Full Figured Fabulous
Most of you probably saw this photo of the current case of Mo’Nique’s F.A.T Chance making its way around the gossip blogosphere in July.
From the second I saw that photo pop up on sites like Perez Hilton and TMZ, I steeled myself for horrible comments. If you’re at all sensitive about weight issues, those comments will hit you like a slap to the face. I won’t give them the honor of quoting any of them, but I read some horrible generalizations about size and black women, a variety of incredibly cruel fat jokes, and many remarks about how the program is “promoting obesity.” I beg to differ. Anyone who has watched Mo’Nique’s F.A.T Chance knows that the point of the show is to uplift the self-esteem of women who aren’t typically celebrated as beautiful in society. It has nothing to do with exploting the participants or celebrating an unhealthy lifestyle. And if you don’t believe me, I asked somebody.
The bella directly below Mo’Nique in the pink body paint is 23 year old Arena Turner, a former sixth-grade since teacher who taught at a middle school in North Miami and hails from the outskirts of Liberty City. I was lucky enough to interview her for my job, because she was hosting a local screening event for the show’s first episode. And just like Mo’Nique did when I met her, Arena immediately struck me as a really cool chick.
A little backstory — I went to the Miami casting call for F.A.T Chance last year, and met Mo’Nique. She’s truly a presence — at the end as tired as she was, she hugged me and made me feel special and beautiful and important. It was a magical moment.
This season, Mo took the contestants to Paris, and Arena said it was the experience of a lifetime. The contestants bonded and toured the city of lights, and had some magical first experiences — Arena drank her first glass of champagne ever! As part of the competition, the ladies got body painted for an artistic photo shoot. Arena admits that she was initally concerned about appearing nude. “I’m a school teacher so I was worried about the message I was sending. I don’t want [my students] to think it’s OK to pull off your clothes for money. But at the same time I wanted them to get the message that hey, you need to love yourself. Love yourself enough to come out of your shell and say look at me, I am beautiful. I’m beautiful with all of my clothes on, or with nothing on at all. That’s what the competition is all about,†she explained. “The whole competition is about stepping outside of your comfort zone, and being comfortable with you. Just loving yourself enough to say OK, listen. I’m a big girl and I can let it all hang out because I’m beautiful. I’m a work of art!â€
I asked Arena what she had to say to the haters, and she got very real with me. “I feel like, if everyone loves themselves enough on the inside, then everything on the outside becomes beautiful. And just because people are messed up on the inside and don’t love themselves, they go ahead and pull and pick and point fingers. I mean, come on!”
I asked her how the comments made her feel, and she let me know that they didn’t slow her down at all. “My skin is thick. When I read the comments, it didn’t pierce my skin at all. I was like, wow, people actually thought enough to leave 500, 600 comments on this! Wow! They’re really looking at this, and they see it’s ok to be yourself, it’s ok to be beautiful. Then I read some comments where people are saying we’re promoting obesity. We never said go eat two hamburgers and be fat! We never said that! What we said is, love who you are, love what you are, and be proud of yourself. Nobody ever said go and be the size of Arena, or go ‘head and eat yourself to Mo’Nique’s size. We never said be obese. Me myself, I work out every morning. Mo’Nique encouraged us to work out at the hotel, she exercises.”
The photo was intentionally out-there. Intentionally in your face. And it makes me wonder — what do people want, anyway? You hear regular complaints that the fashion industry promotes eating disorders, models are too skinny, we’re banning models who are under a certain weight. Okay. Then the designers say, let’s go the opposite way and make a powerful statement. When Jean-Paul Gaultier and John Galliano used plus size model Velvet in their runway shows in Paris, people were spewing pure hateraid, talking about this is just gross, nobody wants to see that, blah blah blah. It’s like, you can’t please people. Arena agreed with me on that point.
“There are people who have committed suicide because of what society thinks about them. But you know, it doesn’t matter what society thinks about you if you truly love yourself,” Arena retorted. And in the end, she brushed it all off. “People are gonna talk, they’re gonna talk. Small-minded people talk about people.” There’s no disputing that.
Whether you saw the photo as empowering and magnificent or horrific and disgusting, you have to admit that it took a hell of a lot of guts to pose for a picture like that, and I’m not talking about their weight. Speaking as a woman who doesn’t currently own a pair of shorts and has used every kind of excuse to not wear a swimsuit in front of strangers, I have to applaud the courage of these women to take it all off.
Please don’t get it twisted — Mo’Nique isn’t by any means a guru or spokesperson for me as a black woman. I can’t always ride with her opinions. For example, her recent quote about the n word made me roll my eyes so hard they almost fell out of my head. But I remember the words Mo’Nique said to the crowd at the end of the F.A.T Chance audition and as someone who knows where she’s coming from, Iwas sincerely touched: “I honestly wish that I could bottle up what I’m feeling right now to give to y’all for the days that aren’t too bright — for the days that your thighs rub too hard together. Because I am y’all. I know how you feel,” she said to the room of full figured women. Many tears were shed that day, but it was a magnificent experience.
On a personal note, I myself am a big girl and I’ve been fighting my weight for years. In my experience, I think people who are thin or who have never had a weight problem, sometimes don’t know what to say to overweight people. Tough love is an often-used tactic and for me, it’s never worked. Making fun of me or mocking me, will push me away and make me hate you and disregard whatever message you were trying to send. What has helped is a slow and realistic building-up of my self esteem. My workout goals were always ineffective because I held goals that weren’t encouraging that positive self-image. I’ve finally realized that I don’t need to lose weight so I can be seen as beautiful. Because I’m beautiful now. I need to exercise regularly so I can be fit and healthy and live a long and happy life. And I’m doing that. Just hearing the words – you’re beautiful, you look great — means a lot when you’re not used to hearing (or believing) it.
