When it comes to natural hair, we create our own rules. Gone are the days where we accepted the mainstream standards of haircare. One size does not fit all when it comes to how we wash, condition, detangle, style or rock our hair. We have become a movement that is self-taught, self empowered, highly capable of informing ourselves and ascertaining what our unique texture requires. It is such a beautiful thing. We’ve taken back the reins. We are writing our own self-care guidelines.
Photo by Chuck Olu-Alabi from my Simply Be Lookbook
I wrote a piece on 4 Do’s and Don’ts for Natural Hair over at Glam.com — click here to read it! And click here to read my other stuff!
I tried to keep it all pretty simple, because it truly CAN be. My main points in that post were about education, finding the right products for you, loving YOUR hair instead of desiring someone else’s, and detangling by combing in sections from the tip to the root instead of pulling down from root to tip. Those simple tips have made a world of difference for me and for many others. In addition to those do’s and don’ts, I’d like to offer a few more of my own, and share some of the best ones from my Facebook wall.
– Do know that you can be natural on your own terms. Natural hair can mean mastering a number of complex styles, twists and braid outs and up-do’s and things of that nature. Or it can mean letting your hair be free form, curly and coily. It can mean twisting your hair into locs and going with a low maintenance lifestyle. It can mean rocking a Lupita, a TWA that allows you to truly just wash and go no matter what. It’s up to you.
– Don’t say mean things about your hair and expect to love it. I hear so many of us say disparaging things about our own hair texture. “Oh my hair’s so this or that.” When I speak about my hair, I use positive terms. Instead of “unmanageable” or “wild,” it’s “free.” My hair isn’t a lion that needs to be tamed, it’s an extension of myself that I enhance with products and styles. Instead of “coarse” or “tough,” know that your hair is strong, thick, healthy and beautiful. This is part of why I am extra careful with my use of the word “nappy.” Nappy isn’t a bad word by any means but so often it’s said with disdain or disappointment, so I prefer not to describe anyone’s hair that way. That’s my personal choice. Maybe this is another post for another time.
Here’s some of the amazing advice from Afrobella Facebook fans, who have been there, done this, and have the best advice.
– “Don’t expect miracles. Learn your hair and what you can do with it. There is no miracle product and spending lots of money is not going to change your natural hair texture. Focus on achieving healthy hair, not some fictionalized fantasy.”
– “Don’t be lazy and keep putting a generous layer of hair gel over your bun for a week straight because you don’t want to do your hair … I may or may not have learned that the hard way…”
– “DON’T try to make it what you think it should be. DO accept your hair as it is, and work with it to make it the healthiest and flyest version of itself!”
– “1: Get to know YOUR hair, no two heads are alike 2: Find what works for YOUR hair, we can have similar hair types and what works for mine may not work for yours, plus I use to be a product Junkie, no more, I know what she likes and doesn’t 2: Treat it with love, since going natural I realize my hair is a lot more sensitive now, I have to be careful with the heat and color 3: Moisturize, Moisturize, Moisturize 4: Don’t fret if you have a bad hair day, pull it up and keep going 5.I have learned to not take my hair seriously, the bigger the better with some frizz.”
– “Let it take its course! Be patient! Trim your split ends! Drink plenty of water!”
– “Be patient. Play with your hair. Get to know it. Try everything to see what works.”
– “Don’t fight it or try to make it what it’s not…accept and love your hair for what it is, learn to bring out its unique, fabulous beauty and rock it!”
– “Don’t over-comb your hair if you want defined curl patterns, finger comb and twist. BUT don’t go too long without actually combing, your hair will start to lock lol I also learned the hard way.”
– “Do LEARN your hair. Do MOISTURIZE often. GO WITH THE FLOW of your texture. DO know that black hair is fragile. Don’t MANIPULATE your hair too much. Don’t let others define your style or beauty.”
– “Keep ends moisturized regularly. Maintain a clean scalp. Detangle starting at the ends and work up. If using silicone products regularly, clarify to avoid build-up, which can make the hair dull.”
– “DO rinse your hair in cold water. It makes it feel super soft!”
– “DO use a microfiber towel… It soaks up the water better than a regular towel, reduces frizzes, saves time, and seems to be gentler on my hair. My naturalista daughter also says an old t-shirt works just as well… But definitely know your hair type (may be more than 1), and start off trying products suited to your hair type… When I first went natural– I went through a lot of trial and error, but one day– found out what works and how to work it!”
– “Do be patient, love your hair just as it is and appreciate every single stage of growth from the very shortest to the longest. Don’t envy or covet anyone else’s hair. Each and everyone of us is on a different hair journey or path which leads to the very same thing: Healthy hair.”
I love my Afrobella Facebook community, thank all of you for so generously sharing your wisdom! Please feel free to join us and share yours!
Here’s my few last DO’s and DON’Ts…
Don’t let ANYONE tell you that your natural hair isn’t beautiful or doesn’t look good on you or “you should put a relaxer in that.” This is how you were born to be, this is what you were given at birth. It is so important to be able to look in the mirror and love who you are, as you are before you start adding embellishments and seeking to alter your perceived flaws.
Don’t take it personally if someone says something mean about your hair. Or try not to. They’re actually saying MUCH more about themselves than they are about you. What I’ve noticed is, the people who say negative things to or about natural afro-textured hair are in fact revealing deep seated issues that it isn’t your responsibility to try to cure. I just pity the fools and keep my head held high. You have to have confidence in your own beauty. And you know what? Insecure people hate that. Don’t let natural hair naysayers bring you down, even if they try.
