Full Figured Fabulous
bella | Aug 03, 2007 | Comments 123
Most of you probably saw this photo of the current case of Mo’Nique’s F.A.T Chance making its way around the gossip blogosphere in July.
From the second I saw that photo pop up on sites like Perez Hilton and TMZ, I steeled myself for horrible comments. If you’re at all sensitive about weight issues, those comments will hit you like a slap to the face. I won’t give them the honor of quoting any of them, but I read some horrible generalizations about size and black women, a variety of incredibly cruel fat jokes, and many remarks about how the program is “promoting obesity.” I beg to differ. Anyone who has watched Mo’Nique’s F.A.T Chance knows that the point of the show is to uplift the self-esteem of women who aren’t typically celebrated as beautiful in society. It has nothing to do with exploting the participants or celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle. And if you don’t believe me, I asked somebody.
The bella directly below Mo’Nique in the pink body paint is 23 year old Arena Turner, a former sixth-grade since teacher who taught at a middle school in North Miami and hails from the outskirts of Liberty City. I was lucky enough to interview her for my job, because she was hosting a local screening event for the show’s first episode. And just like Mo’Nique did when I met her, Arena immediately struck me as a really cool chick.
A little backstory — I went to the Miami casting call for F.A.T Chance last year, and met Mo’Nique. She’s truly a presence — at the end as tired as she was, she hugged me and made me feel special and beautiful and important. It was a magical moment.
This season, Mo took the contestants to Paris, and Arena said it was the experience of a lifetime. The contestants bonded and toured the city of lights, and had some magical first experiences — Arena drank her first glass of champagne ever! As part of the competition, the ladies got body painted for an artistic photo shoot. Arena admits that she was initally concerned about appearing nude. “I’m a school teacher so I was worried about the message I was sending. I don’t want [my students] to think it’s OK to pull off your clothes for money. But at the same time I wanted them to get the message that hey, you need to love yourself. Love yourself enough to come out of your shell and say look at me, I am beautiful. I’m beautiful with all of my clothes on, or with nothing on at all. That’s what the competition is all about,†she explained. “The whole competition is about stepping outside of your comfort zone, and being comfortable with you. Just loving yourself enough to say OK, listen. I’m a big girl and I can let it all hang out because I’m beautiful. I’m a work of art!â€
I asked Arena what she had to say to the haters, and she got very real with me. “I feel like, if everyone loves themselves enough on the inside, then everything on the outside becomes beautiful. And just because people are messed up on the inside and don’t love themselves, they go ahead and pull and pick and point fingers. I mean, come on!”
I asked her how the comments made her feel, and she let me know that they didn’t slow her down at all. “My skin is thick. When I read the comments, it didn’t pierce my skin at all. I was like, wow, people actually thought enough to leave 500, 600 comments on this! Wow! They’re really looking at this, and they see it’s ok to be yourself, it’s ok to be beautiful. Then I read some comments where people are saying we’re promoting obesity. We never said go eat two hamburgers and be fat! We never said that! What we said is, love who you are, love what you are, and be proud of yourself. Nobody ever said go and be the size of Arena, or go ‘head and eat yourself to Mo’Nique’s size. We never said be obese. Me myself, I work out every morning. Mo’Nique encouraged us to work out at the hotel, she exercises.”
The photo was intentionally out-there. Intentionally in your face. And it makes me wonder — what do people want, anyway? You hear regular complaints that the fashion industry promotes eating disorders, models are too skinny, we’re banning models who are under a certain weight. Okay. Then the designers say, let’s go the opposite way and make a powerful statement. When Jean-Paul Gaultier and John Galliano used plus size model Velvet in their runway shows in Paris, people were spewing pure hateraid, talking about this is just gross, nobody wants to see that, blah blah blah. It’s like, you can’t please people. Arena agreed with me on that point.
“There are people who have committed suicide because of what society thinks about them. But you know, it doesn’t matter what society thinks about you if you truly love yourself,” Arena retorted. And in the end, she brushed it all off. “People are gonna talk, they’re gonna talk. Small-minded people talk about people.” There’s no disputing that.
