Ask Afrobella — Curly, Coily, Kinky, or Coarse
bella | Apr 02, 2008 | Comments 89
I had a really interesting experience recently. Picture this. It’s a Wednesday afternoon, I’d just finished my deadline for work. About to have a window of downtime before the cycle picks up again… Then my editor-in-chief calls and asks me to represent our newspaper on a panel at a meeting of the South Florida Black Journalists Association. I immediately said no problem, got myself together, and headed over to the venue. I had absolutely no idea what I was heading into, and I’m so glad I went. The evening turned out to be really interesting and I met a lot of cool people — fellow journalists, members of the audience, business owners.
At the end of the question and answer session, I was swarmed by people who wanted to introduce themselves, and to exchange business cards and stuff. A few people told me they’d heard of Afrobella, but had no idea I was local. Some people just wanted to ask me about my site, some people wanted to ask me about that novel I’m writing… good grief. Every time I think of my novel, I hear the voice of Stewie Griffin in my head.
So anyway, at the end of the business card bonanza, I stepped out of the crowd and wound up chatting with some media peeps. Then a tall, striking, beautiful black woman approached me to talk about hair. And the fact that she wanted to go natural, but couldn’t. Why? “My hair isn’t like yours. It wouldn’t look good natural.” She wore her hair short and relaxed, but in that stage where my old hairdresser would advise me to “touch up my roots.” “Are you kidding me? What does that mean?” I asked her. I tried to tell her that I disagreed with her sentiment. I told her a little about my own transitioning period, and that it took my hair a long time to recover from years of chemicals. I had to teach myself how to style, shampoo, and care for my natural hair. I told her that I was sure if she gave it a shot and stuck it out, she’d grow to love her hair in its natural state. “That’s easy for you to say,” she said.
She kept asking me how I got my hair to “do that.” I explained that I really didn’t do anything to it, it’s really just how it naturally grows out of my head. Some parts spiral perfectly, other parts are more kinky and own-way, some curl down, some stick up. Some of it feels soft to the touch, others feel as tough as rope, depending on when I’ve last conditioned it. That day, I didn’t even comb through in the shower — all I’d done was conditioner washed it, added some Elasta QP Mango butter moisturizer, and sped over to the venue as fast as I could. I even air-dried it with my windows down. She said she liked the natural style and the look, but she was adamant that it didn’t look good on her. Once again she reiterated, her hair wouldn’t be attractive in it’s natural state. Here’s where it got kind of vague.
She was asking me how best she should style her hair so it could “look like mine,” because her hair didn’t curl up when she did briefly try to go natural. She told me she didn’t like her natural hair when she just washed it and used a styling product. But she didn’t want to do twists to achieve the curly style she described, and it annoyed her that every quite-unquote natural stylist she went to insisted that she do twists to get what they thought she wanted. OK. So… your hair doesn’t grow naturally in spirals, but you want it to, but you don’t want to twist it? She looked at me, expectantly. But I honestly had no idea how to answer her question… or even what her question really was. I explained that even though I call myself Afrobella and I write about hair issues and do product reviews, I am SO not a hair dresser, or a hair care professional. I haven’t tried a range of natural styles, and I’m not intimately familiar with a wide range of natural hair textures. I just do what works for me, and I let people know what’s working and what’s not.
I chatted with her for quite a while and tried to explain that her hair is beautiful in its natural state, all she needed to do was to give natural another try. Stick with it, don’t give up, and take the time to make sure your hair is healthy — that’s the most important thing. I even recommended some products she should try. She didn’t seem moved. Then I realized that I couldn’t convince her of anything. I was basically trying to talk someone into loving their hair, and it felt like preaching, so I stopped. I didn’t know how to make her believe that her her hair was beautiful, or to make her understand that everyone’s natural is different, and her hair could be unique, beautiful, healthy, and strong — if only she let go of her preconceived notions of what natural hair “should” look like. It felt so strange having someone act like my own hair was their gold standard, after the comments and criticism I’ve faced in my own natural journey. I absolutely horrified my family when I decided to stop using the creamy crack completely. People have called me Brillo-pad head. To this day, I still get the occasional “what are you going to do with that bird’s nest” comment from people who have known me for a long time. And even now when I am a proud and self-described Afrobella, sometimes I still have fleeting moments of doubt. Sometimes I wake up in the morning, comb through it, add product, look at myself in the mirror, and feel a quavering in my self-confidence meter. Is my hair too big? Too puffy? Too crazy for work? That’s when I put on more lip gloss, add some jewelry, and convince myself I’m the flyest chick on the scene before I leave the house. I wanted to tell this lady that she had to believe in her own beauty and learn how to own her fro on her own terms, but I didn’t have the presence of mind, the energy, the time, or the knowledge to say what I think she needed to hear. So, I went to an expert.