When I’m having a low self-esteem day, I check out Thick Misses, a blog that celebrates black celebrities with curves. I find lots of fashion inspiration that I can use NOW, not as thinspiration. For example, I ache for this stunning black and white floral dress from Mo’Nique’s Ebony photo spread. And while we’re on the topic of plus size women and fashion, a word to the clothing designers around the world. Lots of females have a passion for fashion, but I’d venture to say women who are plus-size are extra obsessed with finding the perfect outfit. Full-figured fashion has come a long way, but we’ve got a lot further to go. For many designers, plus size clothes are still a relatively untapped market.
I’ve been realizing that a lot recently, because I have a family wedding to attend in Lake Tahoe next week. This ain’t just a wedding, it’s also going to be a big ol’ family reunion for my husband, and we’ll be seeing relatives who were haven’t seen since our wedding five years ago. Needless to say, we’re excited for our little trip, and I want to find the perfect dress. I’m a vibrant kinda gal, so I’m visualizing a bright, flowy, flattering, classy Grecian type of style. These days I’m obsessed with bright yellow, but fuschia or golden orange might also be interesting. I’m not averse to patterns, but they’d need to be flattering. And I’ve been looking and looking for the perfect dress that’s beautiful AND affordable, and I can’t find ANYTHING for less than $250.00. I waited too long to shop online, so tomorrow I’m gonna have to hit Loehmann’s, Ross, Macy’s, JC Penny, wherever I can — on a quest to find this mystical dress. Any advice you bellas might have is very much appreciated.
To end this on a happy Friday musical note, here’s Mo’Nique, proving that plus size can be sexy and desirable in Anthony Hamilton’s Sista Big Bones. Whatever size you are, you need to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and believe in your beauty.
Happy Friday and nothing but love, y’all!
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All I can do is SMMFH @ the hate I’m seeing. Is my size really that big of a problem for you ladies? If so, why? What is it about BBWs that is so repugnant? I’m a big gurl who walks pretty much everywhere she goes (I have small babies who like to go for walks everyday), eats less than my skinny husband (yup, I got me a skin-ty man) and best friend, and who still hasn’t been able to get the weight off because of hormonal issues. What about me? Oh and before you go there, I am fully aware that not every big girl got there because of hormones or thyroid issues, but how do you know that’s not how she got there?
For those of you who are dissin’ heavier sisters, why? I know plenty of formerly skinny BW who got heavier after children, after major surgeries, because of the effects of medications, etc. So if you have not walked a mile in our shoes, who the h*ll are you to tell me they fit?
Why so much hate? I’m just not getting it.
You know what I can’t stand about discussions like this? “Concern trolls.” I find it more than tiresome when someone comes along and misses the entire point of a post like this to state the obvious. “Being obese can be unhealthy.” No shit. That’s not the point of this post. You know what else is unhealthy? Having a negative self-image and thinking that being thin is going to solve all your problems. Even worse? Attaching your sense of self worth and character to your body size. Clearly some people believe that by some of the comments left here.
The last thing a fat person needs is fake “concern” about their health. They get plenty of that already from everybody and their dead grandmothers so thanks, but no thanks. As the saying goes, “do you.”
After reading this post, it pretty much just solidified one of my firm beliefs: In order to be happy and truly at peace with yourself, you have to decide what is important to YOU, then live your life accordingly. Live life on your own terms. When you look inside yourself and answer the tough questions honestly, I believe you live a mentally and physically healthier life. For some it might be losing weight. For some it might be gaining weight. For others still, learning when to shut the hell up sometimes. It really depends on the individual. Bottom line is, it’s none of my business to tell someone what they need to do with their life and their bodies. I’ll just focus on figuring out what’s important to me and living life on my own terms. Wish more people did the same.
WHOA! I mean this posts has really gotten heated. I just want to say 1, that I think most importantly if you have not seen the show, Fat Chance (or Charm School, for that matter) how can you say from looking at 1 picture what she is promoting? Taking the picture out of the context of the show is the same as taking words out of context, it can be misleading. Second, I mean the people that say Monique should not be promoting self love at any size, are you saying that obese people, even those who are unhealthy, should not love themselves? To take it a step farther there are many unhealthy people, and none of them experience the same backlash that large women do. I am a big girl, I am about 5’3 and 200 pounds. I work out, I try to eat right and yes I would like to lose weight, but I deserve the right to lose weight at my own pace, and not have to deal with the stares and gigles or the disdain that eminates from people like many of the posters on this website. When I go to the gym, I see the looks and it takes a lot of self love to get past that. I have seen the show and I think that Mo’nique tries to use her celebrity to change the mindframes of many, although I dont agree with all of her comments, there are many celebrities that make money and do not try to do anything uplifting and there is nothing wrong with doing something you love and making money with it, why not?
I get the self love cause it is the confidence I have in myself that makes me get up and go to the gym and ignore the stares and giggles at water aerobics, or the smile when I order a salad and diet drink….and whats funny is most of the time its the women that are the culprit, as evident by this post.
No the pictre doesn’t look good. After reading a few post, I feel there is no point to even try to get any info across to overweight women. Because a lot of them just like to make excuse, after excuse, after excuse. I notice on too many occasions, that they want to think our society is evil for presuring them to be thin. Knowing good and darn well they aren’t happy with the way they look or feel. Boo!!! Woman Up!
TheBeautifulOne Says
are you for real , i have lived in asia over 1o years , i have an office in china … I know about asia . ranting and raving i quote your below
“Stress is no excuse and should not even be an excuse as to why someone cannot stop using their forks, spoons and knives as forklifts. ”
my point ,is not fighting whether to be fat , it is saying let the fat girls be fat should they choose , some of you sound like Richard Pratt , reveling in the modern paradigms of healthy lifestyles… But paradigms are just that useless man made folly to fill up the time ….
If these ladies want to be thin and what u consider healthy , then they will do it .. But some in the commenters inclusive of the poster are telling you they try , but they don’t want to be brow beaten or looked down on , and your comment was mean spirited.