Whether you saw the photo as empowering and magnificent or horrific and disgusting, you have to admit that it took a hell of a lot of guts to pose for a picture like that, and I’m not talking about their weight. Speaking as a woman who doesn’t currently own a pair of shorts and has used every kind of excuse to not wear a swimsuit in front of strangers, I have to applaud the courage of these women to take it all off.
Please don’t get it twisted — Mo’Nique isn’t by any means a guru or spokesperson for me as a black woman. I can’t always ride with her opinions. For example, her recent quote about the n word made me roll my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my head. But I remember the words Mo’Nique said to the crowd at the end of the F.A.T Chance audition and as someone who knows where she’s coming from, Iwas sincerely touched: “I honestly wish that I could bottle up what I’m feeling right now to give to y’all for the days that aren’t too bright — for the days that your thighs rub too hard together. Because I am y’all. I know how you feel,” she said to the room of full figured women. Many tears were shed that day, but it was a magnificent experience.
On a personal note, I myself am a big girl and I’ve been fighting my weight for years. In my experience, I think people who are thin or who have never had a weight problem, sometimes don’t know what to say to overweight people. Tough love is an often-used tactic and for me, it’s never worked. Making fun of me or mocking me, will push me away and make me hate you and disregard whatever message you were trying to send. What has helped is a slow and realistic building-up of my self esteem. My workout goals were always ineffective because I held goals that weren’t encouraging that positive self-image. I’ve finally realized that I don’t need to lose weight so I can be seen as beautiful. Because I’m beautiful now. I need to exercise regularly so I can be fit and healthy and live a long and happy life. And I’m doing that. Just hearing the words – you’re beautiful, you look great — means a lot when you’re not used to hearing (or believing) it.
When I’m having a low self-esteem day, I check out Thick Misses, a blog that celebrates black celebrities with curves. I find lots of fashion inspiration that I can use NOW, not as thinspiration. For example, I ache for this stunning black and white floral dress from Mo’Nique’s Ebony photo spread. And while we’re on the topic of plus size women and fashion, a word to the clothing designers around the world. Lots of females have a passion for fashion, but I’d venture to say women who are plus-size are extra obsessed with finding the perfect outfit. Full-figured fashion has come a long way, but we’ve got a lot further to go. For many designers, plus size clothes are still a relatively untapped market.
I’ve been realizing that a lot recently, because I have a family wedding to attend in Lake Tahoe next week. This ain’t just a wedding, it’s also going to be a big ol’ family reunion for my husband, and we’ll be seeing relatives who were haven’t seen since our wedding five years ago. Needless to say, we’re excited for our little trip, and I want to find the perfect dress. I’m a vibrant kinda gal, so I’m visualizing a bright, flowy, flattering, classy Grecian type of style. These days I’m obsessed with bright yellow, but fuschia or golden orange might also be interesting. I’m not averse to patterns, but they’d need to be flattering. And I’ve been looking and looking for the perfect dress that’s beautiful AND affordable, and I can’t find ANYTHING for less than $250.00. I waited too long to shop online, so tomorrow I’m gonna have to hit Loehmann’s, Ross, Macy’s, JC Penny, wherever I can — on a quest to find this mystical dress. Any advice you bellas might have is very much appreciated.
To end this on a happy Friday musical note, here’s Mo’Nique, proving that plus size can be sexy and desirable in Anthony Hamilton’s Sista Big Bones. Whatever size you are, you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and believe in your beauty.
Happy Friday and nothing but love, y’all!
Just an aside, I wish state officials included a Crock pot, recipe books and nutrition guides with food assistance programs.
I agree BlackHoney with the crock pot cooking thing. I wish the gov’t would get off the backs of community growers and would let them go to urban/ poor neighborhoods and sale their wares there too. I wish we would get more serious about taking our communities back and making them safe. I wish there were more midnight basketball teams with cheerleading squads too. I wish there were skate parks where the kids could go and skate without fear. I also wish that more parks were built with the children activites in the middle so that mom could keep her eyes on her little ones in a safe environment while she also took care of herself by taking a walk and chit chatting with other ladies thereby having a support group.