Bellas, I’d like to introduce erin shell anthony, author of Nappturosity — How to Create Fabulous Natural Hair and Locs. Erin has conducted over 200 presentations on health, natural lifestyles and related empowering topics around the country in the last 3 years, and is the creator and founder of the adaru natural hair salon in Indianapolis. She has seen it all, and produced an e book that is chock full of photos and guidance to keeping your hair naturally beautiful.
I asked her my Ask Afrobella non-question — what would she say to a woman who is convinced that she can’t go natural? She said this.
“To the women who don’t think they can go natural because their hair isn’t __(fill in the blank)_, or those who are having a hard time loving their natural hair, I say – FIND the beauty! Countless women who successfully transitioned to natural hair had to go through the process of discovering the beauty in their own kinks and curls. The very essence of the word “transition” is movement and change from one state to another. For many, it’s going to feel very un-natural to be natural in the beginning! It doesn’t matter how many supportive women, books, or magazines you have, the experience will still be solely yours.”
AMEN, Erin!!! She said it so much better than I could.
Erin reminisced about her own hair journey, which might strike a chord with many of you.
“I remember my hair-emancipation, which was guided by the experienced hands of Valencia Jones of Mandisa-Ngozi – despite her level of skill in styling my hair, when I cut my hair, I literally felt it in my soul. I cried – no, really – I sobbed! I didn’t know what to do with all of those kinks, and to the point of my friend Kaya Casper of Naturally You! Magazine, most of us didn’t have anyone to show us and teach us how to care for natural hair when growing up. What I had to realize, and what those who successfully make the transition know, is that each of us has hair that is unique to us, which means there is beauty in your hair, you’ll just have to find it. But trust – it is there. Allow yourself the patience and skill-development this transition requires, which may mean finding a good natural hair stylist or even hours in the mirror yourself, learning what works for you (not your fav celebrity)! It will be worth it when you discover the beauty of your hair. The compliments you receive on the other side of the transition will serve as confirmation of what you will have already received – healthy freedom to be you, and to experience what being natural has to offer. So, the real story is, if you’re not ready to face the transition and go through the process, you aren’t ready to go natural. If your hair is already natural and you still don’t feel connected, allow your mind to transition as well by being open to different kinds of beauty. I believe that if you’ve ever empowered yourself in any other area of your life, you have the ability to empower yourself for the natural journey as well – if you just let go and do the work, you’ll be rewarded!”
Erin even went so far as to suggest her Top 5 Styling Tips for Newly Natural Bellas:
1. Begin with the end in mind! Research the styles you like and develop a plan to get there, utilizing all of your resources, including books, friends, websites and stylists. Take the time to gather the tools and products needed for your hair in one place before you get started and keep them there, so you’re not running around the house looking for your rat-tail comb with pre-poo running down your neck!
2. Part and Comb! The same techniques that worked on your relaxed hair won’t necessarily work on your natural hair. Sometimes the most simple changes are the most effective, and in the case of a head of curls and kinks, learning to part and comb the hair in sections from the ends working down to the roots makes a world of difference.
3. Condition and Clarify! More conditioning and more clarifying will be needed now that you’re natural. Conditioning improves the sheen and elasticity of the hair, and clarifying regularly reduces build-up from products like shea butter which can dull the hair over time. Build-up can also reduce the length of time your hair can hold a style. My favorite easy clarifyer? ACV. Don’t like the smell? Use lemon juice instead. My favorite basic, no-frills pre-poo conditioner? Castor Oil. Always follow up with a good light moisturizer like Karen’s Body Beautiful Hair Milk.
4. Get into a Routine! Know what you’re going to do and how you’re going to do it, but don’t be afraid to be flexible within that routine and experiment. Get to know your hair and what it needs, and realize that everyone’s hair is different. I discovered that I have to apply a moisturizer at least every other day, and sometimes more frequently in hot weather, whereas that regime could weigh down someone else’s hair.
5. Roll it Over! A technique I talk about in Nappturosity called “roll-over styling” is the process of choosing one style that can be modified over time, building off of the previous style to create a new look. For example, you can pin-curl your two strand twists and wear that style for a few days, then release the pin-curls and wear the twists for another few days, and finally release the twists for a twist out. You’ve given your hair a break from the comb, plus you’ve saved yourself a lot of styling time!
Not only did Erin give me all those fabulous tips, she wanted to share her favorite homemade recipe with my readers. Her Curly Frizz Vanilla Pudding sounds incredible, and can be used as a pre-poo and as a styling pomade. I’m going to have to get these ingredients!
Curly Frizz Vanilla Pudding (alternative to commercial hair puddings)
by Charise of nappturality.com with modifications by erinshellanthony, The Nappturous Diva
9 oz. of conditioner (I recommend Karen’s Body Beautiful’s Luscious Locks Moisturizing Hair Mask)
3 oz. of Real Hair Gel (100% natural aloe hair gel)
1 oz. Sweet Almond Oil
1 oz. Vegetable Glycerin (optional)
10 drops eo of choice
10 drops of vanilla fragrance oil
Combine all ingredients in a bottle and shake well, or blend with a mixer for a lighter texture. Apply to wet tresses and pull the product throughout the hair for even moisturizing. You can use this product to set the hair in a style (ie. twists), but allow to dry completely before releasing the style. Also can be used as a pre-poo. Leaves the hair with a natural hold and smells wonderful!