Have fun in Korea , don’t lose yourself and don’t believe the hype …
I can’t get past the few epsiodes of Charm School to watch FAT chance or Monique in anything. She angers me. With that said. Self esteem is key for living in this world as women of any color.
As a black woman, I feel incredible stress for a multiude of reasons. My daddy raised me to believe that I am big and beautiful and that nobody wants a bone but a dog and he buries it. He assured my thin as a rail big sister also that she was a heartbreaker. We walked out of our house with that pinned to our hearts. I never questioned it until my first year in college where everyone 2nd girl was cheerleader thin. I wanted to be part of the crowd but I enjoyed my curves, they reminded me of my mom. I loved my shape, I embraced that @ 5’9 200lbs and a size 14-16. I got caught up about my 3rd year, went to WW and got down to an 8 and felt good like Oprah did when she dragged that wagon of fat around. But quickly I felt almost unsafe in the world, like I would float away, not enough connecting me to earth. I never wanted to be *tiny*, I struggled to maintain my dress size all thru my 20′s. I don’t recall any more joy about my size, just the struggle to stay there.
I am back to my 16 now, my heart and lungs are strong, my cholesterol is low, my curves are not as killer, I am not in my 20′s but I feel connected to myself, like I am back to me. I walk, weight train and ego controls my eating. i wish every future big girl had had my daddy whispering to them at night ….helping them stay connected to their core. I am maybe without cause others may say… happy to have my womanly being. I like the bounce of my breasts and wideness of my hips. I feel good and I feel beautiful. I was raised to believe this is what a woman looks like and that is where I get my true self esteem.
Byrdparker,
Why so defensive? I did not mean to hit a very sensitive nerve with you or anyone else in this forum. You’ve missed my point and that’s ok, it’s understandable given the circumstances.
I thank you for wishing me well in Korea and trust, I’m living well and am very happy. I wish you happiness as well. As far as “losing myself”, I could never do this because I come from a loving, healthy and supportive family.
What is this “hype” that you don’t want me to believe? I feel the real “hype” is this: it’s ok ladies if you are obese as long as you love yourselves! Don’t worry about your health issues, just keep yourselves in the latest fashions for “curvy women” and all will be well in the world”! If this is the “hype” that you speak of, then no, I don’t believe the hype. I’m not buying it, so stop selling it.
Ami jane and Melinda, do you have websites or blogs? If you do, I’d like to check them out sometime.
The thing is, you can never reach someone by saying…”I just don’t understand…” That makes a person shut down. If you’re truly trying to help someone, I don’t think you say things like “how did you let yourself get so big?” and “didn’t you notice??” That kind of stuff either makes a person angry and defensive or hurt, and the end result is that they stop listening to whatever else you have to say. Some people are so secure in themselves that they don’t understand how hurtful words can be, apparently, and say things without weighing their effect. I liked what one poster said about we all have issues, some we can see, and some we can’t. Yes, obesity is unhealthy, one cannot deny that. But the way to encourage health is trying to understand someone else’s struggle, really listening, not saying things that only stop communication. Hopefully some of the things people say here, or more to the point, I guess, the way they say them, is just due to the anonymity afforded by the blog environment and not the way they communicate verbally with friends and acquaintances. Incidentally, I have had Black men tell me I’m “too skinny baby” in the past, other people telling me I’m too thin…that to say that I’m not a “big girl” but I do understand how important it is to care about yourself inside before you can really care about how you look outside. When you have low self esteem, as I have struggled with for years, then it’s hard to think you’re important enough to really care about how you feel and look. I think that is the point some were trying to make, that you have to feel you do matter and are important enough to take care of yourself before you can really make a concerted effort to try. To those women who have never had to really struggle with that, then more power to you, because thin or big, it is very hard to overcome, and apparently it can be very hard for those who haven’t had that whole self-esteem struggle to understand.
Bebroma, thank you. I understand your point and appreciate the way you stated it. Perhaps I am one of those “secure people” that you speak of. Thank you for giving me another perspective.
Alright. A day has passed and I’ve finally had the opportunity to read through all of these comments. And I don’t like some of what I see. Ladies, this is supposed to be a positive site. While I certainly do point out the flaws I see in the media, or how we are represented in the world, the aim of the site is to be positive. And I think somewhere along the line this discussion got WAY too personal and accusatory and condemnatory. There’s no need for us to tear each other down while making a valid point. There’s no need for an online discussion to get you so heated it affects your afternoon.
Like I said, I can’t always ride with Mo’Nique. She’s a comedienne whose act can be risque, raw, and polarizingly opinionated. I agree with Nerd Girl — in order to build up your own self-esteem, you don’t need to say “Skinny women are evil.” BUT I think the intention of F.A.T Chance is to foster and nourish that self-esteem. From that self-esteem will come the desire to care for yourself. Like Niki said — “plus-size women shouldn’t be expected to hide out in caves until they lose weight. We are daughters, wives, mothers, friends, sisters, bosses, co-workers, lovers, etc.–human beings like everyone else.” This is the ONE beauty program on television that doesn’t focus exclusively on slender, fit women. This is the ONE platform where women of size are told that they too are beautiful people, rather than being made to compete in a weight loss race. Is it wrong for the program to be on the air? Is it encouraging obesity? I don’t think so. And I’ll tell you this — the casting call was a remarkable experience for me as an observer. I’ve never seen so many women who were for all intents and purposes competing against each other, encouraging each other and applauding each other. These women wept with tears of joy for each other. Because they’ve never had that opportunity to feel beautiful. I think stirring up those feelings can be the catalyst for positive change.
Like Nikita was saying, loving yourself is where the revolution can begin. To go ALL the way back to the top and answer Methinks’s question — “why don’t you just stick to a diet and exercise plan instead of falling into that misery enjoys company bandwagon? You are much to smart to go there. You know that there is NOTHING to celebrate about obesity.”