I keep thinking about that blog that would offer recipes, ways to get in rest, time to exercise etc. for single and married women. Maybe we could get some other groups that have major pull to help as well. I think that is really a great idea. Perhaps too much for one woman, but for a group of really intelligent women … like ourselves, maybe we ought to be about it instead of just talking about it. Obviously, despite our disagreements, we are concerned about it.
Nikita I would be glad to contribute in whatever way I can because I know it will be useful to me too.
Black Honey,
For a while in my life I had two parents in the household, but my parents eventually seperated while I was 12 or so. My mother worked several odd jobs here and there to make ends meet, but she fed us well. She never scrimped on food as she wanted her children to grow up tall and strong. She accomplished this on her own and we as children learned to prepare certain things on our own so that when we arrived home from school we weren’t sitting home starving or eating junk (Mom didn’t waste money on junk food) She did it all, she kept her children healthy, we did very well in school, etc. If she did it, I know others have and others can do it. Heck, with all the resources and availability for information in this day and age, there’s no excuse for most black kids to be overweight, having diabetes so early in life, etc. If parents just took time to go to the library and read up on recipes (the library is free) or ask someone in their neighborhood, pastor, nurses, the American Heart Association, I’m sure that they could provide free information, or inform of some programs.
My brother now has a precious little girl but before she was even a thought, he read about food, nutrition as he was finding that his mid-section was spreading a bit rapidly (Ha!) We all get older and some of us get a little lazy from time to time, but my point is he started educating himself about food, etc. He gives me advice on certain foods, I love it! It’s like having a nutritionist at my beck and call. He is now passing his knowledge down to his little princess by providing healthy choices for her. She doesn’t reach for candy bars she asks for peaches and apple slices.
Like Sly Stone sang: “You can make it IF you TRY.
We can do it people.
ok Beautifulone..toss it out but cannot handle it? I said you sound trifling and mean, there is a difference. Nevertheless, I see you are one who speaks and does not listen, writes and does not read. Discussion is wasted, carry on.
Wow am I late to the party or what! I was a heavy child and heavy teenager growing up and let’s just say I heard the line “You have such a pretty face” too many times to count. I was never happy on the inside because being overweight truly held me back in life. I didn’t partake in a number of different events because I said I was “shy.” The truth was I was overweight and very self conscious. I had many friends, I was a straight A student but I wasn’t happy with me. I decided to lose weight because although I had this curvaceous body, I would get winded climbing a flight off stairs or walking a few blocks. I didn’t do sports because I was slow and clumsy and I didn’t want to be embarrassed. I made the choice to lose weight because I felt I was not representing the true me. So I did my research and took off about 100 lbs. during my junior year in college. I did it without drugs and planned my meals so that they were well balanced and tasty. I made exercise a priority and did it everyday. I went swimming in the early mornings, took aerobics classes, walked everywhere, I did what I had to in order to stay active. After taking the weight off my self esteem shot through the roof. I started to enjoy life a whole lot more. I could sit comfortably in an airplane sit for the first time..I was no longer “SHY” Now people say all the time “Are you a model?”, or “you should model” How life has changed for me. If you are plus sized and are 100% happy with your size then my hats off to you. However, I know the truth because I played the happy role around my friends and family too. Taking weight off is by no means easy and takes a lot of dedication. I understand the struggle and I praise those that participate in some form of exercise. I’m not saying to conform yourself to society’s standard of what is considered normal, if I followed this standard I would look and be anorexic. Just take time to read what your putting into your body and make little changes so that we can wipe out High Blood pressure, diabetes and other diseases that are killing us as a people. Life is beautiful and we should enjoy it at a healty waistline for many years to come!
i have to say i agree with methinks.
Donna, you rock!
I’m so happy for you and your new outlook on life.
I wonder what kind of discussion it would have been in here had you made your comment earlier in this forum. Hats off to you and your self-discipline and determination!