I was so glad that I reached out to Erin after our e mail interview. While I have no way of contacting the sista who approached me recently, I hope Erin’s positive and reaffirming words touch some of the other bellas who have e mailed or commented before about feeling unsure of their own natural hair journey. She helped me better know what to say to the next bella who approaches me and tells me why they “can’t go natural.” It’s about accepting yourself, accepting your texture, and loving yourself as you are. It’s not always easy, but it definitely is always worth it.
What say you, bellas?
** all photos are from erin’s e-book, Nappturosity — How to Create Fabulous Natural Hair and Locs. She’s also created the Natural Success Network. Check it out!
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Filed Under: Ask Afrobella • Hair • Issues • Product Reviews
I live in Indy and Adaru salon is a great environment for us naturals up here. Also, I think most women understand that there is serious work needed for transitioning. No you don’t HAFTA do a BC, but that really is what seems to work best for most. To those of you who are going natural, I have a friendly reminder. Depending on how long your hair was permed or even colored, even after you BC, your hair will still grow in kind of straight/relaxed/wavy/textured/??. I’ve been natural for almost 5 years, and the whole first year after my BC, I was SO frustrated with my hair texture. Some parts were straight, some were really kinky! Please be patient and let your hair & scalp grow out all those years of chemicals. There’s no magic formula! Just b/c your hair isn’t permed anymore or the perm was cut out doesn’t mean you’re back to its natural state yet. I think I finally got a consistent hair texture about 1 – 1 1/2 yr after my own BC. But I love my hair though!!!
Thank you SO much afrobella for this post and introducing us to this amazing resource!
Last fall I had braids put in for convenience and had them in for nearly 4 months. I took super good care of them, washing and conditioning regularly, and by the time I was about to have them out, I was amazed at how soft, springy, THICK, and inviting my 2-3inches of new growth was on my head!
I’ve had relaxers for well over 10 years and simply fell into the rut and generally accepted “long straight hair = most attractive/desireable” belief as a habit. I started to accept that my hair was thin, refused to grow, and broke off easily – until the days just before I took my braids out.
So that day convinced me to go natural. Unfortunately the girl who did my braids left town unexpectedly so I couldn’t complete the transition, so my plan is to start all over again next month. I figure I’ll wear braids through the rest of 2008, and cut off any remaining natural hair the last week of December. It will be expensive and trying, but I truly truly can’t wait!
And I will definitely be purchasing the Natural Hair Book next week! Thanks a million for all of your encouragement, hard work, and support!
@Deajeanine — My hair is like yours, and right now it is about 3-4 inches long, just like yours. AND it took me HOURS at first to get it twisted or whatever. I thought I was on the only one!! Plus, when I untwisted it at this length, it just didn’t act right! What has worked better for me and is MUCH faster is that instead of twisting it, after I olive oil, no poo wash, and comb in leave-in conditioner (Kinky-Curly’s Knot Today) I just take 1-inch sections, smooth a little setting lotion through it (I like Let’s Jam) and roll it on small to medium metallic (hard plastic) rollers. I let it dry, unroll it, separate the curls or whatever with my fingers, and then take a pick and work through it, but I do NOT go all the way out, just just about 1/4 inch to the ends. This gives me a cute fro that I can smoosh to the side with clips in front or whatever. At night, I just tie it up and then fluff it in the morning with a pick, again not taking the pick all the way through. I also spray on a non alcoholic glosser to give it some shine, or smooth a little Oyin’s Brown Sugar Pomade on the edges — I love Oyin’s stuff! I get compliments, even from my mother who was really NOT feeling the whole natural thing and kept giving me suggestions (you know how mamas do) on what I could do w/my hair. And it has cut HOURS from my whole routine, which was about to bring me to my knees.
Whew! I love love all the positive comments on this discussion.
Makes me really happy!
@ Parker: I’m a ways away (I think) from having a significant amount of gray hair, but I am reminded of my grandmother (bear with me; I know you’re not my grandmother’s age but the story still applies). She relaxed her hair for YEARS until around age 60-something it thinned out dramatically. She “needed” a wig, which she hated. My aunt (her daughter) finally convinced her to give up the Dark & Lovely and rock it natural. Well, after going natural she looked years younger (mistaken for her eldest daughter’s sister) and had a head FULL of hair when she died.
How does this relate to your question? Even gray natural hair can look youthful because it’s healthy hair.
First of all, I love this site and totally related to this experience!
I decided to go natural, I knew that I could not just do the big chop, so I wore braids and sew in weave for a year. I made sure that I kept my scalp clean and moisturized. Oct 2007 I went natural and got a light brown color. I haven’t looked back. By the time I got the relazer cut out I was READY to let it go.
