with questions like, “Soooo, what are you doing with your hair?” and “Is THAT the style you were going for?
After 2.5 years I transitioned to locs and that was another trying time for my co-workers. Now that my locs have matured and are shoulder length, I get… “Well, I like YOURS cause they look neat.” or “How do you keep them from looking nappy and dirty like my neice/nephew.” And these are the compliments, well they are supposed to be. LOL
There are a lot of women who have never known the texture of their hair. Parents are so quick to pull out a “hot comb” or put a perm in infants hair. The wrong products and tools are used, those that strip the hair of their natural oils and combs that tear and tangle.
I too was addicted to “creamy crack” years ago. I over processed my hair when the slightest new growth made its appearance. Not realizing that that hair was damaged by chemicals and not my actual texture.
When I transitioned I wasn’t aware of Afrobella.com, but did a lot of research on various sites and google groups which helped me through my transition.
I went in Victoria’s Secret a few weeks back and the store clerk just had me baffled. She walked up to me, said she liked my hair, and asked how I got it like this. I was thinking “are you serious, you’re black too, you should know”. So I just told her I was natural and had been for going on 4 years. Then she said she liked the “spongy” look and her daughter’s hair looked the same…smh. Last time I checked my hair didn’t look spongy, actually my hair is not that thick at all, especially when it’s flat ironed (only twice a year is all I can take). I have like 4 different patterns in my head I have yet to figured out what my hair type is.
Hello sister, just wanted to say that whenever you flat Iron your “Natural”hair, it sets your hair texture back, again, that is what I found out from those who have done it and professionals.So I just pass on that because I dont want to keep prolonging the objective.Now there are some who are natural but keep their hair flat ironed, that’s their objective..But I prefer the natural curls and waves and afro so again, I wont experiment with the flat irons.
Ha, ha. Some of those questions sound like they came from me. I’m transitioning to natural since June 09 and now I find myself seeking out women who are natural. I usually ask the same generic questions: How long have you been natural? How long did you transition? What made you decide to go natural? I totally agree with the ignorance some of us women have about our own natural hair. I personally could not tell you how my hair looks natural but I’m really anxious to find out. ^_^
i know this is about hair but i think this noseyness and rudeness extends to all area…i cant tell u how many women come up to me ask WHY are u not pregnant yet or WHEN are u having a baby…also question WHY do i think i want a natural birth,,,i think people want to question anything that is diffrent for the norm…and i gt the hair stuff to….sigh
I spent a few months in Brazil last year and many of the women constantly asked me when I was going to get my hair straightened. I had to explain to them that I enjoyed my twists and twist outs, but they found it hard to believe. All the haircare products I saw there were for straightening. There were plenty of stares when I wore my wash and go fro. I stared or smiled back. lol