Keep rockin’!
a little link to tenderness for the bellas … this discussion demonstrates that it IS hard out there. black folk can make pain into all kinds of fabulosity. but we have to look after ourselves. it was really, really, really interesting reading all these posts and i’ve recommitted myself to prettiness and doing my work and enjoying life and trying to just be cool with people (when they ain’t too fool-fool). bring it otis:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LjOwmTArGh4
Donna, thats for the inspriation, I am struggling to lose 100 and more, and I simply have no motivation. We sound so similar as well, I often I hear that I am pretty for a big girl or I would look hotter if I were thin. Reading your comment just give me a boost of motivation. Thanks.
Hi, Mrs518..I’m glad you found inspiration in what I said. Taking weight off is hard, but you can do it! You have to believe that you can do it and stay focused. I used to write my feelings down whenever I felt fustrated or wanted to quit all together. If you need motivation I would be glad to share my tips with you…I have plenty. I’ve studied the best calorie burning exercises and I know how to prepare meals that are easy and tasty. Hey try picturing what you would look like after you lose the weight. YOU CAN DO IT!
I agree with what reader says “skinny does NOT automatically = healthy, in the same way that being FAT does not automatically = unhealthy”.
Weight loss is possible once you combine the exercise and dieting. Neither is dispensable. Donna, you may want to share your studies and meals with other plus size people. If so, you can join in dietsocial.com.
In my opinion, no matt whether we are fat or not. We need to love ourselves first. The old saying:” Respect yourself, or no one else will respect you.”
Donna, I hope you read this… I would love to hear your tips, could you e-mail me at abah611@hotmail.com, so we can talk 1 on 1. Thanks alot.
This is why I never ever read comments on gossip/celebrity blogs. It is inevitable that there will be some asshat who thinks it’s funny to share their ignorant commentary.
Feelings are feelings and fat people have ‘em too. Beautiful post!
I’m glad I finally stumbled onto your site. This is an excellent post. Your articles are very thoughtfully written.
Looking forward to reading more soon.
I saved the picture on my computer. I will use it for inspiration to exercise and eat right. I am at a loss for words.
We need to love ourselves and we can do that by living a healthy lifestyle. I am doing so self examination about my priorities. I am well paid and overworked. I see my white male colleauges take time to go to the gym either before during or after work. I need to make the time for myself as well.
Sisters let us start loving ourselves through healthy lifestyles.
wager on football
aligning disbanding Lorinda elaborations instructively?
Thanks for the interview
Although full and fabulous women and girls are just as beautiful as their thinner counterparts, the fact remains that true beauty comes from within and our focus needs to be more on inward beauty and finding the love from within so it can penetrate our bodies outwardly for a lifetime.
When our bodies are penetrated outwardly with the love from inside of us, we begin to take care of ourselves and pay special attention to things like what we put in our mouths, how we allow others to treat us and the time we spend living out our purpose as opposed to wasting it on frivolous people, events and ideas.
Plus Teen USA Pageant and Conference focuses on promoting beauty and self love from the inside that permeates the outside. If you or someone you know would like to be a contestant in Plus Teen USA 2008, visit our website at http://www.plusteenusa.com.
I LOVE PLUS SIZW WOMEN! i hate skinny bitchs
I recently discovered this blog. I’ve had a similiar idea to your rewriting the ten commandments for some time now.
First, this is an exceptionally beautifuly photograph; far beyond the likes of ANTM potential. I cannot agree more with the positive posters. The misunderstanding that many [negative] viewers of this photo have, is that their eyes have been tainted by the public image of what society ‘believes’ women should look like.
Horrificly, it has nothing to do with the physical appearance of these women, but building the shield of self -confidence and -esteem. Sadly, the propelling disease of unfavorable weight problems has plagued much of the American society forcing thousands of women into severe cases of depression, low self-esteem and confidence and even suicide. Instead of joining the bandwagon [negative commenters] of badgering the bravado of these beautiful women, we should stand together to encourage them as well as Mo’Nique in their journey to ultimate confidence.
I utilised it for 3 weeks. I lost 20 lbs and was in fact never ever hungry neither did I have any kind of problems functioning. I never obtained the weight back despite I began eating more foodstuff…I did not get shots though..I used the drops.