I did research while I was growing it out, bought products, the right comb for me and prepared for the excitement. Now, I usually wear a twist out or a big afro. I 2 strand twist it, using miss jessies curly pudding, I let it air dry and I take it apart. I LOVE it! It’s sexy! People always ask “how did you do that”, “oh your hair is beautiful, but mine won’t look like that”. I tell them, I wore a perm for 21 years (since I was 12)and I had no idea what my hair would be like. But I decided to love my hair, because I’m loving what it authentically ME!
It’s coarse and a bit unruly at times, but I’ve learned how to work it with it by being patient. It’s definitely a process, but a good one.
There is a lady at work who tells me all the time – “if my hair would look like yours, I’d go natural in a minute.” My response is always the same: “your hair will look like your hair, and you’d be beautiful.”
I never wore my hair “out.” I transitioned with braids and went straight to locs. I had to realize that my locs will never look like “his locs”, or “her locs.” They’re mine and will look exactly the way they are intended to.
Hair envy seems inevitable, we often want what someone else has, and it just doesn’t work that way. I think the most important part of being natural is embracing your natural hair no matter what texture springs from your scalp. Often much easier said than done.
@ Parker – I am 35. I’ve had gray hair since I was about 19. It was easier to hide when I was relaxed – I’d just switch up my parts. I have had several people tell me how cute my “granddaughter” is since I’ve been natural. At first it bothered me, but I just had to realize that whether folks thought I was 15 or 75 really didn’t matter or affect my life. I look good to me and mine, and that’s what counts. Good luck!
Bella,
I get asked the question/statement “who did your texturizer”, “mine won’t do that” on a daily basis. Usually by a lady (or guy) who are still in the creamy crack mode. (My hair is naturally nappy. And it’s happy. I go to Supercuts, once every 6-8 weeks. Wash/condition it daily. While wet, add Ecostyle Gel. Do not comb. Combs separate curls. Finger place it into desired style. That’s it.)
What’s interesting to me, is how they refuse to beleive what their hair could look like, if they actually decided to let go of the perm. And that’s what I tell folks now, “you don’t know what your hair looks like underneath that perm.” It’s like a lightbulb goes off, like taking off a hat or a wig and really taking a look at what you are really working with.
It amazes me every single time I get the questions, that some people are really in disbelief as to what their real hair could actually look like. Instead of me trying to convince them, I tell everyone who asks, if your hair curls when you wash it, and you have a perm, that’s just your true waves/kinks/curls showing through. You just have to find a style, and products that will compliment your natural curls. I did, and I never went back.
@Parker, I used to keep my natural hair dyed about 6 monthes out of the year, but decided to slow it down a bit when my gray start coming in. I still love the dying, but my texture is also starting to change.
This is what has helped me:
I stopped the daily use of products (shampoo, conditioner, anything) that contains sodium laureth sulfate. As I wash my hair at least five days a week, I found my hair becoming more and more stiff, even after intensive conditioning. And all I was using all the years I’ve short is Pantene Shampoos and Conditioners. My stylist at Supercuts told me to switch to soy-based shampoos, or to find ones without the two ingredients listed above. Soy-based shampoos are great, but IMO are too expensive for everyday use. I found the Shikai to be inexpensive, and relatively fragrance-free. Other good choices can be found at http://www.smallflower.com.
My alternative recommendations comes from my granny, Clairol Shimmer Lights Products and the Phyto line of products. They have some of the ingredients that I am trying to stay away from so I can’t say I’ve tried them….but she still looks good at 83 with a full head white. The Phytargent Whitening Shampoo For Gray and White helps tone the brassiness, control and soften the texture of gray hair.
Oh man, this post is SO on time although I have a bit of a different experience. I’ve been natural pretty much my whole life, except for a brief period in junior high when I went over to my Grandma’s house to perm my hair because I was tired of snot-nosed kids making fun of my cornrows and afro puffs. (I went to Catholic school.) I did the Big Chop when I was 15 and never looked back AND I got more compliments on my hair.
Anyway, I started locking my hair pretty much right after I did that and after 5 years, my locs cascaded down to my shoulder blades. Everyone complimented my hair, told me I looked great, asked me how long I grew my hair out…then I cut them last year. One minute I had hair, next minute I didn’t. No big deal right? I’d chopped my hair off before. But this was different. I had no idea what to do with my ‘fro, because my mom was blessed with the braiding skills, definitely not me. And even picking up Essence was unhelpful because most of the hair tips are for sisters rocking the straight hair or the weaves. And every 3rd ad is for some relaxer. And we all know most beauty magazines have decided Black women don’t buy clothes or wear makeup or want to do anything to their hair so that was a wash.
I started panicking. I looked in the mirror for a very long time and wondered, WTF did I just do?? The thoughts stayed with me for a long time. I felt — dare I say it?– ugly. Unfeminine.