DO know that you need to be patient. If your hair is damaged from chemicals and heat straightening, it may take a while for it to figure itself out and be healthy and strong. It took me 2 years to truly understand my hair when I first went natural. You have to learn how to treat it right and give it what it deserves and has been asking for. You can try to figure it out on your own but it’s also really good to find a well educated natural hair stylist to make sure you’re on the right path, to deep condition and trim and maintain your situation.
DO know that your hair is a unique expression of you. And you are beautiful.
What are YOUR natural hair do’s and don’ts?
A few of mine:
Do experiment with styles and routines and find what fits with your personality and lifestyle. This includes finding that “signature” style that you can go to again and again.
Do be straightforward and let hairstylists know exactly how you’d like your hair treated and cared for.
Do apply water and a moisturizer frequently!
Don’t go to bed with your hair not braided up!! My hair is always a hot mess when I don’t braid it up and put it under a satin bonnet.
Don’t do your hair when tired, in a rush, when exhausted, or otherwise in a bad mood! Nothing good will come of it! 🙂
Just a few of my personal Dos and Don’ts!!
As one of my fellow Hilarians said about you on FB recently “I want your sister’s hair!”
Lovely blogpost. Each of us has different hair types and many ways to be natural – just be happy with what you have.
Do be patient
Do moisturise with water because my hair LOVES water
Do see my hair as part of what makes me beautiful
Don’t embrace (not even partially) negative comments about my hair
Don’t say (not even half-heartedly) negative comments about my hair
Don’t respond with negativity because I am not a child and treating ugly with ugly solves nothing.
i try to moisturize and not use hot tools on my hair too often. If I do, i use a heat protectant. Great Post =)
sprinkleofmetime.blogspot.com
Don’t let “hair typing” keep you from trying different products to master your preferred hairstyles. You may miss out on a great product.
Do relax, and try to go with the flow. If you became a natural yesterday, remember you were something else before that and it took time to understand how to rock that previous hairstyle. It will also take some time to learn how to work with your new texture.
Don’t forget that you need hairstyles that compliment YOUR lifestyle. Every natural hairstyle will not work for you (as a 20+ year natural I have never enjoyed two-strand twists or braid-outs, but my sister loved them long before they were popular), just as every relaxed style does not work for every woman.
Do compliment men and women when you see a style you love.
Ive also locked my hair few times not learning how to avoid that particular problem each time. So, i was wondering what is the most efficient way to deal with it. Do you comb your hair with some special oil or just a conditioner, i comb my hair with conditioner but still hurts ? And how often should i comb my hair. Your advice is much appreciated
Some of mine include, not doing my hair on wet hair…I find it looks a lot better and gets tangled a whole lot less when its almost dry. And I discovered a few weeks ago that my hair loves to be pre-pooed with coconut oil. My hair is so soft if I do that before I co-wash.
Thanks for this very very good post that’s really helpful i like it thanks.
type4fro
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When it comes to hair I follow my own rules. I don’t use hot tools on my hair often. I takeout time every week to oil my hair and mostly importantly I don’t go after opinions of others. I go for that hairstyle which I believe is good for me. For me inner satisfaction is very important. Very nice post dear…..xoxoxo…:)
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I starting with natural hair about 4 yrs ago, but before then I researched the different stages it would take your hair through first. I managed to get through them all with not problems. I was very comfortable with all three stages and they help me to realize that you don’t have to follow the crowd you can take another road for yourself and things worked out fine for me. Now I only speak positive things about myself and my hair. Thanks for the information it helped me a lot.
Amen to dont’ diss your hair and expect to love it – this is one that I still have to work on at times!
xoxo,
Sabrina @ Living, Learning, Eating
http://living-learning-eating.blogspot.com/2014/05/onyx-box-review-adventures-in-curly.html
My ultimate DO’s
-have lots of patience.
-keep your hair nourished in and out
DON’T
-mind/embrace any negative comments
you pretty much cover it all in your list. I like the one about not being lazy.
http://www.themanecaptain.blogspot.ca
Do love yourself and know that your hair is just as unique as you are.
Do watch “youtube” tutorials and make your own..
Do know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. Think of your hair as just as great.. It’s a journey…it’s a lifestyle.
Do know that what you eat impacts your hair. You are what you eat.
Do know that when you speak life to yourself..you speak life to your hair. It’s just as much mental as it is physical and do the same for others. We are all in this together.
Do know that I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE being natural and you will too!!!
Don’t let others dictate what and how your hair should look..hence it’s “your” hair.
Don’t be ashamed to rock a head wrap with a little of hair showing. I normally do this when I am deep conditioning.
Great article! Thank you for sharing. I love the pictures by the way… You’re absolutely gooorgeous (:
When someone writes an article he/she maintains the idea of a user in his/her mind that
how a user can know it. So that’s why this article is outstdanding.
Thanks!
Hot tools in my opinion are the dark lord of the sith for hair. But I still finding myself using them occasionally. If there would be a decent alternative i would quit them completely in a heart beat
Totally agree with this. Use your own creativity hair style where you feel comfortable with. Nice job you did here.
Eating a healthy dies is always a must! Your hair needs nutrients so healthy foods will make it easier for you to have great natural hair!