In the very interview I had with Arena, she said NOBODY was celebrating obesity. The entire point of the show and of this post was to say just because you are big doesn’t mean you are ugly. We are all beautiful beings. It wasn’t until I felt beautiful in the core of myself, that I was able to even TRY sticking to a diet and exercise program. Before that, I did a lot of quick-fix desperate weight loss stuff that got me nowhere but depressed. I am trying my best to resist the kind of temptations I used to over-indulge in. I’ve done my posts on diet, on creating a healthy weekly menu and cooking healthy recipes. I did my post on having a killer workout mix, I’ve shared my weight loss struggles and commitment for my future. I agree, I’m too smart to treat my body like crap. But the weight won’t fall off overnight. I still have my days where I put on an outfit, look at myself in the mirror, and feel down on myself. And just because I’m not a size 6 now doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have options for beautiful clothes.
I co-sign with Bebroma — the way people say things can really cut you if you’re struggling to deal with body image issues. Regardless of your intention, if you haven’t walked a mile in big-girl shoes, it can be hard to know exactly what to say to motivate someone who is trying to lose weight. Low self-esteem is the main issue I’ve had to struggle with, and it’s a problem that women of all sizes and ethnicities also share.
I won’t argue whether the photograph is tasteful or not, because if they were the so-called “ideal” size then there would still be controversy. My question is, is the show a beauty pageant or an excercise in self-esteem building? If it’s an excercise in self-esteem building I don’t think it should really be a “competition” per se, and should be more about lifting up each woman.
I have seen the show, and I think it’s funny and fills a void in the media marketplace where people of different sizes AND colors are often marginalized. But I also feel that it falls short.
If this is supposed to be a beauty pageant or competition in the same vein as America’s Next Top Model then it’s a bust, because I know plenty of vivacious full-figured sisters of all races who are far more beutiful AND fly all on their own than these girls.
I think the plus-sized models deserve a chance to shine, AND I think it would do more to change the views of the larger disapproving society who don’t see larger women as attractive.
As it stands now the show is really just “preaching to the choir”.
Wow, TheBeautifulOne, thank you for the compliment. I can tell that you are a very secure woman, and I love that. I wish that more of us were. Sometimes those of us who are insecure mistake confidence and being comfortable and happy in the skin you’re in as being “stuck up” or “thinkin’ you’re all that.” I think your last comment helps dispel that. I love this blog, it’s so cool to talk to someone living in Korea!
Thank you Bebroma! You really made me contemplate some things and I appreciate that. Your words were full of compassion. Rock on!
Hey you know where I live (just got home from another great night with new friends) but where are you? I’m a native of Virginia but have lived in several states as well as abroad.
Ok, it’s 1 30AM Sunday here. Bedtime!
Have a great day!
I love Oprah, but her biggest regret was being overweight in her 30s and 40s? That is so shallow. I’m just entering my 30s, my biggest regret in my 20s was that I couldn’t help more people. I hope that in my 30s than I’m the best person inside, not that I can look a certain way.
Jane
I think the problem with our society is that we automatically equate “large-size” (which is really over a size 8 — in my opinion) with “unhealthy”.
As a child, the women who loved me (mother, grandmother, aunts) were mostly larger sized. I saw it but I didn’t see it — if that makes sense. They were fabulous women who loved themselves.
Regardles of size, ethnicity, etc., you have to feel good about the real you. That is where the journey truly begins. I, like others, am trying to get to this place of healthy self acceptance. Until I get there, the rest of it is just a window dressing that is subject to change.
I think that we have to be honest big is unhealthy, not all of the time, but most of the time. It’s not ok to be overweight. It’s great if you feel fine about yourself, it’s great if you know that you are ok, but being in denial about your health is not good.
Diabetes is caused by being overweight and inactivity and so is high blood pressure. Too many African-American people die in horrible ways because we think that it’s ok to be overweight. It is not. 90% of the time overweight people are unhealthy, being anorexic isn’t ok either, but doesn’t seem to be a real issue in the African-American community, at least not for the majority of African-American women. Being defensive and pretending like being big won’t kill you is just going to help you die faster. It’s going to help you not see your kids grow up. It’s going to help you to be 40 years old and taking insulin shots. As a black woman I don’t trust doctors, as you know the medical establishment is very racist, don’t get yourself in a position where you are beholden to the pharmacies and the hmos in order to have just a base level quality of life.
Healthy eating and exercise will keep you out of the hospital and save you lots of pain and suffering. I would view it the same as keeping your credit good. As a person of African descent it’s hard enough finding an apartment, with bad credit, well you know how it is, so view keeping your weight healthy as credit for you body.
BUT that being said TMZ is a racist horrible website and they use any thing they can to demean and say horrible things about black women. I advise you all to stop checking in on it and that Perez Hilton too. These gossip sites are open season on black people, don’t provide them with traffic by linking these hateful sites run by vapid jerks with no lives and bad grammar.
Jane
Jane, I work in the healthcare industry and you have some misconceptions.
Diabetes is NOT caused by being overweight, many of my patients are rail thin and have diabetes. Obesity can further aggravate the disease but it does not cause it. My grandmother developed it and she is a petite woman. I agree with you though in that we ALL, whatever size we are must eat healthy and exercise.
“It never ceases to amaze me that a regular product post or one of Bella’s “Lost Ones†of “Afrobella of the Week†posts never seem to have that many comments but posts about hair & weight get the most vocal reactions”
Nikki you are not lying. I loved the last two Afrobellas of the week that Bella chose and was shocked to find that the comments were so scanty. I will say that the fact that the comment section lit up means that many sisters know there is a difference between being thick, overwieght and obbese.
thick=Beyonce, Jennifer Lopez, Sophia Loren, Rachael Welch
overweight=America(from ugly Betty)
obesse- Queen Latifah and Rossie O’donald(sp)
I don’t want anyone to feel bad but I think many sisters neeed a wake up call when it comes to weight and health.