But recently, something finally just clicked. I realized having long locs or little curly ringlets or straight hair or whatever doesn’t automatically make you beautiful (or ugly or more “conscious”, etc.), and by extension, automatically being light-skinned or dark-skinned or medium brown doesn’t accomplish that either. And to take it further, neither does being a particular size or having a particular job or being part of a couple or any of that. It’s how you feel about yourself and realizing that it’s okay to be full of yourself, not in a negative way but in a way that lets you embrace you, flaws and all.
And you just can’t force someone to feel that way about themselves. People just have to make that individual journey for themselves. I actually didn’t get to that point of just accepting myself and owning it, flaws and all until, um, this week. And I’m 22. I’m stubborn and couldn’t see for myself what other people have told me for years until literally this week. Hopefully that AHA! momemnt will happen to the lady who came up to you, Bella, and the ladies my fellow posters have encountered. Because I wasted a lot of time and emotional energy not embracing myself and it’s draining. And I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
This is a great post, thank you Ms. Bella. Going natural IS hard; you’re going against everything that popular culture says is attractive. But the longer I’m natural the longer I can see that as an illusion — Black beauty in all it’s forms STILL is not represented as beautiful, so we’re still swimming against the tide. The more of us who show our natural beauty, though, the more that will change. And I think for every woman who looks at your natural hair and thinks “I couldn’t do that,” there’s another one who’s finally inspired to try it herself. Wearing your natural hair is quietly revolutionary.
Also, product suggestion: I have short natural hair, mostly 4a texture, and my favorite product so far is Blended Beauty’s Happy Nappy Styles. It moisturizes really well and defines curls. I use it every day. Their website is . (Note that most of their products are made for “mixed” hair. Don’t be put off. The Happy Nappy styles is a thick, creamy leave-in conditioner/styling agent for afro-type hair.)
And, as others have mentioned, don’t underestimate the power of great earrings and eye makeup in rocking a fierce ‘fro or other natural do.
Wow, i just loved reading all these comments and stories. The encouragement offered on this page makes up for all the silly comments I hear on an occasional basis… and yes, like someone else mentioned, I normally hear it from black women. People would assume it would be the other folk. Not so!
When a black woman says to me, “I wish I could do that” or “my head is shaped funny” (which is so completely insane, as if they’ll look like the SNL coneheads), my response is always encouraging. Lately I’m prone to say nothing beyond “thanks, sis”, because I can now discern between the ones who are really excited about doing it from the ones who are lukewarm… or downright chilly. In fact, I’m beginning to think many of these women are just trying to say something nice and they really could care less about being natural, much like someone complimenting your shoes or a cute top — but they know they either never would (or never could) rock it.
I figure so many of us are finding this post to be right on time because we are all living in tha same society where we hear from day one that almost nothing about our natural selves – hair, skin color, culture, etc. -is quite right.
I played around with my relaxed hair for years trying to figure out what my hair would look like natural. This was despite looking like my mom, who looks great in her natural. Despite going to a Black college where you’d think it would be more run of the mill. Despite burning out some of my hairline in a “creamy crack” accident. I don’t begrudge those wearing relxaers and I think it’s my right to be able to creatively express myself thru hair – no matter what texture strikes my fancy.
But here’s what I’m struggling with now. I’m facing the realization that my nautral short hair is an impediment to my career goals. Can we talk about that ladies??? Do you resign yourself to “relaxing” for financial purposes. Or are you strong/determined/rich
enuf to keep looking for an environment that is accepting?
SJO — there was a big Ask Afrobella about the issue of natural hair in the work place. It was called “The Professional Prejudice” and it’s from 08/24/07. It got a bit off topic sometimes but maybe there are some things there you might find informative.
@ SJO: I remember interviewing for jobs over the years with a bald head, a huge ‘fro, and two strand twists. Each time, I got the job. when it comes to the Black hair/job issue, I feel the same way as I do about the “Black name”/ job issue. All of my cousins and I (as well as my daughter) either have Arabic or otherwise decidedly non-Anglo first names.
My attitude is, my skills speak for me. I can easily be weeded out just by my name, before I even get to the process of interviewing. If an organization doesn’t want me there because of race, or because of my hair, then I DON’T WANT TO BE THERE! Even if a company does let you slip through the cracks, their predjudice would be pretty evident after a (short) while, and you’d probably have a pretty uncomfortabe tenure there. It’s better to show an organization the real you up front, rather than having them snipe you once you drop the cloak.
Have I just been lucky? Perhaps. There might also be the possibility that the organizations that I’ve worked for are afraid of being obvious or caught out there for being discriminatory in those ways. Either way, I’m glad that I haven’t had to compromise what I feel are things that are important to me and how I identify myself.
But of course, I’m just one young woman, so what do I know? LOL. I’m off to read the post Bebroma suggested up there.
My Truth. When I started i thought my hair would look like yours, jill scott, Badu’s afro wig or Tanika Ray. Being a 4b or z this is an impossibility (the whole wash and go ease) and i am a little sad. My Truth (may not be real truth but in my mind). Don Imus and Glamour Mag weren’t talking about your hair type or the ladies i mention before they were talking about hair like mine. I really feel that c-4a is feminine.
Roxy Rocket, have you ever visited nappturality.com? I understand your feelings, really. I try hard to retrain my thinking and perceptions, but I have my days!
Like I said earlier, if I washed my hair and ran out the door, I would never be able to get a comb through it again. Nappturality has lots of pictures of people with the kind of hair I have, and you have, lots of chat/advice, and it is limited to the supertight coiled/kinky/nappy end of the whole hair spectrum. I was tired of my TWA, but as it got longer it became more challenging for me to keep it up in a way I liked. I found it very helpful in figuring out what do with my hair, and also helpful in seeing my hair as feminine/pretty, even if it didn’t flop down in a spiral anywhere. Check it out, you might find a little soul balm.
@SJO – In response to your question regarding going natural because of financial reason or are we strong enough to keep looking for an environment that is accepting. My background is software engineering and it is a white male dominated profession. When I got my first job, fresh out of college I had a perm. A year and a half later I chopped all that hair off because my hair went from thick to thicker after I had my first daughter and I refused to pay 65 every two weeks for a perm. The reception from the white females on my job were great. The male engineers cracked jokes for about a week.
I’ve had several other jobs after that and what stood out to them was my skills not my hair. You know which folks like your hair and who does not.
If I felt that during an interview all they were concerned about was my hair, I knew I didn’t need to be there.
I say all that to say, your skills will speak for themselves whether you are permed , natural, weaved or otherwise.
I LOVE YOU LADIES!!!!
I feel like I have been in Oz all my life and just got back to Kansas!
You are all inspiring and great and fabulous and I thank and honor every one of and your journey.
I loved, loved, loved my hair when I went natural the first time. Had a relapse of the creamy crack. The second time I let it grow out longer, spent a summer going swimming and unafraid of humidity and I LOVED IT!
Moved to LA. Ladies, I practically had a mental breakdown. The women in my family, god bless them, but they made me feel like my acting career was doomed because of my hair. I won’t bore you all with the details, but my journey had been rocky indeed. After a trip down the “thio” lane, (thio is to creamy crack as methodone is to heroine), I have been natural. Weaved at times, admittedly, but natural. I am still on my journey, ladies.
As to the lady who asked about mixed chicks. The deep conditioning treatment is the bomb. The daily styling aid stuff, well, you really have to have a silky texture to achieve the looks on the pics. It is for people with silky curly locks.
I wanted to add WEN to the list of super products! It is a shampoo/conditioning system that is just delightful. Get the Fig one, you will love your hair. WENHairCare.com, and http://www.chazdean.com are two sites to help you find the info.
Lastly, my friend has hair that she decribes as being like wires. Lucky her. No matter where she puts her hair it stays put, and it is impervious to humidity! She is the She-Ra of hair! What she does is twist her hair every night, in double strand twists, maybe about 15 total, using JAM gel (I know, but it works for her). She doesn’t comb it, she just gently twists it and massages the gel into the twists using her fingers. Her hair is THE BOMB and she gets stopped ALL THE TIME. Her hair is not curly coily at all, but she rocks it!
Hope that helps!
I’m going natural for the first time in decades, and it’s not easy. But it’s worth it not to have to go through touch ups, scalp burning, losing your edges, and being a slave to some hairdresser.
I’m dreading now, and my dreads are growing in nicely. Dreads are not as easy as people think either, but once again they’re worth all the work that goes into them!
There are days when it’s so hard, and I don’t even feel like it, but I stick to my resolve to keep it real. I wash, I twist, and resist the urge to steam them out and go get it straightened. Now that they’re getting long, I’m so curious to see how my hair would look straightened one more time!!!
But I Wont. Give. In!
I’ve never had a perm, and I’m in my fifth decade of life. After wearing an afro for much of the 70s, I cut it down to a teeny ween afro in the 80s and wore it that way until just a couple of years ago. I decided it was time for a change and decided to stop chopping and let it grow.
You wouldn’t think it, but it’s taken some adjusting to having long natural hair (just past my shoulders). For the first time in my adult life I wake up to having to style my hair. That’s a BIG change for someone who’s worn a tiny fro most of her adult life. It’s a fascinating journey, absolutely fascinating.
There are days when I love the way my hair looks, and there are days when I hate that I can’t figure out what to do with my hair. Some days I feel like a 12 year old girl experimenting with different hairstyles. And then there are other days after twisiting my hair when I stand in the mirror and stare at all the unruly silver natural hair spiralling out in all directions and say to myself, “You go girl.”
Afrobella,
Thanks for sharing about Erin’s book. You always showcase the best!!!
Blessings,
Maryee
@SJO – I had an interview for “my dream job” as a Senior Financial Analyst 8 months ago. My natural puff decided to misbehave on the day of the interview, and because I was going to the interview immediately after work, there was no time for fixing it. It would just have to be as neat as I could make it. I popped on a slightly wider headband and off I went.