At the same time, Melinda, I think you made many good points. I think my only problem with this type of disscussion is the fact that some want to make people who are overwiehgt and obbesse the children of satan. Yes we know that being overweight and obesse is unhealthy and MAY lead to health problems but that does not give one the right to look down on people with weight problems.
“I am not an advocate of being unhealthy and I agree that if we all lost a bit of weight, ate better and incorporated more exercise into our daily lives, Americans would be healthier as a whole. But in the meantime, plus-size women shouldn’t be expected to hide out in caves until they lose weight’-I agree Shasta
I feel the real “hype†is this: it’s ok ladies if you are obese as long as you love yourselves! Don’t worry about your health issues, just keep yourselves in the latest fashions for “curvy women†and all will be well in the worldâ€! -Were did you read that at.
Hmmmm..princess…I wonder what type of diabetes these thin women have–could it be Type I? I volunteer part time at Joslins here in Boston. The majority newly diagnosed cases of type 2 diabetes are indeed due to obesity. Sure, there are other factors but obesity is a major one.
I’m all for empowerment but I’m also all for responsibility. I’m also alarmed about how many black women associate self esteem with image and feel this need to be accepted. I’m not saying just black women suffer from this but I am specifically speaking to black women–the same ones who graduated from medical school and obtained phds and started wonderful businesses at at time when we were not even considered human.
If it takes Monique (who I think is the biggest exploiter of obese women) to build your self esteem high enough to take better care of your body, then we have a serious problem at hand.
I’m sure that our ancestors are just rolling over in their graves.
Hmmmm. seems as if my comment was lost.
princess: I volunteer part time at Joslin’s Diabetes Center here in boston. Indeed, Obesity and Type 2 diabestes are highly correlated.
I’m all for empowerment but i’m also all for responsibility. I’m also quite shocked by how many black women associate self esteem with IMAGE. I’m not saying that only black women do this but i am specifically speaking to black women–the same ones who went to medical school, earned phds, started successful businesses at a time period when we were not even considered human.
If it takes Monique to make you feel better about yourself and motivates you to take better care of you body then shame on you.
I bet you our ancestors are just rolling over in their graves.
Thanks Bella for quoting my comments–I feel special!
) I think the best we can do is encourage each other and not beat each other up. How about the skinnier sistas encouraging their bigger friends to go for a walk with them one day? How about holding back on the lectures but increasing the compliments when a plus-sized woman loses weight for no other reason that she truly wants to lose it? Despite what some folks may feel about Mo’Nique or “Fat Chance”, I agree with Bella–where else can you turn on the TV and see larger women being celebrated and not played for laughs or on some weight-loss show? I would like to see something along the lines of an “Top Model” search show for plus-sized women. I dare anyone to look at any of the women that model for Lane Bryant, Ashley Stewart, etc. and tell me that they aren’t gorgeous.
Oh, and about Bella’s fashion request. Go to alight.com, spiegel.com or sizeappeal.com. Cute clothes and you can probably get a good deal on summer dresses now.
Black Beauty, I think the second comment you quoted was intended as sarcasm by that poster.
The reason I think the “you’re ok” thing doesn’t work in regrads to black women is because black women have a high self esteem. They don’t have issues with thir physical appearance that other women do. For these reasons I am not going to act like it’s ok. I know that it’s stressful out there, but going to work is stressful to, but we all do it, writing checks are stressful aren’t our bodies worth at least as much as our car or house or new dress?
Also being fat does attribute to diabetes, every once in awhile there is an exception, but fat people get diabetes and people with diabetes get their legs chopped off and lose their sight and lose their teeth. I’ve seen it. I had two fat aunts that lost their legs and died in horrible ways. I had a fat uncle lose all of his teeth and his sight. I remember as a kid all they did was eat, they ate candy and fried foods and they even used fat to cook their vegetables in. I’ve seen people get part of their leg cut off and a little more and a little more and a little more all because the couldn’t put down the food. That’s reality. You think being big is ok if you have a positive outlook, you should think again.
Little kids are getting higher rates of diabetes because they eat bad food and don’t exercise. Study after study has shown weight and diabetes is strongly connected. I’m sorry that I’m going on about this, but this, “Being overweight doesn’t cause diabetes and I’m just big,” silliness is insane. Being overweight does cause diabetes, because of the type of food you eat to get there. I personally think that black people shouldn’t eat processed food at all it’s obvious to me that something in our bodies make it so we can not process certain foods. Look at the labels on food, look how much salt is in even post raisin bran, cheese and things that seem safe on first glance. A heavy vegetable and fruit based diet is what all people of African descent should be eating. 100% whole wheat breads and brown rice and lentils and spinach, no more fried foods, no more salt in foods, no more traditional foods cooked the traditional ways, no more instant anything, no more even pasta sauce in a jar, preservatives are bad.
All you have to do is crack open a medical journal and you will see that being overweight, big boned, fat whatever you want to call it is not ok, not even kind of.
When you’re 45 you will see that it is not ok.
If you’re overweight and you exercise then look at your diet. Do not ever go to fastfood eateries. Learn to cook healthy foods. If you do eat out at a sit down eatery only eat half or order an appetizer as your meal. Do whatever you can to not be an unhealthy weight, no one is just a big girl. There are very few people who are just fat and didn’t eat themselves that way. Being fat will kill you and it will do it slow and leave you miserable.
Drugs are bad, sex without protection is bad, eating yourself to death and putting some lipstick on and saying you’re fine is bad.
Jane
“I have a problem with celebrating morbid obesity”
I’m in total agreement – with all the horrible medical issues that come with being morbidly obese (does mo’nique make the ladies go through high blood pressure and diabetes screens?) its a shame that this “obese is beautiful” image continues to be glorified by black american women. food and inactivity are killing us, but it’s “beautiful?” no skinny doesn’t = healthy, and i’m not asking for all to be skinny, but to be HEALTHY. i get tired of having patients we can’t even move after having a stroke b/c they are 200-300 pounds and half their body is no longer functioning.