Two hours later I had the job and a $12K pay raise. With a jacked-up puff!
Now my hair is huge, and though I do believe that not every natural hairstyle is appropriate for the workplace (EX: a ‘frohawk, big BAA), natural hair is most certainly appropriate everywhere. To say otherwise invites discrimination. How can something I naturally possess somehow be wrong or “political”? I can tell you this – my boss has no time for begrudging my choice of hairstyle. He could care less about my 2-strand twists when I just saved our company $400K over the last 3 months LOL!
At the end of the day, your skills, potential and personality should be what matters in the interview room. I’m not so naive to think that there are certain places where nappy/kinky hair wouldn’t be welcomed, but places like that probably wouldn’t want a person of color on staff at all, whether relaxed or natural. You wouldn’t want to be in that environment anyway, so they’re really doing you a favor. Chances are, though, if you exude confidence and wear your hair like you KNOW you’re the bomb,others will start believing that, too.
Best wishes…..
I thought the same exact thing , but you know what? not everyone has that “spiral curly video girl hair look” sometimes you have to work at it . my friends approach me and ask how I get my hair like “that” , and I tell them condition and braid(my secret)it and they have the same reaction, claiming that their hair will never look like that when they go natural….its annoying but you will never know unless you actually do it …it takes work and you will reap the benefits.
Greetings,
I am so happy to see more resources for natural beauty. The tips are great. I’ve gained great satisfaction helping to support and empower clients to love their God given hair!
Be Radiantly Beautiful,
Chanelle
Indigofera Beauty Expert
I love your site. I’ve been relaxer free for 13+ years, and stopped blow-out/hot comb straightening at all about 10 years ago. I’m growing out a short natural after 6 years.
The woman you talked to just isn’t ready. If she was, she would have been taking in your advice, not turning it away. It takes a commitment, and if you aren’t sure, no amount of talk from anyone will help. I think I was lucky; when I finally decided to stop relaxing my hair, my hair dresser at the time had decided to stop doing relaxers, and switch to doing all natural hair care. I didn’t tell a lot of people what I was doing, mainly ’cause I didn’t want to hear any noise from anyone who wanted to talk me out of it. If she really wants to go natural, there are plenty of resources available for her to learn what to do. When I stopped having my hair pressed, I had done a lot of reading about what I could try to do with my hair. “Good Hair: For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Weaves When the Chemicals Became Too Ruff” was a big help. I’ve twisted, then loced, then cut it all off when I decided there was only so much travel time, time away from my kids, and money I wanted to spend to get my hair to look the way I wanted. Now that I’m growing it out again, research is once again my friend (of course, the internet is making it SO much easier this time around). You gave it a try. There’s only so much help you can give folks who don’t really want it.
Great post. To those of you transitioning into natural hair, good luck and stick with the journey. It’ll get hard, but you can do it. For me, it was one of the best decisions I’ve made in my life. I used Nappturality (www.nappturality.com) as a resource.
From, a natural since 2003 and now a proud dreadhead.
Talk about right on time!! Okay so this post came the very day I took my braids out and had to really deal with my natural hair. You see I transitioned a bit, then got braids, then did the BC, then put braids in the same day to reduce Shock Value. I know that for me it’s all about Baby Steps and reducing Shock Value when dealing with my natural hair. I am learning so much about my hair and I am so excited to read these comments because they are so reassuring, even the horror stories. So let me tell you a bit about my experience….
I decided to go natural because I was really tired of not being able to keep up with a relaxer and seeing my hair grow a certain length then break off. I decided this time that I would just go natural, get my ends clipped, and see what happens. I have dedicated 2008 and 2009 to only natural hair. I am pretty sure that by the end of it all I would have gone too far to go back to crack and in all honesty I love my natural hair. I currently am a middle school English teacher in South Korea so let’s just say Sally’s is not around the corner and since I’m not in the military shipping isn’t a breeze. So my mother being VERY supportive sent me a slew of Carol’s Daughter products, I am in love with the Kizzi Stay Put Pomade. I use it to flat twist my hair at night. And I do it every night. God did not make “Wake up and Go” hair on my head. LOL but I also started Cowashing and I must say that I like it a lot better. I use this site as a reference all the time and it really helps. I do PrePoo with Lisa’s Elixir and I also mix it with Motions CPR Conditioning Treatment, I co-wash with Motions Weightless. I use what I have access to and I must admit that I really love the turn out. I wear a curly fro, I def have 4a/3c hair. I have the same style everyday and I bought a boatload of earrings, mostly hoops so that it can offset my fro.
Yall I am in love! But my kids hate, like they matter. I am still getting over the whole picture taking thing. I took a pic of my hair and it just didnt look the same on that little digital screen. Still to the Bellas that are thinking about it STICK WITH IT! My hair is not “mixed” and the spirals look like a jacked up phone cord. You know the curly 50′ ones that went from the kitchen to the living room all stretched out and coils going all which a way. That is my curl pattern. But it’s manageable with the right care and PATIENCE.