As a child I watched my mother battle with society’s image of the perfect woman. It was hard for me to hear all the vicious names and comments; she always held her head high. I never thought that I could be THAT strong. Therefore, I pushed myself to stay out of society’s sight by staying thin. That lasted for about ten years or so; I have recently gained some weight. Now I feel society’s eyes upon me, I find myself able to walk tall just as my mom and grandmother do everyday.
It makes me sick when I hear young women dying to be thin just because they fear society’s hate and disrespect. There are healthy ways to stay fit, but not everyone can be thin. It not necessary to be thin just healthy.
I think F.A.T women are beautiful and strong. I celebrate their beauty and diversity in our society.
Tori,
I think that finally someone (you) have hit the nail on the head. This is the real issue. I applaud you and your comment.
That would be something if Monique required and monitored high blood pressure and diabetes screening on the show. That would not only make it intelligent television but responsible t.v. as well., but this is not what her show is about, unfortunately.
So I’m wondering whether any of you are physicians, or nutritionists, etc., and also whether anyone here is Queen Latifah’s personal physician. How would someone who is not Queen L’s physician know whether or not she is “morbidly obese?” “Morbid obesity” is a medical term and I’m wondering how a random citizen can call it by seeing someone’s picture. There’s nothing inherently healthy about being skinny. Having low body fat because you live off of phyto nutrients and exercise 3+ hours/day is one thing. Skinny coz you live off intermittent quantities of junk food does not = healthy by any stretch of the imagination.
I’m amazed at how long this discussion has gone on. Afrobella posted a few weeks ago about a young woman who went missing in Miami and the silence on this blog pretty much said “who gives a f—!” On the other hand with regard the subject of Monique and Latifah’s weight – which is nobody’s biz – the conversation can go on all week.
you can be skinny and unhealthy too!
As long as you take steps towards eating right, working out and staying within your BMI then you’re okay.
The photograph is pretty!! Love the colors and the ladies sure are brave. There is no way in hell I’ll pose nude in private much less a publicity shot.
@Nikki and blackbeauty, I’m guilty of not commenting on bella’s Lost One’s posts too! I’m mostly in r.o.m
And ladies, y’all really need to quit mudslinging, you’ll make Bella think ten times (not just twice) about posting on controversial topics
Somehow or another, this has become something it was not meant to become. The truth is, yes some BBW’s really need to get to moving. OK. Now the next thing is how do you ENCOURAGE her to do that. Well, you are not going to get her to do that by beating up on them for it. Perhaps if you lifeted her up and encouraged her to take X-cellent care for her and supported her, that would help. I see this happening more and more at the gym, I am surprised I could not see it happen in here. I explained my own process on this site to how I got where I am. When I say stress I am not talking about every day, I am talking about being a martyr, sacrificing yourself, being abused, not thinking you are worth it – along with every day kind of stress makes a lot of folks use food to cover up the pain, the hurt the dissapointment. I hope that more compassion and a willingness to not only read but for those who have an issue to hear BBW’s as we inform you that yes, obesity is an issue, but this is not laziness thisIS not caring enough, not putting ourselves first, not loving ourselves enough and you can scream and holler to do better until you turn purple, compassion and support is what is needed. Love is the beginning of the take care of you revolution. I have never been bulimic, or anorexic, I have never been burglarized or my car jacked, I have never had a miscarriage and I have the compassion within me to say, I do not understand your pain but I want you to feel better and love and take care of you, whatever your situaiton. What I do not get is why I and other BBW’S are not getting the same compassion and understanding back. Try supporting. If you cannot do that it is fine, but move back a bit and see if this revolutionary “Love YOURSELF” thing that Monique is trying works first. If not, then step in to offer solutions. Solutions ladies to help and lift up up. Circumstances does a good job of tearing us down without any additional help.
If Mo’Nique was so happy about her size, she wouldn’t tell such miserable lies about her weight and Photoshop her pictures to hell and back. She may encourage people to “knock the shit” out of skinny women – jokes or no jokes – but if you try to touch THIS skinny Minnie, I swear I’m going to break your arm. Mo’Nique is a joke. There are lots of beautiful, large women who can represent to the fullest, but she ain’t one of them.
When I first saw this image, on whatever blog, I made sure I was one of the first to post that I thought the picture was fabulous. These women are gorgeous, and coming from a long line of larget-to-big women, these are the body types I know (with one overweight granny living to be 98 and one to 97 who never saw a doctor in her life). But I struggle mightily and daily with my own weight, and am currently struggling to get down to a size 10/12 from my current 12/14, and it’s HARD.
But when I got on the train this morning I was greeted by the sight of a truly morbidly obese woman seated in front of me–she must have weighed about 450 – 500 pounds–and I felt immediately uncomfortable for her. One rarely sees people this big in San Francisco, where I live. As open and accepting as I think I am about every body type I just projected all this pain onto her extraordinary body, I think because, even at my largest and even though I’m black, I couldn’t imagine what it must feel like–aching joints and strained heart aside–to walk through this world with such open contempt hurled at you for the way you look.
I can’t hate on Monique (or Oprah). They’ve both found a medium, audience and platform on which they have both encouraged, and expanded the knowledge of their listeners. I’m like Bella, I don’t always agree with all their views…but I feel their impact more positively than negatively. So what if Oprah regrets being a little more than ample in her 20′s and 30′s, we all have something that we wish could have changed, something we have regretted, but hopefully we have grown enough as women to give wisdom to another woman.
Being ample is not the problem. Nor is being thin. It’s having enough self-esteem at any weight to say to ourselves, ‘I will be at my healthiest, mind-body-soul healthiest.’ Monique, ample, busty, sexy, curvy, walks (yes she walks) to good health most days. Oprah does it differently, she has a personal trainer. But both eat healthy most days.