Going natural is a whole new mindset and love experience, and you know what …its FREEING. I work out more cause I am not afraid of sweating my ‘do out. I wash it more cause now I know how to take care of it, well learning anyway. It’s a whole new love experience and I recommend it. I am still learning what does and doesn’t work for my hair but it’s a fun ride along the way.
But I have 2 questions:
1.) After Korea I will be moving back to the states to LA, Any suggestions as to a hair salon. A girl does still need her ends clipped on the regular, and I need some friends, LOL
2.) My hair does this weird thing where one strand will tie itself in a knot. Not like Knot up nappy (which by the way I only use my fingers to comb through) but like a tie your shoe knot. And its only one strand knotted to itself. What is that? I would ask my family but we have different hair types. (Like litteraly no one has my hair)
Thanks Bellas!!! I love this site and all your experiences keep me going! Lucky Anaiya
You’re still my hero!
I agree with everything said! Beautiful site Bella!
Ok, I been natural almost 5yrs. My issue is getting into a good, healthy routine. I wash, condition, and twist my hair every three weeks. Thank God for my cousin and my sister-in-laws shop!!! Free haircare, BUT they specialize in weaves and perms, not Natural Hair. I am doing my research, but still have so many questions. Does Bella have a blog piece on JUST hair routine tips from washing to styling to daily maintenance? Trust me, I got the “love thy nappy hair” thing down. I just need some tips for the day to day work involved.
My sister-in-law hot combs my hair so she can trim my ends, which I have been doing every six months or so. Why do I feel like this ain’t right? How do other natural bellas trim their hair??????????
Also, can someone please define pre-poo and no poo wash? How often do you wash and condition? Once a week? How about deep conditions? Once a month? I should also mention that I live in the region of the U.S with all four season, but it’s mostly winter in Minne-snow-ta? Any tips for changing the regimen when the weather switches up?
My last question for this entry: does anyone keep on a silky scarf all night? I must sleep like a litte kid. LoL! Maybe a bonnet would work better.
I put the mesh wrap on first then the silk scarf and I have a satin pillow case which seems to make a difference with the coming off of the scarf versus a cotton pillow case.
Yea.miah:
A quick and dirty way to answer your questions would be a visit to MotownGirl’s site. http://www.motowngirl.com Also make a few visits to napturality.
Our hair is so varied that what works for one may not work for another. Aloe gunks my hair, but is the salvation of another. The “poo” methods are whether someone uses shampoo rarely (or at all). Most shampoos dry out many naturals, so many of us “co-wash” or conditioner wash and do a deep cleansing method a few times a month. Again, it’s a trial and error thing.
Afrobella has an entry on pre-poo that you may find helpful too. I personally LOVE avocado oil. A dab’ll do ya and a nice bottle is about $9. It’s not very heavy, but I like the viscosity better than olive oil.
As for trimming, if someone uses heat to straighten your hair before cutting, ask them to use a low setting. A blow dryer may be a better alternative. You CAN damage your hair a great deal with heat (comb or dryer). Alternatively you can learn to do it yourself with a pair of hair shears (go to Sallys or even a drugstore). Take a look online for various alternatives.
hth…
Thanks b.
I applaude women who realize we have every right to wear our natural texture and know that our hair is beautiful.
However, my hair also ties in knots. The curl at the ends is as tight as the “o’s” in this type or smaller. Each hair hooks around itself and forms knots and sometimes several hairs knot together. My natural hair has not always been his way and this is extremely frustrating. It is long enough to pull back and I don’t want to cut is much shorter.
I don’t want to go back to straight but I have to do something about this.
Help!
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I love this website. I got a mild relaxer about 4 or 5 years ago.
I have been back to natural for 2 years. My hair has always grown fast so the transition from relaxed wasn’t bad at all. My natural hair texture is wavy and curly. I love how I can just “wash and go” with my hair especially in the summer now that there are better frizz fighting products out.
When I had the mild relaxer, I hated it. My hair would always be too straight and lay flat on my scalp with no body at all. The salon would leave the relaxer on my head for only 5 minutes because my hair would get straight fast but the relaxer would still irritate my scalp. I will never get a relaxer again.
I am back to my old healthy scalp and wavy+curly hair and I don’t regret it. My hair and scalp thank me. LOL.
I just tried the Kinky Curly products and I like them but I find you only need to use a little of their product to prevent frizz.
I went to the Urbanella store last year and the woman looked at my hair texture and told me to try the Miss Jessie’s Curly Meringue. I will be trying it next and will post back the results.
I really need to be in the bed, but your website has me spellbound. This is the information that I need and the words as I need to hear them. Keep up the good work. I love it!
A week ago I read about the Goldwell Curl Move Putty on this site in a post from last year. Since last week I’ve scoured the web for product reviews. The product is everywhere but no reviews not even on You Tube –which seems a bit suspicious. Anyone tried this? Did your curls or coils dry the same way the looked when wet, without a stiff or sticky finish –as Goldwell describes?