Ladies, just to live a healthy life. Don’t make excuses, make reasons.
Okay Jane. Thanks for your input.
The assault on Black Culture Continues
I have to say I find it interesting how easily people tend to point the figure traditional SOuthern cuisine. I don’t think the food in itself is bad. My God can you imagine what would have happened to us if we didn’t have it. Gluttony is one issue. Lack of activity is another. Lack of access to fresh foods is yet another. I have to ask those who talk about relatives who would sit along all day and ate. Did they have jobs? Did they receive food stamps? Did they live in urban areas? I was raised in the Deep, deep SOuth and yes we ate fried meats but we didn’t eat it everyday. We couldn’t eat it daily. It was too expensive. You might have a serving of meat 2 or 3 times a week at best and then it would only be one piece. Your diet most consisted of legumes (from your garden), rice, eggs (from your chickens), freshly baked cornbread or biscuits, water, grits, and seasonal fruits. Things like salt pork were used to SEASON foods. You ate meals and went outside and played..hard or did chores (like cut grass or rake, etc). So the diet isn’t the issue as much as the quality of the food, the amount consumed, and the lack of activity.
I love the way people say we should all eat fresh food without providing any avenues for providing fresh foods. If you don’t have your own garden patch or you don’t access to a farmer’s market, where are you supposed to buy fresh fruits and vegetables? Whole Paycheck, sorry, I mean Whole Foods.
Finally, big boned isn’t obese. “thick” isn’t obese. Big-boned and thick refers to a body that more muscular than the average chick. I’ve never seen anything jiggle on a truly thick chick.
BH215 are you serious? Do you not have a grocery store in which to buy fresh vegetables, let alone food? I know that you do. If you have the energy to type your response you must be receiving food from somewhere? No one in here needs to “provide any avenues for providing fresh foods” because we all shop in grocery stores where we find fresh fruits and vegetables. Not having a farmer’s market or an organic food store is no excuse for anyone to not eat right, or not eat healthily which includes fruits and vegetables. Some Black people will use any excuse to not treat their bodies like the temple it is, but will spend loads of money on dressing up that temple to the nines. It amazes me when I see overweight people eat crap : cheap processed food, fast foods, thinking that they are saving money and then turn around and buy the latest fashion out here. Why not spend some of your “whole check” on real food that will give you energy, won’t cause you and your loved ones hypertenstion and high blood pressure. How do you like that suggestion?
Come on people, get it together.
Diva, you assume all communities have green grocers. Grocery stores are not in all communities and if there are there, the food is hardly fresh. Yes, since I’ve moved to Philadelphia, I gone to grocery stores (of course, in the ‘hood) where flies circle fruits and vegetables and every other piece is spoiled. Shout out to Cousins Supermarket.
Check out the link before you write anything else:
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2005-11-08-cities-grocery_x.htm
Second point, if a low income family receives WIC there are only so many food items they can receive. If they receive food stamps for the month, yes they shop at Trader Joes but if you compare the quantity of food you can buy if stick to processed and canned foods to what you can get if buy higher quality food, there’s no comparison.
That being said, how do you what percentage of a households budget goes to clothing and what goes to food. Is it really for you to say how much a family should spend on clothing. Yes some folk dress to the nines but it does mean they spend the rent on an outfit? No. Is it any of your business? No.
Black Honey
So what are you suggesting? Do you have anything useful to suggest since you believe that Black people cannot afford fresh fruit and vegetables?
I said “some Black people” that means a certain amount of Black people and not ALL Black people. See the difference?
Big sisters better watch out! I just read this very interesting article about interracial (this term always makes me laugh as there is only one race: Human) marriage:
t’s a frustration director Tim Alexander tackles in “Diary of a Tired Black Man,” a frank film covering everything from black women’s demeanors to their weight. Frustrated by black women, the main character dates a white one.
I’m sure that the overweight women in this forum might (MIGHT) be interested in what Black men are saying about you. Hopefully it’s not damning, but I get a feeling that it might be.
I just read it on cnn.com:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/LIVING/personal/08/06/interracial.dating.ap/index.html
I’m so glad that I live in Asia. I’m too blessed to be stressed with this mess.
Peace
Wow Beautifulone..you are coming off really Ugly, I too am glad you live in Asia. You have really wonderful information and thoughts, coated in holier than thou-ness. Your limited from on high view of other’s circimstances makes all you say sound trifling and mean. As for the link you just posted, perhaps if you lived here, you would know the history behind “Diary..”
You seem to take so much joy in the fact that it might hurt feelings.
Not at all.
the link was posted as information, not something to demean or hurt someone’s feelings. You’ve missed my point!
I could never be “trifling and mean” as you say.
It’s too bad that you think I have a “view from on high”. Perhaps you need to check where and how you’re “standing”.
By the way, “AndSoThen”,
It’s shows a lot of ugliness on YOUR part to be calling people names such as Ugly, Trifling and Mean. Can we stop the mudslinging, name calling and cursing in this forum? I like this blog because people in here seem to be intelligent enough to not use such language. Perhaps you need to either check your language or find another blog to sling your dirt.
We can disagree with each other respectfully, non?
No offense to all, but discussion not accusations. If you do not have all of the facts about how things work in the US, if you are fooled into believing that we (Americans) are sitting down singing kumbaya and treating each other fairly and HONESTLY giving folks equal access to healthcare, food sources etc. on an equitable basis, if you believe that all women are treated equally here, if you believe that no man goes to jail with prior biases, if you beleive that all minorities DO have equal rights here….. then thank you. We have as a nation done our job with how we present ourselves to the world. If you want to deal with the reality of how things are at the top, in the middle or at the bottom and how we are a country full of people still defining ourselves, you are welcome to discuss. Making accusations without listening to the others points – esp. when they may honestly be valid, never built any understanding between folks or built any bridges either. There are more reasons for what is going on in the black community that what we are willing to share right now, like there is more going on in other minority communities. If you want to be respected, give it. You many not understand, and this ok, but accept it, and respect it. If you are coming to throw down a challenge of another’s views, be sure it is based on fact. When I come to disagree, be assured, I will be sure that it is honest and as much as possible it is factual. I have nothing against discord, but arguing with someone who will not listen and at the least try to understand is like battling with the wind: a complete waste of time.
My point is fight for more farmer’s markets and large supermarkets in the poorer neighborhoods. Fight to include real physical education as a part of elementary, middle and high school curriculum. Give kids something to do other than play video games. Present quick, easy, affordable and nutritious recipes. Offer recipes that can be frozen and reheated quickly when Mom is too tired or doesn’t have time to cook (that way you don’t have make a quick stop at McDonald’s, BK or KFC).
Wait.let me stop, my suggestions actually involve NOT blaming someone or pointing fingers. They will never work.
Hello BlackHoney,
I don’t know how old you are, but I’m in my thirties. You raised an interesting point about physEd in schools. When I went to school we had Physical Education. When did we as a nation stop making it mandatory to take Gym? Maybe I was living out of the country. Now that you mention it, when I was teaching in an inner city school, there was NO physed.
Another thing, do you have any children? If so, what do you give them besides video games (if they have them) to do? We used to come home from school, change into our “play” clothes and run around until our mother said that it was time to come in or we would simply relax with books or play board games or study.
As far as food, Mom had dinner on the table as my dad worked as a crane operator all day at the shipyard, so McDonald’s was not an option. He was a hard working man and needed real food to give him energy so that he could put real food on the table.
If we did have Mickey D’s it was a treat and not considered a real meal. I honestly do not remember my dad eating fast food ever. I personally stopped eating it when I was around 18 or so. It just left me hungry for real food. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cookies!
Better stores would work. Now if we as a community (urban, black, white, latino, asian etc.) will get up and work to get that accomplished I do not know. Kids do not get outside, but first we need to work on getting the parks together and the areas safe.
When that is accomplished then we won’t have our kids inside. I have no qualms with improving things, but let’s at the same time address the fact that there are reasons for some of the changes that have occured too. Yes, we can change things and get our kids and ourselves healthy, heck we walked for miles during the Civil Rights, we caught the bus and trains, we grew some of our own food, folks came through selling fresh veggies, so no, we are not new to this.
Perhaps a blog could be started with these kind of real suggestions with recipes, ways to get rest and take care, ways to get in real exercise, and Yeah some support – for where people are, not where they could ideally be. For some folks change is hard to envision, that is why they stay where they are instead of going where they need to be, stuck in potential mode. Perhaps working with the Black Women Health Initiative or other orginazations would help get more of our attention and get us to take better care of ourselves. Nothing works alone, everything is interdependent on each other. We gotta address the other issues to and come up with real solutions – what stores would probably be willing to give poor communities a try and stick it out? What can we do to stop the crime in the parks so that our kids and their parents would feel comfy going to the park to spend a day? These are real issues/ stressors that cannot be ignored too.
Hi Bella,
Thank you for posting this topic. For although this is clearly a very painful and controversial topic the conversation needs to be had. I have read with great interest and some dismay all of the postings. I am fortunate to never have struggled with the issue of obesity, but in my early teens I did fall victim to the belief that I was fat because I didn’t look like the people on tv and in magazines. Now mind you, I am 5’7″ and I with the exception of my two pregnancies I have never weighed over 150 lbs. and those were what I considered my heavy times. Usually there was something going on such as stress or as a result of my just having given birth. The one good thing that I did do was to begin a regular exercise program when I was around 17 and through the years I have more or less kept it up in some form or other and that has served me well. Even when I go for a while without exercising regularly I find it is fairly easy to get back into the flow although it is a little more challenging as I get older. (I am in my thirties). But with all this said, back then I was VERY ignorant about food. I believed the “fat free†hype on labels and all the other misinformation out there. It has taken me years, a lot of research and study, and talking to people more knowledgeable that myself to learn what food can do for and to our bodies. It seems that during this discussion a lot of assumptions are made, such as the fact that people know just how damaging some of the stuff they consume as food can be. I think that instead of assuming that people know what good food is maybe it would be helpful to post some links where information can be found on what to eat and why. I know a lot of us on here already know this, but a lot of us don’t. As I said earlier, what I know now is knowledge that has been acquired over the years. Keep in mind that I am educated, well traveled and well-read, but this information isn’t something that I “just know”. I learned this stuff because I wanted to and had access to information or people who could provide it. I have made the decision to spend a bit more on food to get something that is better for me and my loved ones. But I realize that I am blessed to have this option. I am by no means wealthy so I do have to sacrifice other things sometimes because of the grocery bill
but it is a choice that I can make. I appreciate everyone’s opinion and input but I think that we would all be better served by sharing the positive, usual information that you have without being hurtful.
.
Nikita,
I totally agree. A blog like that would be a great idea!
Jane:
What is wrong with “being overweight in my 30s and 40s” being Oprah’s biggest regret? That is not shallow at all. We all know being extremely overweight causes many health problems, including heart attacks (which can be fatal). Oprah became enlightened and turned her life around. That is smart NOT shallow! Go ahead Oprah!
Beautiful One,
I am in my 30′s also and we had to take PE. Now I don’t have kids, only nieces and cousins and they live in AL and GA, so they have plenty of opportunities to play outside. Nikita brings up a good point, in places like Philly (esp in the past 2 years), a lot of kids can’t play outside because they seems to be some sort of drug war going on. One of the safe haven of kids would be school programs (like gym or sports).
Finally B, most people don’t have the luxury of having two parents in the home where mom can stay at home and provide hearty meals while the other parent works to bring home the bacon. More than not, mom is doing it all. I don’t think anyone wants to give their families fast food on the regular, but when you are doing the job of two parents alone, something has to give.